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Moving on and New relationships with Depression

Posted , 7 users are following.

UK-Ven-medicate
UK-Ven-medicate

This perhaps will be a peculiar question but with all the things going on and the attempt to keep life moving, I was think should I now start looking for a new partner after 12 months and divorce.

But as I started thinking about trying the big step I thought back to my anxiety and depression and I guess I feel its hold me back in trying to make a hopeful positive thing  in my life.  I'm always worrying how I would be , and I wouldnt want to burden someone else with my challenges, but yet I don't want to put my life on hold.

Has anyone else thought about the whole dating thing whilst being in a state of so much un-surety. Depression tends to make you want to be alone and not bother people. But then recovery is meeting new people and trying to improve your life.

Got to admit it all is complex and what I thought may be a good idea I'm now think it not worth it and who wants to be with me. the daft things is its like "embarrassing bodies" I can open the question to people here.

But not sure I can discuss with a counsellor, I feel a complete fool over something so simple. But I'm guess alot of people are challenged by this

3 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • nick77372
    nick77372 UK-Ven-medicate

    Posted

    I'm there I've lost relationships over this so hard I'm in a great relationship now but this illness is so trying to destroy it feel not good enough and lazy realy struggle but really what's better to be alone in don't think so go for it what can you loose try maybe will give you somthing to fight for I think if I was alone be worse and whatever happens you try hope you find your path I'm so trying just about could write this
  • Dondons3
    Dondons3 UK-Ven-medicate

    Posted

    If it's what you want then give it a try, Do what makes you happy! Sometimes its tough in a relationship whilst depressed but then it could also give you more confidence and a reason to smile x

    Its a tough call but Good luck in whatever you choose in your life xx 

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate Dondons3

      Posted

      Dondodn3 that the way I trying to look at it, It cant make me anymore depressed
  • jackie82937
    jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

    Posted

    Hi Jimmy

    I am in the process of divorcing my depressed husband unfortunately as much as I still love him very much I have had no choice to secure both my financial future and my childrens, we have had all sorts of medical professionals involved he has refused help from anyone.  Although he knows what set off his depression which was his work he decided that myself and our kids were not right for him, he is now in a relationship with another woman who looks like me except she is plain looking and is an alcoholic, in addition to this he is now self medicating with alcohol and for some odd reason he has cloned our dogs!

    I've been very ill myself with anxiety and agrophobia so I understand why you wouldn;t want to burden others, I felt a burden when I was ill but the love of my family got me through it.  I would beg you not to enter into a relationship and then have to leave the realtionship I cannot tell you how hurt and heartbroke my family is from what my husband has done, he has cut each and everyone of us off and all we have ever done is love him and show him affection, he hasn't even contacted our kids and both have been in hospital.

    Emabarassing bodies is another issue, I have only ever been with my husband so in 34 years I'm scared at the prospect of dating, it's all very weird I don;'t know what to expect most guys are after one thing only and I'm even scared to take my clothes off in front of anyone else.  Since my husband left I have been hit on by younger and hotter guys, seems they find me attractive, funny and intelligent, oddly my husband asked why I would have ever been interested in him, guess that's low self esteem for you.  The new guys I've met are lovelyI've told them of my situation and they've been very supportive, they can't seem to do enough for me it seems there are some very kind and caring people out there.

    Don't feel silly for talking these issues over with your counsellor, there are many people who have issues with bodies, I've lost over 5 stone and still have tummy fat.

    I'm in Lancs too so if you want to chat PM me.  Jackie x

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      Its all so complex and I have my children with the ex wife in the Midlands that I saw adore to. Your right about not rushing into these things I am not keen to end up in a relationship that was as toxic as my last one. I am no angel and my depression didnt help I know but its easy to remember things from the past and question yourself.

      I guess be a bloke as well ( and I know its cliche ) I want to be strong and look after a lady. I was brought up to be respectful and generally I dont do things for me I do it for others.  I am not entirely sure there are many ladies look for the type of baggage of a depressed partner I guess is my really fear.

    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      I wish my husband would feel like you, he has cut our children off completely both our children have been in hospital nothing to ask if either of them are ok, so we know he must be very ill but sadly nothing anyone can do.  The sad thing is we know it is nothing we have done this is down to his job, we had a lovely relationship and family, all of that is now gone.  I am so pleased to here you adore your children, we come from the midlands too.

