Moods, tears, headaches the last two months...and hubby asked me to leave this morning

I hooe you figure out quickly how to heal all this and get yourself back. Naturapth is a good start even a holitic therapist or a tradional therapist is a wonderful and useful idea. What happens if you are depressed how long are you alloted to be ill. Depression and anxiety and menapause are a realistic mix for some people and im concerned this might intervene in your husbands happiness.(sarcastic undertone on that comment) ..Even if he sweetly packs all your belonging and drives you kindly to a hotel and helps you place you and your luggage on the curbside. You still have legal rights. Reread what everyone has written to you. It is all from a place of wanting to help you. 

A wonderful man you got! Never forget this. Supported you and stayed with you for 25 years. He has different tasks in life as a man, you have to realize that. Write when you find the new purpose in life. I have been hit with this problem as well now that I aproached menopause. I will be happy to hear about happy endings.  God Bless!

Not that wonderful. 

"The reason he wanted to make sure I had money is because this summer we had a spat and I packed and drove off, but he made sure to take all the credit cards and bank cards and cash I had."

In my eyes the man is a manipulator and needs to grow up. He even has his wife fooled, and after 25 of this behaviour I am not surprised. Their daughter has learned it's okay to be in a abusive relationship which is why she's stuck in one now. 

I was not going to write anything here because i cant tell if this is a real response or a cultural difference or youre  from another planet. What tasks does a man have that is different then  a woman's    And that after 25 years if you fall ill you are casted out like a broken toy? We are no longer in the stone ages. 

Indifferent,

In today's world, many women are not home today. We have become very independent and made great careers for ourselves often times the bread winners. I would honestly try very hard to become an independent woman In case you need it one day. Gone are the days when women have become dependant on the man unless you are raising small children. I don't think I could live relying on a man especially one who isn't 100 percent understanding

Are U serious! Wonderful man??

My dad has been with my mum for 55 yrs and she had the worse menopause to the point of being suicidal. He never once told her to leave or take away the cards. A wonderful man will admit to his error and will try to evolve. A wonderful man will communicate.

The daughter Is in an abusive relationship because she learnt at home that this is normal.

I agree with you lisa you are probably like myself you have had to be strong and know that marriage or a relationship should be based on trust and respect for each other and both are equal that also goes for friendships too 

 

I think that any woman that lets herself be dominated by a man has to wake up.

Men only evolve if they truly understand what they have done wrong.

My ex husband until now doesn't think he has done anything wrong when he beat the crap out of my eldest and abused psychologically both my kids. His punishment is that they don't want anything to do with him and it's been that way for 8yrs. It affected them so badly yearsnof counselling. But u know what made them the great independent girls they are today and they are only 16/18? the fact that they have a mother that's a warrior. The fact the even through all the crap I went through with him I survived. Had my debts, my hard times but here we are today doing well and my girls can fend for themselves. Doesn't seem to be the case of the lady in question. Look at her daughter. She is in an abusive relationship because she grew up seeing that and thinks it is natural.

When things like this happen it is time to take control of the reigns and change your direction because if u wait for him to change it won't. He is not the type of man that is in touch with emotions.

Take control of ur life or suffer. Your choice.

I totally agree natacha   my father was very harsh on me thats why i left home at seventeen he still thinks he can rule the reins and for years I let him get away with it until last year I swore blind my kids would ever go through what I did and they never did, if hubby was strict boy did I jump on him I love him because he is my father but last year I said enough is enough when he came to visit i was on egg shell hence why i was so ill with my anxiety this time but he wanted to visit in march and i said no he has said he wont visit any more the truth is at that time i knew i wasnt well enough to handle him so I did it for ME. I ring him once a week to make sure he is ok but he has not rang my home since march but that is his choice not mine but I had it with hubby in the begining and with my father all my life and i woke up one morning and said thats it.I have the unconditional love my children and friends hubbys never been tactile but i know he cares and thats what matters and yes if children see that it becomes normal we are strong but unfortunately there are others that are not and only they can change that as hard as it sounds

Sorry you and your daughters had to go through that! Hope you have all recovering well!! ♡♡♡

yes, from another planet. Venus and Mars, you're right.  Not  me, coming from exactly the same European background. Men are driven by testosterone, women by estrogens. Men are supposed to be strong and insensitive, women weak and emotional. This is pure physiology cereated by nature for us to survive and bring up offsprings. If we try to change men to our likes we will have to end up becoming men, making money, fighting wars and building homes. Obviously, there are individual differences, but you cant cheat physiology and hormones.  How difficult is this to understand? Especially since you are discussing the fact how DIFFERENT we become once we hit menopausal hormonal fluctuations? Yesterday you were a normal person , today you are a suicidal mess. And you are the same person, just some freaking hormones changed. So now you can imagine men with their testosterone-totally mentally and physically different from us.

