My mother age 85 has stage 5 Kidney failure..

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. If it's any comfort, it has been said that passing with kidney failure, is painless.

My mother began sleeping a lot, but when she was awake, she was aware of everything and never complained of any pain.

I was happy to have her home during her last few days and she was also. I really couldn't have asked for anything more.

Thinking of you xxx

My 94yr grandma also refused dialysis. As reneal failure progresses they will doze off more and more and b increasingly hard to wake. Near the end they will slip into unconsciousness. This is y kidney failure is sometimes called a 'gentle death'. There are other symptoms that can b troublesome along the way- fluid retention, shortness of breath, itching, confusion, restlessness but these can b managed with the proper meds. I will b praying for ur family! Bless u!.ss.

Hannah,

Reading your answer to Barbara was helpful for me  I have a 95 year old mother who is End Stage also and is not on dialysis. She went on Hospice exactly a year ago and we were told it was a matter of weeks. Well she fooled them and is still with us. Her ankles are horrible swollen, she can barely walk, she sleeps a lot during the day but not at night. She lives alone and hospice comes 2-3 times a week to change a dressing on her bottom for two skin ulcers because she sleeps in a recliner. She will not sleep in her hospital bed saying she will when she can no longer get out of her chair. She has aides who come in for 4 hours 6 days a week and she still gets up and cooks with them but we see her changing every day. She needs 24 hour care but my sister and I have health problems and cannot take care of her. Just being in her apartment is difficult because she is Always Cold at 85+ degrees and we cannot move or breathe in there. Hospice wants her to move to a nursing home because she really needs 24 hour care. She refuses to go and because  she is of sound mind, she doesn't have to. Unfortunately her illness is taking a huge strain on both my sister and my health. We are at loss as to what to do. My sister and I are both widowed and living on our social security so hiring help is out of the question. The nurse checks her and says she hears no fluid so she is not in CHF, Her skin is itching and she has bubbles on her leg. One did burst and was horrible but has healed. We are at wits end worrying about her. We did manage to take her home for Thanksgiving Dinner today and she kept falling asleep which means she won't sleep tonight. She ate well which is unusual. You wrote that kidney failure is sometimes called a 'gentle death'. I can't see how this could be because she is suffering with pain from the swelling in her legs. It is so frustrating.

There's no easy choice when it comes to 90+ parents making the decision to decide whether or not to under dialysis. I'm currently living with my 95 yr old father in law who has decided to be on dialysis for almost 3 yrs now. Of course he would not be alive today if he did not make that decision after being hospitalized several times for Renal failure & also having heavy fluid retention on both legs. The path to dialysis was not easy yet highly necessary... he had multiple fistula ballooning surgeries because he barely had any useful veins. Another issue we came across was he's skin elasticity which made him almost bled to death several times. Yet he was a real trooper & survived it all. I finally insisted the surgeon to insert a permanent catheter which made life much easier. No more needle poking. Just insert the needle in the catheter tube & that's it. He began this journey since Fall of 2015 and on dialysis 3x per week. Though it has prolonged he's life, he hasn't been the same. He lost tremendous amount of weight, limited mobility and has become more fragile. Though he's quality of life has diminished, he still drives & gets around. He will be 96 this April 2018. As I have witnessed this journey isn't for every elderly person but choosing not to be on dialysis is an automatic death sentence. My father in law is a living proof of that.  

Hi,

I take it she is at stage 5 as she has a fistual?. I am stage 5 and have 6% GFR and have been doing Peritoneal dialysis for nearly two years now.  I can say that that last bit before you start dialysis is shocking I was in bed at 7.30pm each night and couldn't even look at food never mind eat it.  My husband was sad and he would try to tempt me with things just to get me to eat something but I physically couldn't do it.  They tend to leave dialysis until the patient says they have symptoms, so I would speak with your Mums neph and explain that she is struggling.  They may start her dialysis shortly then.  Haemo (with the fistual) is a bit more restictive fluids are restricted and she may have blood pressure drops if they take too much fluid off but they can make adjustments.  It took me about 4 weeks to feel the benefit of dialysis but a lot better and I could eat.  Tell your Mum there is light at the end of the tunnel and she will feel better she just has to get past this nasty bit then she will feel better. Hope your mum feels better soon x