My panic and anxiety has come back after 30 years. I have severe agoraphobia for 4 months.

Hi Debib, you are so right. I wish there was a pill that we could take to make us feel better. I am praying for you.WE HSVR NO CHOICE we have to get up every day and endure this terrible illness the best we can. Try to make it through every day. Keep pushing ourselves. What I wouldn't give to have my life back and just the normal ANXIETY that goes with it...

My prayers are with you too. Where do you live? I'm in Virginia. It's hard to take one day at a time, but you are right it's like living in Hell. I pray a lot and wonder why this is happening to me. I just hate it when someone says snap out of it. If I could I'd have done it many years ago. I also get dizzy, upset stomach, vision is off. I say the Serenity Prayer everyday.,

Hang in there and I'm with you.

Hi Debib, God help all of us. I just wish this anxiety would go away. To wake up every morning to it is horrible. I live on Long Island. I hope the medicine gets me better. I am never relaxed. I can't enjoy living. I actually pushed myself to go to Manhattan yesterday. It is a 2 hour ride in and a 2 hour ride back. I went into work to see my coworker who I miss so much. I want to escape from this horrible feeling but even doing that did not make me feel better. Every thing is so hard. I never feel tired . I just feel nervous. Wish I could watch the TV or listen to music but I can't. Only in the evening I can manage to watch an hour or so. I wish you and I could get our lives back... I hate it too when someone says snap out of it. I pray the serenity prayer every day too.

Hi Babss,

Are you a worrier? I 'm sorry to hear your trip didn't make you feel better. What do you think is causing your anxiety can you pin point why you are so anxious? I'm reading a book why worry and it said that uncertainty  is a cause not knowing what is going to happen and feeling fear. I worrry about everything and that I'm gonna do something wrong. I am POA for my Dad and my family doesn't speak to me . I've got to stop worrying about everything. I feel like whatever I do is not good enouigh. I'm my own worse enemy. Hope you start feeling better with the medicine. Smile......................Big Hugs to you.

Hi Debib, so good to hear from you. I am not a worrier at all. I got vertigo one day and the anxiety came back full force like 30 years ago. I was scared something was wrong with me. Went to ER 3 times and here I am. When I had this 30 years ago medication got me better so I am trying it again. I don't know what I hate more the horrible gnawing anxiety, the stupid agoraphobia, the terrible physical manifestations of depression. I don't know why they call it that. I am not depressed. I hate waking up at night bwith anxiety dreams. Do you get a good night's sleep? What I hate is that I am always aware that I am not well. I want to reclaim my life. I walk like I am drunk either from the vertigo or most likely the anxiety. My body feels very heavy and my mind is either in a fog or I am scared. I pray for us all. I never feel tired or relaxed. What a wonderful feeling it is to come home and feel relaxed. I want that back again. I am afraid to leave the house yet I want to leave and do something . Every day bis different but none of them are good. There are so many things to conquer...God bless you...

Hi Debib, haven't heard from you are you feeling any better? The days are so long and full of anxiety from the minute I wake up. The nights full of anxiety are long too but not like the days. Do you ever leave e house? I only feel ok sitting in a chair looking outside in the backyard. I still have anxiety but it is less there. I can't go in any other room of the house for too long. I have no appetite so I make sure I eat a little every couple of hours. What a struggle every minute of the day is. Do you go to work? I had to stop working I have too much anxiety...will we ever get our lives back?

Hi Debib, I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope all is well. I am not feeling any better. Don't know how much longer I can do this. I just want some relief. Xmas is coming and I want to feel the magic. Just to have one day, one hour anxiety free. There is no magic pill. Sending you a prayer....

Hi Debib, just wanted to send you a hug and a prayer. I wad wondering how you were feeling. I am no better . I watched my beautiful granddaughters on Monday because they were both sick and the damn ANXIETY wouldn't leave. They hold my heart and they are what I live for. I watched them 9 hours. And I enjoy them so but the damned anxiety wouldn't let it up. I don't know how much more I can take.. but what choice do we have except to wake up every day but to this horrible illness...

