mirtazapine nightmare..so fed up and no idea what to do

Wow thanks for the replies guys.. Finally nice to talk to people who know what am going through. I've always tried to keep things under wraps and only talk to people close to me. But I feel the past 6 months or so I have read so much on this forum and I see that there is millions suffering and am not the only one. I just feel so all over with emotions. Trying to come Off these awful things is so hard , I regret ever taking them.. I am going really slow like, taking 2mg off every 2-3 weeks. But the side effects are still awful. It's the half way mark 7.5 mg that's blown me away last month. Litterly non stop adrenaline for two weeks had me floored and in bits. Since i went back up a dose to 9_10mg it's eased. Still blips but no where near as severe. I phoned docs three times that week, but they just don't seem fussed. I work from home self employed as i counldt possiblly have a full time job at the moment. Barely get up out of bed im that tired and fed up. I do feel it's these tablets escalating everything as the side effects are making me worry more that I have some sort of illness or dying etc. I hate thinkkng this way though as it's spoiling my life and happiness.

31980I have tried a little mindfulness last year, but my mind seems wonder haha. It did help after a few times but I think my main problem is my breathing I've been told by many cbt tutors my breathing is short and shallow all in my shoulders, my doc said I'm hypoventalion my self as i also talk fast when anxious ha. I feel I can't fix too many things at once, but I'm really out of ideas now never felt so up and down before. Docs keep saying ya not depressed it's anixty playing tricks etc. I shall look for the book you mentioned thanks again

Shez

Thanks piccie. Just replied in the post above regarding how slow I'm going. I just feel stuck on them

Apart of Me feels like just stopping these awful things, but the stories I've read from cold turkey but blow me away. Also from reducting so slowly yet still suffering nasty side effects I think I would feel more scared.

Feel like it's never ending. Today I'm stuck in bed with awful head ache and crappy brain zaps and adrenaline feeling like I'm dying ha even though some part of me knows anixtey

Shez

Hey Jane started on 15mg over a year ago. First 6 months seems ok but the last 6 months have been he'll. I'm currently sitting shaking with anxity at the moment so upset thinking it won't end. Then I calm down soon after and try keep busy.

Yeah u will be right about chAngling doses I keep going up and down. I have to cut my 15mg eve evert ngt with a cutter I got online to make sure am getting the sames amount each ngt. I feel steadier on the 9mg I'm on now it's eased the gloom and constant adrenaline rushes. But I feel groggy and all over still esp every morning till evening then at night I feel fine.most ngts I don't want sleep as I hate the feeling waking up. The mirtazapine knocks me to sleep for a good 10 hours. I have a struggle waking up and doing anything at all. I'm constantly hungry too. I hsve to keep banana and porrige to hand ha. I know half the battle is anxitey but feel these tablets are making things harder I just feel sedated and tired. it's nice to eventually be able to talk to folk about things. I hate negativity but feel am full of it ha

Shez

Hi Shez, my heart went out to you reading your posts. I to have been through what you are going through, it does seem like anxiety is getting the better of you. What you need to understand and hopefully help you to relax a little, is the tablets are designed to help us not hinder. They work by slowly trying to stabilise the chemicals in our brains that have slowly become unbalanced. It is a very slow process and unfortunately takes time to come good. Think of this, if you throw snowballs at a wall only so much sticks, but if you keep throwing them the wall will eventually become white.

Hey Craig, been on 15mg for just over a year. Started to feel worse end of last year so tried to ween off.my word biggest mistake ever these things. They should come with a warning sticker on the front. Trying to get off has destroyed me like. No one listens though and had to cry to the docs for them to see that they are no use to me. Last doc I spoke to agreed and said I'm doing sensible thing coming of slow. I've been taking 2mg off every 3 weeks as the wd effects are unbelievable! I started reduction mid Dec. I got to half way 3 weeks ago and it was just too much I seem so sensitive to them and they make me so foggy and can't function. Adrenaline rushes are scary esp when u hsve anxity as it is. I went back to one dose up around 9mg and adrenaline issue settled a lot. But I'm still in a right pickle. I only had the odd anixtey attsck and ocd thoughts before I started these a year later I have a list off issues. I feel I'm getting the oppersite effects of what I should be. But then I think or it must be me my anixty must be really bad now. I know they help some people but ain't helped me and I feel am still stuck on them scared to come off due to wd. I ain't got the strength at the moment so am trying to balance it out steady and try reduce 1mg next month.

