My panic and anxiety has come back after 30 years. I have severe agoraphobia for 4 months.

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It is like I am being tortured all day and most of the night. I just can't stand it anymore. I want to escape from it or run away from it but there is nowhere to go. I can't listen to music I can't watch TV I am never relaxed or feel tired. I started 25 mg of Surmontil almost 2 weeks ago and I take 4 mg if Ativan for 30 years. Please someone help. I need all the replies I can get. My Psychiatrist suggested shock treatments if I don't respond to Medication. Please I need all the replies I can get. I am s very strong person. My severely handicapped daughter died in my arms 6 years ago. I can't even go to work! I want my life back. But it seems to be going further and further away from me

I get these weird feelings and the physical manifestation of this depression is horrible. I just can't take the torture anymore. Someone HELP

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  • Posted

    So sorry you are going through this. So sorry for your loss, that's a deep pain. I think you should research other doctors and get second opinions. The first step is to get out there. Hope you feel better. Prayers your way

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  • Posted

    So sorry for your loss Babbs. Just wanted to reply as well so you know we are out here for you. ELectric shock treatment?  Can you see a doctor and try and get some help, another doctor may have a different opinion. You shouldn't have to suffer like this. 😊??

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  • Posted

    Hi Babss. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, at it's worst I think I am going mad and the heartphysical symptoms, heartbracing, sweating , shaking, stomach problems, aching muscles , headaches, tingling arms, are awful. By far the worst is the impending doom feeling, always thinking the worst and not being able to switch my thoughts off. Even though I have nothing to worry about I seem to worry that I am not worrying. Been to counciling, cbt, on meds , only when really necessary, . Counciling helps but anxiety often creeps back. I can have good patches, but when I'm anxious I seem to go into panic mode ' thinking what if this time it's worse and never passes?. It always does, but so horrid and frustrating. Glad we have support here, it really helps to talk, love my family but really helps talking to someone who understands exactly how bad anxiety feels. Have you had counciling,? Can you take anyone to your appointment with you ? There must be something that will help stabilise your symptoms perhaps alongside therapy or counciling. Hope you get some answers, let us know. 😊??

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    • Posted

      So sweet of you to reply. I am going for counseling. It doesn't seem to help. I haven't had anxiety in 30 years and now it has come back with a vengeance. I just can't stand the anxiety and panic anymore. I force myself to go to the Psychiatrist and I also go to see my beautiful grandchildren but I want my life back. I am too nervous. I never feel normal and I am very sensitive to Medication. I do hope this medication kicks in soon or Tha t it is the right one. Can you leave your house? I had to stop working , my life has no enjoyment.

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    • Posted

      Hi dear awinda i have same problem. I mainly feel heart sinking. Weakness in heart. 24 cardiologist checked me and said i m ok.every 3rd day i m in hospital. Lot of money i lose. Consult councilling. Here i my country its expensive now i cannot afford. I m 37 no married. Dr gives me indral. Tri cardian. Saradip and prothadian. My life is stoped. I cannot do work. All time thinking about my heart. My give me any suggestion.
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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina ..just thinking about you all, and how every one is doing not seen or heard anything form no one do hope you are well.. look forward to hearing from you x
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  • Posted

    Hi Babbs. At my worst I couldn't leave the house, everything was an effort and I became anxiuos around people and basically dreaded everything, felt terrible from the moment I woke up. My poor husband has missed out on social occasions and holidays because of this, I really can be sole destroying. Luckily my gp is great and very knowledgeable about anxiety, once I plucked up the courage to really be honest about how bad I was I felt reasured. My gp can't make this go away but I have improved and I understand it better. It won't kill me but anxiety is so bad and can convince us there's no hope. Glad you are talking here Babbs, I hope it is helping, know how rotten it feels , hope you get some good results and reasurance that you can get some help, keep me updated I'm really wishing the best for you. I've been up to Scotland today to see my dad. Got my car back from garage, 2morrow out to parents in law and shopping. Years ago the thought of this would send me into a blind panic,. I like you, thought I would never feel ok again, just suffered everyday. There is hope, please keep talking , it helps. 😊??

