Lost In Alcoholism !

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Oh well... here we go again.  Miserable as can be.  I am taking my medication, like a good angel... BUT... why am I still having "BLIPS"?  I have just "lost it".   Units, Schumits !!  Mega... lost it.  I had wine today... and more and more and more.   I am trying to beat the demon drink, but I think it may be a lost cause.  How can I still drink to excess, while taking Selincro/Nalmefene?  I thought things were improving ... when... glug, glug, glug, NOT IMPROVING.  Has anyone else been on this "roller coaster"?

Alonangel 🎇

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  • Posted

    I think if you want to 'beat' any medication you can. You have to work with them and use a little will power as well.

    I am more than capable of going down the pub right now and sinking a gallon of beer or cider, and I am not exaggerating. But that is not the right decision and I'll feel bad about it in the morning.

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    • Posted

      Yes, one was dietetics and the other dermatology. Both surprisingly, were to do with my previous drinking. I have the gastroenteroligist next month, that may not be so straight forwardd.
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    • Posted

      Good morning, RHGB.  I know that I said I wasn't posting for now, but I am a lonely soul and I like to know how others are doing.  I am curious as to how alcohol damaged your skin. Also, is that problem ongoing even after stopping drinking for some time?  Are the dietetics about nutritional depletion, caused by alcohol?  My choices are not good at mo... chocolate madness ! 

      I don't mean to pry, I just wondered.  Please only answer what you are comfortable with... or not.

      I have been down the gastroenterology route, in the past, as well.  I still have "bad episodes", yesterday was one.  Obviously caused by the excess of wine.  I know the cure for that, but need some willpowerology !!

      I am going for a sort of detox day, today.  No Selincro/Nalmefene, no alcohol.  I am taking Diazepam, lots of water and resting quietly, thinking things over.

      Thanks for your good advice and understanding, RHGB.  I really appreciate someone giving a hoot, so to speak.  Most folk are too wrapped up in their own problems... I get like that.  It is good for me to interact on this Forum.

      Blessings... or The Force... be upon you !

      Alonangel 🎇

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    • Posted

      The alcohol didn't damamge my skin, but it did damage my liver, which means I don't produce enough proteins, which clot the blood, produce coagulation. I also have a lower platelet count.

      Therefore if I get a bleed, it doesn't tend to stop. i had a small scab on the back of my neck that just wouldn't go away, I forget the terminology but I had some sort of open vessel ending there. So I subconciously used to end up scraticching it, it would then bleed, making a face towel red with claret in about 2 minutes.

      Eventually my skin grew over it leaving a lump and I knew I'd never leave it alone, so I saw the locum GP at my doctors and because of the bleeding involved, she said it would be better if it was done at the hospital. So they just scalpelled it off and cauterised it. My skin is fine, in fact three months off the booze has made it look pretty good. Little things like dry patches on my elbows have cleared up.

      The dietician is what they call an acute dietician, for people that have serious medical conditions. This was my last visit and my fourth person over the 18 months. The first person was really good and clued up and had carefully read my hospital records. It is important that I eat very well, but also that I eat regularly. I cannot store food, my liver will only metabolise food for about 2 hours, anything left is down the drain. So whereas before, I might have had a big cooked breakfast and then skipped lunch, I cannot do that now.

      I am also meant to have a mid morning, mid afternoon snack and also one just before I go to bed, so that my liver metabolises something to carry me through the night. I am meant to adjust my main meals to take into consideration of the snacks.

      If you Google SWH 00909, you can see the leaflet they gave me when I came out of hospital - it made Nicole laugh when she read it. That's because I lost 4 st in hospital, because I was unhappy and effectively went on hunger strike. They monitor your food and fluid intake, they come around after meals with a check board to record what you have eaten and woe betide you, if like me you refused the food.

      In the end, I chose the smallest meals they had. You had to have a main and a pudding, so for lunch and dinner, it was vegetable soup and a yoghurt.

      It is normal to crave sugar (in your case chocolate) if you have aalcohol issues, because of the amount of sugar in alcohol. Becareful because of diabetes, especially if you are overweight as well.

      In the book that I am reading, it says that people who have sugar addictions, are susceptible to alcohol addiction.

      Where did you get the diazepam from?

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    • Posted

      Thanks for all that info. RHGB.  Your journey and knowledge are amazing.  I hope your recovery continues really well.  I have noticed the sugar craving thing, when I reduce alcohol.  I would tell you quite blithely, that I don't have a "sweet tooth"... then grab all the chocolate I could get my hands on.  I even go to the shop especially for chocolate supply.  I do worry about that too, because there is Diabetes on both sides of my family.