Wish I just read a anixty blog or website plus cbt in the first place. . I weaker but wiser now. Guess it can only make us stronger

Shez

I too am trying to withdraw and its make he feel terrible. The doctor has give me propranolol to take 3 times a day to ease off the anxiety. I was cautious with another drug being added as i dont like medication like valium etc. These are non addictive and block the signal to the adrenelin gland that causes the anxiety. At the minute i have only just started them so dont feel much different. The mornings are the worst for me, always wake up feeling crap, when everyone around me feels refreshed. I think all we can do is keep going and hope we come back to the people we once were.. wishing you all the best

Hey Shez, just reading your first post in more detail and wondered if the reduction was the right thing to do. Having been on Mirt for 4 years i have researched the drug in more detail than you can imagine. In its lowest dose it barely dose anything for anxiety and depression and is prescribed as a sleep aid and appetite stimulant. I think as you were only taking the 15mg if would have definately been more advisible to go up in dose not down. A few weeks ago i was having crazy anxiety attacks including panicks and when  i upped my dose they were almost immediately subdued. I am surprised the Dr's havent told you to go up not try and come off, food for though

Oh those sound good I might ask my doc about those too. As im really struggling to grt off these and scared to try anything like it again. But i have been giving sertraline to try to taper to but am terrified. just so hard to see of its my anixty getting worse for done reason or the tablets

Just I was never like this no where near prior to taking these. I'm shaking now with anxouis thinking now. Convinced am dying for some reason. I hsve no reason to be stressed and anxuius. I'm supported by amazing folk helping me .I've had an awful head ache couple of days so I can feel stupid thoughts creeping in working me up. My tablet does calm me at ngt and then I eat loads then sleep ages then struggle to wake up. Then I wake up anxous dreading the day a head. evenings are milder and when I'm distracted by stuff I feel less anxity etc. Some days I'm strong and can have an ok day. I try to think of other stuff but my thoughts return back to am dying it's not anixty bla bla. I'm not sure if it's my mirtazapine or not. Bt I woukd like to try be clear headed and try with cbt to learn coping techs and not like my own thoughts make Me prisoner. It sucks so much dont it. How's your wd going? I wish I knew these were so hard to get off haHa

A friend of mine was on 45 she just stopped and was fine. Jammy bugger haha I struggle each reduction. It's the adrenaline rushes I can't handle I had them every second for two weeks solid. Now I went back up they settled lots, just mild now. But i have constant songs playing over in my head and shakes and choking sensations while a sleep sometimes. I wake up and get a shock but am that out of it go to sleep ha

The brain zaps eased tOo

I'm trying to get steady and then try 1mg drops till am off then worry about things then. I hope your ok and keep being stronG

Thanks Craig, well I've been ok a while on the 15. Seemed fine first 6 Months. Then jusr seemed to be doing nothing. I tried to grt off because I ws eeating all sorts at night qnd sleeping all the time.. Groggy and fatigue etc. Brain zaps muscle spasms. Told docs they came and said try upping I tried one for 6 days at 30mg My word I could barely speak I was so out of it. Docs said try 22.5 again lasted a week and felt off my face. Stuck in bed tripping. So I stayed on 15 a wee while longer and tried to start getting off them as the tiredness is unreal. I feel so groggy and find it hard to get going. Docs said they are mild tabeltS. One doc said he thinks am best not ob on tabtablets and just exercising as i have soooo much energy usually I have always been active. So feeling so weak and groggy is hard for me. It worries me too. Not sure if it's anixty or the tablets not working but i know I never had any anxitey issues like this before taking these tabelts. Everyone noticed the change in me. Don't feel the same person anymore. I just don't know what to do for best. Not sure tabelts help me. So I feel out of ideas apart from trying to fix my self and also having cbt

Unfortuntely we ultimately have control of our own lives, but i believe we do not always think rationally whilst suffering with this type of illness. My wife always complains i play with my tablets but i cant seem to help myself. I am always online in the evenings if you need a chat, take care, there will be brighter times ahead i'm sure

Haha thanks craig, very kind of you :-) I get wrong of my mates.. They say you and these bliming tablets. I've just had mine so am sitting calm,chilled like a hippy whilst eating picnic full of tucker.. Terrible the craving when I eat so good during the day. But I'd take the food cravings over anxity anyday. I'm.going to see how I go on what I'm at for a little while longer then eithr try one last go at reducing. If all fails go back to my original amount of 15mg for a While. I do feel they are just sedation me ar the lower dose so you may be right and it might be my body needing mote to control things. I'm hoping to exercise more and keep eating plenty bananas :-) haha happy foods. Sleep well and thanks again. Speak soon

Hey Craig I called docs today as I've been in such an anxious state from wake up. Told them my situation as they actually think the same as you. They think I need to go back to my 15mg and get steady again on that and just put up with the groggyness etc. also awake my cbt. They want me to calm down a little and try relax and work on breathing etc. Wish I could ha. My heads in over drive all the time lately..

