My Journey.

I would love if someone...at least one person. Would just sit down and read my story..I would really appreciate it.

It all started on January 2015. It was a Friday night and I was drinking coffee (dont ask me why) and I went to bed. Well that's what I thought. After an hour later my stomach started feeling weird and then I had a panic attack. I would get these in 5th grade but I wasn't too worried about them (they would only happen at night time). But this one was different. It was intense and lasted about 3 hours. When it was about to end I started having this pulsing hard headache. It was so horrible I couldn't even lay on the opposite side. I eventually slept and the next morning, it was all good. Then on Sunday night I got the same exact headache and lasted until I went to bed. For the rest of the week, these headaches would last all day but the pain would change. It would be light and then boom, it would become really hard all of a sudden. Pain: throb, pressure, dull, aching, tickleling, and cold. This continued for the entire Feb. I went to the doctor and she shrugged it off and said that I really need glasses. Got my glasses. Nothing changed. Im guessing they shurg it off because I am a teenager. Seems pretty dumb to me. But then I realized that sometimes the headaches wouldn't come. If I thought about them, it would start kicking in but if I act like it isn't here, it wouldn't bother me. A few weeks later I started having tummy trouble. Along with chest pain. I seriously thought that I would have an heart attack. I got a chest x-ray and a kidney ultrasound. All came back fine. Yes, I was relieved, but still freaked out. My doctor also found 2 thyroid nodules and will be seeing a specialist all the way in June. (UGH!) I get muscle twitches or spasms or whatever you call it. All of this stuff brought me to the internet, finding all of these illnesses and diseases...I started diagnosing myself. Heart failure, cancer, stroke, anemia...everything you could possibly think of. I probably thought I had that or will have it. I then developed health anxiety. I started (and still am) scared of anything, and death. I think about it constantly and sometimes even scared of sleeping thinking that I wont wake up. If I smell something funny, I would think that it is carbon monoxide, I sneeze thinking that I bursted something in my head, I cut myself thinking that my blood will get infected and I will turn blue or something. I started getting scared or nervous about everything. I would also get random anxiety attacks. If a loud noise comes on all of a sudden I would freak and my heart will race extremly fast. Everything I see, I think it's danger. Also sometimes I would feel like I can't breathe. I feel like soemthing is sitting on my chest and my heart would sometimes skip beats, or flutter. I am used to the headaches, muscle twitches, panic attacks, and these heart/chest pains. Sadly, I feel like this is never going to be over.

******The only reason I am posting this is because I never told anyone about this. I feel alone. I feel like anytime I would tell someone they would look at me and shrug and say, "Your just a kid, your fine." I haven't felt like myself since early January. I over think everything. I doubt everyone and everything and I feel like I have every illness in a doctors book. I feel like no one would every listen to me. And believe it or not, I don't want anyone to listen to me. I don't trust anyone with my problems. Telling my parents is just like telling the hulk. They will tell you to toughen up and pray. My siblings will just look at me like im crazy and desperate and will make jokes out of it.

* Whoever reached to the end, I applaud you. Yes I wrote a whole entire essay (much harder) but hey, I kind of feel better. 

* If you have a story to tell, please feel free to share and I will read.  

Thank you!

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