My daughter diagnosed with Herpes

firstly i think its amazing that you are wiling to show how much you care about your daughter by asking for advice on here, its not easy i know. I am not a parent and only 23 myself, but i have not told my family at all. this is not for fear of rejection or unwanted attention and questions, simply because i havent lived at home for some time and i feel that they dont need to know as it isnt life threatening and it doesnt affect my day to day life.

it must have taken a lot of courage for her to tell you in the first place so i'd be incredibly grateful that she has opened up to you about this at all and is willing to share this, i dont have a mother and my dad isnt the best when it comes to give me (his only daughter) advice on womanly issues haaaaa!

Go with her to her next appointment with the sexual health clinic if they will allow it and ask questions yourself, thats what they are there for in the end right?

just be an ear and a shoulder for her if you know what i mean. trying to ignore its there is hard, but eventually you accept its a part of your life that you cannot change.

if she needs someone else to talk to about this and wants someone near to her own age in a very similar situation then ask her to message me on here and ill be more than happy to answer any questions about my own experiences, same goes for you as well.

Hope you are dealing with it all okay xx

Hi there,

Thanks for your lovely reply to my post. She is better today than she was on the day we visited the clinic so that's positive and a move in the right direction. She initially thought she had cystitis but then got upset as it didn't go away with medication I bought over the counter. I spoke to a relative who works in a teenage sexual health environment who advised to get her checked out as she is sexually active. We went to the appointment together and I got called in after she'd been examined, the nurse then told me what it was. We were both really shocked, however my daughter may have already been aware it was possible as she had been looking at stuff on the Internet. We are both going back next week for the follow up appointment. I'm very lucky that she is open and honest with me, we do have a brilliant relationship, very close - thank god.

I guess it must be hard for you, I certainly wouldn't want to discuss 'ladies stuff' with my Dad! He'd die of embarrassment! I also know its hard not having your mum around when you need her; hopefully you have other people to talk to? I think this forum helps massively especially as its anonymous, we can say what we really feel without fear of being judged.

I hope nobody has judged you - you are obviously a kind and caring lady and I'm sorry that you're in the same position as my daughter. My major fear is that this will affect future relationships as I think a lot of people may be put off by GH. I know that if someone really loves somebody else, they'll deal with it, but it still bothers me that she may have issues and I hope that she's strong enough to deal with the challenges that may lay ahead. I just hope that one day soon, a cure is found. I've told her that I'm talking to you on here and also that you are happy to talk to her, she's not saying much at the moment, early days.... I know that talking to you is helping me and I'm very grateful to you. Hopefully she will decide that this forum will help her too...

How long have you had GH, how did you feel when you found out? Have you told a new partner about it, and if so, did it go ok? I hope you don't mind the questions but I can't really ask anyone else!

Thanks again, I wish you well. Xx

hello there

im not entirely sure how long i've had it as like your daughter i first thought it could be thrush/water infection and left it alone as i had no spots or anything and thought antibiotics would cure it and left it to its own thing. it was only when i eventually went for a blood test that they confirmed it but couldn't tell how long its been in my system as it can lay dormant for quite some time. i haven't had the opportunity to find a new partner and im scared to death of being rejected and having to tell someone in the first place. i have a very close friend that i share everything with and he is very supportive of me and lets me rant on about problems etc and he told me that if someone who truly likes you and could love you and be happy with you is scared off by it then they arent right for you in the first place. he is very protective of me anyway but has said that if someone is willing to put you down about it then they dont warrant your time or friendship/love etc. it could be they dont understand. i have only told one other friend who told me to suck it up and get on with life, she was right, the more bogged down you get the worse it can be for you, and can even trigger future outbreaks which none of us want again!

i just used to take each day as it comes, tell her to not let it rule her life, in fairness its the same thing as chicken pox and weve all had that at some stage! i know it sounds cliche but time is a great healer and eventually you will not even think about it, youll just go 'oh so i have herpes, that sucks but im okay, its not going to kill me and yes it may affect future relationships but i wont let it bring me down' people with much worse conditions have found love and are very happy with their lives.

and yes, this forum helped me loads as well. there is also a forum on that positive singles website a bit similar to this which is full of people asking for advice and people helping them out. might be worth a gander.

and feel free to ask me anything else, im more than happy to help in any way i can as i know how bad it can make you feel.

one day at a time, and dont tell anyone unless you completely trust them. at the end of the day its not their business. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have this, 50% of which dont even know it...makes you think!

xx

Hi!

