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Lower than a snakes belly ,

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amandabradley
amandabradley

I've suffered depression since I was 16, but learnt to cope until it hit me hard 10 years ago I'm 46Now and the last year as been horrendous , with numerous un successful suicide attempts , i have Now started to drink a lot too to cope with my moods which is not good , I have a wonderful husband and 19 yr old son whom I've put through hell but they still love and support me , I've been struggling to get help for 10 yrs , Finally I thought I'd got it with the crisis team who came to see me at home rather than go intohospital that lasted 2 weeks now I'm on my own again does anyone really care about us people with depression ???? I feel worthless and most of time don't want to be here as I feel I can't cope with The pain I'm in mentally and the pain I'm causing my family they are suffering too :-(((( xxx

0 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 amandabradley

    Posted

    Hi Amanda

    I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling and your not on your own as you can always talk on here to people that understand. I think the medical the doctors do understand us but are limited I'm what they can do. It seems the only option they have is to put us on antidepressants, for some people this can be helpfull but as for me they just made me worse so I am coming off them know. I have often felt suicidle but what stops me from doing that is the fact that I will never experience the joy if feeling better. I think it's best you try to curb the drinking as that will make things worse for you, I know this as I done the same thing for a lot if years and endid up totally dependant on alcohol. I know go to AA and hav not drunk for 6 years now and it's been bloody hard. So please don't end up like me as then you have two problems to deal with. I hope that what I have said is helpful to you

    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply , I just feel they don't really understand if they suffered it maybe be different ? Who knows ,  as for the drinking I don't want to go down that path but it helps me cope at time, luckily I'm not a nasty drunk but still don't want to do it I've gone from lager to wine now it's vodka not good I hide it and sly a drink that's a bad sign I can go a day or two but then I slip when I get stressed and low to make me feel higher , well done you for not drinking for 6 yrs I am concidering AA now so thank you again x 

       

    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 amandabradley

      Posted

      You are very welcome and AA is very helpfull as you will find a lot if people that attend have anxiety and depression and use drink to numb there feelings, also AA is not just about the drinking it is also about coping with life in general withought having to use alcohol. If you do decide to go to AA meetings there are loads all over the country and also there is nothing to worry about when you go there as you don't even have to say anythin, you can just sit there and listen. You will find that the people there will be very kind and understanding, so give it a try and good luck with it. Ps you can find local meetings on the Internet just tap in Alcoholics Anonymous and you can also then learn a bit more about it
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Hi yes I've looked on AA sites on internet and there is one 5 mins away from where I live so I will defo consider it now , when I started to sneak to shop and hide bottles and hide my drink in cupboard I knew I couldn't carry on as don't want to be even more of a burden to my family than I already am , but I just feel it helps me at the time but I'm adding to my problems and I've got enough as it is ;-((( x 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 amandabradley

      Posted

      I'm glad that you are thinking if going, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I started of hiding the drink from my ex wife and when she found out she said if I carry on drinking she would leave me but I carried on as I needed it so much and it wanted my marriage in the end. After that I was living alone and before long I was drinking 24/7 first thing in the morning until I collapsed at the end of the day, I lost my job my home and my family and that's what happens and you will hear a lot of story's like mine at AA
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Wow so sad to hear that Michael , my husband said he could cope with anything from me as he has for 28 yrs with serious ill Heath I've had and my depression but he said the one thing he could cope with is a drunk but when I'm so low drink helps but to read that wow totally opened my eyes thank  you x my uncle died in my arms from drink about 4 yrs ago not a nice death but when your low  you don't think of that but I do now thank you I donhope your life's better now x 
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Cant believe how many ppl I can relate to on here depression and drinking seem to come together x so glad your life's good now I've got a good life nice home lovely husband and son I need to realise what I have is worth living for who needs a physiatrist come on here instead x 
  • david7897
    david7897 amandabradley

    Posted

    Hello AB, oh boy, there are more than a few of us who have that feeling. I made sure to thank each person who tried to help me, thanked them for giving a whatsit. You know them when you meet them. If I can say one thing, and ask another : you are worth a lot, a lot to your son , your husband and I'm sure to many others. The ask is to put them first and don't hurt yourself. And now a question , do you have a psychiatrist ? D.
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley david7897

      Posted

      Thank you for your comments , yes there are quite a few of us so glad I came on here to read of other people suffering the same it helps I don't feel so alone now , I do thank my husband and son every day no comment on the others as family haven't helped with the things they have done that's contributed to my depression coming to a head again . No I don't have one I want one but getting little help there just keep taking the pills they say lol so I do x thanks again x 
  • teresa4
    teresa4 amandabradley

    Posted

    I would like to agree with everyones points and to read them a few times.I have suffered with sever depression over ten years over events at work triggering it for the first time.I turned to alcohol and saw a charity run service who are brilliant, but you have to want tostop and I didnt, it gave me relief, I could cope with everythin after one glass of wine and at the end at least 3 bottles of wine a day and whisky on top of that.

    I only saw waht was happening to me when I saw my gp after a few missed appointments.i had no issues with the drink, it made me feel good, and if it killed me I didnt mind that outcome either.it was only when I told my gp the truth about how much I was drinkingand he turned to me and said the words I never thought a dr would ever same, he said whatever you dont stop.i was completely taken back.he told me with the amount of alcohol I was absorbing if I was to suddebly stopped, it coild be dangerous to my health

    That changed my whole mindset and the main thing was kmowing I was no longer

    In control oit, the alcohol was physically in contract of my body, and I didnt like thattthought at all.

    My gp gave me a course of tablets where I took large doses on the first day and they were lowered over three weeks.i had to make a sincere promise to him that I would not misuse these drugs as they were very strung and if I drank alcohol I would be very ill.from that day which was in march2012 I have not drank a drop of alcohol and I hwve never regretted my decision.i miss the idea of opening a bottle of wine, but there is a range of no alcohol wines which are very good

    I still suffer withe depreesion but now am trying group thery through nhs to see if that helps.no matter what I will never drink again and all the drs and counsellors are amazed at how quickley I stopped, I could noy have done it without my very suppotive gp.

    So there is help out there but sometimes you have to keep going back to your gp and these councellors usually wont see jntil the drinking is stopped.see your gp he may be able to offer similar treatment to me but then its the sheer will you will need to stick to the correct dosages good luck

    • amandabradley
      amandabradley teresa4

      Posted

      Wow again it starts with the odd glass while I'm cooking to the bottle or two of wine but to go done the spirit line is another matter  now I know I need help before it gets out of control and I lose ppl that are precious to me I totally agree with what  you have said especially if it killed me so what I don't want to be here most of the time with my depression anyway so well done you xx AA here I come x 
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Thank you for messaging me it's really helped ive never been on anything like this before but so glad I did xx 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 amandabradley

      Posted

      Your welcome, I find it very helpful on here to. Please let me know how you get on with AA x
    • amandabradley
      amandabradley michael_37726

      Posted

      Me too and yes I will will have a look for time and dates , just one concern is that as it's local I may see someone I know I'm not embarrassed about my depression at all I tell ppl openly but to have a drink problem to well ? May look for one in another town I think , thanks again x 
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