My panic and anxiety has come back after 30 years. I have severe agoraphobia for 4 months.

Hi Bri , so happy something worked for you but I have never smoked marijuana and I don't plan too, but it was so kind of you to reply. ..

Thank you so much for your reply.It was very kind of you. I can't relax, I mean I really can't relax and I don't feel comfortable in my own home either. The anxiety of too much. I can't really sleep either. I think the doctors are missing something or all the pills are wrong but try to Tell them that. I am scared to go to the hospital , I don't know what they will do for me there...

Dear Courtney again thank you for your reply. May I ask what did you do all day when you had the agoraphobia? I can not relax at home so I watch the clock all day and night time is terrible too . I get horrible anxiety in my dreams night sweats and trouble sleeping.

Wow, felt like reading my own anxiety story! We are all anxiety warriors! it hits life hard but we can do it! thanks to medication and treatment! god bless you all

When I think back to my childhood I can see that I always had agoraphobia but did not know until like you 21, it hited me hard out of nowhere :O

Hi, I am 62 years old also. I have been suffering with butterflies in steroids it feels like, and agoraphobia. I had something like this 30 years ago. I got a bout of vertigo and now here I am I can't work , I try to leave the house every day but the butterflies get worse when I am out. I have no advice because the medicine that worked the last time is not working this time. I am taking surmontil, Ativan and depakote which I was not taking 30 years ago. I can't sleep at night. I want to enjoy my beautiful granddaughters and when they come over or I go there the butterflies are so bad I am in agony. Wish I could be offer some help...God help us all...this is a Living hell.

Hi Babss wondering how you are, hoping you have some good new... I don’t know if I should be on hear with my problem being HA. It is good to talk to some one that understands this arfull anxiety no matter what it is. God bless you all 

Hi I’m your age and I’m new on here  I also don’t sleep I feel like I’m walking around on a cloud but my head spinning around and I look at other people and say can’t they see me why can’t I be like them I feel so disconnected disconnected from myself you’re not alone I feel your pain  Doctor started me on Lexapro 10 mg of another for five weeks it seems to be helping a little bit  I guess I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and to hang in there and god bless

Aww I cried when I saw your male babs at last some one my age.. them dam butterflies errrr .. I have grandkid and love them dearly it’s so wrong when you can’t enjoy um I long to play with them but just can’t muster any think at the minute I really feel for every one that has to live with this terrible thing.. the black dog s a perfect way to describe it... j 

That was a bit of bad bad spelling in the mail I sent you Babs sorry.. 

Mine started at 62,i am now 66 and have tried so many anti deps, nothing has worked for me. Had lots of cbt sessions too.  I just cant believe that this illness has struck at my age.  Been through life and bam, it came after i had a back operation.  Dr has given me diazepam to control anxiety and it still goes on.  I am too anxious to go to a toga class and it is hard to divert with other things.  What is the answer? Does the psych even know, i get the feeling when I go that he is stumped too.

have you found any medications that help, if so what are they?

this is no life, i love my grandchildren but cannot do what i could have a few years ago before this, its so difficult.

Hi Ann, I had Breast cancer when I was 50, so don’t think that has helped me... I do take prosaic but doesn’t seem to make much difference... just come back from docs who may I add is very good with me.. she has give me some diazepam to help for now and it going to look at my meds again when I am feeling a bit better. She wants me to wait so it doesn’t make me any worse at the mo...no I don’t think meds help that much Ann just tack the edge of but at my worst times nothing seems to help..but you never know and I live in hope that one day we will feel somewhat better if not completely.. 

Hello, I am so happy for found us on the forum. So sorry you are feeling so awful. But every day it is the same and there seems like no relief and no way out...are you on any medication?