      I know that is a male thing but I think it is easy to forget time has moved on and some women are more independent and don't need looking after, I'm not knocking that I like manners and I think that's nice.  My husband didn't like me doing my degree or travelling to my job and staying away a few nights per week yet we had 3 major moves throughout the UK for his career!  Well I have as much baggage as a jumbo jet.  I've made a point of being completely honest with the new guys I've met, one said everyone has baggage you can't have lived if you haven't!

       

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      My ex is making it as difficult as she can for me to see the kids in the hopeI'll go away. She going to be sadly mistaken if she keep trying. Divorce seems to bring the worst out in people. the main a time I wanted to throw muck back at her, but I stop myself and step back and think of the 3 kids. Winding my ex up will only effect them in the long run, it doesn't stop here take piece out of me thou. I find it a shame really, and she gets annoyed because i want fight to stop her being a "well lets just not nice person". I figure Lifes to short and if she hates me that much I cant do anything now, I hell for sure wouldn't want to have her back after the mental torment now thou.

      I am glad you got settled with a new guy, cause a good companions that understands is sometimes key to recovery

       

    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Sorry to hear that Jimmy.  I feel awful that I am having to fight the person we all love and care about, I don't like having to do that but my husband has become very manipulative with his depression, fortunately everyone who knows him including his colleagues are backing me they even said to me they can't believe what he is putting us through and how very sorry they are for us, they said he is no longer the same person.  I would never stop my kids from seeing their Dad they have made the decision not to see him as he is not taking responsibility.  Sadly some people use their kids as weapons, our daugther has also been made very ill with anxiety with Dad's behaviour but I have supported her and even encouraged her to contact him, she did but the opinion is the lights are on and no one is home, our son also tried reaching out to him and he said Dad is on his own planet, it realluy is so very sad and has destroyed what was once a very happy famillllly.

      If my husband asked for my help I would still give it despite what he has done to us all, I've had two breakdowns myself without his support I would have gone under, I just wish I could stop loving him it would make life so much easier.

      I've met a few guys who are lovely but they're not who I want to be with I guess I will just have to see how it goes.

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      Wish you all the very best whether with your partners or whether your dealing with these things alone. And thanks for help on what to be honest is a really delicate subject for us all when were depressed. We all want to be loved and have companionship
    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Thanks Jimmy glad I could be of help.  Well we still love my husband very much but sadly he can't see that, it would seem whatever we have done or said to help has had no affect whatsoever it would seem he has pressed the self destruct button on his entire life.  I know it is not a nice place to be I've had two breakdowns but got the will and motivation to get better. I hope things improve for you Jimmy everyone deserves some happiness in their lives. x
    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      Jackie it might be cruel to say but if your husband has chosen that route and he can't or wont get help, it sad to say but you cant let him pull you and the kids down. Give the kids one big hug and guide them thru. Really wish I could do more for you as It must be so soul destroying to see a loved one go thru this know you have to make some difficult decisions. xxxx
    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Hi Jimmy I know where you are coming from, I've had my own MH issues and I know I can't go back to that again, it took me many years to get better and it's not a place I want to go back to, I know as bad as things were for me it has made me much stronger as a person.  It is beyond heart breaking but I know I have had to make some very painfull decisions to protect myself and our children.

      I may not have been able to help my husband but I am and have been able to help others. xx

    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Sadly his job has gone, he has dumped us his family, he is now in a relationship with an alcoholic woman, is now self medicating with alcohol and for some bizarre reason he has cloned our dogs.  Nothing we have done this was all as a result of work place bullying in the NHS.
    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      Its sad but the NHS seem to be rife with bullying. I understand from friends is that the blame falls thru to the bottom, everyone blaming everyone
    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      My husband was a Director of a Mental Health Trust he along with the CEO and another Director were all bullied by the Chair of the Board so the bullying goes right to the top.  They got rid of the Chair but obviously it was all very political and they couldn't disclose why he was asked to leave this means he has potentially gone on to bully others!   In my view bullies need to be outted which is exactly what I did via Social Media, my view is I can't be done for slander in Court for being honest and truthfull and neither can I get sued. 
    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      The local NHS Mental health here has recently come under BBC scrutiny just recently so I can believe it
    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Sadly people think they can treat others like crap, I was bullied in the work environment years ago believe me I would never allow anyone to do that to me again, that's what set off my anxiety.
    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate jackie82937

      Posted

      Bullying is a big problem I think these days and the bully excuses are poor too. Basically they over promise to make more money for the self centred selves with out considering others.
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