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My depression/anxiety is destroying me.

Posted , 7 users are following.

Alone
Alone

Hello, I'm 17, I've been going through depression since about april last year. Stupidly i never got help until last week because it got really serious, i almost ended my life i constantly self-harm as it brings me a feeling i suppose?

Anyway i have been with my girlfriend since i was 16, first met her just after christmas. I bought her of loads of problems 'self-harm, low self-esteem etc.' it wasn't easy from the start because of her lod friends being bitches and she left them for me. My depression started in april when i become depressed and anxious about her leaving me because i felt inadequate as i was fro everyone i met. However we/I i got through it. Come to my birthday december 22nd.. I became ill and somehow really depressed i felt confused and unsure about my feelings for my girlfriend.. i became suicidal (btw i was this way in the months before but this was the worst case.) it came and went but for some reason since april this year stuck in my mind with my feelings for her. We argued/argue all the time about my depression or silly stuff. My summer was rubbish because of my depression. A fwe months ago i realised that i actually do love her. It made a little positive, we still met up in the week once and stayed almost every weekend, which i enjoy however we argued because i become down and sasd and negative and ruinied everything. Fast forward to this month, she has almost broke up with me, because she can't handle my depression i almost left her a few times at the start of the year because i was so down and my mind was telling me alsorts. Anyway we are still together because we love each other and would like what happens after depression. My feelings are i worry/feel i don't like how she looks or dresses sometimes (she put weight on her face and has a double chin). My depressive thoughts were persistant and i told her i don't like her chin or hair sometimes. This created loads of problems i regret however i keep saying it. I feel like ending my life because i can't treat her this way. She is amazing and i feel i want to marry her and be the best i can for her but she deserves better adn i just don't want to feel this way anymore i want everything i dream of when i'm positive.

I want to know if my thoughts are even true or irrational?

What could she do to help me?

And what can i do because i can't carry on feeling this way and lose that amazing women!

P.s I'm really sorry if it all seems weird and don't make sense i'm so upset and i didn't know to word or even make sense of what my minds doing to me. There is many things i'd like to say so please feel free to ask any questions about anything.

 

0 likes, 59 replies

59 Replies

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  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    insecurity is a destroyer of relationships so learn to trust.

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      This morning I woke up and felt like I just didn't love my girlfriend anymore this has happened before, but not this bad.. I felt like not even speaking to her.. I used to think I liked this girl at college a few months ago, I told my girlfriend (this created problems) anyway it added to my depression. It has started again these past few days and I keep thinking I want this girl and she's better and it's annoying and upsetting me. I keep drifting in out of what I feel right now. Like I know I want to be with my girlfriend badly and want everything I dreamed of but my anxiety comes across and I feel nothing (or think)  that I don't I love her and it gets worse. I'm really confused can you please help me.. 
  • healthystuff
    healthystuff Alone

    Posted

    Your still young and yet you've experienced this feelings. You can still overcome this. To let go of depression is not that easy, it is difficult to overcome negative thoughts. You are blessed you have someone who stick with you. You have a strong support system. But I suggest you talk with specialist and also go on exercise. Let go of stressful minds, exercise will help you relieve all those thoughts.
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    do you love your girl friend or fancy this college girl without finding out about her?

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      I do love my girlfriend deep down I know I do a lot, but my minds controlling everything, it's messing my life up. The only reason I thought I liked this other girl is because I saw a lot of my girlfriend in her and me and my girlfriend were having trouble because of my depression. However when I talked to this girl I only ever talked about my girlfriend but my mind keeps making me think that? I don't want too everything I want to believe and think about my gf I just can't and it's making everything so much harder.
    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      I feel like just ending my life, there is no other way out.
    • celtic1888
      celtic1888 Alone

      Posted

      Alone killing your self will solve nothing you will leave people behind that love you even if dont think they do ! I think you are  you were in the united kingdom am i right ?if you are  please phone someone close to you or even phone the samaritains if that something you what to try then let me know and i will post the number (david)
    • Alone
      Alone celtic1888

      Posted

      What do the samaritians do? And yes I am.. It's just I refuse to leave my best friend, this after noon my mood has picked up..but it will probably happen again.
    • celtic1888
      celtic1888 Alone

      Posted

      The samaritains will talk to you they do not judge you and will try and.help you  whilst you are having suicidal thoughts ! 
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    I think that you care about your girlfriend more than you think and are being hard on yourself.  I know that people feel desparate sometimes and I understand it.  Try and work things out with her and forget about the other girl you will only complicate matters for yourself.  Hope you feel a bit better soon. You had a difficult day today.

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      Yeah I feel a lot better, my girlfriend just told me she loves me more than anything and she is totally committed to making this relationship easier and better, I am too. I can't express how appreciative i am how you and Celtic1888 have dealt with me and took the time out of your day to talk to me! I will talk to you more if I get depressed or feel crap and also if anything happens, I'm still feeling negative as hell but I'm really trying I'm so worried for the weekend but I got to try rolleyes 
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    you''ve made a lot of progress.  Well done

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      It's happened again been better, I start thinking I'm all downhill again and negative and everytime I think something good about my girlfriend that other girl comes into mind and it's confusing me! I hate it! My girlfriend shouted why don't you go have sex with that other girl because she's skinny because my mind keeps telling me that I'm embarrassed and want a skinny girl when I'm just so confused and it's making me angry and depressed
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    at the end of the day it is your decision but if your relationship is working I would not destroy it for 5 minutes of fun with the other girl.

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      The only reason things are bad is because of my depression.. I keep seeing me and my girlfriend not working out because my mind just don't want it. I'm confused and it's destroying me. Last night I was happy and talking normally with my girlfriend and this morning and bang! Anxiety and overthinking about everything, I don't even know what's happening anymore I just feel I don't want to let to of my girlfriend? But I worry about why I don't feel anything or don't I love her anymore or anything it's killing me. I feel so empty and I'm destroying everything, because my mind has lead me to that! I felt in love last night and this morning well 'I felt I loved her' but then rolleyes what's happening g Richard?
    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      I just don't understand why this has/is happening why am I thinkimg of this girl.. It's confusing me 
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