Yes I am on Prozac but does not do much... been to doctors today she is very good with me, has give me diazepam to help and going to look at meds hopefully when I am feeling better, she does not want to change it when I am this bad.. I have never felt like I have this 

ast week I was so close to giving up only my grandchildren that are keeping me going at this point.. it is so bad you will understand that I too don’t sleep eat go out just want to curl up in a ball just wish it would stop... thank you so much for taking time to talk to me it help just knowing there are others out there... I really do feel for every one... just wish there was a way out for us ... thanks babss 

 

Please feel free to text anytime. Thank God for the grandchildren. I wish I could enjoy them when I am with them but the butterflies on steroids just won't stop. I have no Quality of life but I want to be with them. I used to watch them 2 times a week. Now this horrible illness took that away from me. I tried having them at my house , I try going to their house once a week for a couple of hours before the anxiety blows off of my head. There is no peace... sending a big hug.Where do you live? I live on Long Island in New York...

Yes thank god for grandchildren.. how many have you got Babss I have 5 just one grandson... I am in the UK .. had a bad nite again, I do go to sleep then wake up at 3/4 and that’s it for me the fear is so bad it’s there ever waking moment errr .. my husband is very good but just don’t understand what it’s like.. I do have hobbies but I can’t even look at them at the minute I do try so hard ... i can see you are really struggling I do wish there was something we could do.. we just not living thank you so much for you text Babss it really good to talk let’s keep going together big hug 

Hi, I have 2 Beautiful granddaughters what are my reason for living. I just found out my sodium levels went down again. Don't know what that is all about. This is not living at all and I miss my life. I forgot what it is like...no one could possibly understand what we are going through because when you are well toy can't feel like this even if you tried.

Hi Babss not heard of that before low sodium, do you think this has a bearing on how you are feeling...umm that is food for thought so to speak... I hope and pray that we get some relief soon.. yes I agree fully when you are well, no way could you possibly understand how bad you are feeling now.. god bless Babss 

Hello, yes I do believe it has something to do with how I am feeling. It is very frustrating. No one knows how we are suffering...we need a miracle I think.

That’s horrible for you it’s just something else to worry about.. I am still no better tied can’t eat sleep don’t want to do anything I have made myself go for a short walk today but could not get back quick enough, I was so 5hankfull my daughter was with me... I will keep going I will... how are you feeling toda6 babs 

hi Ann a what sort of anxiety do you suffer with I see to have missed some things on the forum. 

Hi, I am feeling the same. Horrible nightmares at night. Coming off of one pill right now. The anxiety never goes away. Every day is awful.

General anxiety disorder with now some depression.  I am slowly giving up hope they can fix me with pills i ve tried so many. Just taking one day at a time.

Aww Ann no no no don’t say that, I am sure we will get there.. it’s just so horrible to try to deal with I have been bad all night and all day but I will not let this dam think win I will keep going.. you must Ann just keep talking seems like we are all the same no peace at the mo but we will get there I am sure sending hugs to you. 

Babss what are you coming off which is making you feel so bad? Are they trying something new?  I am looking for any experiences of meds. Thanks

Thanks for your kind reply.

i just cannot get out of this mess.  I have had the anxiety and depression for four years now and it wont go.  Tried cbt. Ssris and am on diazepam trying to keep to low dose.  Psych just hasnt been able to fix me, maybe not found right med. these meds Ll make me feel really awful, side effects, nightmares, agoraphobia, all not part of my life till,i tarted taking them because i was anxious.  At moment titrating off mirtaz is sending me crazy.  Feel much worse but it is said this can be the case coming off.  Feel i need a psych who will really listen and be able to try to fix me.   They seem happy to let me just use diazepam which is not fixing me, its a short term fix.

was it prozac you were on?  Are you trying other meds to help?

all i know is that living this way isnt normal and it helsp when people on this site give their experiences.

Hi there Ann, I am coming off of Depakote and Surmontil. I feel horrible. My biggest complaint is that I can not relax . I don't know if she is going to try anything else but I feel terrible. Something has to make me better...

Hi Ann I believe going on and coming off meds can give you some nasty side effects.. I have had HA for about 5 years and really haveing a bad time at the mo it’s never ending for us is it... yes I do take Prozac and at the mo she as put me on a small dose of diazepam.. but not doing much at all... I really don’t know if they help us at all... I think it a matter of mind over matter but that said it a lot easier to say than do.. the mind is a very strong... and mine is very mixed up at the mo like a lot more on hear..I really wish there was something someone could do for us... the last councillor I saw said... aww I know what your problem is it’s called a fear of fear ( WHAT) !!!!! I really don’t know where they come from sometimes... we have got to keep going ... I suppose that all of us are well I for one would give/pay anything to be well again sending hugs to you and Babss

Sounds wrong but im glad dr is taking you off surmontil and depakote, it just wasnt working for you.   I hope this is their chance to give you something better so you can feel well.  Keep us updated as to how you do.

