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My Journey.

Posted , 10 users are following.

ophelia123
ophelia123

I would love if someone...at least one person. Would just sit down and read my story..I would really appreciate it. smile

It all started on January 2015. It was a Friday night and I was drinking coffee (dont ask me why) and I went to bed. Well that's what I thought. After an hour later my stomach started feeling weird and then I had a panic attack. I would get these in 5th grade but I wasn't too worried about them (they would only happen at night time). But this one was different. It was intense and lasted about 3 hours. When it was about to end I started having this pulsing hard headache. It was so horrible I couldn't even lay on the opposite side. I eventually slept and the next morning, it was all good. Then on Sunday night I got the same exact headache and lasted until I went to bed. For the rest of the week, these headaches would last all day but the pain would change. It would be light and then boom, it would become really hard all of a sudden. Pain: throb, pressure, dull, aching, tickleling, and cold. This continued for the entire Feb. I went to the doctor and she shrugged it off and said that I really need glasses. Got my glasses. Nothing changed. Im guessing they shurg it off because I am a teenager. Seems pretty dumb to me. But then I realized that sometimes the headaches wouldn't come. If I thought about them, it would start kicking in but if I act like it isn't here, it wouldn't bother me. A few weeks later I started having tummy trouble. Along with chest pain. I seriously thought that I would have an heart attack. I got a chest x-ray and a kidney ultrasound. All came back fine. Yes, I was relieved, but still freaked out. My doctor also found 2 thyroid nodules and will be seeing a specialist all the way in June. (UGH!) I get muscle twitches or spasms or whatever you call it. All of this stuff brought me to the internet, finding all of these illnesses and diseases...I started diagnosing myself. Heart failure, cancer, stroke, anemia...everything you could possibly think of. I probably thought I had that or will have it. I then developed health anxiety. I started (and still am) scared of anything, and death. I think about it constantly and sometimes even scared of sleeping thinking that I wont wake up. If I smell something funny, I would think that it is carbon monoxide, I sneeze thinking that I bursted something in my head, I cut myself thinking that my blood will get infected and I will turn blue or something. I started getting scared or nervous about everything. I would also get random anxiety attacks. If a loud noise comes on all of a sudden I would freak and my heart will race extremly fast. Everything I see, I think it's danger. Also sometimes I would feel like I can't breathe. I feel like soemthing is sitting on my chest and my heart would sometimes skip beats, or flutter. I am used to the headaches, muscle twitches, panic attacks, and these heart/chest pains. Sadly, I feel like this is never going to be over.

******The only reason I am posting this is because I never told anyone about this. I feel alone. I feel like anytime I would tell someone they would look at me and shrug and say, "Your just a kid, your fine." I haven't felt like myself since early January. I over think everything. I doubt everyone and everything and I feel like I have every illness in a doctors book. I feel like no one would every listen to me. And believe it or not, I don't want anyone to listen to me. I don't trust anyone with my problems. Telling my parents is just like telling the hulk. They will tell you to toughen up and pray. My siblings will just look at me like im crazy and desperate and will make jokes out of it.

* Whoever reached to the end, I applaud you. Yes I wrote a whole entire essay (much harder) but hey, I kind of feel better. 

* If you have a story to tell, please feel free to share and I will read. smile 

Thank you!

4 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • ophelia123
    ophelia123

    Posted

    Ahhhhhh, I just realized that my story is really long! It's like a chapter book. xDD
  • petered
    petered ophelia123

    Posted

    You should speak with some one that you trust. It is good that you felt you could post this online. Never try and diagnose something that you read about and think you have it.

    Have you spoken with your Family Doctor, about how you are feeling. You are not alone, people love you and opening up to them can seem difficult at first. Headaches are one thing I never liked. Try remaining calm and not think that people will laugh or parents will not be supportive.

    Hope that you get answers to you health concerns. God Bless

    • ophelia123
      ophelia123 petered

      Posted

      I usually diagnose myself for about a week and then move on. Deep in my mind I know that I have none of these illnesses and im just being ridiculous. My family doctor doesn't really want to hear me anymore. She's all about the money and getting stuff done. Doesn't really care about how I feel, just if I have any illnesses. As of right now, I don't really have anyone. My parents (told them many times) just tell me to pray and then everything is going to be alright and my siblings....well they really couldn't care less. And I don't have any close friends. Im starting to just listen to my parents and pray and just well...deal with it.

