My panic and anxiety has come back after 30 years. I have severe agoraphobia for 4 months.

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It is like I am being tortured all day and most of the night. I just can't stand it anymore. I want to escape from it or run away from it but there is nowhere to go. I can't listen to music I can't watch TV I am never relaxed or feel tired. I started 25 mg of Surmontil almost 2 weeks ago and I take 4 mg if Ativan for 30 years. Please someone help. I need all the replies I can get. My Psychiatrist suggested shock treatments if I don't respond to Medication. Please I need all the replies I can get. I am s very strong person. My severely handicapped daughter died in my arms 6 years ago. I can't even go to work! I want my life back. But it seems to be going further and further away from me

I get these weird feelings and the physical manifestation of this depression is horrible. I just can't take the torture anymore. Someone HELP

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  • Posted

    God bless you for taking the time to be so kind as to reply. Do you take any medication. Thank God you are feeling better. You have given me alot of hope. I just hate feeling so horrible. I want to get better so badly. I live in Long In the States. How long did it take to feel better. I hate this torture every day. And I don't sleep well either. I have anxiety in my sleep. Thank you again. It is hard for people who have never experienced this to understand.

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  • Posted

    Hi Babbs. Sorry for late reply. Once I acknowledged I had to get help and really push myself even if I was terrified to go out or felt so down and ill I couldn't imagine getting ready I had my mum go everywhere with me, practically forcing me out to do something small everyday, even staying with me to take my mind off constantly obsessing over how bad I felt. Doc monitored meds, gave me diazapam which I would take to calm me down a little then I would get ready and push myself everyday, . Just simple things like going for coffee which was terrifying but the thought of doing things was worse than actually doing them, I had to push through the fear, I would go to places that weren't too busy at first, gradually with reasurance from everyone I was doing well my mood started to lift and I started to feel a little more confident and my mood lifted. It helped to keep busy and after the initial fear wore off I think getting out in the fresh air and the exceecise and actually feeling good I'd done something helped.( sounds simple , I know) going from feeling so uptight and hopeless, seems impossible when your anxiety is telling you you can't do it. It's very gradual, day by day, even hour by hour doing small things but pays off. Nowadays I get all horrid anxiety symptoms now and then but push through them, still feel better going places with someone but lead pretty good life, ( compared to what it was) only use meds now occasionally for family occasions , airports, etc, or when I have lots of people around and feel a little overwhelmed. Hope you can get to a better place Babbs, know it seems impossible at mo but please keep in touch, all routing for you. 😊??

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    • Posted

      Oh Edwina thank you Thank you thank you for your kind words of encouragement and wisdom. You really sound alot like me. I am pushing myself every day a little though I have to say it doesn't make me feel that much better. I hate sitting in this house every day being afraid of everything. I do do much want to get better. I just hate Feeling like this. I wish I was calm enough to watch TV. I hate being home yet I am scared to leave. The anxiety I'd grueling and I hate facing every day. I hope the medicine helps

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  • Posted

    HiBabbs, hope when meds kick in fully, your mood will lift and you will feel less agitated, hopefully then you will have a little more energy and find you can push yourself. Know the feeling well of being so upset that I wanted to get better but anxiety took all the fight out of me and I almost gave up. Please stick in there and don't lose hope. I would say I thought I was worse than everyone else and my anxiety and horrid racing thoughts would never get better, as I didn't have the internet years ago and had nobody to talk to , I felt so alone and thought I was mad or something. Thank goodness for this forum and the fact people can reasure each other they are not alone and we know exactly how each other are feeling, hoping you see improvement soon and get some peace, remember your not alone, keep in touch , readying other posts even if they aren't similar to yours helps , it keeps your mind away from worrying/racing. I hate the fact others are suffering but so glad people don't suffer in silence alone, maybe asking questions here as they need reasurance before confiding in family and docs etc. Do you have anyone close Babbs who could spend time with you and talk things through. My mum spent nights with me when I was scared to sleep and scared when I woke, just felt better with someone there. Also sometimes wanted to be alone and just feel sorry for myself but knew this would make things worse' ' poor mum ' got the brunt of everything but she says it was worth it for the days now where she actually sees me smile. Keep me updated Babbs , always here for you😊??