How are you doing today Ann.. hope and pray one of us is feeling better... do hope Babss is aswell ... I am just the same errr it’s so hard when will we get some peace... 

How are you today Babss, daft question I know but hope and pray one of us is feeling a bit bette... I just don’t know where my head is just can’t stop crying errrr dam you anxiety depression... 

Hi hope better days to come.

bad morning, thought i was going mad. Settling a bit now.  Just want rid of this.  Getting notes from people saying its the mirtazapine causing it. I just dont know.

Hi Babbs. Checking in again, how have you been. Been busy, which is a good thing I suppose, saw some posts from Anne, and Big lass j, great support , all seem very similar, fighting this awful anxiety and looking for some answers , nice to chat and reasure each other, nothing worse than feeling alone in this as well as the horrible symptoms, hoping you're ok? and obviously hope all get some relief soon, 😊??🤞🏻

Hi Ann it could well be the meds that’s doing it ...think we must have a time difference it’s 20 mins past 4pm hear now, not that matters at all was just wondering how long it takes you to settle down from getting out of bed...  I wake up at about 4am and then it starts I go on till about 11am before I start to settle down a bit but it never really goes away just been listen to a hypnosis tape see if that helps, umm not really but will give it another go to see, really hope somthin will let you know how it goes... try anything if it will help.. 

Hi Ann, you are right it sounds wrong. I feel terrible. But maybe a different med will help. Just trying to hang in there. Wish we could all find some peace.

Thanks dear Edwina, so nice to hear from you. I feel terrible like usual. Wish there was a better way of fixing us all. Praying for a miracle. Hanging in there at the mercy of this... Thank you for your kindness

No

Hi, so sorry you are crying but if that is what you feel then it is better to let it out. I am feeling awful like usual. Trying to make it hour by hour...

Thank you for being there for me another bad night ..errrr 

Hi, so sorry. But it is terrible we are all suffering so much. I wish we could all find an answer to our suffering. I don't know what is worse the days or the nights. Sending a big hug.

Hi wondering how everyone is doing.. saying hopefull .. hugs to all ..

Hi Babbs. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you all, looked back on how long you've been posting, it's been such  rough ride for you. You were right to say take it hour by hour, that's what I was told, every hour seemed so long but looking back every hour I got through was a step further, it was hard to believe things would get better , but they say time is a healer, and everything comes with time, it's been such a long haul but hang in their , you've been through such a tough time , hoping you can all push through this together after being so strong to get this far, wishing for a better day tomorrow for you .After midnight in U.K. but I'll stay up a bit longer , still get that washing machine head that goes round and round and drives me mad but so used to it ,it's nothing compared to being agitated and anxious 24/7. Sending hugs😊??.

Morning ladies just thinking about you ..hope today is a better day for us... Why won’t this horrible thing STOP!!!! ERRR... not seen any post for a while hope you are all doing better... hugs ..

Hi, not good morning here.  Woke full,of anxiety and had to take. Diaz.  

I cannot remember your regime, are you lowering down anti dep, or what do you feel,is causing you the anxiety?  

I dont know when it will end, no doubt with another visit to psych whch i really dont want.

anybody else trying to get off mirtaz?

