My Citalopram diary

Good morning,

Now I'm day 5 on 10mg so wanted to provide a quick update. So I've probably had the best 4 days I've had so far since this adventure started! Mornings are still a bit 'grey' but once I'm up the morning anxiety fades away.

I know it's early days on the new dose but if this is a taster of things to come it definitely gives me hope for the future. I've actually enjoyed going for walks this week didn't feel anxious and really quite relaxed. I find myself volunteering for things like popping out to the shop or picking up a takeaway - a week ago I was in a ball in bed feeling hopeless.

So onwards and upwards and so far I can only say good things about this pill!

So day 6 on 10mg and I have to admit last night wasn't great, I felt like I had a fever and burning knot in my chest - on the edge of panic most of the night. This followed a 'bed day' yesterday as I will feeling a bit drained all day.

I was tempted to try my first Diazepam but got out of bed and shook it off, still not feeling great this morning but it's all part of the process so I'll push on through. I think this was all triggered because my inhaler ran out on Sat and I didn't have replacement and being breathless is one of my anxieties.

I know these drugs give you up and down days as they settle in but it's so cruel when you've had a run of a few good days then it hits you again, on the upside I've never had 2 good days in a row until this week so I'm showing signs of improvement.

I'll keep this diary going - and my heart and support goes out to anyone who is also working through these symtoms - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

X

Just wanted to provide another update for today, well things turned around from about 1pm onwards. Anxiety eased off and the rest of the day has been a lot more manageable - even popped over to my mother-in-law's this with my wife and the kids this evening...there is no way I thought I'd be leaving my PJ's today!

I had a similar day like this during last week when I was on 5mg, felt like I had the flu first things - absolutely terrible then around tea time it all lifted and I felt OK!? So from my experience all I can say is no matter how s*it you feel - you could be a couple of hours away from feeling better, so just ride it out (I know it's horrible at the time)

Here's hoping for an easier day tomorrow!

Good morning

Well today is 1 week on 10mg - 3 weeks all in starting at 2.5, then 5mg, now 10mg.

So last night I didn't have the fever feeling but I did feel nauseous, but my IBS was playing up yesterday - as a result of my anxiety, so I popped an anti-sickness tablet and went to bed. I actually slept through all night until 8am, woke up feeling a bit sickly again so popped another and went back to sleep - just woke up at 11!

Don't feel too bad now, but feel like I could go back to sleep! But I'm getting now and I'll see what the day brings.

'Sleep Day!'

Well I'm 3 weeks in, 1 full week at 10mg and today I have slept for England! I went to bed early last night feeling nauseous so popped an anti sickness tablet and went off to sleep, slept straight through the night for the first time in weeks waking at 8am, started to feel sickly again so popped another anti sickness tab and went back to sleep - woke up at 11!

Went downstairs ate some breakfast/dinner! Then had a bath - felt really tired again! So went for a lay down on the bed and have just woken up at 3.45pm!

So in summary today I have just slept!

Further to my 'sleep day' update...

I did manage to get myself up and out the house this evening, I went to my son's parents evening at his nursery, then I went with my wife to get some Christmas shopping whilst we had a babysitter.

It felt really nice doing 'normal' things and best of all I actually enjoyed it and felt relaxed the entire time.

Goodnight X

Not too bad today is all I can say.

Slept well last night, my bedtime is still out of wack, going to sleep about 1am! But I'm sleeping through again. I've had no moments of panic today and my anxiety is in check.

The only 'side effect' to mention is the tireness, I would compare it to when you have no enegry when you have the flu. I can't wait for the morning I wake up and I feel alive again, at the moment I wake up stare at the other side of the room for what must be an hour working up the energy to move!

Hopefully that comes before Christmas, I want to be 'me' again so I can enjoy the day with my family. Luckily it looks like our house sale won't complete before Christmas so that's taken a bit of pressure off.

Anyway that's it for today X

Hello

Just a quick update on the past few days, I had a couple of 'off' days - pretty much slept all day for one day, next day felt shaky and panicky again. Was starting to get fed up again then yesterday had a really good day, went out and got some jobs done - even put the Christmas decorations up last night and felt normal!

