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My depression/anxiety is destroying me.

Posted , 7 users are following.

Alone
Alone

Hello, I'm 17, I've been going through depression since about april last year. Stupidly i never got help until last week because it got really serious, i almost ended my life i constantly self-harm as it brings me a feeling i suppose?

Anyway i have been with my girlfriend since i was 16, first met her just after christmas. I bought her of loads of problems 'self-harm, low self-esteem etc.' it wasn't easy from the start because of her lod friends being bitches and she left them for me. My depression started in april when i become depressed and anxious about her leaving me because i felt inadequate as i was fro everyone i met. However we/I i got through it. Come to my birthday december 22nd.. I became ill and somehow really depressed i felt confused and unsure about my feelings for my girlfriend.. i became suicidal (btw i was this way in the months before but this was the worst case.) it came and went but for some reason since april this year stuck in my mind with my feelings for her. We argued/argue all the time about my depression or silly stuff. My summer was rubbish because of my depression. A fwe months ago i realised that i actually do love her. It made a little positive, we still met up in the week once and stayed almost every weekend, which i enjoy however we argued because i become down and sasd and negative and ruinied everything. Fast forward to this month, she has almost broke up with me, because she can't handle my depression i almost left her a few times at the start of the year because i was so down and my mind was telling me alsorts. Anyway we are still together because we love each other and would like what happens after depression. My feelings are i worry/feel i don't like how she looks or dresses sometimes (she put weight on her face and has a double chin). My depressive thoughts were persistant and i told her i don't like her chin or hair sometimes. This created loads of problems i regret however i keep saying it. I feel like ending my life because i can't treat her this way. She is amazing and i feel i want to marry her and be the best i can for her but she deserves better adn i just don't want to feel this way anymore i want everything i dream of when i'm positive.

I want to know if my thoughts are even true or irrational?

What could she do to help me?

And what can i do because i can't carry on feeling this way and lose that amazing women!

P.s I'm really sorry if it all seems weird and don't make sense i'm so upset and i didn't know to word or even make sense of what my minds doing to me. There is many things i'd like to say so please feel free to ask any questions about anything.

 

0 likes, 59 replies

59 Replies

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  • richard89308
    richard89308 Alone

    Posted

    are you taking any anti anxiety/depression medication

    Richard

    • Alone
      Alone richard89308

      Posted

      Hi Richard I desperately need help. That other girl won't leave my thoughts my mind is forcing me to want to like her and I' so confused.. Something keeps fighting back at the thoughts.. And wanting my girlfriend, but I keep feeling and seeing I don't like my girlfriends body or anything and it gets me down.. It was her birthday Sunday and we argued and I f*cked up and I froze and she started making me feel better.. And she really tries.. But lately I keep feeling bad.. And it's making me depressed I don't know what to do... I feel like dying I'm not even sure if to stay with my girlfriend. My my is driving me to suicide.
    • jessica05
      jessica05 Alone

      Posted

      deep inside im sure you still like your girlfriend just try to take medicine and see a therapist for this depression once your depression will go away your feeling to your girlfriend will get back to you dont rush taking any decision go to doctor give yourself some time and Im sure everything will be fine

      I hope and wish you all the best

      from the name you have"Alone" i can tell that your depression is sharp like my boyfriend

      be strong and this is just temporary feeling you will get over it

      best wish

      Jessica

    • Alone
      Alone jessica05

      Posted

      I do like her but the thoughts of this other girl won't go away and I feel like they may be true but I don't want them to be? This causes more worry and I just lose it.. I'd love to love my girlfriend but these thoughts won't go..
    • jessica05
      jessica05 Alone

      Posted

      just give it few days and space with yourself things will be clear soon

      I know its not easy be patient for few days until your feeling will be clear

       

    • Alone
      Alone jessica05

      Posted

      I'm so scared because I don't want to lose her, but my feelings are weird and I'm confused and just want to love her again... Please help
    • jessica05
      jessica05 Alone

      Posted

      I think you have same feeling my boyfriend has for me now while he is depressed just focus and your self and try to get better

      when he get depressed last year he disapeared for whole month then he start talking slow and i felt like he has no feeling for me when i told him i will leave because i love him so much and i havent felt that back from me he bagged me to stay and cry for me he said if i leave him he will hurt himself but with time his feeling get back to him

      justy be patieit i really felt he love me

      but now his depression get back to him and because i read a lot about it im trying to be patient and see what the futur is hiding i have strong faith and I know the best is coming i have been patient for so long

    • Alone
      Alone jessica05

      Posted

      My girlfriend is very supportive and has put up with everything... I appreciate her, but why am I getting thoughts about this other girl being better and 'that I want her'?
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