My drinking.....I know I have a problem,

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Hi I have been reading this forum for a couple of days now and thought it was time I joined and wrote down my experiences hopefully to recieve some support. 

I have been drinking too much for about 19 years. A combitnation of drinking everyday to binge drinking.  The pattern for the five years or so had been drinking on alternate evenings.  It has been escalating and I now find myself drinking an awful lot more and getting completly wasted for no reason I will continue to drink until there is nothing left, vomiting and knowing that the next day is ruined. 

I lost my job 4 weeks ago due to my drinking and also made a rally stupid mistake which thankfully nobody has ound out about but it is niggling at me and I feel so guilty.... So what do I do I get drunk again and again. 

it is now affecting me physically, I look like sh*t,I have a red face, I am putting on weight.I have pains under my ribs. I miss out on whole days as I am too ill to even get out of bed. I discovered taking a small drink of beer in the morning will help me but it just makes the hangovers worse when they do come. I take Citalopram for depression and anxiety but I keep forgetting to take them. I am now a nervous wreck, at my worse I lie in my bed, crying, demanding my husband stays with me as I think I am going to die. 

I ladt got wasted on Wednesady night, I drunk 1/2 bottle of JD and 1/2 bottle of wine. Had a beer on Thursday morning and then spent all day in bed. I had an OK day on Friday, went out with my husbands hand holding and again in the evening with my children and a friend. Home by 9pm, felt proud of myself and thought, Well done, I deserve a drink. Well one drink turned to 3 large JD's, I just coudnt stop, even though I knew I had things to do on Saturday. 

Luckily on Sat AM I managed to get out the house although I was shaking, and a nervous mess. Spent all day out with my family, trying so hard to appear normal. I cant let them know what I am going through. 

Got home last night, with no kids, they were having a sleep over. Perfect oppertunity for me to get bladdered and there was a full bottle of JD in the house.....

But I was good, I had an ovaltine and went to bed with my kindle and have only just woken up. (Best nights sleep ever!) 

However I still feel nervous and shaky and that bottle of JD is still talking to me.

I know I have to stop I just dont know how to and how to find the strength, I have forgotton who I am. 

 

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  • Posted

    Hi Vicki

    Thanks for posting and sorry to hear your having a tough time.It's good to get support at these times ,I know personally .It helps a bit on here ,but even more if you had visited a support group.Have you tied that yet? They really do help ,you find you are not alone in this problem and that theres always people worse off than your self. I visit my local NHS alcohol and drug abuse group.There are various events and meetings during the week.Attend as much or as little as you want to.You can even spend the day there if you want,its like a drop in home.

    Its worth trying

    good luck and stay in touch

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply Bigbee. I have contacted a recovery group local to me by email and they have been great so far. I just need to pluck up the courage to actually go and visit them.

      Thanks x 

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  • Posted

    Hello Vicki. You have recognised that your drinking is a problem. That is the first crucial step. As Bigbee said, there are a lot of support groups around and it may be worth seeing what you have available in your local area.

    You haven't really said enough about your drinking pattern for me to work out if you are physically dependent on alcohol. What is the longest you ever go without a drink and, during these times, do you get shaky, sweaty or more anxious than usual? The fact that you sometimes drink in the morning to be able to feel better indicates that you probably ARE physically dependent.

    Citalopram is an anti-depressant which also helps anxiety, as you said. Alcohol is a depressant which means that it counteracts the work of the Citalopram, defeating the object of taking it in the first place.

    You may need an alcohol detox. I would consider seeing your GP and explaining everything.

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    • Posted

      Morning Paul. Thanks for your reply. 

      My drinking has been very varied. I was under control and I didnt really drink to excess until about 6 months ago, (yes of course I ad the odd bender but managed to function) I was prescribed Citalopram after a visit to the Drs about 6 months ago because of anxiety and panic attacks. I heeded their advice and rarely drank, so I know I can do it! I was sober for about 1 month an then started taking the odd glass of wine. The meds werer working so I thought why not? I ha a ouple of occasions whee i drank 2 or 3 bottles of wine or too much vodka and lost a few days but I managed to then not drink again for a couple of days beore the cycle repeated. 

      Typically the last two months I have been drinking on alternate days and would be drinking half a bottle od spirits or a couple of bottles of wine. Morning drinking is rare and has only been this past month. Well I dont have a job to go to so I have been getting more bladdered.

      On a plus note, I didnt drink again yesterday so that makes 3 days/2nights. I did have to ask my husband to take the alchohol out of the house whilst he was at work so it wasnt there when the temptation was great/ I feel OK this AM, had a terrible night sleep with some really random deams and kept waking. I still feel panicky and a little shaky. 

       am seeing my Dr this morning and may talk to her, although  am a little concerned about admitting my problems as if I cannot find a job soon in my proffesion I need to think about doing something else which will involve a medical. And I dont want it to affect that. 

      I have bought some Vitamin B1 which I have started to take, Do you think this is a good idea and is there any other suppliments I can take to get me back into health?

