Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)
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Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.
The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other stuff that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.
Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I messed up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.
Please help me. I’m desperate.
45 likes, 522 replies
robbo555 Ihateweed89
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chloe78588 Ihateweed89
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jmcg2014 chloe78588
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robin77577 chloe78588
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My friend's son who has Lyme disease and was suffering terrible joint pains, and unable to work, on the advice of Lyme disease medical experts, took marijuana for a month in pill form. It completely cured him of this debilitating pain. When he stopped the marijuana, the pain did not return.
Of course many of our top medicines have a botanical source such as the heart drug Digitalis which comes from the beautiful, flowering foxglove plant.
I see, FW that you have changed your name. There is less anger in the new name. Good for you.
Don't forget the advice from Athol and myself! I know my message is long...but every bit of it is worthwhile. These are not just my ideas but are gleaned from credible medical sources on the internet....especially the magnesium/anxiety/depression connection which I can't stress enough can help your brain in its recovery.
Best of luck!
Robin
hope4cure robin77577
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many new M outlets opening up here in the NW. I don't trust the M in shops no regulations UR at the mercy of here say...
the shop opening today was a bust they had people waiting all day the shipment never arrived until late evening. What a mess. I don't like the risk of smoking so I have been tossing the pill forms M. I am allergic to opium based drugs.. Others bad reactions..
Hope u ur well...
Ihateweed89
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The marijuana I smoked was government issued, medical marijuana from Ontario. There was no laced substances, etc -- about 30 people all smoked the same stuff with me that terrible night.
It is obvious I had a latent condition that was triggered, now I just need to figure out how to control it and get my life back.
Any advice I get I will pursue, I want my life back and am committed to recovery.
And to anyone who said don't smoke again, trust me, I know. It was my third time in my life (im 24) -- I wasn't much of a drug user in the first place.
robin77577 Ihateweed89
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THere is a lot of talk these days about gluten allergies or intolerances.. I read the book Wheat Belly and the doctor/author suggested that it isn't gluten that is the issue, it's wheat itself. Without getting into a whole spiel about how wheat genes have been altered, he claims that this tampering with its genetic code has produced a brain toxin...which he feels is behind mental illness and even ADHD. If I were you, and as desperate as you are to get back to normal, I would eliminate all wheat from my diet for a month to see if there is any improvement. Unfortunately wheat is mixed in with other grains such as in rye bread etc.. You could eat corn flakes or rice krispies instead of toast and you can buy gluten free bread which is wheat free.
I have read in the past..as I am sure you knew even before you smoked the marijuana, that marijuana can trip vulnerable people into schizophrenia or bi-polar disease. But then I have read that this is unsubstantiated...
My friend's son who is exactly your age and who was an occasional marijuana smoker, had a psychotic episode 18 months ago with paranoia and had to be hospitalized for about a month. He was non-compliant with his meds and had to be rehospitalized once. But he has since taken a program and graduated as a carpenter and has a job and life is good! Maybe in a sense you have gotten off easy because you certainly have your wits about you.
As you suspect, maybe this condition was waiting in the wings. Does it run in your family? This is often the case.
Are you going to follow the advice that Athol and I have given you? Not to be harsh, but I think that 'figuring out' could be replaced with 'taking action'. And you certainly sound like an action kind of guy.
I suspect that in no time...maybe a month, maybe sooner, you are going to start feeling a lot better if you take good care of yourself. Go back and copy, paste and print the recommendations and follow them.
If you are from Toronto, come up to Montreal on the bus. (Stop Kirkland) and I will personally pick you up (5 minutes from my house) and take you to see Juan Wong at Ki Nature et Santé.
Take care 'Ihateweed89'.
Robin
hope4cure Ihateweed89
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feel better soon. So much advice and right on the money .
take it one day at a time
PotMessedMeUp Ihateweed89
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I am so glad I found your post; I've been going through the SAME sh*t. I've only ever smoked 3-4 times in my entire life, after I turned 21 and joined University. For me, it was just a way to ease the stress in my daily life and three days before I went home, BAM. The panic attack I experienced was something that I'll never be able to forget. This was in December 2013.
