My daughter is destroying herself and everyone else

Have you tried contacting Al-anon? It's a support group for the families of alcoholics. I've heard it's very good. You could try ringing them or meeting with them to get a better understanding of why your daughter feels the need to drink and also get some much needed support for yourself?

its got to be worth a try?

Liz

Hi Lily, I feel so sorry for both your daughter and your family,

I had a very severe problem with alcoholism for more than ten years, I was sectioned four times into a mental health HOSPITAL, had five home detoxes, I damaged every organ in my body, I was like your daughter, I hid bottles everywhere, I used to wonder of, and most importantly I too have children ( four, 3 sons 1 daughter )

I was very, very, very fortunate to go to our local CAS CLINIC or community alcohol service as it is known... I had a wonderful nurse ( who became a very good friend ) I used to have home visits, every day if needed, and home detoxes.. if your daughter would be willing to see them, you can now refer yourself, or ask your doctor to.... I am sure that they would be a great help to her, her children and also yourself...

It is a terrifying and very lonely situation to be in, you cannot imagine the sheer disgust you feel, but the tremendous amount of guilt is the worst.... please never give up on her, I have been well for ten years....

THE BEST HELP YOU CAN HAVE ON HERE IS.....PAUL J TURNER....he is an alcoholic councillor and just talking to him can help you an awful lot....

My heart is with you both xxx it can happen, she will overcome this, ...sincere best wishes to you both,.. DEIRDRE xxx. Please take care of each other....x

HI Lilly. incredibily complicated situation which is obviously destroying your lives. Not certain what advice to give but some shock treatment is perhaps an idea. What would it take for your daugher to realise just how bad this is? Take her away to family or friends just for one night and let her realise that she misses her daughter, husband and all of you and what she could loose due to her drinking? Just wondering what is best. Well done for trying so hard to do the best!

Hi Lily ,

after reading your post I felt I had to reply to you . I am really sorry to hear about your daughter but stay strong and support her every step of the way .

Like you I put a post on here desperate for help and advice .

I TRUELY BELIEVE IT SAVED MY PARTNERS LIFE !!!

I was about to start writing what our outcome was when I read your story and felt impelled to get in touch and give you some hope .

Here goes: in the 18 years I've know my partner he has always been a social drinker,about 18months ago I noticed he was drinking more,he went from having a few pints and a bottle of wine on a week night and more on weekends to a few beers ,vodka and diet cokes and wine. He drank every night. around Jan 2014 he was drinking vodka a lot more .....basically by June last year he had gone from drinking a 75cl bottle of vodka to 1 litre a day .

He admitted to me he had got a problem , I was sworn to secrecy ,he wouldn't go to rehab,AA because he didn't want anyone to know .hes over 6ft tall ,dresses smart to the outside world nobody would have know ...his parents , children - who are all over 18 ,friends . He didn't have to go out to work,If he had to drive anywhere I would drive as I didn't want him drink driving . Sorry for waffling its so hard to put all this into words . We moved house in oct- went on Holiday and by the end of the holiday been with him 24/7 I realised I would have to work on him getting help because if not he could die. He was drinking from the minute he woke up on a morning it started with about 3-4 very large vodka and fresh orange - this way his family wouldn't notice . Then by lunch he would be on vodka and cokes.....he had gone from not sleeping to going sleepy by 3pm .he wasn't eating only KFC ,fish & chips what I call junk food !!! Purely because I think his body needed carbs . His face was becoming bloated and red,his eyes were puffy .He got the shakes .He was never a nasty drinker ,bless ...he became even more affectionate and lovely . But he could be like that then paranoid,anxious then happy again . I can only describe it like a wave . Then ...

19th November was one of the worst days of my life !!!

He got up as usual , had his few vodkas he was really happy then he went a bit subdued about 11.30am , I asked him if he was ok ,he had tears in his eyes , he said he needed another drink . By 1pm ,he was having spasms all over his body , he was shaking , having stabbing pains ,his mouth was drooping a little ,he couldnt walk tears were rolling down his face - I said I was going to ring an ambulance because I feared he was going to have a stroke or a seizure - he said if I did he would never speak to me again - if he was going to die he wanted it to happen in my arms not in hospital . 

Ihad tears streaming down my face telling him that was so wrong and that I loved him and didn't want anything to happen to him . That day / night was the longest of my life , he was sick , hallucinating ,anxious , whilst cuddling him up on the sofa I managed to get on the Internet and find a helpline ....they were great but told me I should ring nhs - I did they took my details and said someone would ring me back ASAP - they never did !! That's when I found this blog - see my original letter .i can honestly say its one of the best decisions I have ever made ....thank you to everyone who replied - I am still going to reply to you all - it's just been a bit manic .the one person who has changed our lives and been a life saver 

 

Is PAUL J TURNER ....an Alcoholic Treatment Councillor . Firstly he replied to my post and  gave me some amazing advice and hope . Sorted ! 

The next day John was a bit groggy in the am but then fine , this was a pattern that would be the start of the next 5 weeks he would be fine for a day or two then he would have down days not as scary as the 19th November .... I took my chance and broached the subject of going to see his Drs - had to wait a week for appt then referred to a alcohol support councillor - 1st appt 19th dec!!! 

PI will have to be careful not to slate anyone publicly but the avice given was shocking after what I have learnt about Alcoholis and withdrawel symptoms - we were basically told to write a drinks intake diary and try and stop drinking vodka which is 40% vol - because he'd be better drink wine of which 4 1/2 bottles would be the equivalent !!! No blood tests offered until 30th dec and follow up apt 30th Dec . 

