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My mum has Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, emphysema and depression, How can i help her?

Posted , 13 users are following.

millie21209
millie21209

I am looking for any advice to help me help my mother. I am 17 and live at home and lately i have been the carer fo my mum. My mum has had Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, emphysema and depression for nearly 4 years. through out these 4 years she has done nothing to help her situation. she still smokes, does no physical activities and quit her job. She was diagnosed when she was 44 and her symptoms and overall health has decreases rapidly. my mum doesnt leave the house, doesnt let anyone in the house except for a few family members (my brother or nan). i cant do anything other than listen to her and be there for her. my dad also feels hopeless and helpess because it is only up to her to get help. she is foverever getting chest infections and coughs so much she cant catch her breath. if i mention the doctors or hospital she gets defencive and explains to me that they dont help, but surely its better than nothing. im worried that its going to get so bad she will do something herself to stop the pain and depression. i am looking everywhere for support but can only find little bits of information to help, like telling her to cut down smoking. me and my dad are always looking after and cant leave her alone, im helpless to do anything and its driving me mad. all i want is for her to feel bettter and happy but i dont know what to do or where to start. any help or adivce will be really appriciated.

Millie xxx

4 likes, 49 replies

49 Replies

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  • ladyjack51
    ladyjack51 millie21209

    Posted

    I agree with Dawndee and jude. All of us really are right in that we are most concerned about you Millie's and you have got to reach out and tell someone else around where you live. Please tell us you'll do that and then let us know what happens...will you?? It is emotional blackmail that should never be put on you by your mom, least of all, but I think she must be desperate. I think you should have your dad read all these postings and let's see if he can step in and relieve you of some of this stress and get some outside help. I feel dad needs to handle this....it's his wife, his daughtet, his family. He needs to realize emotionally what's happening here and we need more from him than just going to work. Not blaming him....it's just think he may not know how serious this is. Sincerely, ladyjack51
    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee ladyjack51

      Posted

      Well put ladyjack. Millie, we care about you and everyone in your family. Thank you for reaching out to this forum and I pray you will find the help in your community that you need. And we are here to support you and cheer you on.

      Sincerely,

      Dawn, U.S.

  • ros6952
    ros6952 millie21209

    Posted

    My husband was diagnosed with COPD at 55 and continued to smoke - albeit just a few a day. He was hit with another chest infection last October which finally made him realise he had to stop smoking. He started using e-cigs and has been free from the real thing since then. He is now walking 3-4 miles a day and cycling 25 miles each day on his excercise bike. Very little coughing and seems to be a different person - perhaps an option for your mum! 
    • Nanny1086
      Nanny1086 ros6952

      Posted

      Brilliant I'm a fellow copd sufferer ,,,,having been an ex smoker but I managed to stop back in 1992 thank god ,,,,,,I have been under the care of the pulmary rehab team ( specialist copd nurses & physio's ) since 2008 ,and there exersise plan has given me a new lease of life, (69 now ) 

      yes I have my set backs ,,,,like last year when I had 2 falls and broke bones ,so I was unable to exersise for most of last year ,and so far this year I've had a repeat chest infection followed by the flu ,whic I have to say has set me back a fair bit ,but last week I did manage to get back to the gym ,,,,it will take time for me to get back to the level of fitness I was ,,,,but I will get there,,,,so your hubby is doing really well with his fitness ,and stopping smoking is the best thing he could have done,,,I wish him well ,,,,and you to ,best wishes ,

  • karen78573
    karen78573 millie21209

    Posted

    Millie I have just gone over your message again & read through all of it! Maybe your Dad, Brother,Nan & you could get to gether & have a family meeting to discuss what you could do in terms of seeking help one of you might have to your localdoctors surgery or health center & ask to see some one a health visitor or family support worker Some one in that profession it's all very well for your Mum to get defensive but this really can't go on anylonger you allneed help sooner than later! please letme know if you wish will be thinking off you all remember drop a message anytime I'm with  you on this,have got to go now take care!XXX
    • jude65855
      jude65855 karen78573

      Posted

      Karen, that is a really good suggestion, goodonya!   It does sound as if the family is stuck in a really bad place and nothing they've tried has worked so far - they definitely need outside help and this lovely young woman shouldn't be carrying the load alone.

      Millie, I hope you're reading this, you have a lot of support on this forum but trust me, there'll be lots more help & support for you outside the family, you just have to look for it and your family GP is a good place to start.

  • millie21209
    millie21209

    Posted

    Thanks everyone, I have talked to my mum and told her exactly how I feel. My dad went away last weekend and it was just me my mum and my bro. We talked had a drink and was honest to each other. My mum has decided to quit smoking with the help of her g.p and so far we are taking each day at a time. Thanks again xxxMillie
    • DawnDedee
      DawnDedee millie21209

      Posted

      FANTASTIC NEWS!!