Since then, I moved cities, switched schools and changed my entire life and friends. I moved back home with my parents (it got really bad). I kept reading every where online that it would take 8-9 months to subside so like an idiot I waited. In between I was on Cipralex and Seroquel but foolishly quit without knowing what the side effects would be. Anxiety was terror and it took over my life. Negative thoughts, hopelessness, the feeling of guilt the WHOLE THING. (Endless Crying, thinking I had a nervous breakdown..)
Currently it's been around 2 months since I've been put on Zoloft (50mg). Although the depersonalization is gone and the anxiety has subsided SLIGHTLY (I spend alot of time painting), I am still scared to death that this will all rear it's ugly head again and nobody will be able to save me (myself included).
Sometimes I think I've completely lost myself; I know I'm still me but my psychiatrist told me I was depressed; I don't understand.
I don't exercise anymore/sleep right etc.. because I've just given up on all that. The zoloft seems to be helping after a month I feel alot better but perhaps I could add/change up some things in my recovery.
My question to you is, after 2 months of the cannabis induced anxiety, you were on an SSRI (Which one?)
Also, you mentioned : "My anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other stuff that’s been hard to deal with." - Was this despite the SSRI you were taking?
"Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that pot."
- Were you still on the SSRI when this happened? How did you know you relapsed?
Also, I understand your pain very, very well. I want nothing but to regain my life; However, you should consider the fact that this is all a learning process; not all is lost. Whenever I get a panic attack or start to feel uneasy, I remind myself that in the present moment, I am safe and I'm not alone. I know atleast two other people that have gone through the same thing. One of them is now running his father's company. Keep in mind that he had it far worse than you and I; he was on ecstacy and weed at the same time and ixed it al with alcohol; needless to say within six months of treatment (Zoloft and CBT) he was back in school and back on his feet. I know it feels like hell - please don't give up hope. I will be visiting this site regularly to check up on your progress! Stay strong! xox
pete24488 Ihateweed89
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newlife43 Ihateweed89
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Thanks for sharing your story. I have gone through a very similar ordeal, and I am glad to have come across your story. Here's mine (sorry for the length in advance):
Like you, I have only done a few times before (3) once when I was 16 and two other times in my college years. I had been living on my own for almost a year and was doing well, but not without hardships. No real anxiety/depression/etc before and even though some tough stuff had happened, I felt as though I delt with it in my head and moved on. I was on top of the world back in August of this year, best shape of my life, feeling great emotionally and mentally. This was despite an event where I fell for a scam and lost $2,500 - I processed what had happened and decided to move on.
Then, on October 18 - just last month - I decided to smoke weed just one more time. The way I rationalized it, it would be my "last time" before graduating off to my new life. A workmate of mine supplied it. There was a part of me that didn't want to smoke it, but I ignored it and forced myself to smoke the weed. And that's when the nightmare began. I smoked a joint but only smoked maybe 1/4 of it, but I took big puffs and held it in my lungs for way too long, plus the weed was very potent. It was way past my tolerance level and I started to have a massive panic attack. It got so bad at one point where I lost all feeling in my right arm and it felt that the artery running through my right shoulder and arms were on fire. There was a moment where I accepted that I was going to die, but was too much a coward to call 911 (I'm in the USA btw). 3 hours later it subsided and I got off the high, but it took 6hrs later for me to calm down enough to sleep. Next day, I felt shaken but thought I was getting better. But then I started to get bad physical symtops like my neck locking up, couldn't stay asleep and was sweating profusely. etc. Two night later the symptoms got so bad that I got scared and went to the ER. Got tested and everything looked clear except I had high thyroid activity. Went to my primary doc next day and got a blood test but said that I was perfectly normal even though I knew I wasn't.
