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My depression/anxiety is destroying me.

Posted , 7 users are following.

Alone
Alone

Hello, I'm 17, I've been going through depression since about april last year. Stupidly i never got help until last week because it got really serious, i almost ended my life i constantly self-harm as it brings me a feeling i suppose?

Anyway i have been with my girlfriend since i was 16, first met her just after christmas. I bought her of loads of problems 'self-harm, low self-esteem etc.' it wasn't easy from the start because of her lod friends being bitches and she left them for me. My depression started in april when i become depressed and anxious about her leaving me because i felt inadequate as i was fro everyone i met. However we/I i got through it. Come to my birthday december 22nd.. I became ill and somehow really depressed i felt confused and unsure about my feelings for my girlfriend.. i became suicidal (btw i was this way in the months before but this was the worst case.) it came and went but for some reason since april this year stuck in my mind with my feelings for her. We argued/argue all the time about my depression or silly stuff. My summer was rubbish because of my depression. A fwe months ago i realised that i actually do love her. It made a little positive, we still met up in the week once and stayed almost every weekend, which i enjoy however we argued because i become down and sasd and negative and ruinied everything. Fast forward to this month, she has almost broke up with me, because she can't handle my depression i almost left her a few times at the start of the year because i was so down and my mind was telling me alsorts. Anyway we are still together because we love each other and would like what happens after depression. My feelings are i worry/feel i don't like how she looks or dresses sometimes (she put weight on her face and has a double chin). My depressive thoughts were persistant and i told her i don't like her chin or hair sometimes. This created loads of problems i regret however i keep saying it. I feel like ending my life because i can't treat her this way. She is amazing and i feel i want to marry her and be the best i can for her but she deserves better adn i just don't want to feel this way anymore i want everything i dream of when i'm positive.

I want to know if my thoughts are even true or irrational?

What could she do to help me?

And what can i do because i can't carry on feeling this way and lose that amazing women!

P.s I'm really sorry if it all seems weird and don't make sense i'm so upset and i didn't know to word or even make sense of what my minds doing to me. There is many things i'd like to say so please feel free to ask any questions about anything.

 

0 likes, 59 replies

59 Replies

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  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    they are most likely to be irrational because some of what you say in your blog does not make complete sense to me.  If you are under pressure from your Mum that may not help your thinking either.

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      She's always having a go at me for everything and threatens me what not.. I hate my life and mind I wish I could run away with my girlfriend or even away from my own thoughts I feel trapped.
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    why is she acting this way? do you have any ideas?

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      I do believe she is going through the menopause but sometime she blames me for being depressed and makes me situation worse.. My girlfriend shouts at me because she finds it hard to cope? Have you any idea's on what or how to treat my girlfriend while all this is happening please? 
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    what reasons does your girlfriend shout at you for ?

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      Because she can't cope with my depression? Because of the stuff I have said to her? Because I'm always depressed and find it hard to enjoy myself? 
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    thats a tough one.  Are you able to explain yourself to her so that she understands you and your condition.  Or has she decided to be unsympathetic on purpose because she has had enough.

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      I've explained to her? She is so positive still saying how she loves me and it's going to be okay and we will stay together? But she gets angry because I keep repeating everything I feel and i find it hard to believe her.
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    well then the answer is easy. Don't annoy her by repeating yourself.  Try to be not replaying the same old theme on the record  Be original a bit more and surprise her sometimes. Girls like that. 

    Gotta go dinner time

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      Thanks for replying each time Richard much appreciated and I do surprise her, I try my best to treat her like a queen I'm just sick of being imsecure and feeling like I've to control her because I'm worried, when I don't want too.
  • celtics
    celtics Alone

    Posted

    Hi alone you really need to try and get some cognitive behaviour theraphy ! Or some kind of counselling it might.help you and your girlfriend to understand what you are going through she stuck by you so far and im sure given the right help you will both benefit from you seeking help ! Just take one day at a time and take care good luck (david)

    • Alone
      Alone celtics

      Posted

      Thanks for the advice David! I went to the doctors and they have put me on a waiting list for 'youth therapy' but I can't wait I badly. It's so difficult for me... I've became abdicated to self harm but I'm embarrassed and have constantly cover up... I'm starting to think I'm a tramp and ugly.. I'm pushing my girlfriend away.. My life is falling apart and I don't know what to believe.
    • celtics
      celtics Alone

      Posted

      Hi there is there no way they can see you sooner its a shame to see someone like yourself  asking for help and not getting it when you need it ! I would go back to the doctor if you need to or if things have changed since you have seen them ! I hope you get the help you need !:please let me know how you get on and take care of you and your girlfriend (david)

    • Alone
      Alone celtics

      Posted

      I will tell you whenever that is haha, also i will try my best to care of both of us. I'm having trouble lately, no job/apprenticeship i wake up every morning to a brick wall (not litterally) and i start worrying, may i ask do you think i should leave my girlfriend because of how i'm treating her or am i know position to make such harsh decisions, my mind constantly tries to make me leave her but i'm holding i think it's because deep down i would love to marry her and be happy.
    • celtics
      celtics Alone

      Posted

      Hi there i dont think you should break up as she sounds as if she accepts how you are and as long as you get help and change at times like these you need.someone strong who understands how you are ! Take care of.yourself and good luck (david)

       

    • Alone
      Alone celtics

      Posted

      She is perfect my best friend in many ways, but I can't help but think horrible things about her and believe them.. I'm starting to think I've lied about how I feel all this time it's depressing me so much.. I mean she isn't skinny and she isn't amazingly beautiful but I've always said I just love how she is and I would never change that but now I see and think different and I hate it and don't know what's true!
    • celtics
      celtics Alone

      Posted

      Its proberlly just.you being depressed thats causing these thoughts about her ! Dont make any.rash decisions about your relationship till at least youve got.help. and then look it objectively and make a decision then ! Takr care (david)
    • Alone
      Alone celtics

      Posted

      I hope It will be good with her after the depression and stuff.. Because I really miss having fun with her.. She deserves better rolleyes but I wamt to be better.. I feel so alone.. I'm glad you guys replied to my post.. I really appreciate it majorly smile thank you. 
    • celtics
      celtics Alone

      Posted

      Your welcome  i think your girlfriend will be happy when your happy ! Still try to do things together as muck as you can it will help you both !(david)
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