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    • Posted

      I am really suffering now.  Just like you say, every day is so anxiety ridden, waking earlier and earlier even with diazepam at bedtime.  I feel like i am going crazy in my head and i will never get better.  Psych has me seeing cbt and has tried several,ssris etc but i cant take the side effects.  Do you use the medications and do they help.  I dont find cbt doing anything for my condition, the anxiety is too strong.   I dont want to see or do anything and even my family coming makes me over anxious i can hardly believe it. There must be something out there to help,this anxiety and depression, i dont know how much longer i can go on.
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    • Posted

      Hi Ann, I feel the same way. From the minutes I get up horrible anxiety. I don't know if the ANTIDEPRESSANT is causing more anxiety or if it is the anxiety itself. It is non-stop until evening. The days are so long. I really don't know if there is anything to make this go away. I got better once 30 years ago and it was from the medicine. So I am hoping it will work again. I am in a constant state of anxiety so I can't say what is making me anxious anymore I just wake up with it and suffer all day . I have very little relief. I take my ANTIDEPRESSANT at night and I sleep but it is full of anxiety dreams. I agree with you I don't know how much more I can take . But what choice do we have ? We have to battle through every minute of every day. ..I have hope but I don't know if I will ever get better either. Now Christmas is coming and I want to enjoy everything . What a nightmare 5 Months of this now. I try going out for a walk and the anxiety is awful. I am praying for us both.

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    • Posted

      Hi Ann. Was wondering how you were doing. Absolutely horrid starting the day waking with anxiety, dreading doing anything and seeing anyone. Agree cbt isn't for everyone. I only found group therapy helpful as I was talking to people who understood how I felt , much like talking here. As for meds I only found diazapam helped but can't take it everyday or it wouldnt be effective when I really need it. Perhaps if your taking it and you still don't feel a little calmer or a little more relaxed explain this to doc, it should help for a short period, but does wear off, other meds level anxiety out over a longer period but know you have to watch what meds you try, it's always awful deciding wether to go down the meds route but when anxiety is chronic you shouldn't have to suffer if meds can help. Just finding right one and not knowing if they are helping or not if they take a while to work. Has your therapist been any help? Sujjested any relaxation techniques? Know some people just cannot relax and can't switch off, others have some success. Glad you spoke to Babbs, she's really going through it also, we all want the same thing, just to  be happy and beat this awful anxiety that takes over our lives.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dear Edwina. it is sad and terrible how many people have this Illness. I just wish bit would let up even a little. I give thanks to God every day for this life that we have and all the blessings he bestowed upon me. I just want some relief and I hate wasting the day because of anxiety. I think what I wish for most is to be relaxed in my home. I can push myself to go out but how do you feel relaxed at home? For me I don't think anything will work but hopefully the ANTIDEPRESSANT. God bless you every day for all of your encouragement.

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      Posted

      Hi Edwina, haven't heard from you dear friend. Again thank you for your kindness. I really can't decide if the agoraphobia is separate from the anxiety or they are one and the same. All I know is that you can't control your dreams and when you wake up every day with anxiety and it persists throughout the day you can't control that either. I keep pushing myself to go out every day because the days just take so long.

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    • Posted

      Really feeling it now, i just cant face doing anything and xmas coming. De corations not up, hope will feel like it later in week.  Having the anxiety from morning and nausea and diarrhoea some days from the gallbladder op, just too much.

      want to feel happy sith my family at xmas but pushing so hRd to get there.

      we are unfortunate to have this awful illness.  I have tried so many a/ds and not had any help.

      dont know what next, just existing really.

       

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    • Posted

      Hope you get this Ann. Not seeing all posts coming up, don't know what's wrong there. Had same problem with Babbs post. You are both still not getting any let up from this god awful anxiety. So many people trying different meds and worrying wether any will work or wether anxiety is worse due to them or just ourselves being more anxious waiting. Wish gps had some more answers, I know it's s case of trial and error but they must see how distressing this illness is. Know it's hard to get motivated for xmas but have to push ourselves , hopefully keeping busy will help, know everything is an effort but don't give up, lots of people here in same place unfortunately but so glad we all all understand each other's pain and support each other as much as we can😊??

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      Posted

      Hi Edwina, I don't know what is happening to my posts to you .l have been sending one or more a day. I really think this pill is not working. I just can't stand the anxiety and I never feel tired or sleepy or relaxed. I really hate it and I want it to go away. The days are too long. And the nights full of anxiety dreams. God bless you for all of your support. I am sending you a big hug.

