My ex husband just commited suicide

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Well, I'm back and this one through me a punch in the stomach that I wasn't expecting.

My ex husband and father of our 4 children hung himself yesterday. They are all so upset as am I.

I have stopped drinking since march 2017(1 year 5 months) but yesterday I almost gave myself permission to drink and my S.O. said that I could but I didn't. I did not want my kids to see me in that state. My ex was also an alcoholic and the kids have stopped associating with him because of his drinking. He was a very bad drunk. Drive and wreck cars, beat up his girlfriend and scarred the kids enough that even the littlest one said to him that until he stops drinking she is not going over to see him.

From what I understood he stopped (from what he said) for a year in June. But last time he called in July he sounded drunk.

Anyways, now I have 4 very upset children with no father and I feel like I do not have the right to cry because I left him 9 years ago because of his problems and threats.

I REALLY WANT THESE BOTTLES OF WINE RIGHT NOW!!!

I know that it will not fix anything and it will not make this go away or make my children better. I do not have anyone to really talk to. No real friends except my S.O. so I'm sorry for this long post but I really had to get it out there.

I'm sad.

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  • Posted

    Oh dear.

    This is a hard time for you.

    You have every right to cry and you aren't to blame for what happened.

    Your children need you more than ever and not drinking (tempting as it is) will set a great example for them.

    All the best,

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear this. You have done so well not to drink and from your post it doesn’t sound like you really want to, so well done 👍 This is a horrible situation for everyone and you have the right to cry for your kids, your ex and yourself. Take it easy and stay strong, take all the time you need to get your head around it and have the ups and downs that will follow.

    Unfortunately suicide is all too common but that means there will be many many people out there online who have personal experience and can hopefully provide you with advice and comfort. xx

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  • Posted

    Not sure why my reply is waiting to be moderated but i was just offering you encouragement, you have done so well to not drink good for you xx
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  • Posted

    I had to reply to you I not sure what to say or frightened I will say the wrong thing . Here goes you are not alone please take your time  None of this is your fault you are probably exhausted and I don't know you ,you don't know me but we both know a bottle of wine is bad at the moment . Most importantly all you can do is be there for your children and look after yourself . everything takes time .Best Wishes and please try and remember what your forum name says 'smile' when it is right for you . x

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  • Posted

    Agreed with Sarah. It appears that you have come so far by not having a drink for the last few months. Do not let this be a reason now. I fear that if you start again now you could head for a slippery slope. Your children will be needing support, from a mother who is sober. You have a support network here. We don't know you nor will judgement be passed, so talk all you like. You can do this. I have faith.

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  • Posted

    Hi Smile,I am very sorry to read your message.I am 61 & I lost my two late parents to drink.My late mother passed away with drinking & took a massive overdose.Then in 1980 my Husband & I had to give up our various jobs & care my my late father who died in 1987.Please please don't drink,your children really need you more than ever now.Your dead forever.Scary but true.You will win through keep each day a special one.regards Amanda h

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  • Posted

    hi just popped in again to check you are ok . You are probably not but when you are ready to have a peak you will know there are people who really care x Thinking of you x 
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    • Posted

      Hi Sarah,

      Thanks and thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I broke down at the hospital today while trying to get information and had an anxiety attack so they kept me there for awhile. Haven't had any alcohol although it has been extremely tempting. Going to go to sleep and pray that tomorrow will be easier.

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  • Posted

    Hello smile

    Very sorry to hear about your situation. Alcohol ruins lives and you should be proud it has not ruined yours. 

    It is ok to greive your ex husband without feeling guilty. However at times like these surely the severe impact of alcohol on your ex is extremely evident in the circumstance.

    Do not drink, alcohol is a depressant you will feel worse and worse the more you drink. Remember the reasons why you stopped drinking (for me it was the mental depression paranoia anxiety after a five day 10 bottle whiskey binge coupled with the deep Shame when hearing about my antics) 

    Your children will need you to be strong.

     

    Good luck

    Cormac 

     

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear about your troubles. How tough for all of you right now. You are incredibly strong not to drink after so much upset. My thoughts are with you☺
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  • Posted

    Hi and thanks so much for all of the kind words and encouragement. Not going to lie but it has been more than tempting to drink. Every day feels worst then the last up until yesterday. The children were allowed to see him one last time and now heres hoping for healing to begin. With this I hope my urge to grab that bottle of wine and drink away my pain decreases too.

    We are to bring him from Canada to his mother in Belgium shortly if all goes as planned. And she has been giving my daughter and me problems saying all we want is money and that they will get nothing.

    My daughter who found out he passed already has it hard enough without her grandmother saying things like that to her. So even more on me to be the rock, balance, shock absorber...

    Thanks again for reading and letting me unload.

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