Hi Debib, I was just checking in to see how you are doing. I am feeling the same. The anxiety of 24/7. It never goes away. I have it in my sleep also. I never feel relaxed or tired. Always those butterflies in my stomach torturing me. I have been pushing myself to go out every day but it doesn' t seem to help. Thanks don't know when this night mare will end. Sending you a hug and a prayer...

Hi Edwina, I think the Psychiatrist is going to say that my antivert is not at a therapeutic level yet and that I haven't been on it long enough. I can't imagine going higher on it...

Hi dear Edwina, I hope you had a Merry Christmas. I am feeling the same. I pushed myself to go to my sisters Beautiful home for Xmas Eve and for Christmas day I went to my daughters to be with the loves of my life my granddaughters. I always have anxiety it is such torture. But I don't want to miss out on anything. The ANTIDEPRESSANT has helped me with some things but not the 24/7 ANXIETY. I really don't know what I am going to do...

Do you feel your anti dep is working a little? If so what are they trying, i have tried so many still in same place.

Hi Ann, so sorry we are going through this hell. The ANTIDEPRESSANT has helped me sleep and somehow the most important part the 24/7 ANXIETY is still there maybe worse than ever. I went for the TMR or whatever you call it 3 times it was very expensive. I am sure it works for some people but it didn't work for me...

HiBabbs. Glad you managed to get through the festivities even though you still have those awful feelings I am so glad you spent time with your family and tried to push it to one side . Wish you could have been 100%. Hoping the new year will turn things around for you. I'm sure your lovely grandchildren took your mind off things a little, keep pushing forward Babbs, hugs, 😊??

I am interested in the TMS but i am also disappointed for you that it didnt work.  They told me i would need six weeks of treatment and it is expensive. Maybe i will rethink. What meds are you on now?  Any improvement at all?

Hi Ann, the TMS I am sure had good results but it did nothing for me, I was really upset. I am on a tricyclic ANTIDEPRESSANT Surmontil 100 mg right now because it worked 30 years ago for me. I have to say the only thing it is doing is helping me sleep, but I still have anxiety in my sleep. I wake up with anxiety and go to sleep with it. I am also on Ativan 2 mg . I really don't feel better. It just helps me sleep. I push myself to go out if the house every day but I have anxiety constantly. It is like living with pain every day instead it is ANXIETY.

Hi dearest Edwina, so glad always to hear from you. I truly believe that I am always going to feel like this. I am reluctant to try anything else. I push myself to go out every day but the anxiety is ever present. It never goes away. My granddaughters are what I live for. My God they are so cute and give me such Joy. I will never give up fighting this or accepting it it whatever but I am convinced it will never get better at this point. I think my case is unusual maybe I don't know. God bless you...

Hi Babbs. Know what you mean when you feel your case is unusual as most people seem to get some relief after a few weeks . I've felt the same in the past thinking my god this is it , this time it's worse and it will never go something is seriously wrong but then eventually it did pass. Please don't give up, I've read loads of posts where people aren't seeming to get much better even with meds, poor Anne is in such a rut also, and many others. Wish there was another name for this as it is so chronic sometimes , anxiety seems to make people think it's not that serious and don't understand how hellish it feels. Give it till the new year Babbs then if no better re visit your phsyc and explain how you have had to get through Christmas with no relief and there should be something or some specialist that can help in extreme cases. Hugs always,😊??

Hi Edwina, thank you for all of your encouragement and support. I saw my Psychiatrist today and she wants to add depakote to the mix and I am scared to take it. But I want to get better so badly. I want to be me again. I am suffering so much. I guess I should try it but I just can't believe that any of these drugs are going to work...

Hi Babbs. Glad you're seeing psych regular. Know a lot of people are on a mixture of meds. Always hated the thought of meds until my doc reasured me they are there for a reason and people with a mental illness are more reluctant to take them whereas any other illness there are meds for and people take them no problem. I got to the stage I was so miserable I probably try whatever they sujested rather than suffer. I'm lucky I have a good doc who would never prescribe too many or just try anything to get rid of me, I understand it's a dilemma, 'try more meds or we make ourselves more anxious feeling so rotten.' Hope your physiatrist gets you on the right path, know how fed up you are, . Do you know anything about the med she prescribed? Hugs always😊??