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    • Posted

      Edwina you are the kindest, dearest person to reach out to me. You really understand the suffering. This is so horrible. I am so happy you got better. I have my one other Beautiful daughter who I speak to by phone a couple of times a day. I just want my life back so badly. I am so scared of everything and everything is such an effort. Your messages are so important to me. It is wonderful that there is this forum. God bless you...

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  • Posted

    HiBabbs. Keep talking to your daughter and never feel that you can't because you don't want her to worry. She would definitely rather you confided in her than suffered on her own and like my mum she will be so relieved one day when she sees you happy again, and she will be so happy she helped you through this. We are so lucky to have someone . My heart goes out to people who have no one. Hope you are feeling a little better, a little more positive, I know it's only baby steps at the moment but just little things like getting through another day and knowing people are there for us is a help. Always here if you need to chat, or just have a rant. 😊??

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    • Posted

      Dearest Edwina, again I can not thank you enough for your support and consideration. You are so right. I thank God every day for my daughter and my two beautiful granddaughters. I know that I have to fight this every day. You really understand the pain, and frustration. I am really suffering with this and I want my life back...God bless you again and again for your sweetness and care. My God help me when is this night mare going to end.
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  • Posted

    Hi Babbs. Was going to put a post on later if I hadn't heard from you, just hoping today would be a bit better. The waiting really is the hardest. If we could say ' oh this will be over next week and I will feel better it would still be horrid but so much easier knowing how long we would feel like this and that we would feel better soon' . Really feel for you , and others, know how frustrating it is, I can only describe it as anxiety trying to drive us insane, I would think totally irrationally and obsessively even though I know we are all intelligent people just super sensitive and anxious. you will feel better soon, Babbs, please stay positive, people always told me this and I screamed at them that they didn't understand how bad I felt, looking back they were right but I felt so awful in the midst of it and nothing anybody said would help. Keep fighting , keep talking, keep busy,. Are you eating Babbs and drinking plenty? I lived on milkshakes/ smoothies if I couldn't eat, needed something to keep strenghbup when I couldn't eat. Eventually I started to eat a bit better and sleep better going from 3 hrs sleep a night to 5or 6 and not so panicky as soon as I woke, it really was a case of giving it time. Keep me posted Babbs,  always here for you.😊??

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    • Posted

      Dear Edwina, Again God bless you for all of your encouragement. You exactly know he I feel. I am trying to believe you that I will feel better some day.Hopefully soon I am suffering so much. I force myself to eat. I am rarely hungry. I can only drink One quart s day of liquid because I have a low sodium problem so I am on fluid restriction. Our Thanksgiving is Thursday and I always made a big banquet. Now I will be lucky if I can go to my daughters house. I just want believe I was hit with this horrible illness again. I do hope you are right and I will be happy again. I am taking my medication. When is it going to work and will it work? Good bless you dear friend....
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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs just checking in, are you feeling any better? Hubbies off work for two days, he works away so been busy running around after him/tidying up after him, lol😜. Hope you are feeling a little better, feeling any more positive?😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dear Edwina. I wish I could say I am feeling better but the anxiety is just so hard to work through. It is with me every minute except evening . It's like parts of me are coming back but the anxiety seems to be worse I think. It makes me very groggy in the morning. I wish I could go back to work or watch my grandchildren. I want my life back again. I wish I could relax. I am in my house but I don't want to be here. God bless you for your support . It keeps me going...