      Thanks again Paul x

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  • Posted

    HI VICKI, paul is right, i have always been a functioning alchoholic but it was wnen i started drinking in the morning just to feel ok and nrmal that i realised how much your body needs alchohol after a while, im nearly 7 days in without meds please dont try this as it can be dangerous, rally i just wanted to tell you i think its the fear of shaking ect that stops us from stopping ,i just wanted to say that in my case after 3 days the shaking and nerves started to calm down, sleep was crap for 2 days bad dreams ect cravings are driving me mad still  and although i expect them to calm i know they will always be there,  im sorry your feeling so bad at the moment but this forum helps me and hope it helps you to get what you want, athe care and good luck i really think its doable

     

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    • Posted

      Thank you nantucker. Youre post makes so much sense to me. That is how I am feeling. 

      Well done on 7 days clear, That is fantastic!!! It is so doable, we just have to be strong.

      x

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    • Posted

      Hi vicki, how did the weekend go , i jsut wanted to explain why i had no meds, it was because i had to wait a week to see my doctor and you know how good us drinkers are about putting things off i just knew i would cancel and put off for another week, its awfull how we would drive 10 miles to find a booze shop open but cant find the strength to make a phone call to the doctors, lets reverse that strengh pattern !  i love alchohol and what it does to me but i must learn to hate it, its gonna be hard , but DOABLE, keep strong. we can all do it
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    • Posted

      Weekend was sober! I am going to the Drs today for an anxiety meds review. I need to pluck up the courage to talk to her about how I am feeling. I am shaky this Am and feel sick, very tired as I had no sleep last night.

      I wan to confidnce a drink will give me... 

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    • Posted

      I felt like a drink this morning ,my wife has gone to work and its my normal time to open a 8.4 cider or vodka with fruit juice , it is breakfast after all !  i going back to bed to concentrate on not drinking, glad you found strength to go doctors and insist on your meds, people dont understand how much effort it takes just to wanna get up in the morning let alone to stuff like doctors ect . Good luck
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    • Posted

      Be strong you can do it. x

      Drs appointment is for my anxiety meds, not to stop drinking. Its a new doctor who i havnt met before. I hope I have to confidence to talk to her about the drinking. They know I have a problem its all on my notes and I have had to have previous LFT's but they dont now that I have got far worse than I ever.

       

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  • Posted

    God I am so nervous about going to the Drs. 

    Got a busy day today, lots of things to do with kids and school. I cant find the motivation to do it. I just want to go back to bed to sleep off the temptation :-(

     

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    • Posted

      You have BOTH done it the most dangerous way, you and Nantucket. If either of you find yourselves drinking again do NOT do it this way, it could KILL you! You should seek an alcohol detox to stop drinking safely and comfortably.

      Having said that, you have both done amazingly well and you are now past the danger period.

      Vicki. Don't go to the doctor's and keep quiet about the alcohol problem, alcohol does that to people. You may already be thinking about when you can possibly get the next drink and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, you should take it on as a challenge.

      Alcohol CAUSES anxiety and panic attacks. It also causes depression and, as it is a depressant, it will stop anti-depressant pills working as they should.

      You should ask your Dr to prescribe some Thiamine. This is a B vitamin. A deficiency of Thiamine is the main cause of alcohol dementia which can occur even in young people who drink excessively for a long time. By taking Thiamine tablets, you will not only minimise your risk, but you will also feel a lot better yourself.

      Keeping off the booze will also make you feel physically better if you can keep going. You will notice less anxiety and more motivation. The first few days are tough, as you already know. After that, you will still have cravings at times. A support group or one-to-one counselling can help. There is also a drug called Acamprosate which helps with cravings. Maybe ask your doctor about that too. I hope I have replied in time for you to read this before you go to the doctor's.

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    • Posted

      Hi Paul.

      I didnt read your reply til after I had been to the Drs, but I told her and I do feel like I have a weight off my shoulders.

      She wants to see me again in a month and has asked that I contact the county alchohol treatment service myself. 

      I have already bought soem Thiamine (Vit B1) from pharmacy and have been taking them for 3 days so far. 

      I understand now that I should not have just stopped. I dont for one minute believe that I am going to be able to stop completely this time. I just cant get drunk... I need to be strong. 

       

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    • Posted

      You have taken a step in the right direction by recognising the issue and seeking help Vicki smile You may find you have to wait a while for an appointment with the alcohol service as most are very under-resourced, but persist.
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  • Posted

    Another night without a drink :-)

    I made myself busy and had the confidence to join my child in a Christmas outing.

    Came home to observe my husband getting wasted, not pretty. 

    Feel ok this morning, I can do this 

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    • Posted

      Well done ! Your husband isn't helping is he? Or maybe he is in a strange way, you can see what drink does to a person and what a mess he is in and you're sober!
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    • Posted

      No he is not helping at all. 

      I drives me crazy as he can drink and get drunk but not feel like he is dying. Saying that I know he is dependant as he drinks every night and finds it very difficult not to. 

      Cant tell him though. I need to deal with my own demons first 

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