Posted , 5 users are following.
Thank you to everyone who replied to me. I really appreciate it and I am only writing this becauuse I am lost and don't know what to do with myself. BUT, I must tell you this as I think and hope my husband knew what was happening before he died, even though he was in a deep sleep, and I really think and really hope he could hear whatwas being said.
I had stayed with him in A & E then on the ward from 2 am when he was taken in until 9 am, my sons came to sit with him and I went home to get changed and went back in the afternoon. I stayed all night with him until 6 am the following day when my son came and I went home to have a sleep but couldn't. My son went home at 12.30 pm. when his brother turned up and he was going to stay until 4 pm. until I turned up to sit with him through the night again. I decided to go early and got there for 1 pm.The doctors wanted us all to meet them at 4 pm to discuss what we were going to do with regards to DNR. I looked at my husband wearing the big life support mask which blows oxygen into his body and removes Carbon dioxide and knew how much he hated the mask, so I asked my son to get his brother back before 4 pm as I didn't want my husband having to suffer for four hours on a machine if it was not helping. We were all there for 2 pm. the doctor came to talk to us and said things were extremely poor and they needed to know what to do. We asked questions which were answered and I said, can my husband come out of this if the antibiotics kick in, the doctor said probably but we would have to wait and see but the prognosis was not good but they would keep up with the treatment for a few more days until they knew for sure. My sons did not know what to do as they did not want to see their dad have to go through the treatment for another few days if there was no hope at all. I said to them that we owe it to their dad to give him as much time as possible to fight this infection and I wanted the doctors to carry on with his treatment for few days and then we will definitely know what to do, I didn't want to say, turn the machine off, without giving him a fighting chance of at least coming round and being able to talk to him again. My sons agreed, and I think they were relieved that I had made the decision for them. The doctors said in a few days time we will have our answers and I was sure I had made the right decision and had not let him go without a fight. My son and daughter-in-law said they would go and get some coffee and they left the ward, my other son and I were sat next to my husband, I was talking to him, telling him how much I loved him and to fight and not give in, then within minutes everything changed, I just said to my son to get his brother back now, they all came back into the ward and just had time to hold their dad and say goodbye to him then they left me with him and he died peacefully, in my arms without the horrible mask on, with me telling him how much I loved him. I think my husband had heard us discussing keeping him going and he decided he had had enough and could not take it anymore. I would love to think he heard us telling the doctors we were not giving up on him and that he knew how much he was loved and how much we wanted him to pull through. That is my only source of comfort, knowing we decided to give him chance to come back to us, but he took the final decision out of our hands.
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