Married and not had sex in 4 years. My wife has NO sex drive.

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Hi

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but any advice would be great.

I am 31 years old I have been married to my wife who is 30 for 6 year and we have not had sex in 4 years. She has NO sex drive what-so-ever. I want to have sex with my wife but she has absolutely no interest. She never gets horny, she never wants to be touched, and she refuses to even let me touch her. We can’t hold hands, hug or kiss. She will hug and kiss our kids but not me.

This start as soon as she got pregnant with our 2nd child. I thought it was just a pregnant thing and I was ok with it, but 4 year on and she is the same. The hardest part is that we are young and I don’t know if I can spent my whole life not having sex, but the only person I want to have sex with is my wife.

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  • Posted

    I'd like to say it's just hormones, mate, but it sounds like the root of the problem is much deeper. Try talking with her about it and consider therapy. Surely you know that at 30 your sex life should still be vibrant and healthy. This doesn't sound like a quick fix situation. She's your wife. She loves you. Talk with her, address the situation, and put your feelings out there in the open. It's the only way you'll ever be able to move forward with any aspect of your relationship.
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  • Posted

    The loss of libido that often happens after childbirth is almost certainly linked to hormonal changes that occur at this time, though this has still not been proven. The general trauma of childbirth also plays a part – and after having a baby, many women are too exhausted to think about sex.

    All women have individual responses and some of them return their libido back in 3-4 months, others require much more time.

    First of all suggest your wife to consult a medical specialist who can discuss the problem with her and do any necessary tests. Your wife should also realise that it is time to consult a doctor, because there are certain sex benefits for women and the lack of sexual life can lead to some health issues later.  Think that the doctor will help her, as there are different hormonal medications that are used in such cases.

    This problem can be also caused due to some psychological reasons, that is why it is important to show your support and understanding in this matter. Do not force your wife, it will not give any results. Try to find some helpful info about the importance of sex in internet and discuss these with your wife (again - do not force).

    Hope this is helpful.

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  • Posted

    Hi

    I went through a similar thing about 18 months ago where I didn't want to have sex with my wife because I thought I was worthless. Talk to your wife about it and tell her what your worries are and I'm sure she will understand. Ask her to see her doctor and ask for a referal to a Psycosexual therapist which was what I had to do.  Communication is key , the longer it festers the harder on the relationship. Dont make the mistake some people do and have sex with someone else, It will consume you and the guilt will be horrendous

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  • Posted

    It's natural, although 4 years is a long time.

    The key important thing here is honesty and communication

    Good luck

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  • Posted

    This sounds more emotional rather than physical. Have you sort other help for her other than drugs that may stimulate her sexual drive.
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  • Posted

    doreen has the right idea ,  

    First this is not unusual, I say that first to reassure you, This can be caused by a lot of things.  I can tell you from experience that  non sexual affection ( this includes the touchhing kind and the genral relationship kind) wont hurt anything.  From what youve said Ill also say you have my respect.  Encourage and support herer in taking this to the doctor.  Oh and to a lot of women, a dad who spends time with the kids and loves and laughs with them is a big turn-on.  Over all this is not somethnng that can be properly address short of medical intervention, it can be psychological, relationship, many thimes physiological, most of the time it is a combination of all the above.  In the mean time take the kids to grandmaw one night  and do what ever relaxes her, and purposely leave anything to do with sex out of it (massage yes ,but not as a come on) 

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  • Posted

    I'm having the same kind of problem for a year now.

    She just doesn't want sex, she is saying.

    But now she told me she wants to have a vasectomy. 

    Why she would need that?

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  • Posted

    You are not alone. I am only 31, my hubby is 36. We had a baby 2 years ago and it's been 3 years we did not have sex despite I want to. I am size 8, slim hot looking , intelligent woman. Since my baby born my husband only pays attention to my baby and spends all his time with our child . He does not kiss, hold hands , hug, even sit on same sofa or try to spend time with me. I used to ask for sex but so many rejections I stopped even asking.

    He suffers from PME , he always did, but he used to be romantic, loving and able to make love. Now I don't know why he is so distant. I talked to him but always some pretension , tired, no time, baby sleeping etc etc.

    I have a healthy sex drive like 2 times a week is fine but here it's been 3 years now. I don't know what can be done. He is not interested to get harmone therapy. We have been together for 9 years and now baby is involved I don't know what can be done, it's soul breaking when I see I am so called married woman . We got married after baby was born and did not have sex even on marriage night on holidays or even any other day...

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    • Posted

      Sounds like a harrowing situation. I am 45 and my wife is 10 years older than me. Her libido has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. She really has no sex drive at all. It returns occasionally but more not than often. I know this sounds messed up but her sex drive used to be incredible. I often wonder how driven she was when she was younger and was married twice before me. Again, this sounds horrible but I often find myself getting the short end of the stick. Like I've been cheated. I love her but it seems like we are roommates that share the same bed. Our sex life has gone from pretty incredible to nonexistent. The thought of her younger self really stays in my mind. Her exes were the lucky w*****s and here I am getting the crap end of the deal. I've tried my best to engage her in any way that I could. I truly love her but I'm really not sure that we are on the same page when it comes to her feelings being mutual. I am very very frustrated in every applicable sense of the meaning. Maybe things will turn around but the likelihood of that happening doesn't seem credible. The question mark should be elusive. But it is far from that. I am glad I have found this site.  I am not a cheater but in her first marriage she had an affair. Who knows. I am rambling. 

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  • Posted

    Hi. I'm in similar situation I'm 23 and my partner is 30.when we first got together I thought everything was fine and so did he. The past year has been horrible. He doesn't kiss me, hug me. Even try to have any form of intimacy with me. I'm not just with him for that but I feel so low and worthless no self esteem and feel so sorry for my little boy because im not doing many activities with him because I don't feel like I have the energy. I just don't know what to do as I'm only 23 and dont want to be like this forever rolleyes but I genuinely love the guy and couldn't see myself with anybody else.
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  • Posted

    Some women can experience the hormonal imbalance in the result of pregnancy and childbirth. This health condition influences sex drive greatly.
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  • Posted

    Is you wife on any antidepressants or was she ever on such medication. What about any form of hormonal birth control?
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  • Posted

    you not alone i myself and my husband just dont do it i do think he has the problem  but least you got the guts to talk about it  good luck
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  • Posted

    I'm in the same situation, some my wife got pregnant she has had no interest in sex or being intimate. This has been over 3 years now I'm 33 and she is 30 and I've tried talking about it but to no avail and really don't know what to do.

    Hope things work out for you.

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