So tonight I'm taking my full 15 as I feel I have nothing to lose . Sorry Worth ago

Hi Shez, sorry to hear you have had bad anxiety today, I have also spoke with a professional today and they have told me trying to come down on my dose is wrong, they have told me to split the higher dose to make it easier for me to handle. I took it today and within an hour I felt relaxed.i think you should definitely go up on your dose to 15, in sure it will be better for you than trying to come down, wishing you the best

Gosh we are both having a right time of it. Things can only improve for us now. Only one way up :-)

I've had awful head ache and sinus pain all night so I think thsts why I've woke up in such a state. I've calmed down Now my anxity seems to of eased now. Still over thinking, but I have horrid tension head ache from stressing so much no doubt.

Yes I'm going to take my full tablet for a while now. It can only help me surely. Going to try and relax my thoughts and think more positive that there is folk worse off.

so are you still coming of your mirt?

I'm defo taking my 15 this evening and then going to try keep my dose the same for a while, it's a low dose a guess but if it helps like it used to then surely only way is up from there along with cbt and also my own strength :-) hope your well today

I'm not going to bother trying to come off, if I'm not well so coming off will only make me worse,I think taking the full 15 is the right way to go for you, your body needs help and lowering it you are taking that away, don't be scared to take it earlier in the evening if it helps

Yeah I was thinking it's like taking calmness away from an anxious body.. It needs as much help as it can get. Doc said millions take meds and get cbt etc. I stil want to learn to cope my self and deal with my issues. I know I need to exercise a little more and keep eating the correct foods and maybe keep my mind more busy in a positive way. I want to do so much yet I let my mind stop me it's not the life my body wants to live. I want to be calmer and not let these silly emotions and thoughts control my body. But for now it's small steps at a time until I feel I have the strength to power on.

I guess it's fine that we take a little tablet to help us it's what they are made for. I always hated taking anything but now I'm not going to let it bother me and look at it as just a calmer pill to relax me as the world's a tough place and we need to be tough cookies.. Mmnm food haha. Keep your head up high lad we will get through this blib :-)

That's the spirit Shez, I was first diagnosed 15 years ago with depression, after a few months on tablets I made a complete recovery and was clear of it for 10 years, then due to a stressful job I took my eye off the ball and I fell over again, only this time it's a lot harder as I know what's going on, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing I think, all we can do is keep going and get to the end of the tunnel

U have been through a hard time lad but it will of also made u stronger. So keep pushing forwards and dont look back. I've learnt to try think of the present and save my energy for that haha. You will be ok again soon u can get through it Lke you have in the past. Meds perk us up until we can stand on our own two feet. There is folk suffering all over the world, we just all got to keep pushing forward. Change is hard but also good :-) let's keep going forward one step at a time

hope youve had a little better day today with the dose increase, ive made it through mine, but had anxiety issues through the day, as normal evening is pretty good, all the best

Hey Craig I'm the same having blibs today. But jusr telling my self it's just the tabelts adapting in my body eh. Has better day then normal at the mo so Al take that. I just keep yawning for some reason haHa. .

I'm not convinced these things are helping in any way but Al give it a couple of weeks and see how I am them. Keep going lad we got this haha :_)

If you feel the tiniest bit better today then that's got to be a good sign, I am sticking with my 30 dose, even though I still feel sh*t, the doctor told me it won't have a true effect until about the 4th week, and I'm only at week 2 so long way to go, but I am strong headed and will battle on. I know once along time ago I was normal whatever that was lol, and one day I will get there again, as I'm sure you will. Nice to have made a friend I can bounce off when it's gets tough, wishing you well as always

Seems your reply is waiting to be checked ha must of used certain word ha.

I had a great evening lngt very chilled And full control over anxitey.