      Thanks for replying. smile

    • Sherrieberries1
      Sherrieberries1 ophelia123

      Posted

      Sweetheart I know that feeling well. But there are people who care......several of these are here....we are only a email away and will listen to you and understand. You are not alone. I wish you peace and joy.
  • Sredni393
    Sredni393 ophelia123

    Posted

    Sounds like anxiety.  Get a prescription for diazepam, Valium, or a benzodiazepam, take one at night and see if your symptoms disappear.  You may need a higher dise, start w 2mg and up to 4mg.  Yr dr will met you I'm sure.  Needs must... Your anxiety increases exponentially.  Id lay dollars to doughnuts, you'll calm down and be able to distance yourself from focussing so intensively.  
    • ophelia123
      ophelia123 Sredni393

      Posted

      Thanks for your suggestion. Trust me, I would love to take meds and not have to deal with this. But as of right now, I have no idea what is going on with me so I can't just start taking anything. I guess I'll have to tell my doctor and parents to see if it is that serious.
    • ptolemy
      ptolemy Sredni393

      Posted

      Benzodiazapines are not prescribed easily in UK any more although they do still seem to be handed out like candy in the US.  Taking such drugs is not necessarily the best way to sort out our lives, we are just building up problems long term. We need to find the source of the problem, not just suppress it.
  • sandra2468
    sandra2468 ophelia123

    Posted

    Ophelia,

    I have listened to your story.

    You must be going through a really diffiuclt cisis in your life at the moment.

    I have had panic attacks and they are more than real.

    If your body is shaking and you cannot control your symptoms it is all real.

    Could you have a holiday in the sunhsine.

    I have had so many problems prior and a holiday really helps.

    Best Sandra

     

  • queSera
    queSera ophelia123

    Posted

    Ophelia, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Others have some good suggestions.  I tend to read a lot, so if I'm concerned about something or want to learn more I try to find a book on it. A book I read years back is "Women who think too much" - can't remember author but you'll probably find it. I've always worried too much, tied myself in knots, thought I was different/odd/whatever when I was younger, but I wasn't - just thought I was and thought about it all much too much.

    lso, do you have a good hobby to get stuck into? Something that will take your mind off your worries some of the time, eg knitting, patchwork etc. I remember a very bright journalist I worked with once saying that knitting saved her life when she was a teenager, as it stopped her mind from racing all the time. That has always stuck with me.   I'm not saying your symptoms aren't real - they are, but if you could 'rest'  your mind then that may help.

    Take care.

    • ophelia123
      ophelia123 queSera

      Posted

      Ahh, yes. I enjoy bike riding very much (and reading). Allows me to cool down a bit. smile I guess your right, maybe I should be doing more of my fav hobbies instead of worrying all the time. 
  • donna40100
    donna40100 ophelia123

    Posted

    I'm sorry u feel alone and sick !!! I will pray for u , I'm an adult and been having medical issues with my lady parts for years and no dr will listen , so I know how u feel , everyone believes it's in my head !! Don't give up , u have a whole life a head of u and things will get better !!
  • care4health
    care4health ophelia123

    Posted

    That's a very good step you already made, you posted your story here and you see lots of people listen to you. 

    You sound like you have an anxiety problem. There are very good doctors, specialists who can treat it. But maybe you just need to find the right person first you can talk to. It's not a good idea to keep it to yourself.

    Anyway don;t try to diagnose yourself on the internet. You can end up on pages which have nothing to do with you, but can really freak you out.

    Just give you an example, I had an plastic surgery for my ears, after the surgery my eras got red, sore and swollen. Got antibiotics, but didn't work. 

    Started to research on the net what it could be and I found articles, pictures really horrible, like cancer, ear falling off etc. so I was freaked out. Then I got a different antibiotics and it did the job and it was all good. 

    So don't start to do the same, you can't diagnose such complex problems on the internet. 

    You need to talk to someone you trust. And seek medical help

     

  • jonsmith
    jonsmith ophelia123

    Posted

    Hello,

    Much of what you described is due to your anxiety and hypochondria. I have a lot of personal experience in this area and can tell you that it tends to have a snowball effect.

    I read this one thing that helped me a lot when I was at my worst with my health anxiety. Most of the diseases you find by googling symptoms boils down to a matter of probability. A website might tell you, you have the symptoms of a certain cancer but truth be told based on your age, gender, genetics, etc. the actual probability of having that particular disease may be less than 0.01% (just an example). In some cases, you might suspect to have a disease where the probability is literally less than being struck by lightning.

    Also, anti anxiety medication can help. Don't make it a part of your life. But a small dose for a short period of time will help you understand that a lot of your symptoms are anxiety related because they go away with this medication.

    Stop googling your symptoms and stay strong, you're not alone.

  • Sherrieberries1
    Sherrieberries1 ophelia123

    Posted

    I am so sorry for your pain. Aniexty is no joke I also suffer from this. The only thing that helped me was Xanax. I hope that you are doing better. If you ever need to talk I will listen. You are not alone. Much love and peace health and joy I wish you sweetheart. ☺
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