Good to see you here.  How did you get your anxiety and agitation down.  I need some help as im going off mirtaz as per psych instruction and im nearly round the bend

Hi not good hear I just don’t know what to do I took daizipan this morning mine is HA, Ann but I suppose it’s all the  same anxiety depression, I have both but the HA is really bad at the mo which in turn makes every think worse, bottom line sends us all mad ... I just feel like I am going mad it just won’t go away.. I am so pleased I now have someone to talk to it does help ❤️

Hi Ann. My anxiety can still feel as though it's really bad and really drives me round the bend. Really understand the feeling of hopelessness all your posts describe, that feeling of when will this go away, it feels awful, and feel as though you can't do the simplest things. Really wish I had answer to what will improve things, I take diazapam but only when really anxious as I know it  helps calm the really bad anxiety but also realise if I take it too much I'll rely on it , hope your anxiety calms down, know you and Babbs have really been through it, all we can do is keep asking for help from the gp's. Etc, they treat this all the time, so frustrating when you can't seem to get to the bottom of why this is so bad when they can see how long this has been going on and how you are suffering. Does the diazapam help Ann or do you feel nothing helps, know you've tried a lot of meds and can't take certain ones , must be something to help, also realise it's hard to push yourself when you feel rotten , it's great to be able to distract your mind from the horrid symptoms and keep busy but so difficult.😊??

Yes, i took diaz on waking with anxiety today. It does help to know some others have these problems but not that drs cannot fix them.  Yes i sometimes feel im going mad but if you were you wouldnt know it is what people say.  Try to have a decent day. Thinking of you.

Hi thanks for your concern and kindness. I am feeling lousy like usual.. hanging in there . I am having alot of trouble sleeping now. God bless you.

Hi, I am feeling lousy like usual. I had a bad Night. I don't know what is worse. Day or night. Wish we were all well...

I hope and pray for us to be well and rid of this terrible anxiety/depression.. just sat wondering WHY!! I suppose we all do that... I do have a lovely hobby (well I think so) but can’t even get my self motivated to even have a look at it... errrr is so so unfair for anyone to have to suffer this... Do you have any hobbies Babss

Hi Edwina just reading you take diazepam. I worry about it as in getting addicted to it, can ask how long you have been on it and how often you take it please..

No, I Wish I did. I have no hobbies...

Hi, no probs, I've taken it on and off for 10 yrs. firstly to help calm me as I was not even able to leave the house. Now I can go days or weeks without taking, but if I feel super anxious or have a flight or family get together I use it. Understand your concerns, can be addictive as can many other meds, I have a great gp, who would never prescribe too much and I've found it's the only med that calms me then I can push through, I go from shaking, heart pounding, sweating to calming down and relaxing a little, even my mum who has watched my years of struggling and has worked with people with anxiety and depression agrees it has helped me. I would take it daily at some points years ago when I was really bad but that would only be short term, wouldn't recommend daily use long term as I said, along with other similar meds, also it works well for me as I can turn into a shaking mess if I know I have to get somewhere quickly on my own, when my anxiety is bad, but mostly nowadays I can get out and do stuff and it's just there for ' emergencies' shall we say. Have been in some bad states over the years and really feel for you, Ann,andBabbs, we're all different and different meds help different people even though we have same symptoms, wish I could be of more help, so glad you're all supporting each other here. Like I said I've gone weeks , months without using it with no bad reaction, some people aren't so lucky, it helps their anxiety but can have bad withdrawals, nothing's simple but glad you asked as benzos etc can get bad press, good to get first hand feed back of different people's experience, hope you feel better as day goes on, 😊??

Thank for you input Edwina that really helps me I only take it if and when.. but I do have to get bad before I do.. I will maybe try not wait as long now I do take Prozac, doc prescribed me diazepam because I have been really bad this time round... it does calm me, to be honest I do think i wait too long before taking it... think I am worried about getting too used to it.. yes I

have HA as well has depression.. I know I am not the same as Babss and Ann but it does help to know there is other that suffer with anxiety all be it different ..and the same age as me which really does for some reason make it a bit easier if that makes sense .thank you for your help with the diazepam Edwina much appreciated...  🤯 ??

My GP as given me a low dose of diazepam 2mg ... I am wondering if i would be best to take one at bed time every night for a while to see if this help.. I think this is a small dose  but don’t really no what I am talking about... 

How are you?

i had my worst night ever.  Since lowering the mirtazapine i am waking with such anxiety.  I dont know how ro controll it except with diazepam.  It goes on all day then sometimes lessens in evening.  I just dont know what to do.  Will this leave me in time, how do you feel

my dr gave me diazepam and since lowering the mirtazapine i do need it.  Dr says take it when necessary, well thats all the time.  I take it at night to sleep and wake full of anxiety so need another. This has been so much worse by trying to get off mirtazapine.  I have forfotten what anti dep you have if any?