Anyway, suffered from serious and near-constant anxiety for two weeks after the incident. On top of that, I got surgury for my wisdom teeth removal 1 week after the weed incident. I reached a breaking point early last week Monday (Nov. 3) where I called my dad and wept over the phone. It was the first time I ever had a chat with him like that. I think that I tried to lock the incident away in some part of my head, and that was the first time I ever cried in front of him (over the phone). Talking about the trauma of the incident helped immensly. I also talked to my brother over the phone. We had always been buddy-buddy, but never really close emotionally. First time for me to open up with him too, and my bro had issues with social anxiety and issues from bad decisions in his college years. That week, the near constant anxiety has stopped. Since then it's been replaced with depression that comes and goes, but I still feel very empty at times. Still have pretty bad insomnia (can stay asleep, have vivid dreams and wake up, but I no longer sweat and have severe dehydration during sleep). 1 month of insomnia and I'll admit that it's been driving me mad.
I did see a psychiatrist but said that I was dealing with it mentally that I don't any sort of anxiety disorder. I was given vistaril when I needed it and seroquil to sleep, but I only got side effects from seroquil so haven't taken it again. The doc said that I probabaly just need some good sleep for my body to reset, which I haven't gotten yet but I have a followup next week. But what I want to say ultimately is that I have had some time this past month to reflect on what has happened in the past, what has changed as a result of deciding to smoke weed this one last time, and how I want to get better again and put this behind me. I'm just as desparate as you to get my life back. I want it badly. Smoking this one last time seems to have ruined my life and there are times I've felt that I'll never get better. Granted, my issues seem more physical than mental/emotional than yours, but I'm just as scared and frustrated. And I'm the type that tends to over-analize and brood and think of the worst.
But talking to my dad, my loved ones has done me a lot of good. I feel much closer to them then I ever had before. I now understand how one innocent thought can destroy so many lives, not just your own. My dad won't tell me, but I know he's suffering in his own way knowing what I've been through. But now I know that I will come out a stronger person. For better or worse, I have "graduated from weed", but definitely not in a way that I ever could have dreamed - I will never smoke weed again and I have vowed to never go astray from my gut feeling and make hurtful decisions again. I'm only just starting to learn this, but dwelling on these crappy feelings will never do me good. It's good to reflect on life so far and I'm glad I have, but you gotta move forward - me included. Even though the insomnia is really starting to get to me and is not letting up, I'm looking at the positives. Finally got off some powerful antibotics so I'm hoping that this will give my immune system half a chance to help fix my body. My neck is still popping every time I turn my neck, but just gotta ignore it and hope it goes away with time - I'm going to start stretching more and do yoga which I never did before just cardio and bodybuilding/strength. A lot has changed, and while I still think about "what if I can never get back to normal? What if my body will never return to it's normal state again to where I can be physically active again?" I was completely healthy before all this, but now I sometimes can't help but think I have some ridiculous physical defect or disease. It will take time to heal. I don't know long it will take me, but I won't give up either. It's not "if" I get better, but when I get better, I will be a stronger person as a result, to the point where I never have to go through these crappy feelings ever again.
All the best with your recovery man. Rooting and praying for you, so do the same for me. We aren't alone anymore.
sameer74357 newlife43
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a83893 sameer74357
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a83893 newlife43
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newlife43
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I can proudly say that mentally, my depression and shock from the incident has pretty much subsided, not 100% but pretty darn close. I was on Prozac for a little while. While I can't say for sure that it helped or not, it's true that shortly after taking it that I have regained my "old self." I am no longer taking any psychiatric medicine either (I was also taking trazadone for sleeping but no longer need it). As an aside, my psychiatrist was convinced that I was in denial and that I have been depressed my whole life, so I made the concious decision to quit the medicine and stop seeing her (doctors have to make a living, too) because I thought the relationship over time became very toxic for me.
Just as every person is different, the way that I have "healed" from the effects of smoking weed is different (from the people posting before me and for those of you who have more recently joined this discussion). In my case, perhaps the prozac helped me in some way, but once I felt I got to a certain place I felt that I can fight the rest of this on my own power. My advice for you all is that if you feel you need to or have nowhere else to turn, go visit a doctor and get trust what they have to say. From there, the rest of up to you to follow the orders or to make your own judgements (I took an "extreme" decision in a short period of time, but it worked).