Im so sorry this is a long post Lily - trust me it will be worth the read !!

so from the 19th-24th Dec things were getting worse - my partner was sleeping loads ,waking up , drinking , getting withdrawel symptoms , He wasn't really eating ,we were in our own little bubble , I wouldn't leave him I case he fell over . 

I was really worried that we wouldn't make the next appt ... I felt I had no one to turn to for advice and support as my partner is such a proud person and he had kept this from every else he loved and cared for to protect them . 

Getting Back to PAUL J TURNER ...I messaged him on here Xmas eve asking if I could spk to him regarding my partner - I knew my partner would never let me take him to Hospital ,I knew he wouldn't go to A A or Rehab he's very private but I knew I had to do something otherwise it could be fatal and I'd promised my partner spew were going to grow old together !! We are only in our 40's !!! 

In a Nutshell - I phoned Paul , upon Paul's advice I had to get an ambulance on Xmas day evening as my partner was really bad, thought he was going to have another episode as bad as the 19th nov ! The hospital took blood , his liver test, his alt levels were raised but the good news was it wasn't to high so I asked Paul if he could come to our home and do a private detox ....we got back from hospital 9am Boxing Day and Paul was at our house 5pm Boxing Day to start looking my Partner .

for the first time in 2 months I could breath !!! A) because I could openly spk to someone about my concerns for my partner and b) more importantly Paul was Here to get my Partner on the right path , out of harm .... The relief was over whelming .

i had read so many negative things about LIBRIUM and all I can say is its a WONDERDRUG  - because my partner had been at his parents Xmas day - he didn't drink - only two glasses wine - he went into withdrawel ended up in A and E - I heard the word collapsed and just left the house I was at ( with his eldest) I was I tears , a mess thinking the worst - I ended up telling her why - she was lovely and supportive to both of us and it was great not having to hide things from her anymore - 

nearly there - within 3 hours of Paul arriving my partner had had his blood pressure checked and monitored and taken his first lot of pills the first two days he had the sweats thru the night ,a few shakes , was sick once but by day three he was amazing 

he cannot believe he hasn't had an urg for a drink , he now has two cups of tea on a morning and to anyone reading this he is now drinking Pop - ginger beer !! He had a liver scan done , nothing too worrying found . 

If anyone wants to know anymore details please MSG me because I can honestly say Without the Help from Paul I don't think things would have turned out like they have . I'm a great believer in fate , I knew nothing about alcoholism until about 6 months ago   And I can't believe the treatment and lack of advice out there  - when you love someone and you see how alcohol takes over their body .... It's un believable .

if you can relate to any of my post 

remember 

google - Thiamin ,Paul .j.turner -

Msg me if you want to know anymore 

My partner hasn't had a drink since Boxing Day , I had 1 drink on Xmas day and decided to support him all the way .....so now we drink ginger beer I am so happy ,we started 2015 a fresh !!! And my man is alive .....sometimes you have to step in and take over as my partner said he wouldn't have done anything about it - he has got a spring in his step and a zest for life . 

Lily sorry I got carried away pls MSG me if you need any details xx

 

Hi Lily and floss ,I have just read this post... it is wonderful news about your husband, it will give many others hope....

What can I say about : Paul j Turner : he is an amazing help to very many people he has helped and will help in the future.... I too had an amazing alcohol nurse and councillor ( who became a close personal family friend ) she too saved my life...

I wrote a post earlier on in this discussion, about my experiences.... any- way, dear Lily please keep doing all you can to help your daughter, once I was sober, I could really see the terror and sadness by those trying to to do all they humanly could to save me..... I know that your daughter must loathe all that she is putting you and her family through, but she will bescared ( as I always was ) of JUST HOW she will manage to stop, and also JUST HOW she will keep it up and face every day life again...

I think that almost the most important aspect to successfully keeping sober, is having the support of people that REALLY UNDERSTAND such as CAS... I truly, truly hope that your beloved daughter comes through this ...as I am sure that she can xx

It is also very important that you find support for yourself as well, have a word with your GP I am sure that they will be able to help. ....

Also if your daughter ever, ever appears to be very ill to you..... call 999

Straight away...every single doctor has a # duty of care # to each and every one of us..... you , your daughter and all the family will be in my thoughts and prayers, never ever give up hope and trying...

Keep in touch with Paul j Turner as well, ( he is an excellent support, and also... he really, really understands !!!!!

Take care, sincere regards and warmest wishes to you DEIRDRE xxxx

Hi Lily,

i was just wondering if your daughter is aware of the effect that drinking will have on the effectiveness of any anti-depressants that she is taking? After the breakdown of my marriage I was very depressed and after 4 suicide attempts I was put on medication for depression and anxiety. It took a while to find the right type of medication that worked for me and was starting to feel better. But then I started drinking as an additional method of forgetting the bad things in my life.

as I'm sure you are aware, alcohol is a depressant when drunk to excess. And it made mine worse. I was stuck in a cycle of drinking to make me feel better and ending up feeling even worse.

it was only I stopped drinking that the antidepressants started to work as they should have done and I now realise that vicious cycle I was in. 

Im not a medical expert by any means and am only speaking from experience, but I think there is definitely some truth in the negative effects of alcohol on medication. If you haven't already done so it's got to be worth talking it over with your daughter? 

But then again everyone tried to tell me the same thing but I couldn't and wouldn't see it. It's only in hindsight that I can recognise the damage I was doing to myself.

liz x