Hi Edwina, thank you again for always being there. I don't know anything about the meds she prescribed but it is scaring me to take it. I have intense butterflies in my stomach that never go away no matter what I do... I am happy despite this wretched illness and pray that one day God will make it more tolerable... sends you a hug.

Hi Babbs. Just checking in, hope you coped ok over the new year . Are you feeling any better? Did you feel any better having family around to focus on? Hoping you are ok, of course goes without saying ' wishing you a better 2018' 😊??

Hi dearest Edwina, kind good friend. Happy New year. Thank you I went to my daughters on New year's Eve and spent the evening with my husband and I have to say I am feeling worse and worse. I don't know if I should go to the hospital. I don't know what they can do for me there. I don't know if my nights or days are worse at this point. I think I need to go off of the Surmontil. It isn't working and it was letting me sleep before now I am not even sleeping good. I have no feelings. I have no appetite. I only feel anxiety. I can't cry, I can't feel love, I can feel cozy or warm I only feel ANXIETY terrible butterflies in my stomach. I hope you are well...God bless you...

So sorry you are feeling likebthis Babbs, hoped you would feel better with all the new year stuff going on around you, now you aren't even sleeping. Perhaps right to think about a visit to hospital and tell them the small progress made is now worse, hopefully they can reasure you or give you something short term to calm you, must be making your anxiety worse worrying. Let me know how you get on, what you decide, praying you get some relief from this, you really need some answers and reasurance now. Hugs, 🤞🏻. 😊??

Hi Babbs

i am so sorry you are in this situation.  I understand as i am there myself.  It has been so difficult to get through this festive period when feeling so bad.  When sleep goes awry everything seems so much worse.  I wonder if you are like me and having difficukty even getting up every day.  Everything is a huge push and nothing enjoyable.  I have phoned for an early appointment but not heard anything back yet. 

this is sheer pirgatory trying to get through the days, normal things seem so out of reach.

i hope you can get a change of meds soon and be feeling better, this is just one horrible illness. I need a change of med and soon as i cant go on much longer feeling like this.  Psych just says too busy.

i will be thinking of you and hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel, hoping my psych will deal with my problem too.

remember there are many of us in this prediament and there is an answer out there for us.

Hi Ann, Happy New year. I went to work on Wednesday and the damn ANXIETY just didn't stop. No matter what I do I always feel SICK. I just don't think the Psychiatrist's have any idea the level of anxiety. And the horrible dreams and scary feelings I get when I sleep. The damn Night sweats are horrible and scary. I have tried everything I really give up. I can't do more than what I am doing...big hug...

Hi Edwina, I just don't know what to do anymore. I wake up happy and thankful for the day and the damn ANXIETY comes on so strong I don't know what to do. I think may be the surmontil is making some of this worse. I just don't know and my Psychiatrist us not the best. They just don't understand. I have no problem pushing myself to go out, but once I am out I feel worse. I feel so sick all the time and like I said I have no emotions due to the surmontil I guess. I just don't know... Thanks for all of your support and kindness...

Hi Babbs. Ask your psychiatrist if they know any specialist in 'morning anxiety'. Sounds like it, swwars, waking with heart pounding and awful feeling inside of doom and anxiety . All to do with cotosil( think that's right) lots of docs treat it as it's worse when you wake due to adrenaline kicking in, say also to eat something sweet on waking helps but I couldn't face food. Also nightmares? Ask loads of questionsBabbs, they must be able to do more for you, it's awful for you. My dad had chronic chrons disease and was told they couldn't do anything in uk, he wrote to a professor in US and he was put on a concoction of meds, ' touch wood' to this day he has never suffered as he used to. Just trying to say if you could just find the right person who has treated similar and had good results things could improve. Know we would all love that magic cure but really feel for youBabbs you really aren't seeing much improvement or getting great reasurance from the professionals, hope you get some answers soon, keep us posted, hugs,😊??

