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Moods, tears, headaches the last two months...and hubby asked me to leave this morning

Posted , 14 users are following.

Indifferent
Indifferent

I'm devastated and scared.  I have been a housewife my whole life.  25 years with this unaffectionate man and lately I have so very badly needed his affections.  Just a cuddle every now and again but he is not the snuggly type.  I have felt so close to a brakdown the last two months.  Craving his affection which he is not giving.

And this morning, after i slept in the spare room for the fifth time this month he told me i would probably be happier if i left.

I responded with "I will go back to my home town"

He helped me pack...in a huge snowstorm, and he knows I dreadfully fear driving in storms.

I have no job.  I have never worked outside the home.

My soul has just shattered.  I left, but I really have no idea where to go.

You see i have always put my family in my #1 priority

I don't even have any friends, they are all his friends since i moved to his home town twenty years ago and never had time to make any of my own.

My heart is broken, I am so scared.

He asked me if I have enough money to get a place of my own...I said yes, out of anger.  I would have to steal it from his account for the first month, but what then?  How can I sign a lease when i have no job and no skills outside the house?  I am such a mess at this point in my life that anyone would be crazy to hire me.

I've been abandoned at the worst time in my life after I have given him my whole life.

Sitting in a motel room tonight trying to figure out what I can do.  I am terrified.  

0 likes, 49 replies

49 Replies

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  • valarie24431
    valarie24431 Indifferent

    Posted

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Start with prayer for help and direction. Then call your family members and ask for a place to stay until you can get back on your feet. Apply as a housekeeper at hotels/motels or a waitress so you can go home with money every day. We're here for comfort if you need us. God Bless and take care...

  • becky53379
    becky53379 Indifferent

    Posted

    First try and relax for a second and take some deep breaths for a few minutes. I know that you are going through some hard times right now but please dont make the decision to leave your husband or your family home. You will just feel worse. Try and rest for the night and go back fresh in the morning. Do you have children that you can hug on the rough days? Dont make such decision until you are through this roller coaster ride. Im praying for you. Take care!
  • Rhino2015
    Rhino2015 Indifferent

    Posted

    He said you would probably be happier - not I would be happier, he asked if you had money? I think he cares very much perhaps he is just really lousy at showing it?

    Invite him to the Motel, share dinner and a whole lot of honesty and this may all be undone. Be honest about the money and your lonliness, some men have absolutely no idea about womens health, if you have always put family first he is possibly totally unaware?

    Please take care and seek immediate help with womens health or hospital if he will not meet you?

    Loui x

  • kelly55079
    kelly55079 Indifferent

    Posted

    I'm sorry!!  I know exactly how it is being with unaffectionate man..  I agree just relax and try to get some rest tonight.  Go back in the morning (that is your house too) and then start to figure things out..  Maybe you both need a night away.  I hope it all works out for  you!

     

  • Indifferent
    Indifferent

    Posted

    He has never shown affection.  he is an arrogant man...the best in his feild appparently, at work.  nicest guy in the world...but everything has to be about him.  He is a workaholic, on the road a lot and when he is home he is most often watching sports or in his garage.  he is a man's man.

    I have tried time and time again to tell him what I need...when confronted he will relent for one evening...maybe two, and then it is back to square one.

    It really is all about him...and I have allowed it.

    He is free with his money, but not with his time or his affections.

    The reason he wanted to make sure I had money is because this summer we had a spat and I packed and drove off, but he made sure to take all the credit cards and bank cards and cash I had.  My kids gave him a huge reprimand for that.  It made him look bad.  He won't do that twice.

    I would go stay with my daughter but she lives with a man who is very abusive and I would kill him and be in jail by the end of the week.  My youngest is still just getting his feet under him.

    And I really don't want to go back anymore.  They only thing that has kept me there the last three years is my financial dependance...and my commitment to marriage and God.

    I will not disturb that because at this point in the game I never want anything to do with a man again...so no worries about adultery here.  I'll make it...but I am terrified, and extremely let down.

    • sabrina1971
      sabrina1971 Indifferent

      Posted

      I would also call a lawyer for advice. Not to jump in and play dirty, but to find out what your rights are. Lawyers in my town will see you for a free consultation so try to see if you can get that set up.

      You will be okay. You already sound stronger than your first message.

    • Indifferent
      Indifferent sabrina1971

      Posted

      I've been talking myself in to independance.  Up and down and all over the place...it comes in spurts...weak, then mad, then sad...then hopeless...then stronger but scared again.  Who knows what tomorrow brings, but this woman is not going to give up and go back easily this time.  I'll take his credit card and fly to the Bahamas for a couple of weeks first smile

    • kelly55079
      kelly55079 Indifferent

      Posted

      Yes, go for a free consultation with a lawyer or even a couple of them..  It's information that you mayl need and information is power!!    I believe you are entitled to more than you know.  25 years is long time!!  Tomorrow morning go back to the house-- he will be gone to work.  Make an appt for a therapist, they can be a great help especially at a time like this.   And then go for a free consultation with a lawyer,  just to see.   