More than anything, what helped me through this ordeal was talking to the ones I cared about most. Before all of this, I have never cried in front of my mum and dad, much less open up my soul to anyone (since I'm a very private and independent person). But, they were there for me. For a long time, I never told my mom about my ordeal, either. But not telling her was killing me on the inside, and when I did tell her I was a mess of tears and snot, but over a period of several days I think it really made a difference. Obviously, don't tell just anyone; just the ones you care about the most. If there's a reason you fear telling someone about your own incident, ignore that fear and tell that if they are important to you. Keeping it inside will only make it worse.
The other thing is just give it time. It seems as though my period of suffering has been shorter than some of you other folks (e.g. a year or more), but it doesn't mean that my suffering has/had been any less at any point in time. There were points where I would look in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. It was like looking at a walking corpse. With all the avenues in which I sought help, on a day to day basis I didn't notice much change. But, there came a point where I felt that I had come a long way since one month prior, and then the next and the next.
What has lingered are some physical oddities and not so much the mental aspect. Stiff jaw muscles, kinks in my back and shoulders I never had before. My own personal opinion is that my personal weed incident (which I had written about previously) probably caused my body to go on adrenal overdrive and then caused my system to crash and burn. Example: when you get an adrenaline rush, the "rush" stays with you for several hours before getting back to normal. In my case, the weed incident caused my body to be on overdrive for a period of days, causing my "recovery" to be much longer. But these things I can deal with, and am already seeing a chiropractor/muscle tightness specialist to help me get back in to prime shape. Also, I am sleeping normally again (I learned that sleep deprevation is a form of cruel torture...and probably contributed to my previous depression).
Just as some other bits, I also ate good, nutritious foods (see some of the posts earlier in this thread), and gradually try to get active physically. I recommend taking it with the approach of "I want to get in the best shape of my life" and it might help conquer or at least lessen overruling depression. I say all this, but I also know that I had come to learn how it feels when the depression is just so bad that you can't and don't want to do anything. To that, I say that you should seek help, whether it's just friends, or your doctor, just try not to be alone. Being alone will make it worse and you will be stuck in small little world of just you and your suffering. That will never help you, and that should be unacceptable, but getting there to such that frame of mind will take time. We're all different, so it will vary, but until such a time though, please hang in there. None of us deserved to go through these ordeals, but you deserve to have your life back. Believe it.
claudia38680 newlife43
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dylan_07831 a83893
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praxf newlife43
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It's a relief to hear that I'm not alone though. I've never purchased weed but have smoked "socially" for maybe 5 years (as in, once every few months with friends). This was all fine until I was out camping with friends, and began to "green out" for the first time just as e veryone went to bed. I didn't know what was going on, but felt like I was going to die. I was numb, tingling, heart was feeling like it was about to explode from my chest, and I was in a pitch black forest totally alone to top it all off. I paced in the dark panicking for 3 hours and it was hands down the worst experience of my life. When I woke up, I just felt a bit fuzzy, but this subsided within a few days. Then, out of the blue 2 weeks later, with that panich attack being the only one I've ever gotten, I started getting them again, when I would just be sitting at my desk at work, doing nothing stressful (mind you, at about 1/4 the strength, and only lasting a few minutes). After a week they subsided, but the next week I started becoming overly concentrated on my own breathing and the feeling of not getting enough oxygen, but noticed that distracting myself helped and concluded it just must be mental. Those Subsided, but a week later (this week) I began mostly feeling tightness in my neck/lower jaw, which immediately triggers a fight-or-flight/suffocation response in my brain . Those have been getting worse and worse until today, where I've been feeling it almost the entire day, and they only go away if I 100% distract myself with something else. However, I tried to go see a comedy at the theater today to really distract myself, but ended up spending 40 minutes having on-and-off again panick attacks and wanted to just leave the theater and run laps around the block.
The only thing that has calmed me down today was seeing this random massive thread of people experiencing the exact same thing, convinging me that I'm not going crazy and definitely not alone. And moreso that they do being to fade.
I'm definitely going to cut out coffee, of which I'm used to drinking 4-5 cups a day at work, and staying up until 2 am/getting 4-5 hours of sleep.
Thanks for your post.
Weedsucks praxf
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dev38248 sameer74357
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johnnie99998 claudia38680
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dayna97498 newlife43
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francesca61235 newlife43
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yes! you live, you learn