Hope u are better today. I'm average. Morning anixty defo reducing with the full 15mg. I find I need to eat as soon as I wake up this seems to help also a bottle of water helps top. I still have to take a while to adapt like a hang over /flu feeling but it eases during the day. I'm trying not to look at the dread of facing the day instead I'm thinking oh let's just plod on either Way As things could be worse

It's great to hear you had a good evening, gives you a little relieve and more strength to go on, my wife has told me to remember the medication is there to help not hinder and I should stop thinking about it and just take it, she's probably right.

Yeah we will be fine again soon it's all about going to plod along aa normal as possible. I'm trying to keep active and mot over think as that's the main problem for me

I don't think when am occupied. Sitting around I create more problems haha I think most do. I feel ok ish on the 15. Less morning anxity since upping. Feel tired more easy but hopefully my body adjusts.

Yeah I love it when my body gets a rest from it to pick up a little. I hope yours starts to kick in soon. I think it was around 3 weeks were I noticed improvements so hopefully not long for us both to feel settled. If we can just control the thoughts a little better its taking the fuel away and less physical symptoms a guess. We can keep trying to be strong and not fearing the things helping us for the mean time. Keep strong for now

:-)

Hi Shez, iv had a lousy day today, woke up with a headache and it hasnt left me all day, not happy today, always makes me question the dose thinking its too strong for me, so i'll have a fight with my consciounce tonight on whether to continue on 30 or reduce, i cant seem to win, hope youve had a good day though

Hey Craig I hope it's settled I get horrid head aches of mirt too. I just take pain killers and drink plenty. I've had a 50-50 day my self. My stomach is all off and I feel lowsy and tired. Trying to push on my self but resorted to having a easy day. my tablets seem to of eased my morning anixty abit, but I feel it's just me being more positive getting me through. Feel like my emotions are little better. But i still feel like it's a waiting game ha like a kinder surprise I've been calling Mr anixty. Feel I can't plan anything at the moment as I have no idea how I will wake up feeling, it's been like this ever since I took these tablets. I go to sleep perfectly fine and wake up groggy like a different person it's so hard to describe but it only started on these things. Haha. I guess it's just anixty a guess it's all anyone ever says my issues are ha.

Hope your heads eased I had a horrid one last 5 days thus past week like a tension one from stressing. Oh I felt very snappy last night for no reason. I'm usually so nice and soft natured but felt stressed last lngt and snappy. I feel I expect too much from my self at the moment so am beating my self up. Gosh what a time we are having. Let's keep pushing though even though it's hard

:-/

It's nice to hear the tablets are easing off the anxiety a bit for you. I can relate to the going bed feeling ok and waking up feeling rough. Some nights just before I go to sleep I feel totally well and it's like a mini break from the crap, then I wale up in the morning and feel rough. I have kept a diary for the 6 months and when I read back through it just shows I have been up and down from day to day constantly. Reading back it makes me thinks the tablets are no good for me. I did try to come off the tablets twice and on reducing down to 15, both time I had a week of complete bliss only to be eventually hit with severe withdrawal and had to go back up. When I was on citaloprams I felt ill for a few weeks then just got better and better, but these don't seem to have the same effect, it's no wonder we are all searching for an answer

