my boyfriends drinkin alot again

I can see what your saying and appreciate it and if it was my daughter but what if it was my son? I wouldnt want people to give up on him, and i almost have given up on him quite a few times.but when im with him he dosnt drink and hes like a differnt person bad thing is somewhere down the line i fell hopelessly inlove with him

Hi Stephen, I really feel for you, I know very, very well the devastating and 

Helpless emotions you feel loving an alcoholic...

 I know because that was me... I was and still am... though I have been well

For ten years.. I watched my family, all of them in absolute terror that I would die ( I was sectioned four times ) and I felt so unbelievably guilty, ashamed and very, very sad that I was the cause of this, I was so scared that I would never be able to stop..

 I was very lucky and privileged that my amazing family all stood by me and never, ever gave up on me... nobody wakes up one morning and decides to become an alcoholic, I never knew just how alone and scared that you could feel until I drank..even if you decide to leave him try if you can to encourage him to ask for help, either from his GPS, or also the excellent  " community alcohol service " it is completely confidential and you can just walk in and ask for help,  It is an nhs clinic with trained staff who can help in many ways.

No matter how bad you are... also if you can find it in your heart please try to let him know that you care about him and will support in any way you can..

 I wish you both very warm and sincere wishes and lots of hugs, take care both xx

Hi, I am so sorry that should have read steph,

Again best wishes, Deidre xx

He won't go anywhere for help iv tried that before he wont even tell his family im constantly telling him how much i care and that well get thru it together. I can't just bail on him and leave i wont give up on him were ment to be moving in together in nov when we both think things will be differnt, i just dont no what i can do to help him x thank you

This is a downward spiral.. His addiction is controlled by the cravings in his brain. Do not move in with him until he is sober for 1 year. This is not what UR future is a life of struggling with a alcoholic. Love is not enough. U telling him u care is not enough. What u have tried and done..well how's that workin so far? Very few ever do it for their partner because the brain craves alcohol.....UR in competition with alcohol a mind altering drug. He is ill.

U see my son was the same way his girlfried thought the same way as u, things will be different if....if only ....if only that .....a life time of if only's. Is that what u need to flourish in life???? u and he haven't a flying chance....he must commit to sobriety first.. And stay there for a year. He has an addictive personality patterns and behaviors in the past on drugs ..and alcohol.....what's next ...could be gambling .???.. He needs to get sober and stay sober to understand what pain he escapes to self medicate. Learn and unlearn the addictive behaviors. Then and only then can he be UR partner..

Please see my story under all my discussions. Click on my icon...the good the bad and the ugly...all about alcoholics...Good tips to read too!

This will not be the life & future u deserve...he needs to take care of his addiction now or he will will riding the roller coaster all his life with u in tow stllstay wondering IF ONLY??because u the partner gets wrapped up in the sickness too.  It's a miserable sad way to live no one ever chooses to be in as much self shame and pain as the alcoholic. It's a brain disease....cravings shrink the brain, mental illness takes over life with nowhere to turn but alcohol that controls every decision , every behavior, every breath.

U deserve better than fighting a bottle...that will be UR life. 

It's time to understand these addictive patterns are set and burned into the brain. No matter how much pleading and begging  u do he's not going to stop by himself. His family has a lot to share with u and together u can help urself and move on. Listen to everyone here. They r all trying to tell u from their experiences . They r sharing there world their madness . Now it's up to u to take all the advice here and make good decision for both of you... U must educate URself on the mind of a alcoholic how every day life is focused around the drink. Is that what u want for UR future?

No one can help him..not love.. Not a new job.. It will all be for nothing while u watch with ur hands tied and suffer the consequences . 

Read ad the books on alcohol go to AA MEETINGS . Talk to those who have struggled and found sobriety. He will not go because he is in denial. Save UR heart be UR own advocate by talking to AA members. This is UR life . Is he husband or father material? U have to ask urself all these questions for UR own sake....

So sorry but it's the bitter truth.. Pain comes in a bottle for others it's the pain killer. 

Sometimes we have to make choices, and sometimes choices make us!

Hope4Cure

 

Dear hope 4 cure I just registered for this site bc I am completely overwhelmed & dont know what to do. My BF is an alcoholic when I met him a year and a half ago I had no idea ... Thru a lot of love time and support I got him to a three month excellent rehab out of state dual

