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Moods, tears, headaches the last two months...and hubby asked me to leave this morning

Posted , 14 users are following.

Indifferent
Indifferent

I'm devastated and scared.  I have been a housewife my whole life.  25 years with this unaffectionate man and lately I have so very badly needed his affections.  Just a cuddle every now and again but he is not the snuggly type.  I have felt so close to a brakdown the last two months.  Craving his affection which he is not giving.

And this morning, after i slept in the spare room for the fifth time this month he told me i would probably be happier if i left.

I responded with "I will go back to my home town"

He helped me pack...in a huge snowstorm, and he knows I dreadfully fear driving in storms.

I have no job.  I have never worked outside the home.

My soul has just shattered.  I left, but I really have no idea where to go.

You see i have always put my family in my #1 priority

I don't even have any friends, they are all his friends since i moved to his home town twenty years ago and never had time to make any of my own.

My heart is broken, I am so scared.

He asked me if I have enough money to get a place of my own...I said yes, out of anger.  I would have to steal it from his account for the first month, but what then?  How can I sign a lease when i have no job and no skills outside the house?  I am such a mess at this point in my life that anyone would be crazy to hire me.

I've been abandoned at the worst time in my life after I have given him my whole life.

Sitting in a motel room tonight trying to figure out what I can do.  I am terrified.  

0 likes, 49 replies

49 Replies

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  • natalie86711
    natalie86711 Indifferent

    Posted

    I am so sorry your going threw this , especially at this point in your life,  it's very hard to start a new chapter in your life, are you able to move back in your home town with family or friends? 

  • c02706
    c02706 Indifferent

    Posted

    Im so sorry that you are going thru all of this.  Would you and  husband be willing to seek Christian counseling??  If hard for my husband to understand what we go thru also, he thinks its all in my head...Dont give up, you never know how strong you are until faced with something as devastating as this.  I will be praying for you.  Keep us updated, we are here for you. 
  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 Indifferent

    Posted

    After 25 years? What a jerk! Im so so sorry go get your half  of everything now. What is this he threw you out? Thats too easy for him isnt it!! Wow he took advantage of your vulnerability big time. How cruel. Get a lawyer, they get paid form the settlement. He doesnt get off that easy! 

    I think there are domestic abuse hotline or places in a pinch you can inquire. You are entitled to half his money and the house. 25 years.

     

    • colleen90305
      colleen90305 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Absolutely correct! After 10 yrs, of marriage, you are entitled to half of everything!! He cannot throw you out without a job or anywhere to go. Where are the kids? They need their mother more than their Dad
  • anetta94863
    anetta94863 Indifferent

    Posted

    How could you not make friends for 25 years in a town? Go back and never leave untill you find another guy, your husband has to give you spousal support. Go find a job, go to a local college take some curses. Rely on your kids to get closeness and affection. You have no business leaving youer home after 25 years. You will not get his affection this way. After 25 years they usually get indifferent. 
    • sabrina1971
      sabrina1971 anetta94863

      Posted

      I've been living in my town for 12 years and not made friends. From a different country, work from home, no kids, been to classes here and there, tried another job outside the home one time, and even tried craigslist. Still no friends. It happens. rolleyes

    • anetta94863
      anetta94863 sabrina1971

      Posted

      Where do you live? I am also from another country, but my American neighbors were always best friends. Friendly, good people. Working also helps. Once i stopped working I lost this. I know many women who had to pick up their lives after bitter divorces and they did it exactly the way I pictured it above. But, in this case I do not believe it was a divorce, I think she should go back and stay. It is her house. He owes her alimony, but she should try counselling. Another thing I do not understand is why she said that her husband was either at work or in the garage or watching TV. The latter 2 are much better than if he was out in bars drinking with you dont know who. Go back, try to engage with him in the garage, I have always done it, perhaps because I used to help my father as well. This creates a bond. Watch his stupid sports and be a fan! And keep developing your skills, your friends base etc. It is not easy to find an affectionate men at this age.
    • anetta94863
      anetta94863

      Posted

      I also think that the reason why he let her go like this was because he KNEW she would be back. Where would she have money from? Where would she go on a long term? So, he knew and he is waiting for her to come back. When a man wants to throw you out he throws you out! Not help you pack. He gets a divorce the next day. It is not the case I suppose.

       

    • sabrina1971
      sabrina1971 anetta94863

      Posted

      I live in the US, from the UK. My neighbours are nice too. Just not friend material. I have friends back home, but found it possible to make any real friends here!

      (don't want to take up this lady's thread, but thanks for responding)

  • lscinny1
    lscinny1 Indifferent

    Posted

    So sorry you are going through this.  I think you should go back home.  It is your house too.  Hire a lawyer and your husband has to help support you until you can get on your feet.  Try to set something up for yourself before you leave.  He will be responsible to help you out.  Talk to a lawyer and it should bring you some comfort. 

    You should then find a support group.  You will make friends and find others who are also going through similar things.  Best of luck to you.

    xoxo

  • Indifferent
    Indifferent

    Posted

    Thank you all ladies.  I am back home.  He as apologized profusely saying he just lost it...and figuring how crazy moody I have been the past couple of months I can't say I blame him.  He promises to truly work on the affectionate part of us.  What I need most.  He has read a few things I showed him about menopause and how devastating it can be.

    Hormones are evil.

    • sabrina1971
      sabrina1971 Indifferent

      Posted

      I don't think this should all fall on you and he definitely needs therapy to work through this. An apology means it will just happen again. You said yourself he will be okay for a while and then go back to his normal self. It's not normal behaviour. You need therapy. He needs therapy. And you both need couples therapy. If not, you are just kidding yourself and repeating the cycle like you have for the past 25 years. Good luck!

    • natacha66
      natacha66 Indifferent

      Posted

      I wish you luck. Nonetheless get urself updated on legal services, make friends, save money, get a job! Always have a back up.
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 Indifferent

      Posted

      This wasnt about hormones. Please tell me you realize that. You are at his mercy. I dont know the circumstances or anything but that was odd to throw you out and you listening. And then he summons you back? Very frieghtening to be in such a position. And you called it your home. Made me very sad. Do you get it is your home? This is abuse. Good luck.
    • natacha66
      natacha66 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Totally agree with u. If in 25 yes he hasn't changed what will make him change. She puts herself in the victim's place.

      As I said take this chance and become independent. It happened once will happen again

    • sue58256
      sue58256 natacha66

      Posted

      I agree with you natacha me my self i would be very wary and learn to toughen up in situations like this things need to change sometimes it does work more often not i can talk and i was the one who years ago said change and mean it or I am off i left home at seventeen so knew how to fend for my self my children were little i was frightened not for me but my children to have made that change but I knew I would get through it over the years now and again he would try it and each time i grew stronger now I can say hes changed but i will never go back to years ago
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