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    • Posted

      Hi.Babbs. Got this post 20 mins ago? Really hope every time I see a post from you it will say you have seen a slight improvement, know everyone out there will say give it a little longer. Makes sense I know to keep going as long as you can as meds can take a week or a month or more, just hoped you would feel a bit better by now, it's so diss heartening fighting every day with not even a little sign of change. Wish I could help more, everyone with same problem seems to just have to stick in a bit longer and then after a couple of months I would think doctors must agree if there is no change they are not working, you're doing everything you can to get through each day as this must be exhausting for you , hang in there bit longer, then discuss options with doc, they must have seen cases this bad before, they must be able to help you get some relief from this . If it helps lots of us have felt this hopeless like it will never end and nothing will help , know you're so fed up though as it's gone on for so long. Bless you Babbs , know it's hellish but hopefully you will see a change soon. My mum used to reasure me like this everyday and I was sick of hearing it as it was never ending and I thought how will I just feel better one day? It's like it just ran its course. Hope and pray you post soon feeling better.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, you really are the sweetest person. I am pushing myself to do more things and get out at least one time in the day. Yesterday my 2 year old granddaughter was sick so for the first time in 5 Months I watched her myself. The anxiety however was off the charts. I watched my angel for 8 hours and I had some time ignoring the damn anxiety. You have to be made of steel to go througj a beautiful day with my granddaughter and that horrible anxiety trying to stop me from ENJOYING her. So when I push myself to do things or go places the anxiety doesn't get less each time. I am at it's mercy and I just persevere. I know that somehow this ANTIDEPRESSANT is doing something for me but not completely. No matter what, sleeping or awake I am at the mercy of the anxiety. I hope it eases up soon, Just want my old self back... I see the Psychiatrist tomorrow and he probably going to say that I have to up the pill more. Who knows? It is like going through the day with pain but it is anxiety instead...there is no Quality of life. I want my life back...

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Glad your seeing phychiatrist tomorrow, please tell them you are doing everything possible to push yourself but need answers from them as you are suffering so much still and they have the 'qualifications and experience of having seen so many other cases. They need to look at your case and perhaps discuss with colleagues a plan as nothing is giving you any relief yet. Glad you spent time with your lovely granddaughter but would be a lovely Christmas present all round if you started to see some improvement. Keep me posted on how you get on tomorrow, always hoping for some good news and reasurance for you Babbs.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, God bless you for your posts.You really are so kind. Yes tomorrow afternoon I see my Psychiatrist and hopefully he has an idea for some relief. I am leaving the house more but the anxiety level I really believe is worse. I guess it is a side effect of the ANTIDEPRESSANT. Who knows? I just want to get better. Whatever it takes... Thank you again for your concern and support...
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      Posted

      Hi Edwina, I am so upset. My Psychiatrist actually seemed angry and confused that I not feeling a little better yet. He said I am on alot of medicine right now. He wants to add celexa to the mix and maybe go higher on the Surmontil I really can't take much more. I have no quality of life. I want this to go away...

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Don't even know what to say? Thought they minght up your dose but they are there to reasure you not make you feel worse. Don't know if anyone here knows anything about celexa, just hoping if you take it it has good results and doesn't take as long to see any positive results. All you can do Babbs is follow their professional advice and hopefully see some improvement, at worst you may have to go back and ask them why they still aren't getting to the bottom of this. Did you explain Babbs how hard you are trying but it has totally drained you, wish they could have been more sympathetic and reasuring that they have seen this before and eventually got people back on the right track. Heart goes out to you Babbs, sometimes all we need is to be reasured and shown a bit of empathy. Hopefully new med will work , read the other day people had had to try several meds and then found right one, hope this is the case for you . 🤞🏻😊??

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    • Posted

      Dearest friend Edwina, he felt that I should be feeling some relief. But I really think my anxiety is worse

      I am pushing myself to do alot more but I am trying to get my mind off of the horrible butterflies that taunt me all day. He wants to up the Surmontil to100 mg and add celexa too I am scared to do either. I was ready to go down on the Surmontil cause the anxiety is so strong. I think I am just going to keep it at 75 mg right now . I really don't want to add the celexa too.:-(

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    • Posted

      Let me know what you decideBabbs, I would probably go with what he sujested even though ur didn't seem to have the best reasuring manner. At least then if there is still no change you can ask why he advised this? So frustrating Babbs, know your in such turmoil not knowing what to do for best. Just want to see some good results for you , you've been through such a crappy time. Sending you a big hug , . Let me know what you decide ??😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dear sweet friend Edwina, I think I am going to wait until after Xmas to try the Celexa too. We are supposed to go to my sisters Beautiful home Xmas Eve and as you know I am going to have to push myself to go. I really don't want to spoil the festivities. Thanksgiving the anxiety was so bad at my daughter's that I couldn't go to my sisters house. I just want to feel better so badly and his reaction scared me. It is not my fault that the anxiety feels worse. He said there's no magic pill and I know that but I sure wish there was... I just pray to God every day. Hope that you are feeling good. I just hate that every day is different and every day is bad. I want this to go away.