      I get Diazepam prescribed by my G.P.  I have "high anxiety levels"... a highly strung angel !!!  I used to be on 5 mg., 4 times a day and I wasn't even drowsy.  Very highly strung, indeed.  Anyway,  that had to be cut down re addiction danger.  These days, I get 2mg. tablets... 84 in prescription, I use them as and when I feel the need.  I have to take 2 tablets together to get any effect.  I cannot take them with alcohol in my system.  I am very fortunate that my G.P. trusts me.  Today, I will have 4mg., 4 times.  I hope that will "do the trick".  I discuss my options with G.P., he has been my Doctor for over 30 years.  Heaven help me, when he retires.  Some Docs. will not prescribe the stuff at all... re addiction risk.  Funnily enough, I don't get dependent on it.  I just use it as necessary.  It helps me take a break from alcohol.  I find it extremely hard to stop drinking.

      I take an anti-depressant, as well.  I have to be very careful about my painkillers now.  The Nalmefene reacts with Codeine... I have Co-Codamol 30mg./100mg. strength... so cannot take them.  I also have Ibuprofen, but it upsets my stomach... then I have to take Omaprazole.  I end up leaving them, just take the pain.  It is like a Pharmacy in my room.  I have Thyroid medication and various anti-histamines, as well.

      Oh well, I do try.

      I think it is very unfair that you have problems getting your Campral... I hate to admit to you that I had a stack of it too, in the past. I wasn't great at remembering 3 times a day, somehow.  I drank through it.  No willpower tablet !

      Oh well, I need to try harder with Nalmefene procedure.

      Keep well, helpful friend.

      Alonangel 🎇

       

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    • Posted

      It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just for alcohol, but the ICH - bleed on the brain stroke, meant I wasn't extremely compos mentis for the first three weeks and I was fairly drugged up aswell.

      Omeprazole is usually for esophageal varices, an internal bleeing, which can be dangerous to fatal. If you have been given those, chances are that you would have had an endoscopy in hospital under GA, as I was.

      My gastroenterologist told me 'don't ever stop taking those two medications' of which omeprazole was one of them.

      Put 'esophageal varices death' into to Google and read the very top link, click on it. You will understand the seriouness of it.

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    • Posted

      I was first prescribed Omaprazole after a bleeding stomach ulcer. It was caused by a painkiller, I think it was called Diclofenac Sodium.  I did drink a lot of Gin and Tonic, at that time, as well.  It's great how I automatically blame the tablet.  I haven't had an endoscopy, but I know about them, as my husband has.  I have had the other parts investigated... abdominal ultra-sound scan, colonoscopy... never a dull moment.  My insides are wrecked !  For someone reputed to have a modicum of intelligence and an education... I am incredibly stupid to have arrived at this state.

      "I didn't get where I am today" by using any sense or knowledge !!!

      I still have a bit of a sense of humour... perhaps misplaced.

      Thanks for the warning info., RHGB.

      Alonangel 🎇

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  • Posted

    I am totally sick of it, RHGB.  I don't think I want to 'beat' the medication, but my behaviour seems otherwise.  I don't understand it.  I now feel sick... mentally and physically.  SICK.

    Thanks for your reply.

    I won't be posting for a while.  I need to come to terms with this situation.

    Alonangel

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    • Posted

      Then maybe another medication will suit you better. Anyhow, I understand you wanting to take a break.
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  • Posted

    Don't give up angel....I have seen a big change in you over the last month because you ARE taking the medication.  So, you had an off day yesterday..don't let those negative feelings win...keep up the battle and keep taking the med.
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    • Posted

      Hi Misssy. It is lovely to hear from you.  You are very kind to take the time to encourage me.  I really appreciate it, I actually am a lonely person.  

      I have got better at dealing with myself, re "failures".  A bit better !

      I hope today is good, for you.

      Blessings, my lovely friend.

      Alonangel 🎇

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  • Posted

    So how did you do today?  If you did bad..I hope I'm not bringing up a bad topic...actually you are probably sleeping in the UK...I just noticed what time it is.

    ​There is another page I go to and it has alot of topics.  It is called Psyche Central

    ​Check it out...there are many people posting all the time there too....

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    • Posted

      I don't really do much sleeping, Misssy.  Insomnia is high on my long list of ailments !  I have had a very quiet, reflective day.  No alcohol, no Nalmefene, lots of water, light food... and Diazepam to lessen my mental anxiety.

      I will check out Psyche Central.  I spend the nights on my iPad.  It is 1.30a.m. here.  I am wide awake... regardless of the Diazepam... it is quite incredible.

      I'm glad you are doing well, just now.  Keep up whatever it takes !

      Alonangel 🎇

       

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  • Posted

    Hiya

    When I was taking selincro I found I wasn't drinking as much I.e 2 bottles of wine in an evening but I still could clear a bottle easily as in my head I knew the more I drink I could still get drunk. It's just the drug meant I didn't get the lovely buzz and relaxing feeling anymore. But my head knew to neck more. I did get ill if drank more.