First off I must say you are a wonderful mom for caring and being supportive. I want to share my story with you. I am also an 18 year old female who was just diagnosed with genital herpes. I am in college, I have a boyfriend, I have a family who cares about me, and I have a future going for me. I still am shocked how I could have genital herpes. My boyfriend does not have it, but he has had one minor oral herpes outbreak on his mouth when he was 8 years old, and he got herpes from sharing drinks with his mom and sister who have oral herpes. (So basically we both just got very unlucky and did not get it from sleeping around or anything) He transmitted the herpes orally to down there. I didn't even know this was possible. We've been together for almost 5 years and I was just tested positive after I was having extreme discomfort and pain down there to the point where I couldn't walk. I am not a slut, I am not dirty, but I do have genital herpes. It is something that is really hard to accept because of the social stigma. I just wanted to let you know you are doing the right thing by supporting your daughter through this hard time. She trusts you and that took a lot of courage for her to tell you that. The good thing about genital herpes is that it doesn't kill you! It's just annoying to have and comes with a very negative connotation. Good luck with your daughter! I hope my story made you realize your daughter is not alone. But I am now wondering, should I tell my mom about my genital herpes? I don't think it is something she needs to know, and it may make her feel resentment towards my boyfriend who she loves, but she may also be able to comfort and support me? Thank you and good luck!

Hi Mummapippop,

I'd say that your daughter being able to confide in you and you supporting her from the start shows you're doing everything right. Have you directed her to this site? It really helped me reading about other people going through it.

As it is, just having someone know and still treat you the same is the best feeling.

Good morning Mummapippop,

It's great she knows she can confide in you, everyone needs that person. Let me say she is not alone. 75% of the population has type 1 (oral) and 1 in 8 men have type 2 and 1 in 5 women have type 2.

I don't think many people are aware type 1 and type 2 can be transmitted other places, like someone above mentioned.

Herpes is like any other virus and there are many viruses. Chickenpox is herpes, cold sores are herpes, shingles, herpes. Drug companies have made it a big deal to sell us more drugs and somehow this virus has become shameful even though a large majority of people have it and even more carry the virus and don't know it.

Please let your daughter know there are so many people on line and there are many support groups, help groups, and lots and lots of fun groups too. If you would like to know more about them, please let me know.

She need to know it's only a virus. It does not need to change her life and she's still the same amazing person she was before she knew she had it.

Hi,

there is just one thing missing from these answers, though it is good to see people sharing good constructive information based on their experiences. Though this is not serious in health terms there is soemthing your daughter needs to consider for the future. She will need a precsribed antiviral if it flares up so that episodes are minimised. Also it is important to control the risk of any other infection, even when there are no vlsible symptoms there can be small ulcers (breaks) in the vaginal mucosa that are open to invading bacteria. It will be difficult to say but condoms, male or female type (or abstinance) are the only way to minimise this risk.

Meanwhile it is good to be there for her, I'm sure she appreciates it even though she may find it difficult to talk in detail at the moment. Special younng people's clinics are all over the place and can be very good sources of practical information. Hope this helps.

Have her take index finger and thumb of one hand and rub the bridge of her nose and take her other hand and rub the back of her head at the same time and tell herself to heal and become one with her body I have lost so many family members and friends in my life I hope she can accept who she is and be happy to be alive the glass is still half full not empty

Hello thank you for your post. We are in the process of getting a true diagnosis for my son. He is 20 and the urgent care gave him the diagnosis of GH. Today we are following up with a specialist to do testing.

He has been feeling shamed and very upset about it not knowing what it was and now knowing that GH is forever. He has done a lot of research and he knows how common it is. There are still many things that will need to be addressed as events take place such as dating, not being rejected, that feeling contagious.

He only slept once with the carrier and wore a condom. He still became infected but very minimal area around the base where the condom ends.

As a mother i feel helpless as I know what a great kid he is and that he is such a home body and not promiscuous but somehow this happened to him. That is what hurts him the most.

He has been depressed and want him to snap out of it. It seems that he is finally understanding what it means. No one deserves these things and somehow we can't understand why.

I would like to hear how your daughter is doing now a year later from your original post. Thank you.

Thanks God that your daughter has you as part of her support group! Believe me, it helps. She is going to have a rough time out there because of the social stigma. She needs to be brave. She has to keep her feelings withdrawn even when she meets the man of her dreams! She can only relax when she knows this guy loves her, doesn't mind and is going to stick around. Otherwise there's no point. In a way she's lucky she knows so early on in life. Some people go for years without knowing, have sex with people and later learn they've been infected all this time! The ammount of guilt they go through as a result is horrible!

Have your daughter focus on education and career hevily. It will keep her distacted and at the end she'll know she's got a steady good paying job. She'll be a success even without a man in her life. Because the odds are not that great...

Hi ,I am a mother with a 18 year also,I think my daughter is diagnosed with gentile herpes also. We are totally destroyed and I am Very PANIC I DON'T know how to handle it.i want to be strong for her but I don't know how.