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My drinking.....I know I have a problem,

Posted , 5 users are following.

vic67405
vic67405

Hi I have been reading this forum for a couple of days now and thought it was time I joined and wrote down my experiences hopefully to recieve some support. 

I have been drinking too much for about 19 years. A combitnation of drinking everyday to binge drinking.  The pattern for the five years or so had been drinking on alternate evenings.  It has been escalating and I now find myself drinking an awful lot more and getting completly wasted for no reason I will continue to drink until there is nothing left, vomiting and knowing that the next day is ruined. 

I lost my job 4 weeks ago due to my drinking and also made a rally stupid mistake which thankfully nobody has ound out about but it is niggling at me and I feel so guilty.... So what do I do I get drunk again and again. 

it is now affecting me physically, I look like sh*t,I have a red face, I am putting on weight.I have pains under my ribs. I miss out on whole days as I am too ill to even get out of bed. I discovered taking a small drink of beer in the morning will help me but it just makes the hangovers worse when they do come. I take Citalopram for depression and anxiety but I keep forgetting to take them. I am now a nervous wreck, at my worse I lie in my bed, crying, demanding my husband stays with me as I think I am going to die. 

I ladt got wasted on Wednesady night, I drunk 1/2 bottle of JD and 1/2 bottle of wine. Had a beer on Thursday morning and then spent all day in bed. I had an OK day on Friday, went out with my husbands hand holding and again in the evening with my children and a friend. Home by 9pm, felt proud of myself and thought, Well done, I deserve a drink. Well one drink turned to 3 large JD's, I just coudnt stop, even though I knew I had things to do on Saturday. 

Luckily on Sat AM I managed to get out the house although I was shaking, and a nervous mess. Spent all day out with my family, trying so hard to appear normal. I cant let them know what I am going through. 

Got home last night, with no kids, they were having a sleep over. Perfect oppertunity for me to get bladdered and there was a full bottle of JD in the house.....

But I was good, I had an ovaltine and went to bed with my kindle and have only just woken up. (Best nights sleep ever!) 

However I still feel nervous and shaky and that bottle of JD is still talking to me.

I know I have to stop I just dont know how to and how to find the strength, I have forgotton who I am. 

 

0 likes, 28 replies

28 Replies

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  • nantucket01
    nantucket01 vic67405

    Posted

    Hi vic, how are you doing today, just a quick mail to tell you my wife is still drinking even through my time of trying to stop, i had a small slip today but i think i can get over it, keep srong and mabey 1 day you can help your husband as thats what im planing to do with ny wife, to be honest i feel gelous that my wife can still drink and function and wish i could become a normal drinker but in my heart i know this will never happen, keep strong and good luck
  • vic67405
    vic67405

    Posted

    Oh my god the cravings................

    I am trying to distract myself, what can I do?

    • vic67405
      vic67405 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Thanks Paul. Excercise, thats a new one for me :-)

      Good idea, get out the house, walk. 

  • vic67405
    vic67405

    Posted

    Failed....

    Had a good day, re did Xmas decs, tried to walk the cravings off. Managed to speak to school without a panic and sweats. Came home vacuumed and thought I'd clean the fish tank. VERY productive day for me. Found quarter if a bottle of JD hidden in the bloody  fish bucket off all places, it's the hubby's, he's put it there so I don't drink it lol. Too late now. 

    Now to stop my self opening the red wine.

    What an idiot 

    • nantucket01
      nantucket01 vic67405

      Posted

      sod it i oppened the bottle, bloody weak idiot , gotta sort this out 
  • nantucket01
    nantucket01 vic67405

    Posted

    Hi vic its 330 ish wed morning and i failed yesterday too, house we are selling deal got messed up , loads of calls and e mails and crap that a recovering alcholic doesnt need , row with wife then drink, drink , drink it was lovely to visit my old friend the bottle again, but now i want my friend to leave me agaun for a long while, i have just been downstairs cos my wife sleeped on the settee and ther is an un oppened bottle of wine in the kitchen, if it was oppened i would havee taken a swig ,i stil might open it while my wife s asleep, 2 bloody idiots on this forum vic !
    • vic67405
      vic67405 nantucket01

      Posted

      Hi Nantucket I am sorry that you had a bad day yesterday too. 

      Today is another day 

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 nantucket01

      Posted

      Don't think 'idiot.' Think 'struggling but will win.' It's all too easy to tell yourself that you are an idiot and therefore make excuses for slipping smile Fight on! smile
  • vic67405
    vic67405

    Posted

    i stopped myself. I didnt empty the quarter bottle. Poured 2 drinks, drunk the first and half of the second then tipped it away. That was SO hard. I feel like maybe I havnt failed quite so badly. Im going to draw a line under it, today is a new day and I will not be tempted today 
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 vic67405

      Posted

      That is VERY difficult to do, Vic, to pour away a drink when you have an alcohol problem. You did well!!
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