My Own Fault

Posted , 9 users are following.

some of the longer members on this forum that my first grandson was born last October. I was going to have him two days a week which I was really happy about.

However, one of the conditions was that I only drank socially or at night. Unfortunately alcohol and I had two two day binges. One in January and one in April.

after a family discussion we all agreed I was unreliable, which I fully accept. Anyway, daughter in law went back to work this week and he's going to his other grandmas twice a week and nursery twice a week.

To say I'm mad with myself is an understatement! I've lost precious time looking after him and doing what my friends do, what normal people do.

I went out with the "ladies who lunch" yesterday and they were all talking about how great being a grandparent is. You get all the fun time and hand them back at the end of the day.

Today I was so angry and mad at myself that I'd chosen alcohol over my grandson. Decided to go and buy wine this morning, and spend the day feeling sorry for myself. By some miracle, I got to the shop and suddenly changed my mind and came back with San pelegrino water instead!

I know it's my own fault, just feel so cross and mad. Sorry for moaning, but needed to tell folks. Thanks for listening.

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26 Replies

  • Posted

    It's difficult when you've got the problems that you have, you obviously are trying to cope and deal with it and now you've been seriously punished.  I really feel for you.  Could you go back to your daughter in law and have a frank conversation with her and get her to understand that you're not a bad person, you've got an illness which you're dealing with.  If you had a different more acceptable illness you could have also let them down but you wouldnt be shamed like this.  From what you said, letting them down twice in a 4 month period looks like they are over reacting.  Don't feel bad about yourself, carry on battling the illness, drinking San Pelegrino and consider that frank conversation.  Tell your DIL how much you miss your grandson and how you have an illness (compare it to more acceptable illnesses like depression or anorexia) and that you've got your grandsons wellfare at a top proirity whilst he's in your care.  Rooting for you.  Punishment and shame is not helpful xx
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your understanding. Whilst I'm mad with myself, i can fully appreciate and understand their decision. They've both got demanding jobs and work long hours. Baby is at nursery from 7.30am to and they don't want to be worrying if I'm sober and he is safe. Having had three children myself, I would never have left them with someone I wasn't 100% sure was reliable.

      My husband isn't happy me having him either, as he thinks he'd be worrying all day if I was ok or not. I suffer with anxiety which is mostly controlled, but sometimes the only thing which helps is alcohol.

      Also it doesn't help me having a drink driving conviction. I drove not knowing I was over the limit, in the morning after a party and took my own kids to school. Obviously my son can remember it clearly. I have never driven since and never will do again.

      Ive just got to wait until my husband retires, hopefully the end of this year.

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  • Posted

    Hi Vickylou - I do so feel for you. I've always struggled with motivation not to drink, and this just shows that if motivation were enough you'd do it, rater than not see your grandkids. Don't know where you are, but here it's illegal to be drunk in charge of a child, so it's in your interests as well as theirs. I do hope you find a way through but as Paul says remember it's not your fault - it's an illness.
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    • Posted

      Hi h1954

      am in uk and am certain it's an offence here to be drunk in charge of a minor too.

      I did see my grandson twice or three times a week, but that was while daughter in law was on maternity leave. I'd go over on the bus to see them. They normally call in for half an hour most weekends, or we go over to them. So until my husband retires, he will be with strangers at nursery for 12 hours a day. I've never felt so guilty about anything as much, apart from the DD.

      Thank you for your advice.

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    • Posted

      Great replys Alexandra and h. Stop feeling so guilty Vickylou, you have an illness. Show them Pauls earlier post. I shared it with my dad last night, tho he's great and so supportive. Take care lovely xx

      plus nursery two times a week is good for kids I think. My second child went and is the most confident and independent of the 3. She's the dancer one and travels all over on the train, even went to Brussels and Austria with another dance friend at half term. So don't feel guilty please. Love ya xx

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    • Posted

      Hi paul

      i will show him your video. May have to wait till after euros. He can't tear himself away from the football at the moment. He's having a heart op at Glenfield on 27/06, so it will give him something to watch whilst recovering!!

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