I've read so many negative stories about these tabelts that I had no idea about before taking them. I've never wanted or tried anything else. Well apart from 6 days of citalop what u mentioned but they sent me High as a kite I coudlnt function at all. They Said I needed a sedation type to calm me down I had no idea what i was taking. If i had of known it was going to be like this I would of just plod along and tried cbt and coping me own ways. These are clearly making more side effects but I'm the same and I've tried to get off. It's so bad I can't function it's drained me each time I've reducded since Dec last year. Sometimes I get so upset that am stuck on a drug not helping me but unable to get off as i aint got the strength left. I can't of went much slower getting off them either so at the moment am just doing what docs said and taking the 15, this is my last try and if I'm still struggling I'm going to end up Trying these sertraline briefly then getting off and fighting my own problems clear headed. I was thinking tonight about doing diary actually to show my cbt tutor when I start as I'm hoping they have a broader knowledge on them. I'm convinced these are causing me more issues I never had anything like before I started them. I've read that loads of people don't work well on meds. I have no idea what they have done to me and I'm worried they have done stuff to me and destroyed me. The docs said they can't do out like that but then I am not sure they know anything about them as they are telling me to keep taking something that I'm telling them over and over is making me have all sorts of side effects. I feel I bore the ear of them when am telling them my side effects I feEl that they don't belive me anyway. I try to not contact them but I've had to call a couple of times latley as i neeed more tabelts.. One agreed and wants me off them. The other said up them so I'm even more confused. I do feel less anxouis in the mornings since upping them but not sure if it's me being stronger or the tabelts. I feel abit spaced out and foggy minded as well as little forgetful since upping them this week and again groggy in the morning qnd my stomach is upset. This happened every reduction tho, so am guessing it's from the upping dose. Even tho it's small dose some people are more sensitive to these things. I'm going to keep on the 15 though and give it a bit time to see if I improve. I have tried taking 22.5 last year and my word I had no idea who or where I was I was tripping and all over. I lasted a week. SO I know going up anymore would defo not help me at all. Hence why I feel they are not for me still but like I say I haven't got the strength to stop. The adrenaline rushes on me last reduction I tried last month had me in bits for 2 weeks. Constant adrenaline am taking ever second I was scared to move or speak. I cried two week telling the doctor am dying etc as the adrenaline was lasting fron morning until ngt time. this was the main reason I've decided to up and as soon as I did the adrenaline eased massively. Just getting little blibs on the 15 but I notice rushes of excitiment I can't handle and heart palps now and again. But i feel unfit so am trying to get little bits of exercise in when I can manage it. Sometime when I feel ok I get upset as i want to stay like that, morning times I wake up and feel a differnt person. This did not used to happen before these tabelts. I can't plan a single thing at the moment. Nothing I do or say changes this so I just try get up on plod on until it eases and I come around later on. I'm still getting the ngt munchies after my tabelt it's pretty bad. I have to eat real good during the day. I crave Chrisps and then chocolate and then savoury then I end up drewling over cakes. I had to tell my self no u cant eat bad and also so late. Gosh I can't even remember the normal me while am on these things. I'm glad u understand things and u also take the same med. So it shows maybe these can not work for some haha only people who have experienced these things understand. But we have to jusr get up brush our self's down and plod on. Everyone figthing there own battles and at least we recognise ours and in Time we will get stronger with out without these tabelts. We are still good people and just having a blib in this hard world ha. Keep working with ur diary and see what u notice and any patterns. remember try to keep your mind busy and drink plenty water while u are upping things. Keep strong in the mean time :-)

Oh I tried taking 15mg plus a half a 15mg tabelt for a week. So it worked out 22.5 a ngt 1.5 half tabelts as i couldnt ever handle a 30. My doc said it was fine to try it as well. Maybe if u struggle u could trail that option too if 30s to Much it might help u build up a better tolerance. Just see how u go. But donT worry how u are feeling now seems just the normal dose increase as i feel similar. We can give it A couple of weeks or so then surely things might help us know what to do. Keep strong for now

I found alot of what you wrote reassuring ...

Why? because I have had simlar experiences, namely:

- I take Mirtazapne (15mg) and have done so for around 2-3months (I decided to slpit the 30mg tablet that GP originally prescribed as the higher dose seemed to serve as a 'nock out' sleeping tablet (12+hours) and 'zombiefy' me throughout the remaining part of the day after finally awaking lazily mid to late afternoon.

- Feeling groggy/lethargic/unmotivated; mostly throughout the day;

- Fear going to sleep due to intence and unrelenting sense of dread/misery/gloom/negativity on waking up (this often causing me to 'force' myself back to sleep as a way of avoidance);

- Also, especially on waking up aswell as lonely/solitary periods throughout the day ...can't stop thinking , ruminating over current stressors/negative life issues (its like my mind is recognising a danger/problem/worry and going around in circles searching for a remedy that can't be found. This then creates a train of spiralling depresive and aincreasing anxious thought that spills over into future fears ..as I see everything as 'doom n gloom') -  

All reinforcing a feeling of loneliness, pathetic'ness, helplessness and being at an impasse ...AND AT IT'S CLIMAX I find myself yet again in crisis and have very dark miserable depressing uncontrollable thoughts and I wish someone would come get me and put me in psychiatric hospital or some place). These feelings relent normally of an evening; not sure why, as I become a little more settled and safe feeling and I cautiously try and focus on a activity/task or the 'glass being half full instead of half empty', so to speak!!!

Does this make any sense?

[*Forgive any poor spelling or confusion]

 

This is EXACTLY how I have been feeling!! I am 3 weeks off mirt. Can I ask if you are still off them and how u r feeling now. I feel like I'm going crazy 😔