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My ex-girlfriend is a Sociopath. Affecting me badly.

Posted , 8 users are following.

Marc1978
Marc1978

I have just found out that the women i loved and the mother of my children is a Sociopath. She has been lying to me for 10 years about money, relationship with parents, her financial situation, her job, you name it. Everything has been a lie. 

She have now taken the kids away form me and moved into home with another man. She is doing the exact same thing to this man as she has done to me. I know this as i have read 2 years worth of her emails. She has discarded me and cut off all contact.

I feel so stupid for believing all her lies. I cannot believe that what she was saying I didnt question more. She always had an answer for everything without fail and she would back up her arguments with forged emails and pretend phone calls. I have evidence that she has been conning men on the internet under different aliases also. Sometimes recieving large sums of money.  

She even lied to me about her being ill in hospital with chrohns disease. She left me at home looking after our children whilst i juggled job and kids when i believed she ill but i now know she was staying in a hotel (i have proof).

This was a highly stressful situation as you can u can imagine. It was then that my partner suggested that the children should stay at her grandparents for a while until she was better. This is when i lost all contact with my children, I would get excuse after excuse about visiting and that they would ring me. My partner would often send me pictures of the children looking happy and this would just about do enough to pacify me until the next day.  

My situation is I feel i have lost everything simply because i have been a loving, caring partner who believed was in a loving relationship. My major major concern is the affect that this woman is going to have on my kids. I feel all alone and do not know where to turn. I cannot believe i have been so stupid :-((

Marc

0 likes, 32 replies

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  • MaDexter
    MaDexter Marc1978

    Posted

    Your ex can no more help being a Sociopath than you can help being a man, it is the way she is wired.  I know this because I was married to a clinically diagnosed Psychopath and had 2 children with him before I realised, although, if I'm honest, there were certainly signs but it was easier to ignore them.  Of course, that doesn't help you in anyway at all but you will need a lot of help to learn how to deal with her and the sad reality is she will be around forever because even when your kids are grown up, they have weddings, christenings, grandchildren etc which all mean that she is in the background misinforming anybody who will listen.  However, kids aren't stupid.  Don't bad mouth her, let the children find out for themselves (they will) and just be there for them as much as you can.  Obviously she will try to make things hard for you, it will be stressful but try to take a deep breath and remember why you are fighting to see the children.  There is a bias towards a woman in the family courts but it is possible to win if you are calm and don't play into her hands.  You don't have to pay huge solicitors fees, you can represent yourself if you don't have a lot of money and the courts can be very helpful.  In fact, when my son went to court about his son without a solicitor, her solicitor was as helpful to us too; they know what these women are like! Good luck.
    • lily65668
      lily65668 MaDexter

      Posted

      Amen to all that! Wise words indeed.

      And Marc, you will come through this. I'm ancient enough to know we all come through adversity one way or another - even if the outcome doesn't turn out to be what we wanted or expected.

      Don't lose heart.

  • lily65668
    lily65668 Marc1978

    Posted

    That's priceless, Walter! But then I've often suspected barmen have a better understanding of the human condition than psychiatrists.razz
    • WalterMcDonald
      WalterMcDonald lily65668

      Posted

      I think every young person should be a bar person for getting to know people despite the alcohol.

      I would never have been able to be a London barman without the journey from my parents house to the town barman where I used to live.

      My girlfriend at the time her sister was with a publican so he offered me a job. He put me in at the deep end Thursday night which was pay day in Ireland.

  • Lillypad1
    Lillypad1 Marc1978

    Posted

    I am so sorry to hear about what your partner has done to you.  It is such a shock to find out that the person you love has been lying throughout your whole relationship. Do you have the address of your children's parents, I would imagine that they could tell you where your children are, unless she has lied to them as well about you.

    Personally I would say to get some legal advice regarding contact with your children, many specialise in family law. Even the Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to help.

    Please don't think that you are stupid, because you have done nothing wrong, the blame falls on your ex partner.  I hope that you are able to get contact. 

    • Lillypad1
      Lillypad1

      Posted

      Sorry, that was meant to say children's grandparents.
    • Marc1978
      Marc1978 Lillypad1

      Posted

      Yeah I know where they have moved to. The best thing is that when i opened my eyes fully it took me about 2 mins to find out. I didnt approach the house and demand answers as i thought that would do more harm than good and the children may be upset. She kept it secret from everyone as she dont have relationship with dad and falls out with her mum often. 

      I tried talking in text as she wouldnt answer the phone and even then she denying everything. This is why i went to solicitor. 

    • lily65668
      lily65668 Marc1978

      Posted

      Good for you, Marc! You're being discreet and low-key. That's the way to avoid any false accusations of harassment on her part. You need to work on this with your own lawyer now. You're doing all the right things!
    • MK5460
      MK5460 Marc1978

      Posted

      You may know where she lives but DON'T attempt to approach her or it will be considered stalking and that is jail time for you. Keep your distance and seek therapy to get help with this. Talk to an attorney to make sure you keep this all legal, you don't need her using anything against you in court if it should go that direction.
  • Lillypad1
    Lillypad1 Marc1978

    Posted

    It's good to hear that you have already gone to a solicitor.  It seems that you are getting a lot of advice on here so I wont add to the confusion.  I would say this, there is one person on here who I would try to take no notice of, she sounds as though she has serious mental health issues and seems to be trying really hard to push her ways on you with the use of capital letters.  I am sure she means well, but I find her responses very worrying.  All the best. 
  • justbeingme2
    justbeingme2 Marc1978

    Posted

    What makes you say she is a sociopath? I will agree in some of the comments that she needs to see a doctor. Maybe her lies were because she was always rejected, for example. I have done what she did. I got help. I'm bipolar and not a sociopath. My life is healthy now but I hurt many in my illness. I didn't know I was ill and when finally told, I didn't believe it. I'm a single mother now and I focus on my mental health and my little family. I pray she gets help! I have learned acceptance and to focus in the future. She does not even realize what she is doing. She is sick like someone with diabetes. You have to try to be strong for the children and move forward. Be ready to become a single father...it may happen. However, you have to live your life and find a purpose. I was in a terrible place! This shall pass but you have to be willing to see things positively in the face of ugly. I am just telling you how I got through it and continue to grow mentally. It has not been easy. I'm finally getting a life! Don't lose yourself in this situation...easy to do! Hug
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