    X

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    • Posted

      Thanks, Emma.  I just get a bit freaked by it.  I had tapered down my Units... now... they are going up again.  I had gone from 20 to 8 or 6. Last night was 8....then I found another bottle of wine ... not mine... drank it anyway, so 18 Units.

      This is Week 6 on the tablets.  I am absolutely sick of myself. I don't get the buzz... but I do get drunk.

      Alonangel 🎇

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    • Posted

      That's the problem. It was great at first cos could t bear the thought of drinking. Had wine in house for days and didn't want to touch it. But as weeks went by the drinking crept up. I think partly my problem was thinking it would be a magic pill and switch off my bad ways and so I didn't feel I had to try hard with self control cos the pill will sort all that. And my self control clearly none existent. X
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    • Posted

      That's pretty common, Alonangel. I too cut back, then bounce back up, but after every bounce it seems easier to settle at a lower level. Then I cut back even lower, then bounce back up, lather, rinse, repeat.  It's just your brain reaching out harder for it's "favorite toy", it's old "pal". You'll likely notice that on the whole it's going down though. I track my daily numbers and add the Sunday through Saturday figures to get the weekly units as well. 
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    • Posted

      That is indeed the problem !   I need a self-control pill.  I have lost control.  I actually scream out loud, in frustration.  I hate being like this.  What the heck happened to the nice girl, that I was ?  Crying again... self-absorbed, sad case.

      I hope you are having a good day, today.  Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, Emma.  I really appreciate it.  I am alone, all day.  

      I am feeling like a lost cause, again.

      Tablet, schmablet... etc.   God Help Us in this fight... or The Force Be With You... or whatever" floats your boat" !

      Alonangel 🎇

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    • Posted

      Thank you, ADEfree.  I am going a bit "mental", at the moment !   

      I love your "lather, rinse, repeat", scenario..... I'm so sudsy !!

      I've got to get into the rinse, man !

       

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    • Posted

      " I am going a bit "mental", at the moment !"

      That might just be your way of doing battle with "the beast". Keep on, you're winning, it's getting weaker bit by bit. The "Roller Coaster" effect happens with most people, it's happens with me too. You push the numbers down then pop back up, but then you'll likely see it's easier to get them back down again. 

      Keep up with Joanna's mindful drinkinig suggestions, here's an easy link to where she talks about the technique:

      https://patient.info/forums/discuss/naltrexone-nalmefene-selincro-the-sinclair-method-hints-and-tips-505275

      One place that I first found some of the "indifference" towards alcohol that I was looking for was in the starting time. I used to start at 5pm, that much was carved in stone. That meant I had to take the pill at 4pm so I could start at 5 (I'm using Naltrexone). I got to putting that off till 4:15 and found it fairly easy to stretch my start time out to 5:30. I kept on building on that one and now I don't start till after 7, sometimes not till  8 or 9. That's another way to go at it along with Joanna's suggestions.  

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks again, ADEFree.  I have been starting drinking later.  I have the books to help me BUT , I cannot sustain enough concentration for reading.  Does alcohol cause that ?  Joanna made great suggestions.  I am the problem.  I just can't follow through..... on road to Hell ..... paved with Good Intentions.  

      I used used to love reading.

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    • Posted

      I used to love reading to....just so you know if you can achieve abstinance...the love of reading returns. 

      ​I have recently gotten a few books from the library.  I couldn't focus well (still after 72 days sober)...but I keep trying.  I have one book right now that I was able to read 3 chapters last night.

      I used to read a book in 2-3 days.  This will take me 2-3 weeks....but it is coming back.  So all hope is not lost. 

      ​Again, the brain is changed when we are under the influence.  Just remember its "not really you"....it is the alcohol at work

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    • Posted

      "I just used to love reading."

      You'll get to it again. The alcohol certainly causes brain fog and lack of concentration, the pill can too. It will take awhile for your brain to normalize and shake off the effect of the alcohol.

      Keep at it with Joanna's suggestions, it can take some practice to get your conscious mind used to noticing how you feel. We're so used to doing things automatically and that's exactly what the brain will do if you're stressed or anxious. It will default to doing what you did before and run stuff right under your nose before you even notice what's going on. It can be difficult at first to get your conscious mind to be "present and accounted for", but you will get better at it. 

      Good job on putting off the start time, you're discovering a bit of indifference to alcohol right there. Keep working that angle, you've found a "soft spot" in the habit. 

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    • Posted

      "Again, the brain is changed when we are under the influence.  Just remember its "not really you"....it is the alcohol at work"

      Well said, Misssy!

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    • Posted

      I am so glad to grasp at something I may have improved on.  Thanks again .  I hope all is going well with you.

      Alonangel 🎇

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