My depression/anxiety is destroying me.

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Hello, I'm 17, I've been going through depression since about april last year. Stupidly i never got help until last week because it got really serious, i almost ended my life i constantly self-harm as it brings me a feeling i suppose?

Anyway i have been with my girlfriend since i was 16, first met her just after christmas. I bought her of loads of problems 'self-harm, low self-esteem etc.' it wasn't easy from the start because of her lod friends being bitches and she left them for me. My depression started in april when i become depressed and anxious about her leaving me because i felt inadequate as i was fro everyone i met. However we/I i got through it. Come to my birthday december 22nd.. I became ill and somehow really depressed i felt confused and unsure about my feelings for my girlfriend.. i became suicidal (btw i was this way in the months before but this was the worst case.) it came and went but for some reason since april this year stuck in my mind with my feelings for her. We argued/argue all the time about my depression or silly stuff. My summer was rubbish because of my depression. A fwe months ago i realised that i actually do love her. It made a little positive, we still met up in the week once and stayed almost every weekend, which i enjoy however we argued because i become down and sasd and negative and ruinied everything. Fast forward to this month, she has almost broke up with me, because she can't handle my depression i almost left her a few times at the start of the year because i was so down and my mind was telling me alsorts. Anyway we are still together because we love each other and would like what happens after depression. My feelings are i worry/feel i don't like how she looks or dresses sometimes (she put weight on her face and has a double chin). My depressive thoughts were persistant and i told her i don't like her chin or hair sometimes. This created loads of problems i regret however i keep saying it. I feel like ending my life because i can't treat her this way. She is amazing and i feel i want to marry her and be the best i can for her but she deserves better adn i just don't want to feel this way anymore i want everything i dream of when i'm positive.

I want to know if my thoughts are even true or irrational?

What could she do to help me?

And what can i do because i can't carry on feeling this way and lose that amazing women!

P.s I'm really sorry if it all seems weird and don't make sense i'm so upset and i didn't know to word or even make sense of what my minds doing to me. There is many things i'd like to say so please feel free to ask any questions about anything.

 

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  • Posted

    Hi, sorry to read of your situation, thanks for sharing it.

    In my professional experience depression is anger turned inward, in other

    words all of our issues real and imagined, if they are not worked through

    to a positive conclusion become fixed into our subconscious, which causes

    the depression.

    You are correct in thinking that if you'd sort help sooner things would not be as

    bleak, but the fact you are now getting help is a positive step.

    All the best.

    Irwin.

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    • Posted

      Irwin,

      You hit a home run, with this post.  I would add, that when two people are within a relationship, the give and take between the two peoples are essential also.  No one person should dominate, demand the other to do what that one desires at all times.

      Today to me it seems that the youth are jumping into the fire pits of sexual indulging, prior to them even knowing the ramifications of what they do, and believe they have the right to do whatever with and to their significant other.

      In other words, people should learn what relationships are all about, how to respectfully treat the opposite sex, slowly and methodically over a period of time, before experiencing the true nature of any relationship.  This only happens, at least to me, when the two people have such a deep respect for the other.  Simply being physically attracted to each other, is no reason to go for the home run.

      And, when the youth do go beyond the bounds of common sense, depression and anxiety rushes into their being, because they do not have the age, the experience, and the knowledge to deal with what they have wrongfully created and done, within their relationship.

      Good advice from you!

       

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    • Posted

      Brilliant points Ray, what you write is so rich with truth.

      Indeed, if people would verily work on their issues real and imagined

      and come together for the right reasons, instead of out of fear, lack,

      or limitation the world wouldn't be so wounded.

      As you write, how can two people hope to build a healthy relationship

      if they're both riddled with un-prossessed issues. And then once the

      sex fades they are back to square one.

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    • Posted

      May I add I become depressed way before I had, had sex. But I agree I suppose my insecurity has took over and I seem and act controlling I don't want to be. Please give me some pointers on how to treat my girlfriend or about women in genreal it would really help.
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    • Posted

      Hey Alone.

      The only pointers I can give you are the one's that say.......

      In order for us to find the "right" person, we've got to be that person.

      In other words like ONLY attracts like, it's pretty much a given that

      who we are determines the life we will lead, that includes environment,

      relationships, business, romantic, or platonic.

      Always start with self, work on anything you don't like about yourself

      to a positive conclusion, checkout a previous post of mine entitled

      recommended reading you might find some help in any of those.

      But most definitely try and treat your partner the way you want him or

      her to treat you, if you can do this for 21 consecutive days you

      will then form a paradigm (habit) which will serve you in ways that

      at this point you could not imagine. However this will only work if

      you believe it will work.

      Irwin.

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    • Posted

      It takes 21 consecutive days to form a habit, a good one or a

      negative one. If the days are broken for any reason one must start

      again. It's the concept of cybernetics, as I previously wrote in a

      recommended reading post.

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  • Posted

    depression can cause all sorts of emotions thoughts and feelings a lot of which can be negative.  So try and think before acting in order that you don't upset your partner.  Easier said than done I know but try and see how things progress.

    Richard

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    • Posted

      See my problem is I'm too scared to be happy in case my mind ruins it? 

      This morning I was happy and excited then I started thinking I would be embarrassed of my girlfriend if I seen her and it hurt me... Now I'm losing it again and I'm unsure if it's true or not.

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  • Posted

    you have a lot of conflicting thoughts at the moment and it isn't easy at 17 to make sense of things.  Take things slowly and pace yourself.  Try and do something you enjoy to cheer yourself a bit.

    Richard

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    • Posted

      May I ask do you believe these horrible thoughts I'm having are true or irrational because I need to learn about what they are? I have my mom on my back all the time depressing me and all these horrible thoughts about my girlfriend who I do and madly loved? 
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