Making changes & need advice

Hey Missy. I am going to outpatient. I see my counselor every Monday and have group therapy on Wednesdays. I can't start Campral til I see my doctor at the end of the month. I'm more concerned about some type of support on off days. My counselor and I both agreed my daughter my daughter is a good person to call if I feel like drinking. She's not a child. She's 27. She wants to be there for me. My last thought is to never put pressure on her. She's sarcastic and makes me laugh when I'm feeling down. We are best friends and she understands my alcoholism more than my husband. Anyway, as for support......I have tried coloring and found my husband enjoys it more. As for puzzles....I put them together with my residents so much that I dream jigsaw puzzles. I wish I had money to buy a horse and ride whenever I felt depressed. What a therapudic thought.

Is there a stable around you where you can go horseback riding? Any beaches?  

Any old people to visit?  They inspire me by listening to old stories..and realizing some of the things they get thru....makes me stronger...

Its so nice that you and your daughter are close..I envy that.

How about the gym?  How about reading?

How about riding a bike? 

Walking?

There are no stables around. I'm in PA so no beaches that are close lol. I work with the elderly at my job. Yes, my daughter and I are very close. I do need to get the energy to walk or get a bike. Only problem is I'm on a windy road and would have to drive somewhere like a park. As you can tell I'm limited to outdoor activities although I know they'll be best for me. I've checked out a gym in my area but it's always nice to have someone go with. I missed work Sunday. I'm feeling awful this morning. The effects of alcohol are getting worse. That is why I'm giving it one last try and will go to rehab if need be. Feeling sad and disappointed in myself at the same time. I do not think I'll make the entire day at work. The cycle is getting worse.

Hi Kelly...I'm going to insert some tough straight forward love....I DID read what alexandra wrote and she is so right..that you have probably thought of everything (and I realize you just don't have the motivation to do anything!)....

So, in AA they have a saying "Fake it till you make it".

Do something, force it.....it seems the gym IS an option...and that you want to go with someone is your inner depression and mood telling you that the gym is not an option.  IF you get your butt to the gym...you may meet someone that goes the same day, same time and then look forward to going!  BUT you have to get there.

A SHORT walk....is needed...I know one day early in recovery...I FORCED myself to take a very short walk and I couldn't even accomplish the goal I had set out for my distance....BUT, when I came back home...I kept repeating...at least I tried...and the feeling of trying something new gave me a boost.

You won't get that boost dismissing every idea that is given to you.  What you will get doing that is more depression and more disgust in yourself and life in general.

I hope you make it thru work today....I know this feeling...I gave up on everything 2 years ago...and it has only set me back emotionally and financially.....So, TRY SO HARD to beat these feelings of I CANT DO IT...and change them to I WILL DO SOMETHING.

 

Spot on, Misssy!

As I honestly believe, to get some forward momentum on recovery a change HAS to be made somewhere, no matter how small that may be.

Look how you have responded in leaps and bounds - just by embracing something that has NO actual connection to drinking, is designed to take your mind away from being preoccupied with drink after the initial thought and is so very easy to do :-)

Yes, I need to start doing things immediately and not just when I'm having cravings. By then it's too late. I need to get in a healthy routine from day 1. I have 2 days to prepare. I'll definitely be spending time outside. I'm a bit of an introvert. Ok....pretty much so. Maybe day 1 I'll just walk up and down my driveway and then sit outside and read. I can't sit on the computer and research stuff. I'm google'd out. Lol. Thank you!

Agreed. I will definitely work on changes that I'm not used to doing but do indeed need to do. I will check back. Starting Thursday. But should I not end this vicious cycle this time I have promised my counselor that I'll go inpatient. Maybe I'll have more incentive now.

Its so hard Kelly...it really is....I KNOW.

And...I am routing you on...you can do this....and report back you walked the driveway!  Its important I think to have people in our corner when we are struggling..or unmotivated..LOVE YOU.

I've just been thinking all day!  My husband has been very sick.  He's been through tons of testing and still more to go.  I do all I can to help him keep his diet on track and make sure he's taking his meds, etc..... But, when I try to talk about me I feel he's not listening.  I know he wants me to quit drinking but #1 It's all about him and his health now.  #2 I don't think he quite knows what to say to me.  He's not thrilled that I brought up rehab.  I just don't know how to deal with him.

Now I'm rambling.  I'm just going to do my best to do what's right for me. Drinking hasn't been making me feel good lately.  I've been getting nauseaus and I remember that feeling from MANY years ago.  

But, yes, I will be walking up and down the driveway to start, lol.  

I love you and everyone on here!  

I hate that..when we put ourselves out there for others...when we are struggling...thinking we will get something back.  