Slept well again last night and feel ok so far today, I'm still off work at the minute and probably won't go back before Christmas, want to make sure I have things under control and not rush back.

Hi

Sorry I've been a bit slack on here the last few days!

But I'm pleased to report things have settled down a bit since my last update. Tonight marks 2 weeks at 10mg (4 weeks all in) and my days are getting easier. I've been busy packing and clearing for when we move house, all the Christmas shopping is done and I've been getting out driving again - I've always loved driving so when I started to get panic attacks driving I thought it weird, however I think it's more the feeling of being stuck like when I drive on the motorway and think I can't stop now - when in reality I could just pull onto the hard shoulder and calm myself down.

Anyway I'm trying not to avoid situations which make me uncomfortable and keep pushing myself, as for the tablets it's probably too early to offer any kind of review given I've mainly had side effects to deal with so far - one thing I can say though is I haven't felt as down/depressed whilst on them and I haven't had any full blown panic attacks, I have had increased anxiety but I couldn't guarantee this had been caused by the tablets.

Anyway hopefully I've come over the worst of it now and a couple more weeks and I'll be seeing more progress.

Well it's been a week since my last update, which I guess in a positive way shows I'm needing to keep this diary going less and less!

However I don't want to disappear like many others once they've been 'cured', I want to bring this to some conclusion so others who are going through or are planning to take this route can read about my experience.

So a quick re-cap on the past week and I have to say things have been much easier, I've continued to get myself out and about, mornings have been getting easier and the chest/throat knot of anxiety has declined. I spoke with my GP and she has signed me off unfit for work until the new year, so I'll have some more time over the Christmas break to get my head back in gear.

Am I cured?...no! But it's still early days for me, tomorrow marks 3 weeks at 10mg so I'm still hoping to improve further with time. BUT...I am so much better than where I was 2 weeks ago and I can survive with the way things are now. I haven't had any full blown anxiety attacks since being on 10mg, don't get me wrong I've had panicy moments but they have passed in seconds.

The last 2 days I've seen the return of the Citalopram shakes! And I had a dizzy moment when perusing my local garden centre yesterday - so I haven't yet shook off all of the side effects but the 4/5 days previous were great. So it definitely seems to come in good patches and some not so good patches BUT the not so good is much easier to deal with than before, previously my bad patches would put me back in bed for a few days.

So from my experience so far I'd definitely say keep it up - it does get easier.

If anyone has any questions please just ask away and I'll do my best to respond.

Week 5 (10mg)

To build on my last update things have definately got better, morning anxiety is pretty much none existent now - had a few minor pangs during the night maybe once in a week.

I'm getting my confidence back and feel more relaxed, the week before Christmas I randomly booked a cabin break away for my wife and the kids for the following day, even knowing there was a couple of hours drive to get there - which a couple of weeks ago I'd NEVER think about attempting!

In general I'm feeling more 'me' (well almost!) I'm really glad I gave these tablets a try and I know the first few weeks were sh1tty and 3 weeks wait sounded terrible at my worst BUT perseverance does seem to be paying off.

Saw my GP today and we discussed dosage, we agreed to continue at 10mg for a few more weeks and if I need to I could increase to 15mg but if I continue to make progress at 10mg I think I'll stick with that.

I'm still off work at the moment - I work in project management for a major IT company so I want to make sure things are under control before I return, I don't want to undo the progress I've made so far. I've even considered changing jobs or perhaps reducing my hours - this experience has been a bit of a wake up call and I need to make some changes so I don't get myself in this position again!

Just realised I haven't added anything for a couple of weeks!

Well I hit the 7 week mark on 10mg tomorrow (can't actually believe it's been that long)

I would say the last 2 weeks I've seen a bit of a plateau in fact the last few days have been a bit off but I think its been down to feeling unwell with a cold/virus.

But I'm still a lot better than when I started this journey. However I'm at the point now when I'm thinking next steps and if a dose increase is on the cards - I'm not ruling it out as I'm aware I'm on a relatively low dose. However I'm going to give it another week then speak to my GP before making any decisions.

I've just read your diary, every post you have wrote Sounds more positive which is fab and encouraging. I have been taking citalapram for 11 days so very early days but the side effects are easing, it's just the tiredness now. Are you back at work now?