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs. Glad you replied, wish you were feeling loads better but hopefully soon? I'm keeping an eye on my elderly father at moment, he seems a little depressed , he lives alone and has too muuch time to worry about things( wonder where I get it from?😟wink. He tends to drink a lot more when he is down and is an accident waiting to happen. It's down to me to keep an eye on him as my brother doesn't bother, 'that's another story. Don't know if worrying about my dad makes my anxiety worse or just takes the focus off my problems focusing on making sure he's ok. It was dark in U.K.at 3 this afternoon, don't know what it's like where you are? Hope tomorrow is better for you, I always dreaded the mornings wondering wether I would wake feeling a little better, I hope you gradually get to a better place , I always felt better by evening, and my appetite slowly returned also, wishing you well Babbs and praying you feel better soon. 😊??

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    • Posted

      Sweet Edwina, thank you again for your help. My dad was an alcoholic too. The depressionb is definitely hereditary. You are exactly right. Every day I wake up wishing the anxiety would be gone. But it is still here. What torture. Wow, I can't believe it is dark at 3:00 there. Here in Long Island it gets dark around 5:00. Tommorow is Thanksgiving . I am going to my daughters house no matter how bad I feel. I always cook up a huge feast and this year I can barely make a couple of dishes. Will this horrible anxiety ever go away? I can't stand it much longer. I want my life back.

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    • Posted

      Hi Babbs, please keep pushing through this, I know you'll post one day soon saying you feel a little better, ' I know' it seems as though it's never ending, I know that the  waiting is absolute torment . Hope tomorrow takes your mind off things a little, it may seem like such hard work but hope you fell better for going. Babbs, I have friends in California , they moved from north England u.k 20 yrs ago, (bit hotter than over here. Wishing you the best for tomorrow, . Let me know how things go, 😊??

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  • Posted

    HiBabbs. Still here, hope you manage to get to your daughters for Thanksgiving. You don't have to be the life and sole just being there will mean everything and though the thought of it is a massive task it will be ok, you are with people you love and they understand. I had to force myself to go to similar things and always had an excuse ready but always managed to survive it, . I hope maybe you can pat yourself on the back for getting through something so huge the way you feel at the moment. Do you feel better Babbs if you are reasured by your doctor/ physiatrist? . Don't be afraid to visit, when you feel really bad you need reasurance. Meds can seem to take ages to start working properly, . I thought just a few people had this problem with meds but so many people here seem to go through hell just waiting for meds to help and then questioning if they are on the right one. Read so many posts of people in absolute turmoil with their symptoms, wish there was a quick fix. Always great to hear people are starting to feel better. Praying you feel better soon . 😊????Sending you an extra heart for Thanksgiving.

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    • Posted

      Meant to ask Babbs, did you see a different phyciatrist and get a different opinion and a bit of reasurance. From  the physiatrist you mentioned in your first post , hope you managed to get some advice from a different one, years ago I had a terrible doctor but now my doctor is so much better and so reasuring it really helps. 😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dear friend, I did see a different Psychiatrist and he was good. He said just take the meds and said of course you will feel better. The days are endless I try to find things to do and when I do these little chores it is so difficult. I wish I could watch TV or listen to music but it just makes me More nervous . I wish I could go back to the but it is in Manhattan and it is a long trip which never bothered me before. I wish I could babysit my grandchildren who have my heart but all I can manage is a visit. I am so angry at this illness. I am so angry I got it back after 30 years. I hate it and I want it to go away...God bless you again for your encouraging words.
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    • Posted

      Anytime Babbs,  I am always here, glad new physiatrist was more reasuring, you will get back to normal, you've done it before , I. Believe you will get better , so does the physchiatrist, and your daughter , please believe you will. I was a lost cause with no hope, miserable that I couldn't do anything to help myself, now I am hopeful, know it's difficult but keep positive for yourself and those who love you.😊??

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    • Posted

      Hi dear Edwina, I spent my Thanksgiving with my angel babies. Our Thanksgiving was as good as it could be under the circumstances. I felt really horrible almost the whole time there. Terrible ANXIETY that just wouldn't leave. But I was so blessed to spend this time with my family and my granddaughters who have my heart. I am never relaxed even at home. No peace. Always that horrible anxiety gnawing away at me. When you were home did you have alot of anxiety there too? I never have peace...

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