Annetta, thank you!  I put a Joyce Meyer book on my phone today that I am listening to.  I downloaded two of them yesaterday.  

"New Day, New You" and "Seize the Day"

Listening to New Day, New you today.  It is giving me much hope!

Gosh i really needed to hear what she has to say!  Hormones are crazy and they are making me crazy.  I do have a good man...he is like my clothesline and pins...always holding steady while I am the sheet that blows every which way in the wind these days.  Some days trying to break free of the clothespins, but if that happens I will just be off in the winds with nothing to keep me steady  God is good, and he has given me this man.  A good man in many more ways than bad.  These days his few inadequacies seem to stand out so much more than his ongoing faithfulness, and I am very much regretting writing this post in my "lostness"

This month has been the hardest ever.  I have had thoughts that scare the crap out of me and I am praying that my clothesline stays steady for me.  And I got my period today...wasnt expecting it this early.  So now we know who's fault this was.  

Hopefully the next couple of weeks will be more calm, but I am dreading the next couple of weeks after that.

My relationship worked for me up until this past year.  We were a great team.  I have to find my way back.  My faith has been tried...but I have to get back under God's feathers.

And thanks for the reminder that my husband does have different tasks as a man.

This will be a happy ending.  My place is here in my home...with my husband and my children and grandchildren.  I was happy here until recently.

I will be happy again.

Menopause is not going to destroy everything we have worked towards in our life together.  I won't let it.

#1 is finding my place under God again, i seem to have walked down a dark and dreadful path.  Will be praying for you if you can pray for me.  Hugs!

Annetta you are a blessing today.  Thank you!!  You are saying everything i have always known and believed and recently lost.  

I hear you girl. That's the crisis of the middle age. I am going through the same thing. I have a husband who is very insensitive and abusive in a way. I was not blessed with a hard working man, untill recently either. I can appreciate what you are saying about your man. He is good, ythe problems lies in you, me etc. The grass is always greener on the other side. We have to find the strength in ourselves, inside. No one can help us, but ourselves. we have to remember one thing, the mood swings are temporary, the pains are temporary, there will be light if only for one day to see the situation clearly, as it is. We have to gather strength for the bad moments and patience to wait for the good ones. Friends help, too bad you dont have many. Neither do I, I moved to another state 5 years ago and never made any friends here. My situation is very difficult.

Well I had my good clear day...yesterday.  But OMGoodness today is another story.  Horrible anxiety.  I was up at 5:30 am soaking in epsom salts tryng to calm myself.  Hubby pulled yet another complete insensitive moment last night at my daughters...and my daughter was so funny.  She gets all wide eyed and says "Wow, did that just happen?  Is he that oblivious?  I thought it was all about you being a hormonal yo-yo these days but now I can understand why!"  LOL!  I just laughed.  It was actually something so normal that I didn't even see it until she jumped all over it.  

And it wasn't a bad thing, it was just a very insensitive thing.

The friend thing...it isn't that I don't know people.  I have many many aquantances.  Just no one I ever got close to.  I'm funny that way.  I have just never done 'woman' things.  I have always had power tools in my hand, building stuff, keeping busy.  Shopping and the coffee shop, or even sitting down for ten minutes was never my thing.  I spent my life learing new things continually... mostly on my own.  It never even really occurred to me that I would like a friend for myself, to be honest.  Until now.  

Now I need to find someone to bounce this off of, someone who is in the same postition.  And when you are half crazy is not the time to be trying to make friends.

I am so sorry to hear that your dh is somewhat abusive.  That makes things hard.  Mine is not.  he does so many things...treats me like a princess in so many ways.  he is just totally oblivious to my feelings.  He'll open doors for me all day long, he does dishes, helps around the house.  All things I don't ask him to do.   He is hard to explain.He does not want to ever admit that we might have an issue between us.  And don't try to discuss it.  he gets really touchy really fast  lol.

The elephant in our room has made itself well at home...i think it has sh*t on the carpet a few times and he hasn't even noticed that either...lol!

But he sure has noticed his wife lately...he just can't figure out that it is because of the elephant in the living room :P

Ahhhhh!

I will get through this, I will.  I just need to get rid of the anxiety.  And the moods.

Counseling will help so much!!!!!   You can share about your aniexty and the mood thing....   Or if you don't want counseling then try an antidepressant could help also...