Diagnostic etc he did amazingly well only to start drinking horribly again after all the education that cost him tens of thousands of dollars the fourth month before he came home ... He finally came home through my help and was detoxed at home his mom did it for him (evidently she's done it before) he was again off alcohol for a month only to start again in July ... It has not stopped . I am SICK worried don't know what to do his family has turned their back on him his mom kicked him out of the house ... He was staying there cuz he went through a divorce and just recently sold his home so this was a transistinal spot for him.., I can't let him stay with me cuz I've tried I've have done it but I worry I won't know what to do when he starts shaking and his eyes roll ... I love him goes without saying and have and will do ANYTHING to help. But he can't stay with me. I Am worried sick cuz in the last week he has said I'm selfish cuz he's spending so much money on hotels and although I know I'm the farthest thing from selfish I can understand why he feels this way. Thing is my business is in the liquor industry and this summer before he started drinking again after he came back from rehab I would catch him going into my alcohol that is for work I have at least twenty cases at any given time of hard alcohol in the house . The last time I saw him was three days ago and I keep hearing the same thing from him that I'm selfish that I'll die alone cuz I'm selfish calling me everything you can imagine ... I never say anything mean back only lift him up with positives and every day try to get him to go to yet another detox then Rehab ... Thing is he said he wanted to see me three days ago but he was drinking and I just couldn't do it for my sanity so I told him I was working which was true ... Now in the past day and a half he's gone from calling and texting thirty times a day to just a brief text maybe 3 a day ... It is a complete switch so I don't know where he is if he met someone whose taken over or what ... I am at the brink of tears every day and am so worried .. I do not like Al anon at all there's no discussion there only talking and then a "thank you for sharing" it's not for me. Please please please give me guidance I am desperate what to do why has he suddenly gone from a million texts a day to hardly anything ... Is it brcuz I haven't seen him in three days? I HAD TO take a break cuz my mental health was at risk not to mention all the time I have missed with my Work I was at risk of losing everything .. Please respond

He already did that a few years ago with drugs he had a lose in his family years back and started abusing got off all of that and its just the drink now, from what iv been told by people hes got better than he was 

I would still like to ask u is he husband or father material for long term relationship?

He does now want to go to AA meetings and is taking this seriously and yes when hes sobar he is husband material x

That's is not the question and u know it! He must be sober for a year to be husband material... PLZ go to AA meetings find help there is so much more to what u r facing . U need the people to help u this is a life ling struggle for UR both.. 

Sometime it's hard to let go.. Rescue ... Victum & Denial runs thru the veins. She too is flat out in serious denial...I am sorry to say in my experience. There is HOPE & there is LET IT GO..... neither means u have to say goodbye forever!

its takes different things for different people.

alocoholics r like snowflakes...no two r alike!

Whats the alcohol community service? Hes really down today i dont nk what to say to him x

Hes admitted he needs help and let me ring AA (and  his mum) but getting through to them is useless theyve given me a number for his area and no one is answering x

Dear steph, please stick by him unless it has a detrimental effect on your own health... Being an alcoholic is absolutely terrifying and if my amazing family, psychiatrist, community psychiatric nurse and community alcohol service nurse had given up on me I would have been dead many years ago.... I have been we for ten years.

Giving up alcohol was the hardest and frightening thing I have ever had to do... alcoholism is one of the loneliest and totally shameful  conditions that anyone can go through.. you loathe yourself so much that you feel that you are not worthy of living, if  loved ones close to you give up, you have no hope left..

I have met many people who have got through this as I did, but only with love and support  from family, friends and nhs services..

Not one person ever, ever wakes up one morning and decides to become an alcoholic.. I am sure that he loves you very, very much but he is scared..

 I wish you both all the very best, you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

The alcohol community service... is an nhs run clinic where you can refer yourself, you can either telephone or call in personally and you will be helped and most importantly !! Understood and helped by specialist trained alcoholic  nurses and other personnel, please try them, they are excellent, never give up hope... sincere regards to you both.. Deirdre x

This is not her burden to bear.. This is a boy friend.. No kids involved yet ....no heartbreaking ......lost for days yet.....almost in psyc ward yet.....No serious life death situations ......yet?

I do know one thing hope and love is not enough. Or he would be in some type of a program on meds doing whatever.. All I see is denial and he's goin to drag any down with him on this ride to madness...

u were an exception not everyone has found sobriety the way u have and I am so very very happy u did. Look at how far u have come. U should be proud of all UR accomplishments ..u r a lucky few that can find a better life without alcohol. 

Men r so much different than wemon in addiction they r determined that they can do it by themselves. And we all know how that turns out. All or nothing ..

can this ever be resolved does the girlfriend sabatoge him and drink in front of him not realizing that he cannot stop at one drink while she knows she can. Or whatever the case it's just assumptions all of it we do not have all the information. We only share from our own experiences. That's the problem we all learn different ways to cope and struggle with addiction. Everyone is different. Like a snowflake no two r the same...all alcoholic r different.

 

Dear steph, 

Please keep trying to contact AA and also the community alcohol service, I firmly believe that everyone deserves as many chances as it takes to

 help them, the only other option is death.. but as I said before you must look after yourself also... If my wonderful family had not stood by me and never ever given up I truly would not be here now.. if you love each other please, please try to never give up on him.. I wish you both a peaceful and happy life, in my sincerest thoughts and prayers...  Deirdre x

Dear hope4cure,

Thank you so very much for your kind words, they truly are much appreciated... it is good to see you still fighting to help alcoholics,, I  sincerely hope and pray that your beloved son is holding his own, you really are an inspiration to very many others..

Have you ever thought of writing an article or even a book about your true and very, very sad experiences that both you and your son have gone through? I am sure that it would help many others xx

I wish you all the Best life can bring and if possible a life without sorrow or worry.

In my thoughts and prayers, take care, Deidre xxx

My health atm is fine and i do want to stick by him im going to see him tonight and hopefully taking him to a AA meeting aslong as he hasnt changed his mind only thing thing is he wants me to go in with him as he is scared but it says open by request so i dont no whether im allowed, thank you again you seem like such a lovely person and your family is lucky they stood by you to keep you in there lives x