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. We know there is no magic pill, if there was we would all be taking it, wouldn't be going through hell and having to ask for his help🙄. Try your best to get through Christmas, as you said you can try other med after, who knows you may even feel better by then and not need to,😊 Staying positive for you , but it is there as an option if needed. Really praying something kicks in and helps, would be the best Christmas gift of all. I'm still reading posts from many people feeling so desperate, that horrible agitated feeling seems to be endless but there are as many posts saying it's hell but it does somehow eventually pass. Wish we all just knew when our lives would get back on track, that's the worst part not knowing. Would be easy if we thought ' oh just a few more days now and it will be over' like a cold or bug, etc. Hang in there Babbs. Know you can beat this.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, you are so right about everything. I truly look forward to your posts. There is no magic pill. I really think it is trial and error. So many people suffering from this horrible illness. So difficult to get through every day with this God-damned ANXIETY. I am doing the best I can. Sometimes I think I am going to stay like this forever and my life is never going to be normal again... I pray God will have some mercy. I am doing everything I can . I am just too fearful to try the Celexa right now with the surmontil and the Ativan. And every day I make sure I push myself to get out. Sure would be wonderful thank feel relaxed some day. God bless you dear friend...
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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Totally understand. Give it a little longer . You've had the strength to get this far, god knows how we do it as so many of us say we can't cope with this another day, it really is the feeling of complete hopelessness thinking it will never end that convinces us we can't do it. So many here pushing through another day and then another, to get to a better place,. I was always told never to give up , glad I didn't  but it felt never ending at the time. Keep your mind on Christmas Babbs and the fact you can get through it with your lovely family , I have no children or grandchildren but my hubby is like an overgrown child at Christmas so he will keep me busy🙄??, . Get through each day 'a day at a time ' as you've been doing Babbs and you know I'm here , and many others are relying on people posting here. Sending hugs.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dearest Edwina, your husband sounds like a really good guy. I will never give up . Just have to fight this damn ANXIETY every day. The Psychiatrists need to be in our positions to really understand how we feel... though I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I wish I could will it away. Every day I wake up hoping today will be better than yesterday and every day there it is . Those horrible butterflies in my stomach no matter where I go at home or out . It is so kind of you to take the time to post me with all of your encouragement and support and wisdom. Sending you a big hug. Thank you!

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Glad to pot you, wish I could be of more help but know all too well nothing makes us feel better when struggling with anxiety, people tried to reasure me I would one day get better but we never believe it until it happens. The best encouragement I found was from people who had been through it and felt how bad it really is. I knew my family cared but often wondered if they thought I was exaggerating how bad I felt , as you said phychiatrists , family etc try to help but they have never felt how awful it can be. Glad for these forums, for people to reach out, ask questions , ask for support etc. 20 yrs ago I didn't know who to confide in, such a lonely time, couldn't pick a phone up and ask if anyone understood how I felt. Hope just knowing people care helps Babbs, somehow helps you get through each day, keep fighting it Babbs, with you all the way.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Late here , sorry been a busy one today , just wanted to check in , let you know was thinking of you, hope you had a good day , sending hugs😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, always. great to hear from you. I am feeling the same. So frustrating. I watched be of my beautiful granddaughters yesterday cause they were sick I love them SOOOOOO much! I watched them both one is almost 2 and the other is 4. I had the horrible anxiety the whole time . I was there 9 hours and that damn ANXIETY was there really strong. I really don't the there is much more I can do... I am sending you a big hug.

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs glad you managed to spend time with them, would think your mind would be taken off anxiety a little but it's so consuming it's awful, glad you are functioning and able to get out even though you don't get much relief, shows you

      Have the strength to push yourself. Guessing you are like me and don't like letting people down even if you feel rotten. Keep pushing yourself though Babbs it's another step in the right direction. Up at dads next two days, lives in the back of beyond so if you don't hear from me I have no signal. Sending extra hugs in case, hoping you feel better, goes without saying. Speak soon, ????😊

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    • Posted

      Hi dearest Edwina thank you always for your kind words of encouragement. Yes, what bothers me alit is that it doesn't matter if I push myself or where I go. The damn anxiety prevails. The more I ignore it the worse it seems to get. But I am doing everything I can. So good of you to take care of your Dad. I love my grandchildren More than anything in this world. And I love spending time with them . Damn ANXIETY! I am hoping I have enough stamina to go to my sisters house on Xmas Eve. I would sure hate to miss the festivities. What are you doing for Xmas? God bless you .