Cortisol not cortosil🙄 . 😊??

Dear Edwina, I just don't have any faith in my Psychiatrist at all. She isn't listening. Thus is such a nightmare. I don't have morning ANXIETY. I have it 24/7 and it is like pain but instead it is ANXIETY. I can't will it away. It is unbearable butterflies in my stomach and it doesn't Stop. No meditating or yoga it long walks will make pain go away and it definitely doesn't work on my anxiety. I am not afraid to leave the house because I feel just as bad here as I feel at home. I push myself and leave the house and I feel so sick I can't tell you. I have no emotions from the surmontil I think. I can't cry, I am never sleepy or tired. I am never relaxed. I can't feel love, I smile but I can't laugh. This is not mind over matter it is physical just like pain and it just won't go away. It is stealing my life away. I just don't know what to do anymore... sending you a big hug...

Hi again Ann, I know you said one of your friends took depakote. Any other info you can give me on this drug? Thanks for all of your support and encouragement. My God how I am suffering...

My friend took depakote alongside effexor.  They took her off the depakote after a few months when she started to stabilise.  Shes still on effexor ten years later and is well. I took it and it nearly blew my head off.

Hi Ann, thanks for your reply. It worked for your friend. How many pills did you take before you felt like that?

One week only, had to stop effexor.

have never tried depakote

Oh ok thanks dear friend.

Hi Babbs. How 'a today been? Any relief or still no let up? Realised yesterday when I sujested talking to psych about morning anxiety, came across wrong, just thought if you try to get them to realise this starts as soon as you wake and you get no let up from it they minght try another path. Think they believe they are trying everything but in the meantime you are still suffering, just wish for you they would come up with some plan to get you on the right path. Off to Spain for a week but will check in on you when I can, hoping you get some relief from this soon, lots of hugs.😊??

Thanks so much Edwina. Wow Enjoy your trip!!!! I mentioned the cortisol to my Psychiatrist you are right. But I actually don't wake up anxious I just have terrible anxiety constantly doesn't matter what time if day. I just don't think she is listening... I know I am doing everything I can... Gid bless you for your kindness. ..

Hi Ann, wondering how you are doing? I am taking the depakote, so far I feel the same, maybe worse I don't know... I went to work again on Wednesday and the damn butterflies we're to the point of agitation. I don't know how I lasted the day. I really don't believe I am ever going to get better. I am actually in agony. I am doing everything the doctors say. I am suffering so much. I can't relax, not ever. I can't watch TV the day is so long. Every day I wake up wishing maybe today us the day I am going to get better and every day comes and goes and here I am. When is this going to end? Have you been leaving the house? Sending hugs...

Leaving the house reluctantly, but cannot do it alone. Maybe the depakoke takes a little longer to get into your system.  You are having a rough time.  Revisit dr if youre not happy is all i can recommend, they are so good at giving these things out but not so good when we hit problems.

Hi Ann, I have visited the Psychiatrist. I have terrible nightmares beyond terrible from the depakote and unbearable anxiety . I am going to admit myself to the hospital tomorrow though I don't know what I would tell them. But I am in agony.. what a terrible thing to happen.. I am happy you are leaving the house with someone. I leave the house because the anxiety is so bad I can't sit still, I can't relax and then I just take it with me. I don't feel better leaving the house and I don't feel good at home. I have really given up. Every day I wake up to the same nightmare. And I as you know have no control over it.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping this will be the answer to your problems, its such a rocky road we travel.

do keep in  touch and let us know what happens if you have time.

this is such a horrible illness.

good luck

Hi Babbs , back on the airwaves. Read you're not feeling any better , considering hospital visit. So sorry, hoped things may have improved. Let us know how you get on, if you get any reasurance, hugs, 🤞🏻😊??

Hi I hope you enjoyed your trip! I am scared to go to the hospital I don't know what they will do to me there. But I have been suffering for so long and I just can't take it anymore.

Hi Ann, I am so scared to go because then I am at their Mercy...