    • sue58256
      sue58256 Indifferent

      Posted

      I totally agree with natacha you have played right into his hands you may not have contributed financially but you have been a wife and a mother you are entitled to what is rightfully yours. you have no children that depend on you ask god for the strength if you have decided the marriage is not worth giving it a go sleep in the spare room get a job and save your money until you have enough to stand on your own two feet. use it for your own convenience. life if to short if you truly are that unhappy (and your husband didnt stand in your way when you packed which says a lot)  go and build a new life. of course its terrifying I left my family home at 17 and had to make my own way in life but I did it and you will find the strength. only you can make that decision my love and I wish you all the best in what ever you do  
  • colleen90305
    colleen90305 Indifferent

    Posted

    Dear Indifferent,

    A man like this isn't worth your while. I can imagine your fears, and he is required to financially support you! He is insensitive, arrogant and its very unfortunate you dealt with him all these years. Do you have family you could stay with until you get yourself on your feet? He needs to support you financially and cannot just kick you to the curb while he was the sole provider all these yrs! I'm so sorry! Stay with family and clear your head until you have a plan. It's never too late to learn a new trade and join the workforce. He is has to continue to support you! Take a deep breath and get get some advice from family and reconnect with old friends until you can clearly plan the next step. Prayers sent???

  • natacha66
    natacha66 Indifferent

    Posted

    You were given the opportunity to change your life around.

    You have two options here go back and accept who you married and get on with life, or change your life and begin to live.

    Your daughter seems to have followed in your footsteps, she has been raised by an unloving man and ended up with one who treats her the same lit way.

    I lived with my ex 11 yrs from which 7 he was a complete jerk, got rid of him and got on with my life. He left me with a debt of $80K.

    Every woman is capable to achieving her full potential. We were created to give birth, multitask and be strong.

    You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have allowed this man to treat u like this for years and hoping that he would change. Men like that who are not in touch with their feelings do not change. He doesn't value u or what he has. In front of others he has built this great persona that everyone thinks is wonderful, but you are the one who know who he truly is. Do you want to be with someone like this?

    Seek a solicitor's advice (lawyer) and be sure to fight for what is yours. I am sure you have your rights, unless you signed a pre nup. Any person married for so many years has the right to something. Him telling you to go makes it all easy for him. To a

    Solicitor he will say that u left home and hence you will lose out.

    I would go back and stay in the spare room but start legal proceedings. I would also be sure to save as much money as possible before storming out to make a point.

    You have to be clever in a situation like this. U storming out and him helping u to pack shows how much of a jerk he is and u played right into his hands.

    You have your rights stand your ground and do it all wisely, don't allow him to walk all over you and treat you like that. You said he is away a lot take advantage of that. It is your home, go back and change things. Start rebuilding your life but don't sit there feeling sorry for urself it will get you nowhere. It is time to lift your head and sort your life out. Sitting and moping will not get u anywhere. Chill today and tomorrow be sure to be back and start looking for a place that gives you advice and take it from there.

    If he says anything upon your return you tell him that it is your home and you will not leave but from now on you will be in the spare bedroom.

    Start looking for a job. What's the use of walking out without having planned it properly.

    1st see a solicitor

    2nd find a job

    3rd milk out as much as you can from him and open an account in your name putting it all there.

    4th move into the spare bedroom

    5th once you have a steady job and managed to rent a place move out.

    6th start legal proceedings filing for divorce

    7th get your daughter away from her partner.

    8th make friends. Your own friends.

    X

    • karen46733
      karen46733 natacha66

      Posted

      I completely agree with natcha66.

      You have to turn this to your advantage.

      I spent too long in a verbally abusive marriage, I walked away with nothing but my clothes, I lost my son in the progress.

      I met someone else rebuilt my life until 5 days after my sterilisation, when he ended it. Again I was homeless with no roof over my mine and my sons head (he came back into my life 6 months before). At times I wanted to die, I couldn't seem to move on.

      After talking to my mum she suggested I got tested for menopause as my periods hadn't been right for yrs (im 41 now). It was the best thing I did as they pointed out I had hit the change 😲😲😲😲. I got started on hrt and I'm feeling so much better, I'm under the hospital as well because of my age.

      I would also suggest you go back to the house, spare room and get advice. See the doctor, and if your not on hrt it might worth trying it, get yourself to stage that you can start thinking through calmly, yes easier said than done but this is about you know, not him!!!

      Yes a hug is always good, I know that feeling but you can do this, you can have the life you deserve 😊.

      We are all here for you and each other.

      Take care

      Hugs

      Karen xx

    • colleen90305
      colleen90305 natacha66

      Posted

      Amen! If she refuses to leave, let him file for the divorce. Wouldn't he have to pay the mortgage if she stays and he leaves?

  • Guest
    Guest Indifferent

    Posted

    WOW my heart aches for you! Why is it when we need family the most with these horrid symptoms we have to deal with they all turn their back on us! I pray God opens all the doors needed for you, I know He will lead you and protect you if you have a bible there look up Jeremiah 29:11 and 3 John 1:2   and rest in Psalms 91 Hugs and we ARE here for you!
  • gailannie
    gailannie Indifferent

    Posted

    How could anyone with a heart not hurt for you right now?  I know this is hard, I've been there.  I was married for 25 years to a man who was never affectionate.  We are divorced now.  And here's the best advice I can give you...Dear it's time to move on.  Life is too short to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with you.   I am happier, have money that I never thought I'd have, and a new and fullfilling relationship.  Too many women get stuck in the past.  That's not healthy for anyone.  

    So have your cry, walk through the steps of grief, and then make a good plan, and dream of your future.  There is life after divorce, and sometimes is much better than you suspected it could be.   

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