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Still out here😊. My dads coming down to us as he is on his own to stay xmas eve, then when he goes I go round to mums who lives with her partner who my dad has no idea about, makes me feel very torn and ' piggy in the middle' it's very complicated and adds to my constant worrying and overthinking , my hubby says I worry too much but they are my parents. Also round to hubby'  s parents🙄 . My brother has 4 children , we will pop round . Hope you feel able to get through xmas and feel better for being with family. Awful having to hide how bad we feel , how hard we are having to push ourselves to do things other and find easy. Hoping you improve over Christmas, you know I'm willing you on as always. 😊????

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    • Posted

      Hi, i have been following your good advice to Babbs and trying to get through this difficult time.  To add insult to injury i have a chest infection which has made me feel even lower and have been to emergency gp for antibiotics but now i have them i need to see anticoagulation clinic as the warfarin i am on is affected.  It is all spiralling up and making me feel so anxious.  I hate having dr appts, it spikes my anxiety.  I just dont know how to beat this condition, am having cbt but its not doing much because imthink theres too much in the mix.  Supposed to be at sons xmas day but appetite is very sluggish and i am not going to be life and soul of party, never was, but at least i could chat and be sociable.

      this illness really does sap away your life.

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, so wonderful to hear from you. Wow sounds like you have a wonderful family and very normal by today's standards! Hee hee! Yes God give us the strength to fake it til we make it. Though it seems to be getting harder and harder for me instead of easier. Thank you again for all of your support. God bless you dear friend.

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    • Posted

      hi Babbs, sorry things don't seem to Be getting easier, I'm praying they will do. That goes without saying. Horrid feeling the way we do at our worst without as you said( faking it to make it) praying you can get some enjoyment from seeing your lovely family this xmas and soon this will all be in the past and you can move forward again and really enjoy them, I tend to get through things a bit at a time, so I don't get too overwhelmed and have loads of excuses to take a little time out if I feel a bit too anxious, sending you hugs and really hoping you get the biggest gift of all this xmas and feel better.😊??

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    • Posted

      I am feeling so ill, waking in night sweating and low during day, also,though agitated and anxious and just cant seem to feel normal.  Imtook 1mg diaz yesterday but it didnt do anything.  Woken today feeling physicallynunwell, this has been going on for a week, waking feeling this way, and each day nearer xmas.  Drs gave me antibiotic for bad cough, dentist x rayed my mouth for the pain, still having bouts of running after eating but appetite is pretty low.  Feel just awful and think drs are missing something but I havent got pains to show them.  So tired. Nausea still there.  An absolute wreck.  How can this all be anxiety? I wake sweating take paracetamol then wake sweating three hours later. Take temp which is normal. Check pulse oxygen seems normal, so,scared i will get another p.e. Just feel so unwell.  Is this something else?  I think I need tests. 
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    • Posted

      Hi dearest Edwina, thank you for your encouraging posts. I went up to 100 mg of the surmontil I just don't know what to do anymore. I traveled into Manhattan today again and my body felt so HEAVY like I was wearing a suit of armor. Everything looked weird. I really am pushing myself . I just don't know what to do anymore. I really don't think this surmontil is working... I wish I could relax it feel tired instead of anxiety. I don't feel anything but anxiety. I just wish that I could wish myself well and everyone on this forum....

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    • Posted

      Babbs. Checking you ok? Are you feeling any better. Just replied to poor guy (  problem with alcohol) . I've been down that route years ago. Pure hell. Seems like a lifetime ago but remember the pain and the pain I put everyone through. . That's another story. Saw you spoke with BOB, he is so reasuring and and inspiring, , hoping to hear you are  ok, hugs, 😊????

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    • Posted

      Hi Edwina, so nice to hear from you. I am still here still feeling like crap no change I am just pushing myself like usual. I really don't think this ANTIDEPRESSANT works working , I upped it to 100 mg like the doctor said. I am convinced I am going to stay like this forever. I can't do more than what I am doing.,. sending you a big hug.

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