I have stopped as much as I can...catering to others...because LIKE you I am getting the same responses..and also from my b/f.

Although, my b/f is not in any stress..(except for what I cause...LOL)...he is an extremely laid back person....to the point that I have realized he will avoid anything that causes upset.

I got some really bad news on my finances...the money we use to keep my house has been cut off for now...and his reaction was to start humming, call his mother, make a trip over his mothers.

Granted..if he asked me to go I would have snapped at him anyway...He really can't win.  But, the simple things he does not remember what is going on with me..or the simple things that I tell him 3x....like what appointment I am going to today...he mixes up and it really shows me HOW MUCH...he is NOT listening to me.

But, yet, when he comes home from hard day at work...I'm making dinner, making his lunch for next day, proving massage with cream for aches and pains...

I have said more than 1x...or I have asked..WHAT AM I GETTING?

Nothing.

No response.

And if I get a response...its with anger and I have done something wrong.

SO...that said....i am trying to do very little....step back from this relationship a little bit and do the things I need to....REHAB is for you...not for you and HIM.....Enjoy rehab...put your all into it...because I can tell you are going to get more from REHAB than you are from him.

I get a lot back from my husband.  He is wonderful  I just know he isn't good at communicating.  He did bring me info home from his work yesterday as to a number I can call if I just need to talk to someone.  So, in his own way, he's trying.  We woke up this morning and he said "Congratulations on your first day of sobriety" ......don't aske me why I wanted to hit him.  I had to think calmly and say thank you, lol.

I heard about your financial problems.  Sorry to hear that.  I'm going through some finance issues too.  Jack has been sick and taking time off.  Although now is not a good time for me to be picking up extra hours I think I might have to.  I'll try to feel it out but it's frustrating!

My husband is very loving, kind, compassionate and adores me.  We go to counseling at the VA together and I think missing one session threw us back.  We go again tomorrow.  

I made him understand last night that should I fail this time around I WILL be going to rehab.  I think that scared him into communication. (For now).......nothing ever stays the way we want it.  

But, I married him because I feel safe and loved.  We really just need to work on our communication skills.  

love this message..to feel loved is half the battle

Thank you!  I needed to hear that.  Although I don't always feel loved by communication his actions should make me happy.  For instance, if I just leaned over and put my head on his shoulder he'd comfort me.  I need to remember those little things.  That was a great reminder for me!

Kelly,

Go to a riding stable that will rent out a horse for an hour. Horses are great therapy, keep our minds occupied and you always must be on guard at all times. Always thinking ahead of them, no matter how well they are trained. 

I have three and they are wonderful cheap therapy. A lot of hard work , cleaning feet everyday, feeding & scooping. Oh the scooping poop that keeps your mind off of anything just getting past the smell . Not to mention grooming, insect repellant summers, baths, shots deworming as well as grain blending foods sometimes gets overwhelming. They are always there like a dog wanting attention a carrot, or Apple. One horse loves peanut butter pretzels. The othe loves to nuzzle the cat while & my lovely Ol 32 yr old is blind and his 2 other buddies take care of him. 

So just get out to a stable and ride. Just do it. If you love it it will make your heart sing! Horses are magic they have such amazing spirits. I really recommend it for you and bring a friend or ur daughter. It will make your day

and then some. I guarantee it!

HOPE4CURE

 

Hi Hope,

I have been wanting to ride a horse since I got back from rehab in 2002 and remained sober for 11 years.  They were talked about a lot as being therapuedic.  Then i seen the movie "28 days" with Sandra Bullock and really wanted to involved with horses.

Today my goal is to find a place in my area where I can go ride.  Thank you for pushing that idea onto me.  It was much needed.  

I love horses!

<3 >

Hi Kelly,

Once you get back on your dream of riding a horse you'll never want to stop. It great exercise and keeps body and mind in shape. Great distraction. Take lessons go all the way. Who better than to invest in than ourselves!

Keep in touch. There are many riding places available keep it movin! 

You'll be so glad you took the time for yourself. You  deserve it! 

Xx

Today's test was how well do I know my best friend?  LOL!  I talked to my girlfriend about wanting to start riding horses.  She said her aunt owns a farm where she specializes in therapuedic riding for children with special needs.  Bingo!  She said I can go for free.  Of course I offered to volunteer doing just about anything to return the favor.  

My husband offered to join the local gym with me.  So, another plus.

Things are looking up today.

Thanks for reminding me about the riding.  And I am glad I'm taking time for me!  

HI Kelly,

Perfect! That is great news. Your life is opening another chapter both fun and successful. Great exercise take is slow at first.

Keep in touch and let me know how it goes. Or PM me if you have any riding questions I could help with. Therapy horses are the best. 

So Happy for you! 🏇