menopause feelings

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Hi ladies as precious discussions I have split with my husband as had no feelings for him and didn't want to be with him.last night we met up for the 1st time to talk about things and I did nothing but cry.I have a very sportive husband who try everythung to make me feel better.I found after meeting him he looked sexy and fancied him for the first time in months.and felt I maybe missed him.I cred all night. could it be that I do have feelings but the menopause is covering them up. As latley been a lit ty let depressed and felt worse since he left .so I'm thinking maybe I do have feelungs I am so confussed

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  • Posted

    Hi

    This is so sad but yes it is possible. I think the menopuse is a much worse version of pmt. We just cannot understand ourselves. Out actions. Our motives nor our feelings. Go for it again with your husband if he is willing to give u another chance. Good luck xxx

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  • Posted

    Your post has given me a little bit of hope, I split with my partner after a 10 year loving relationship, shes 51, I stated seeing a change in her, the main things where irregular cycle, night sweats and mood swings.

    She was getting a little distant from me and also picking on silly little things I've always done after about 5 month of this she told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted me to leave.

    I am really really hoping that she will get the feelings back for me and we can get back together as I'm not coping very well with the split

    How long was you 2 together?

    Please please keep us updated, I really do hope that you 2 can get back on track

    Good luck x

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    • Posted

      Hi we only got married in Nov S9 it not long that was around the time I started menopause.I hated being around my hubby picked fault with everything he did.did not want to be near him times I hated him.I wasn't inlove didn't love him cried every day at thought of coming home to him. We split up for 3 weeks first week I was happy. Then started getting low again depressed still hated hum.until 2 days ago I text him to agree to meet up and we did last night for 3 hours he took me to dinner.all I did was cry the whole night I don't know why.he hugged me made me feel good then I cried again we spoke alot about how I feel and how I feel I have lost control of my life and hate it so much.in a way I wanted to be single again but in back of my mind I keep thinking what if it is menopause that has grabbed my feeling and what if I regretted it.when my hubby left I cried again and thought I do miss him I must love him maybe the break has done good we are meeting this afternoon to talk more. We were together 2 years.u have been together longer so stay strong and don't give up ur wife is going thro major changes and if it is meno then she will call u one day to go to her. Just let her no ir there. Good luck xxx
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    • Posted

      Hi Steve my thought started straight after we got married around time of meno.I had horrid thoughts of hubby .even down to the way he held his fork and knife. I used to come hime from work and he would want a cuddle I would go straight into another room so I didn't have to.I'd make sure I went to bed first pretend to sleep so we didn't have to do anythung.he would plan things to do to make me feel better and because I was in a mood I'd have horrid time I couldn't even look at him.it was bad and I knew after what a bitch I was but could not control my feelings I felt trapped and cornered because of the way I treated him.for him he started feeling realy low and needed kisses and cuddles but I would not give him them.when he left 3 weeks ago I felt very gulity even though I felt the same but felt do sorry for him.I feel like I always had control of my life but now I can't control my feelings I usauly have one good week out a month and this is good week and want him back.we spoke today he wants to come home but scared incase I through him out again and hate him again.I said to him I did love him but my mood will change he understands that .I am terrified incase I treat him badly again as I don't want to.hopefully we will be meeting again on wed to talk more xx
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  • Posted

    Hi Beverley. we spoke quite alot on previous posts about your useless doctor taking you OFF anti depressants just as you were starting hrt (!!!) & that she asks you what pills you want instead of her constructively deciding what would be best for you. We have both had history of depression & anxiety going back years. From talking to you I think it is your health state that has taken control of you as you obviously still have feelings for your hubby. If you already had depression/anxiety in the background before you started peri menopause/menopause those conditions are still going to be there PLUS you now have meno symptoms making you feel "out of control" (a good general way of putting many of the symptoms!). I know you were waiting to see the menopause nurse but you still have about 3wks wait(going on your previous posts). hrt can take several months to kick in before you feel the benefits if your doc has taken time to consider the right formula for you (which i wonder if your crap doctor has in the 1st place...) my gp was fab & is a meno specialist & i saw benefits from 2-3wks in particularly with moods, concentration, brain fog & sleep but hope for further benefits after 3months of use. I would urge you to go your doc and "ask" her if you can try low dose fluroxetine for a couple of months alongside your hrt; as I said before I have not tried fluroxetine as get on alright with escitalopram, but I have a meno friend I use to work with in her 50's & she feels much better for taking fluroxetine-more in control & even-keeled. also I've read other ladies on here have found it "softened" the symptoms of meno, so it sounds like a suitable a/d not just for depression but also meno symptoms. Your damned doctor should be saying this to you instead of asking you what pills you want! grrrrrr! Keep your meno nurse appointment as she may change your hrt if you're not getting on very welll with it. Keep talking to your husband hun, let him know you are trying to get help & what this is doing to you. If you were together for 2yrs then he will know the woman you once were before meno took control of you, & your stupid doctor took you off a/d's. Keep talking on here too Bev, one place you can get support & talk to people openly. xxxxxx
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    • Posted

