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My long Journey

Posted , 8 users are following.

malcolm23510
malcolm23510

We'll I can't really remember when my depression started but it's been on and of for some 10 yrs or so to which I have always seemed to get thru but this time (since Feb/March) it's been the worst ever bout. Have been on meds since then but can honestly say I'm really struggling this time with no motivation difficulty answering the phone ( even to my own kids) horrible thoughts going thrums mind, and had some counselling but really not helping much.

ive just got to stay strong and get thru it some how, have been staying in bed when I can thinking there's no reason to get up real trouble doing things of which at one time wouldn't hesitate to do e.g cutting the grass and general tidying up of the garden etc. 

im desperate to be back to my old self and be happy and having something to look forward to and smile about.

 

1 like, 23 replies

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  • astrid76251
    astrid76251 malcolm23510

    Posted

    hi Malcolm,   im feeling exactly the same as you, im using medication, but everything seems so useless and ive got 2 dogs but often enough i just havent got the energy to go for a walk with them.  I also get these horrible thought going through my mind and i so often think of doing something but uptil now i just havent got the guts.....

    hope you have a supportive partnet with you

    • malcolm23510
      malcolm23510 astrid76251

      Posted

      P.s

      have a partner but not really sure if she understands or even if that might be some of my problems ??

       

    • malcolm23510
      malcolm23510 astrid76251

      Posted

      It's funny that you mention your dogs, my sister has a dog and just after my mum passed away some time ago my sister was depressed as she was my mums carer. At this particular time I wasn't depressed and I can remember phoning my sister who lives nr the seaside and saying to her quote! Your poor old dog probably looks up at you and says it's not my fault your depressed  so please take me for a walk.

      when she phoned me the next time she informed me she had started walking the dog and that the fresh air and sunshine helped a bit cause I can remember saying to her walking the dog will make you feel a little better for having done it, and that's what I've read somewhere that even if it's a little bit at a time eventually it will help.

      does that make any sense.

    • astrid76251
      astrid76251 malcolm23510

      Posted

      most of the times i cant take the dogs for a walk...just cant do it...and i dont want to see other people outside....
    • malcolm23510
      malcolm23510 astrid76251

      Posted

      Well you say that but in your heart of hearts you take a look at your dogs and think i will take you for a walk and even tho you might not feel any better afterwards your dogs will and love you for it.

      Don't forget we've all been there and still are but doing something is better than doing nothing and at some time you'll see what I mean so come on do it for me and all others on this site make us proud x

    • astrid76251
      astrid76251 malcolm23510

      Posted

      i think if i could move back to england with my 2 little doggies would make me feel a great deal happier
    • astrid76251
      astrid76251 malcolm23510

      Posted

      finding a place to live, i have 2 little dogs,  Im 60,  its no so easy

      I have a british pasport,  in the end its all about money I think

    • astrid76251
      astrid76251 malcolm23510

      Posted

      i was born in England,  lived a long time in Holland, but Ive got such a strong feeling to spend the rest of my life in England, and no, I dont like it here
  • kat50
    kat50 malcolm23510

    Posted

    So sorry to hear your feeling bad. Me too so I know exactly how your feeling. You always give such good advice on the forum I was surprised you feel so bad. It's easy for people to say go out or do something nice. Well we would if we had some motivation.  Depression is a vicious circle isn't it! 
    • malcolm23510
      malcolm23510 kat50

      Posted

      Your so right Kat 

      My counsellor once said that even if you don't feel like doing something just do it anyway which seems easier said than done.

      I started going for walks thinking that exercise was good for depression but haven't really kept it up which again is probably my demons talking.

      wouldnt it be great if we could find a cure then bottle it and give it to all depressives  so we could live that normal life.

    • kat50
      kat50 malcolm23510

      Posted

      So many people tell me that I must get out which I've tried but it doesn't make me feel any better. My appetite just disappears as well when I get low. Everything is so hard to eat. I tend to go into a bout then come out of it the same. You'd think by now this horrible illness could be cured. Oh to feel my normal self again. 
    • malcolm23510
      malcolm23510 kat50

      Posted

      Well sounds like myself I've done the walking bit and after the walk said to myself do I feel any better course I don't but maybe that's the depression talking or as I call it my demons and my appetite went, food didn't taste good  life really sucked all I looked forward to was bedtime. But as I said to others that's the depression talking or again those blessed demons wanting to put me down.

      Even I give in to them at times when I really can't be bothered but we must stay together and beat this horrible depression. It's a shame we can't all get together for a group chat and a nice coffee. 

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