Hi Ann I take Prozac but don’t think any think helps when I am at my worst which is 24/7 at the min... I was worried about taking diazepam but think Edwina has eased my mind a bit with that ... I will try it at night and see if it helps... doc said 3times a day I really don’t want to be taking them all the time... if I could just sleep maybe I would feel better... seem we all have that problem with sleeping... and when I do sleep I wake with bad anxiety attacks like you. I am trying my best to stop it but it is so hard as you know Ann.. I have tried in the past to come of Prozac but never full managed to... doc is saying may be would try something else when I am a bit better (which feels like never) she doesn’t want to start altering them right now ... I just don’t think Prozac are any good for me...  

This is the problem with a.ds. Drs just want to swop you onto another one and then that proves no better.  Ive tried so many. My body rejects them. No respite from any.  I am using the diazepam for the anxiety, its so strong though the diaz isnt much help.  Keep waking in night.  Prozac probably isnt good for you either. 

No I really don’t think the Prozac help Ann I keep telling the doc that ... I take diazepam for anxiety as well I don’t know why it bothers me so much taking Diazepam it just does but if it will help I should really give it a good go... I just know any more what to do are not do... 

Same with me. Dont know where to turn as drs have not helped me either, or their meds.

Hi Ann , I am feeling really horrible. Bad anxiety all day and alit of anxiety at night. I really don't know what to do anymore. It is physical andI wish I could just will it away but I can't. When we are sleeping, we can't control that...

I know, its physical,i keep telling them that and they say its just your thoughts.   Its not my thoughts.  I feel physically restless and anxious about nothing.  I will have to take the diazepam i suppose, already had it today but what help are these people.?

Exactly. How could it be our thoughts when we are asleep and get hit with it? It doesn't make any sense...

Well, how do we tell psych dr about that. Mine just wants to give out more drugs.

 

You are right. I don't know what we are going to do...

I totally agree they haven’t got a clue, so give us more pills then we don’t know where we are with them... big hugs to you ladies, tonight could be a good night hears hoping so much for us all... ❤️

Hi Babbs, how you feeling today? Any better, just realised it's early where you are, let me know how you are, if you got any sleep etc, hugs, Edwina. 😊??

Hi Edwina, so kind of you as always to ask how I am doing. God bless you for your kindness and support. I am feeling the same but I did have a better night sleep. Another thing we all have no control over... always nice to hear from you.

Hi big Lass, just checking in to say hi and see how you are doing. I feel the same but last night I slept for a change. Sending a big hug.

Hi Ann, just checking in to see how you are. No change here. I feel the same but I did sleep last night. Hope you have a good day. I know for me no day or night is good...

Hi there.  Good you had a better night. Today i had a little window so less diazepam helped. Tomorrow no doubt back to normal. How do we manage 

Hi Ann, we manage because we are damned strong women. That's how we manage...

Hi Babss so pleased you had a better night, must be something in the air, I did get some sleep but did have bad anxiety when I did wake up.. it does help somewhat when you can get some rest ... sending love and hugs to you all .. praying for better days for us all ..j

Woken with nausea today.  Keep getting this with the anxiety.  Sure its coming from mirtazapine

Yes may be it is Ann they can do that ... I had it really bad with one I was on just can’t think what it was called .... hope you feel better with them soon, dam tablets just know which way to turn seems like life is one big mess at the mo... we must stay strong umm ....hugs to you Ann ..

Hi big Lass, yes but last night was terrible. We have no control over it...

Hears  hoping for a better night for all... night ladies 

Hi Ann just wondering how you are doing with the horrible nausea... I get it bad with anxiety as well... hope you are feeling a bit better today. 

How you doing Babss hopefully you are feeling a bit better if that is possible for us ..

Bit better today, have had to take heartburn med and thats helps.  Diazepam can cause heartburn which i didnt know!  Hoping for better days.