Please go Babbs and explain how desperate this has become , ask them if they can give you any info or treatment as everything you are being offered gives you no relief, and you are really suffering. Loved Courtney's reply to you, really felt for her too, related a lot, this really is torture, so glad people here are supportive and share thier experience , really does help that others understand, wish we all didn't have to suffer this though?🙁😊??

Hi Edwina, I know you are right but I am so scared they are going to give me alot of drugs. I am suffering so much I don't know what to do. Oh God please help us all...God bless you for being there...

I know exactly what you feel.  I did go to the hospital a few years ago. Got put on a pill which didnt work. Have tried so many the same problem.  Imhave anxiety and have now been told to try to drop mirtazapine, its causing all sorts of problems lowering it slowly, sleep not good, waking with anxiety Nd not wanting to go out.  Imhave been given diazpam to cope.  Not doing well.   Hope you can find whats needed, the right med for you.  Keep posting and we can all try to help each other

Glad to see you back and you sound well.

i wondered how you found the right med for your condition, what did they give you that worked for you? They are tailing me off mirtazapine now, I think psych is going to try something else, tried so many over last couple of years but to no avail.

as i lower this anti dep the anxiety gets worse.  I am trying to live round it but its so hard.

was it an easy transition for you onto your med?

Hi Ann, so sorry you and Babbs are still not getting any answers or relief. I went through the usual list of adepressants at first as you know, having side effects and having to taper off, really wish everyone could find the right med to help. And get instant relief, seems everyone is so different and some people just can't seem to find anything to settle the horrible symptoms. I do have faith there is something out there that will work, also therapy I have found useful then other times just cannot switch off to get full benefit. As you know now I take meds on rare occasions thank goodness but all I can say is keep on at your gp, reading so many posts at moment where people cannot seem to get rid of the anxious , agitated awful feeling , wish someone had the answer and everyone could be reasured , hope you get some answers soon Ann, my anxiety seems to come in waves nowadays, some lasting a while some more just a panicky , dread feeling which can go quite quickly, feel for the likes of you and Babbs as you've had no let up for ages and not getting much reasurance, the worst part I believe is when you don't know when it will pass and you will start to feel better, thank goodness for this forum, we know we have friends who understand. Wish I could help, and had some answers but always here to talk. Saw Courtney and another lady replied to Babbs, lovely to see people helping each other, just talking helps, years ago before mobile phones I had no one to talk to, I think you know, I thought I was the only one who felt like this and had no one to ask for advice, a kind word from someone who understood would have meant the world. Sending hugs.😊??

Hi Ann, so nice to hear from you. I am going to slowly come off the meds I have been on and try new ones. I just wish I had some relief. But I have had none. And I don't hold out too much hope for any new pills. It is too much hit or miss.

Hi Edwina, saw my Psychiatrist. She is going to slowly Take me off of these meds and try new ones. Wish I had faith in her and everything but I don't. Wish I had gotten some relief at this point... Thanks for always being so encouraging.

Hope this plan works, don't give up hope,  it takes some people lots of different meds before they find the right one( not nice I know) hope this helps and you can help people by telling them to stick in there. Know you're strong enough. It's been an awful ride for you but we are all behind you, hope you see some improvement soon, goes without saying, hugs😊??

Thanks Edwina, first I have to come off of these meds before she starts anything else.

Hi, yes they are doing to you what they are doing to me.  Taking me off existing meds and see what happens next.  These mirtazapiine im on do not like to be tapered fast so its going to take ages, meantime i have diazepam to get by on.  Not a great help.  Dr said i have more anxiety than depression, i dont agree, i just know im not well and need help. My self esteem was never good but now its awful.  Cant face the most minor things without diazepam.  Must be something better out there for us.  I am like you, not much hope, hit or miss happens too often.  God we need some expert help.

Yes Ann it is hit or miss and now I just found out my sodium levels are going down again. I don't know what that is all about. We need a miracle or a hero...

How are you now? Did they manage to change your meds and has it helped.  Trying to relax when like this is awful i know.