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Hi I have been reading this forum for a couple of days now and thought it was time I joined and wrote down my experiences hopefully to recieve some support.
I have been drinking too much for about 19 years. A combitnation of drinking everyday to binge drinking. The pattern for the five years or so had been drinking on alternate evenings. It has been escalating and I now find myself drinking an awful lot more and getting completly wasted for no reason I will continue to drink until there is nothing left, vomiting and knowing that the next day is ruined.
I lost my job 4 weeks ago due to my drinking and also made a rally stupid mistake which thankfully nobody has ound out about but it is niggling at me and I feel so guilty.... So what do I do I get drunk again and again.
it is now affecting me physically, I look like sh*t,I have a red face, I am putting on weight.I have pains under my ribs. I miss out on whole days as I am too ill to even get out of bed. I discovered taking a small drink of beer in the morning will help me but it just makes the hangovers worse when they do come. I take Citalopram for depression and anxiety but I keep forgetting to take them. I am now a nervous wreck, at my worse I lie in my bed, crying, demanding my husband stays with me as I think I am going to die.
I ladt got wasted on Wednesady night, I drunk 1/2 bottle of JD and 1/2 bottle of wine. Had a beer on Thursday morning and then spent all day in bed. I had an OK day on Friday, went out with my husbands hand holding and again in the evening with my children and a friend. Home by 9pm, felt proud of myself and thought, Well done, I deserve a drink. Well one drink turned to 3 large JD's, I just coudnt stop, even though I knew I had things to do on Saturday.
Luckily on Sat AM I managed to get out the house although I was shaking, and a nervous mess. Spent all day out with my family, trying so hard to appear normal. I cant let them know what I am going through.
Got home last night, with no kids, they were having a sleep over. Perfect oppertunity for me to get bladdered and there was a full bottle of JD in the house.....
But I was good, I had an ovaltine and went to bed with my kindle and have only just woken up. (Best nights sleep ever!)
However I still feel nervous and shaky and that bottle of JD is still talking to me.
I know I have to stop I just dont know how to and how to find the strength, I have forgotton who I am.
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