Aww goodness I didn’t know that...aww Ann there is no end to it is there.. I had heart burn really bad with Prozac, untill they give me medicine instead of the capuals.. it was horrible not had it since thank goodness... if I get it with the diazepam I won’t take any more can’t do with that again.. I had a really bad night hopefully better one tonight... how did you sleep Ann... 

Hi, I still not feeling too well. Taking it hour by hour. Praying for all of us...

Hi, sleep disturbed by stomach i think. Hopeful better tonight, i will take acid supressing med doc gave me.  Hope you sleep well.

Morning Ann how was your night do hope it was a better one for you ... 

Hi Babss do hope you are feeling better.. sending hugs bless you... 

Not a good night.  Having bad stomach troubles from ex gallbladder, a id reflux awful and bile diarrhoea.  Its just all too much on top of the other things and makes anxiety rocket.  So nauseous today.  Cant eat. Dr gave me pills for acid but making me feel worse.

Hi big Lass, can't say I am feeling better. I have a bladder infection in top of everything... sends me you hugs too.

Awww no bless you Ann,don’t know if it’s the diazepam that is making me feel sick not two bad...just don’t want to eat ..yours sounds bad there is no peace for us is there, my heart goes out to you Ann. 

Aww Babss that’s nasty water infection or horrible... there none of us haveing it good is there..Ann sounds bad as well... bless you Babss bug hugs get that water infection flushed out, plenty to drink... get well soon... 

Thanks. Sending a big hug.

Night night Ann hopefully you will have a better one.. 

night Babss hopefully a better one for us ... 

Hi Babbs, just popped on, everyone has awful flu over here😷🤒. Sorry to hear you have water infection, just to add to everything else, when will you get a break? Soon I hope, hope you feel better soon, thinking of you and the other ladies, hope you all have a better night, 😊??

Hoping you are abit better to Babss sending hugs ..

Hi Babss hoping you are feeling better today sending hugs your way ..

hi Ann hoping you are feeling a bit better today sending hugs your way... 

Hi, hope things ok with you today.  Ive been out for a little bit but still anxiety with me.

Aww that’s good Ann got out if only for a sort time...hope it’s made you feel a little better if only for a sort time..  I just can’t stand the morning from early 4am onwards can’t go back to sleep Diazepam not doing much for me... hopefully have a good night Ann not heard from Babss today hope she is ok.. night Ann 

Hi Edwina, so nice to hear from you. I am really really lousy. I am in the hospital right now. Bladder infection and low sodium levels

Really really crappy.It never ends. Sending a big hug.

Hi Big Lass really feeling crappy. I am in the hospital with bladder infection and low sodium. It never ends... Big hugs

Awww no bless you Babss... hope you are feeling better soon.. they are nasty horrible water infection.. wondered how you were going... not heard from Ann and she wasn’t well hope you both get well soon take care Babss sending massive hugs... 

Thanks big Lass.

Hope you are feeling a bit better tonight Babss sending hugs your way thinking about you 

hi Ann just wondering how you are doing sending hugs night hope it’s a good one for all ..

Hi Babbs. Hope you feel better soon, we are all sending lots of hugs😊??

Hi Ann hope you are ok not heard from you... 

Hi Babss hope you are felling better today on the mend not heard from you ..

hope you are ok Ann not heard from you ...

Hi thanks. I am still having pretty nasty days. Trying to get out if i can for a walk but socialising i cannot do. I go to bet at 8 and wake at 8 but feel wretched for a large part ofmthe day.  Sometimes i feel,better bynevening.  How areyou, canyoungo out or enjoy anything

Hi Ann I find thinks hard but I have been for a walk today, after you said you had..I made my self go I am just so scrared of every think don’t like going out on my own but yeeea I did it about a 20 min walk can’t tell you how hard that was but I got there... I am afraid of dogs I do like them just scare me more so if I don’t know them... no don’t go out much but I do like to read and I have a dolls house that I have built and decorated still lots to do on it but I do enjoy it when I am in a good frame of mind... which is very hard at the min... when I do I can get lot in it, and that’s lovely being in my own little world if that makes sense Ann... mornings are always the worst time for me. does get easier as the day goes on... but never really free from it just have to hope and pray for a better da6 tomorrow it’s just horrible Ann for us sufferers... sending hugs to you