My mum has Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, emphysema and depression, How can i help her?

I don't have any control over her smoking habit. When she stops smoking she gets aggressive and thinks me and my dad are plotting against her. she's very paranoid, me and my dad have to make sure we say and look certain ways so she doesn't think we are being horrid or have attitude. My dad was suppose to go abroad this weekend for my uncles birthday but he won't because my mother threatened to not be home when he came back (she has threatened to end her life on occasions so me and my dad thought the worst), even through I took time of work to be with her. At the moment I feel defeated and heart broken evey second of every day. I'm helpless and lost and I just don't know what to do. I scared my dads lost hope too. I just want my parents to be happy but it's getting harder every day.

i have a sister and niece who do the same thing and it all boils down to attention. It has to be all about them. I have finally quit feeling guilty for their lives and just keep changing the subject when they start feeling like the world is against them. Otherwise I would be in the looney bin. 

I know it's hard sweet thing, just do your best with her. She is your mother. If you don't mind me asking, what is your mothers age? 

I know I must stay positive, I can't let my emotions get the better of me. I will try, just sometimes its hard. I want to do so much and fix things even though I know life doesn't work that way. Thanks to everybody for the advice and support. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that there is hope. tomorrow I'm gonna try and solve things. I think I might go shopping and buy my mum and dad something special or something to cheer them up xxx

Hi ,Millie ,,,,And don't forget to treat yourself to ,

I'm sorry to be critical, but there is no point in telling someone they"have to stay positive" ... she's already feeling helpless, anyone bossing her around just reinforces that helplessness.  And this "never never give up" attitude is just as bad:  maye she needs to give up for her own peace of mind and mental health?

Some things just can't be fixed by anyone

I think it would be better for you if you stopped trying to hard:  you don't have to be positive all the time, in fact in such a negative situation as yours it's not in fact normal to be always positive.   Maybe you emotions ARE the better part of you?   

Sorry Millie, but you can't fix your mother and I think you should stop trying to solve things.   You are an absolute gem, I'll adopt you if your family will take my ungrateful unsupportive bitch of a daughter

PS:  How about buying YOURSELF something special to cheer yourself up?  You deserve it!

My dad works 6 days a week and works night shifts as well. Him and my dad are the only people bringing income to our house so he can only do what he can. I think he try's but I don't show my parents how much this affects me cos it just brings us all down. I also go to college so I'm planning to let my tutor know, just so someone else has a idea on what's happening so I feel less in denial and alone. Thanks so much for the support. Xxx I'm planning to get the courage to show this all to my mum.

I don't understand this concept of praying for others:  surely if god is good h/she will ease their pain without being asked?  Or does h/she sit up there in the sky waiting until there are a certain number of prayers for a particular person or persons before taking any action?

Seems very random to me - can you explain how it works please?

Dont go spending lots of money- material things will not make a depressed person happy.  You say you go to college. Most colleges have counsellors who can be really helpful in support. Did you ever contact MIND?

Oh my jude65855,

That's a whole other topic and right now this is Millie's forum....but if you open the Bible their Glossary or index should reference prayer for you or Google it! But short version...God says where 2 or more are gathered in His name, it shall be done. In our case...we are on the same subject mentally so that counts as gathered. God hears all of our prayers but things will happen only according to His plan and in His time. We are human and very impatient so His answer may not come in My time, but it will always come just in time....if that was His plan for me. Hope this helps....I would go deeper if this were the forum for that but I'm glad you asked. Ladyjack51

Yeah millie21209,

Your mom needs to know how much this is affecting you....and everyone. Its hard for her to see past her own pain and unhappiness right now. I just feel really strong that you have to reach out to someone close to you there that might be able to help relieve your mind and heart sometimes...by going out to eat, taking you out somewhere, just being a sounding board like we are. Think of who you would like to reach out to. And then do it! Or hit us up...we will all help if we can. Sincerely.....ladyjack51

And may I add that when your mother makes the suicide or leaving threats, that is manipulation called emotional blackmail. Your mum is crying out for help but will not go for help, nor try to help herself and instead wants to blame everyone around her for her misery. You are in no way at fault for her choices or if she carries out any of her threats. Here in the USA, as soon as a person speaks of wanting to die, family has the legal right to force admission into a hospital where they can receive the help they need.

Tough love hurts to give but is worth it in the end.

That's an amazingly insane law:  who would be believed if someone wanted to get rid of a family member who denied h/she had spoken of wanting to die.    I assume the "help they need" is decided for them and not by them:  wishing to die and ensuring it happens is a totally logical response to some life situations & health conditions.

The problem with people who use suicide threats manipulatively is that if they get angry enough with family & friends taking no notice - eg the old myth that peope who threaten it never do it - they'll then do it just to show others they were serious.

I totally agree with the rest of yur analysis of the situation but it would be virtually impossible for anyone, especially  a 17 yo living in the same house, to withstand the mother's manipulation, which of course feeds it.

It seems imperative to me that this loving and responsible young woman gets outside support urgently, I'm very concerned about her as it seems a lot of others are too.

 

When a person becomes a danger to themselves or/and others, They are evaluated by a crisis team in the emergency room of a hospital and if their conclusion is that they could benefit from the intervention of hospitalization for mental help, then they are offered a choice. Choose to willingly commit themselves or be forced.

I have appreciated our system and methods back when my daughter was underage in this condition, for it offered me a way to help her.

that's a good idea i agree with you! And that's what we are here for supporting one another! I hope all turns out well for millie & evryone else on this forum it's taken me so long to right an email that Iv'e caught sight of the time & must get some sleep urgently, will be back soon where I can reply to my emails & Thank you for your replies all! Wishing you all well....