My ex-girlfriend is a Sociopath. Affecting me badly.

I'm so sorry to hear this Marc. As a volunteer on a crisis line I've heard this story many times before - from women as well as men. I'm afraid people like your ex do walk among us, causing terrible pain and grief.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You weren't stupid, just loving and trusting. We've all been in situations - albeit not always as serious as yours - where we wonder after the event how on earth we could have let it happen.

How serious are you about wanting to keep contact with your kids?

That might sound like a stupid question, but it's something you need to take a hard look at before you start proceedings. We're all different. Some people - and particularly men - find they'd prefer to move on, once they sit down and honestly examine their own feelings. That's OK too. No need to let others railroad you into anything or make you feel bad about your own decisions.

If this is something you really want, you're going to have to start by consulting a lawyer. I don't know whereabouts in the world you are, but most countries have some kind of free or low-cost legal or mediation "clinics" where you can get preliminary advice. Relationship guidance services can also be helpful. In most countries, you don't both have to be present when seeing a relationship counsellor. Also, if you have solid proof that your ex has broken the law, that could act in your favour.

Marc, I'm afraid you have some hard thinking to do, just at a time when your grief is making it hard to think about anything clearly. I hope you have family or friends to support you.

All the best,

Lily

hi marc,

what a horrible person she is, but at least you can live with yourself knowing that you are the better person and do not live your life in such as way, can you not go to a solicitor and see what you can do about this situation with the children? that is a terrible thing to do, to cut contact with you so you cannot see your kids, there has to be something you can do, especially if you have proof of the lies and the fraud she has been committing to other people.  she will eventually get whats due to her and become a very lonely old lady and when you're children reaize what she's been doing they will want nothing to do with her either i would imagine. what a terrible time you must be having. this is one of the nastiest stories i've heard in a long time, i really feel for you, you must be at your whits end!! it's not that you've been stupid, don't ever say that about yourself, you've been a loyal and loving person and that is much better than what she is, i just hope you can find a way around this.

 

I should probably add that at the moment (via solictor) she has said hope can come to amicable solution regarding visitation. I know it will just be lie after lie about me though if i try to fight it. Its the only glimer of hope i have at the moment. I've spoken to Family and Friends and they try to be supportive but i still feel alone. My children are all under 10. 

Oh, Marc1978 I am in the EXACT SAME situation with my male exmale friend. He has become a pathalogical liar and I have confronted him on this many times and he will RAGE at me when I do. Just recent he told me in an email that he is going to die from prostrate cancer and has told his brother and gonna tell his son, but for sure it will be soon. So because of our history and his lieing  all the time I called his brother, no he did not tell him, I called his son, no he did not tell him I called his nurse because I wanted to know how I can be supportive of this type of cancer since it would affect any intimacy in the future. The nurse couldn't talk to me but said I need to get a hold of him. So  then I confronted him about this and I got RAGE back. Always RAGE from him if I corner him. As far as the children, you need to somehow find a way to see them because the children LEARN from her to lie, and they will. My male friends son lies constantly to everybody which you find out afterwards. So they will learn to lie. She has mental illness which I CAUTION her on and couple counseling WOULD be in order here. For both of you to get a handle on this because of the children, or she MIGHT lose them and either you would get full custody or they would end up in foster home(s). But at this point you should seek legal consult. Now if BOTH of you have ANY TYPE of mental illness, like if YOU also have a mental health disorder YOU do NOT know of and that drove her away, that puts a different slant on the problem. Sometimes a person does NOT know if they have a mental health disorder either until something like this happens. So go get checkout for you since they would be brought up with legal. If you do have a disorder that would have to be taken care of if not you have that on your side and would be a better choice for your children. It is a tricky situation when mental health is involved as the courts see it. BE CAREFUL if she lies they would be put in a difficult situation as to who to believe you her the kids?

Marc, your story doesn't sound unbelievable to me at all! Sadly, it's all too common - and not gender-specific either. What is gender-specific, however, is the UK justice system. Sadly, I agree with you - that your wife may indeed do everything in her power to get round court orders etc., and with impunity. When a man refuses access to children, the courts are quick to act. Less so when the boot is on the other foot, I'm afraid.

But that doesn't mean you should give up the fight, unless you want to. Have you tried googling "Fathers' rights"? I don't live in the UK, but I know Fathers4Justice are very active in this field. Granted, they're a bit on the wild side, but they need to be, to get their point across. I don't think they offer legal assistance, but I see there's both a blog and a forum on their site, where you might get some useful tips from men going through the same agony as you.

Sometimes I get very angry when I see how the so-called "women's movement", which I supported wholeheartedly as a young woman in the 60s, has swept away the rights of so many men.

I will look into the fathers for justice website thanks. All information is valuable. I dont believe that she will ever be happy. It feels to me that she used me emotionally and then realised that she had taken it as far as she could and could get nothing more out of me. In the meantime she has met another sucker and her emails suggest she is doing exactly the same thing to him as she did you me. 

This women would go to the extent of spending hours on the phone to her dad asking for advice. I have spoken to her dad since(she always kept us apart) and I now know that they hadnt spoken to each other last 10 years. Even her mother knows she has issues as she was constantly falling out over money and the grandchildren. 

Its all a bit much to get my head around at the moment.

Yeah I will try not to stoop to her level. The most upsetting thing is the children wasnt told they were going where they went. They must be wondering where I have gone and the reasons. We have always been close.

Her parents are seperated but after talking to her mum since i now realise what depths she went to to keep us apart.

I dont even feel particular anger towards my ex, just sadness that she dont realise. I look at it as an illness because i know logically a normal person could not do as she has done. I still however feel upset that it happened and i will kick myself forever that i did not act on the signs.

I have a sense to do what is right for my children and i just feel that this behaviour will affect them so much and in the future and I am going to be the one picking up the pieces.   

Psychopaths are very charming and very deceptive. They even fool psychiatrists. Put it down to experience.

These monsters without conscience target good people with conscience.

You can find genuine love.

I watched a very good film last night about the fall of the economy and how psychopaths behave and their lack of care for people they use (empathy)

The film is called 'Freefall' with Dominic Cooper. Worth a watch to see how these empty people behave.

I hope you find peace from your experience Marc.