      💛💕💙💕💜💕💚💕❤💕💛💕💙💕💜

    • jude65855
      jude65855 millie21209

      Posted

      Oh that's just wonderfu Millie - good on you for your love and persistence with your mum  - I'm so gad it looks like paying off.

      There are so many different ways of stopping smoking with help now, i really hope she makes it.   I'm sure you're giving her lots of love, giving up the nicotine addiction is very hard.

      Looks like you've somehow convinced her it's worth trying to improveher health and that's a huge achievement - I hope you're proud of yourself, because I'm proud of you, you're an exceptional young woman and i wish my daughter was like you - she's nearly 43 and not at all supportive of me.

    • karen78573
      karen78573 millie21209

      Posted

      Morning! That's great smashing news! A start in the right direction I hope Mum can keep up with going forward in stopping the smoking! I aologise in the long delay in getting back to you,I attempted to send you a reply late this morning from 11  onwards from my mobile phone but not sure if you got it as there was some loss of connection with the connection on my phone & was also trying to respond in answering to replys received but same again connection problem but here I am again! The news I read that you managed to get together with your brother & mother to communicate with a good response from your Mum about her health & yours & your brothers concerns put a smile on my face "Best news of the Day" I must say it has to be a great releif that you managed to speak with your Mum  & express your concerns for her & what an impact this illness has on you all, I feel Happy for you & family what might also help Mum is to try & remember when each time the urge to smoke invades her is for her to quickly  remind herself of how this menace clutching at her leaves her feeling after each puff, to say in her mind  I am not letting you get a grip on me this is the end for you cigs! I don't want your ill feeling after affects gripping at me! Then try to put her mind to something else of intrest to take the mind of the venom lets say, maybe Mum could try eating something she lovves the taste of to get rid of the nicoteen taste! I must say it won't be easy but the more stubborn your Mum can try to fight the feeling of this gripping venom as it is, it will become a little easier it should become a little easier because each time if Mum can fight that venom she will feel better about herself that she didn't give in & hopefully I am hoping because this giving up of the venomous addiction is definatly not easy for everyone wanting to give up the clutching habbit, I smoked for 23 years atleast, wasn't the heaviest of smokers as some & thankfully the cravings would dissapear with each pregnancy but a little while after,I foolishly gave in to the habbit, but it wasn't untill February 2008 that i made up my mind with a consious desicion to kick the venom for good as I also didn't want to lose the life within I did have that slight feeling of just this once but said no forget it  I can't be bothered & at that moment reminded myself of the taste it leaves in the mouth & even though I had my last roll up the night before I done a test to see if I was pregnant that nasty taste just lingered & I went off the tobacco from that moment on & honest to God I have not tasted another roll up or cig ever since,,I felt much better mentally that I hadn't given in to the poison which it is. As I said its not easy but if mum wants to give up she will it might take some time the less the better, what you all could doin the family if you see Mum reaching for the cigs is to quickly remind her of that after taste & the smell it leaves behind! Try not to fret your selves if you catch Mum reaching for the cigs again you could say sorry mum but if  your about to light up I must leave the room or dissapear see u later just an idea.There is just two important bits of info that might help your Mum & other's on here it might help some people maybe not others we can only try! Vitamin D3 I must say helps quite alot though not completely but does make a difference in easing pain in the bones & joints & iron if aneamic as it helps with keeping the oxygen healthy! i never thought of this before it wasn't untill I had a blood test done for aneamia & vit D3 levels & found i was very low on both of them & given a prescription thats when I read on the box of the iron tablets that its important for our oxygen never too old to learn.Your mum could start taking multivitamins if not alr ady doing so you never know it might help it's worth a try, myself is not completely free of pain that's why I'll say it's not a miracle or cure but it does ease up quite a bit of pain, this lung disease can deplete a persons iron levels & minerals for bones I have been aneamic before many times but not this bad but the last test recently I wasn't so aneamic & when the vit D3 runs out as before the pains round the joints & bones in neck ,shoulder blades arms & legs creep back again & is intense so it looks like I'l have to carry on taking them! You can try these supplements but please check with your doctor first before doing so! Wow the time has gone so fast 2.43 in the morning ! its taken me this time I must be slowing down rapidly I must go & sorry for such a long message I hope all goes well for you & your family & wish you well I will be & am intrested as tohow you all progress stay strong!XX 
    • jude65855
      jude65855 karen78573

      Posted

      Well I hope Millile can read that post because I can't - too long and not one paragraph
    • karen78573
      karen78573 jude65855

      Posted

      Hi Afternoon! Yes it is very long unfortunatly I've never been too good at shortening messages & it's like as I write the more I wright, I'm going to have to find a way to shorten my sentences I'm glad it's not an every day occurance Lol! I'd be sending every one too sleep, well I hope it makes sense what I've written as I almost scrapped it !Will try to not get so carried away next time! I hope all goes well for Millie & her Family & the same for you & everyone else & enjoy the rest of the day! 
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