      Hi hunny he is very sportive it was him that did all research.I did go see menopause nurse who doubled my strength in patches but my depression has kicked in worse and I'm not due to see her until 7th July that when 3 month will be up.but have appointment with diffrent gp on 16th who I going to ask about antidepressants but because I had bad experience with all diffrent kind before I about scared to go on them xx
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    • Posted

      Hi Beverley. It shows he loves you if he is making that effort to understand & support you. I understand your fear of trying antidepressants, but they are there to help people. I do know though they can make you feel a bit worse for 1st 2 -4wks before you start to feel better. Also starting on a low dose & seeing how you get on can help keep any temporary initial side effects to a minimum. you don't have to take massive doses to feel better in the long term just the lowest dose possible to make you feel normal again. It's your choice though hun. What kind of bad experiences have you had with them before ? (if that's not to personal!)xxx
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    • Posted

      Hi been on all diffrent kind I was ok 1st week then all of sudden felt I wanted to rip someone's head off and feeling of being worse. Another kind I tryed straight away felt so low with headaches and feeling worse
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    • Posted

      Hi Beverley. those experiences sound like classic initial side effects most people get in first few weeks of starting ad's. often you get an increase in anxiety or depression & then if you can persevere through that first few weeks you would start to feel better IF that particular ad is going to work for you. it can be tough that first few weeks & I've been on 3 or 4 different ad's for bouts of depression/anxiety since my 20's, all with the same initial side effects. all but one of the ad's worked after that initial period. the one that made me feel worse even after first 4wks was citalopram. however my doctor changed me to escitalopram(currently on) & i get on great with that one (i have no idea what the difference is!). the escitalopram didnt really help my perimeno symptoms when they started (i increased them initially but they just made me feel sedated & foggy) Once my doc started me on hrt i was able to come back down to my maintenance dose of escitalopram as the hrt has really helped the anxiety/erratic mood & brainfog after about 2-3wks of starting hrt. as i said before probably the best ad for helping with meno symptoms(only because i have heard other's experience) is the fluroxetine. i read your later post too - great you are keeping in regular contact with your hubby. take things at your own pace what you feel you are able to cope with. even meeting with him regularly is constructive. maybe he could come back at weekends to start with & see how you get on with that - you will still have your own breathing space in the week (so will he!) also it may help your mood a little as you may look forward to the weekend with that routine. little steps hun. the crying & anxiety/panic attacks i had too until the hrt started to help me. i am normally a happy helpful person; i lost it with a manager at work , walked out impulsively & almost lost my job had my team leader not come & got me from my car & persuaded me to come back in. i would become overwhelmed with panic - palpitations, rushing, then floods of tears for the tiniest thing AT WORK-how embaressing in front of customers/colleagues. Gradually the hrt has helped significantly with me gaining more control of that, but I am off work last few weeks with colitis, so this will be tested again when i am better & go back to work, but it was improving. so the crying, panic & anxiety is a big symptom of peri/meno. Be kind to yourself & make any changes at your own pace hun. keep us all posted, & if you need to talk, we're all here. xxx
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  • Posted

    Hi Beverley, that menopause is messing up a lot of relationships, and the moods are so bad for some of us. Try your best and see if you can patch things up with your husband. I just bought a bottle of Omega 3 which should really help and I started back on the vitamin B so I am hoping to see some improvement, plus I am back in the gym/ Good luck.
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  • Posted

    It's hard to say which is the right thing to do, since it is your choice of course. Have you thought of chatting to him outright about your moods (due to meno). Ask him if he can cope, if for example you need time out. I know I like to be on my own sometimes. If he knew in advance perhaps he wouldn't feel so insecure?

    I treat my BF badly at times too. Luckily he is in tune with what is going on, so most of the time he just ignores it and is ready for a cuddle when I feel like one. Without the pressure. It's hard enough I know making ourselves feel okay without the added pressure of hurting someone else. 

    Tell him you want to try, but you are 'all over the place' right now and can he cope? 

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  • Posted

    I would have left my husband if I hadn't felt so ill.

    I was totally reliant on him for a while during peri.

    I really didn't do much at all, in hospital with depression several times heavily medicated and useless.

    I hated him everything he did was wrong. He cooked cleaned did my laundry. I hated him because he seemed so well when I felt like death.

    Anyway things didn't improve a lot even when I was post. I became horrible hot all the time and was put on HRT (I did have to ask for it though)

    Things improved quite quickly. My doctor would not prescribe testosterone but I buy that myself online.

    Now we are partway back to how things were pre peri. I say partway because I still have awful insomnia at times and that does impact on our relationship and I can be yuk feeling still at times. But I thank God my husband stuck around because I love him and I wouldn't have wanted someone else (I just wanted to be alone).

    The testosterone has given us back the great sex life we used to have and with the enjoyment of sex I've found some regained confidence too.

    It very likely is your hormones making you feel this way. I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me that was what was making me feel that way but I can assure you that in my case definitely my hormones were to blame.

    Hope things get sorted out for you as well and soon.

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