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My daughter is destroying herself and everyone else

Posted , 12 users are following.

Lily23957
Lily23957

My daughter has an alcohol problem and I don't know what to do.She started drinking to excess after the birth of her last baby eighteen months ago but my husband and I knew nothing about it until three months ago.I took her to our gp to get help and she is now receiving counselling but I don't think it is helping.They have set goals for her to cut back but she is not doing so well.Last week she had a good week and her cousellor congratulated her on doing well.My daughters response was to go out and buy a bottle of wine to celebrate!Sunday she went on a drinking binge and walked out of the house.She went missing for hours and we were about to phone the police when she came back home in a state with cuts all over her hands saying some lads had tripped her up! The whole family are devastated including her children.When she is not using alcohol she is popping codeine based painkillers with the excuse that she has a bad back or a migraine.Her husband is a the end of his tether and has tried to throw her out but she won't go.He says he loves her but he hates her as well.She needs more help than she is getting but I don't know what to do anymore.I am watching my beautiful baby girl destroy her life and the lives of those who love her and I am helpless.Please help me to help her.

3 likes, 52 replies

52 Replies

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  • Lily23957
    Lily23957

    Posted

    I'm so tired now.I don't feel I can help myself never mind my daughter.Don't know what to do anymore.I know I am letting her down but I have no strength left.Just want to get away from everything.
  • olivo
    olivo Lily23957

    Posted

    I sometimes feel that Lily, I just need a break from alcoholism, just a little time away from all the deviousness, lies, insults, and living with a drunk fool. My mind is always on high alert, and I feel so highly strung and stressed all the time - Have you anyone you could spend a couple of days with, just to get a little break?
    • Lily23957
      Lily23957 olivo

      Posted

      I wish I had somewhere to go Olivo but I don't.I myself am still recovering from a bad breakdown last year which apparently is when my daughters problems got worse.I feel so responsible.I have tried my best to help her.Feel like all my strength has gone.Really don't want to end up back where I was last year because that would hurt so many people but feel like I'm losing control.
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 Lily23957

      Posted

      Lily, your daughter's problem is not down to you. She is an adult, you can't be responsible for everybody's well-being all the time. It is important that you have the right support yourself. Do you have anybody to talk to? Are you still in contact with any of the support services that helped you last year (if any did at the time)?

      You MUST look after yourself or you can't hope to be there for others.

  • olivo
    olivo Lily23957

    Posted

    Oh no no no no no !!! You are NOT responsible for what others do. No matter what happened to you, it does not make someone an alcoholic. I am not to judge, but surely if you had a breakdown, YOU were the one who needed support!! I think perhaps you need some kind of counselling to help you deal with this problem, speak to your doctor, and get some help. Do you have a close family member, or friend who could help you, even to just listen? But please -NEVER blame yourself for others actions. You didn't cause her alcohol problem -you cant control it, and you certainly cant cure it. SHE needs to realise how her behaviour is killing her mother.
    • Lily23957
      Lily23957 olivo

      Posted

      Sorry Olivo.I should not be upsetting you with my problems.I am recieving counselling and it is a long slow process for me.My daughter knows how her behaviour is affecting others and when she is sober she is sorry and full of promises to try harder....and then she drinks again.
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 Lily23957

      Posted

      Sorry, I didn't see this before posting my last message.

      Alcohol is an evil drug when it gets out of control and the people it affects are normally some of the nicest people you could ever know when they are sober.

    • Lily23957
      Lily23957 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Hi Paul! My daughter is a sweet,loving and intelligent person when she is sober,but when she has had a drink it's as if she has been taken over by someone else! I am recieving counselling for my own health problems but I had to refer myself to our local Mind to get that and they say they will be there for me for as long as I need them.I am sorry to say this as I am a retired nurse but the NHS are about as much use a a chocolate teapot!
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 Lily23957

      Posted

      I am from an NHS background myself and it IS tragic to have to say that the organisation we grew up believing so much in, is next to useless in some areas of healthcare.

      I know she will be a lovely person as I have always found that to be the case with almost all people who get into difficulty with alcohol.

  • olivo
    olivo Lily23957

    Posted

    Lily, you are not upsetting me in the least!! Far from it, if I can listen and support in some way, then I hope I can help!  I am in the same situation, (husband knows how much he is hurting me) so I understand what you are going through. I -like you - dont  understand why someone who is supposed to love us, can constantly hurt us, over and over! 
    • Lily23957
      Lily23957 olivo

      Posted

      Hi Olivo! I am feeling a little better now especially since my hubby is now home.Thankyou for being there when I needed you.It really does help to talk to someone who understands.x
  • olivo
    olivo Lily23957

    Posted

    Good! Always remember - you are never alone Lily. That's why we come on to these boards, not just for the practical advice, which is so important , but the  support of others in the same boat xx
  • vixxxen222
    vixxxen222 Lily23957

    Posted

    Hi Lily

    I dont want to tell you anything you havent already heard, I can however tell you from my perspective, as a severe and chronic alcohlic, that its totally up to her when she decides shes had ENOUGH! hopefully the alcohol wont get her first. I mean is, I am 35 , I have 6 amazing children, and I have countless times where I chose drinking over EVERYTHING in my life! been to rehab a few times, stayed sober for a few years actually, seems after my babies were born I would go back on the bottle. what I learned over the years ( been drinking for 24 years) is that the issues are so deep as to why i drink. I hate the fact that I cant drink like everyone else. and you know why I cant drink normally like everyone else?...because I drink so damn much I black out most times and dont know when to stop. I have issues with my mother and father and brother and sister. I really didnt give a crap about myself. I cared only for my children and thats IT!   I have liver disease now and am petrified that I will 'go' before my time and that my babies wont have thier mother.  That scares me and saddens me to pieces ! I had to learn to love myself and value myself and my life and see that I am a true alcoholic and BELIEVE  it! hard thing to accept. My children are 15,14,9,9,7,and 4

    , when they were younger it was easy to hide , but not anymore,,,,thank God for that! Im sorry you are going through this with your daughter. I wished once upon a time that I had a mother like you that cared but , I learned to care about Myself, and my kids, and take my place in life and be mature and make the right choices. tho it took 24 years to do it, as I only have one year sober  as of today. Just dont give up on her smile <3>

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