My panic and anxiety has come back after 30 years. I have severe agoraphobia for 4 months.

Dear Edwina, thank you again for your support. I really need it. I t is so hard because every day every minute is a. I feel stronger than I get that damn ANXIETY AND I just can't stand it. I just want it to go away. I am pushing myself and I will continue to until this damn ANXIETY let's me live. I feel like I am anxiety and I am living instead of someone living with anxiety. I don't know what is worse the agoraphobia, the panic and anxiety and all the physical symptoms that go to it. So many things to tackle at once. If even one thing could be fixed. When I walk outside the anxiety is so strong it is like I am walking drunk. I get chills and I shiver and then at night of course the new sweats. I hate the crazy thoughts and I hate being a prisoner to this. I just want my life back. I don't want to be scared anymore. I would like some peace. I would like to feel tired and relaxed like everyone else...

Hi Babbs.  I think the worst is the rotten way anxiety makes us think. It's all doom and gloom and anxiety tells us it's winning and we won't get better and we willl always feel rotten. Looking back if o could have somehow snapped out of it and told the rational side of me it was just an illness and it could be fixed and I was stronger than the anxiety it would have been easier but anxiety won every time and convinced me I was mad or beyond help. you are not mad or beyond help either Babbs , from talking to you you are you are very positive you want your life back and know you have to push yourself, you know its all anxiety driven, a lot of people can't believe anxiety can do this to us, it's so overpowering. Any luck sleeping last night? Have you tried the mindfullness/ relaxation , people do have good results, I can't seem to switch off but some sware by it. Mum's talking Christmas menu's today and wrapping presents🙄 , I must get started and motivated, know you won't be in the mood either but hope wrapping gifts and writing cards will keep your mind off your awful anxiousness. Would be a great Christmas present Babbs for you to start feeling better and start off the new year with a positive outlook. Know you can get there , stay strong, 🤞🏻. 😊??

Dearest Edwina, I don't know what I would do without your words of encouragement. Nothing makes me feel better. I can't meditate or do yoga etc. I sleep but my sleep is full of anxiety. I just hate feeling lonely this. I hate waking up to this gnawing in my stomach. I actually pushed myself to go to Manhattan yesterday. I had to take 2 hour ride into Manhattan and a two hour rideback. I went to visit a co-worker who I miss so much. And it didn't make me feel better at all. I just want this anxiety to go away. I hope these pills work. I just want to relax again. The agoraphobia and the anxiety are the same thing but yet separate. I will know pushing myself. What other choice do I have? Dear God what I wouldn't give to have one day without anxiety...

Hi .Babbs, I remember well that feeling when you wake up and you have that knawing anxious feeling in your stomach, then my head would race playing games telling me every day I would wake like this, then dread of living life like this kicked in and I would stay like this all day, it did get slightly better at night possibly I thought ' well I've got through another day. Really Babbs I did wake one day after weeks of this feeling a little better and each day as I felt there minght be hope I pushed myself to get out, do things, talk . Really just trying to reasure you that things did get better, and I know I was like you , every day I thought I can't stand anymore, this isn't getting any better, it's so cruel and can't believe it can get so bad. Glad you saw your friend, know it's such an effort, keep doing things though even if you feel it didn't help it will get you a day nearer to feeling better,. Still waiting for that day you post saying you had a good sleep, no nightmares, no anxiety, it will come. When we wake feeling anxious that starts that viscous cycle and we feel anxious about being anxious and it stays with us all day. As always praying  you sleep well Babbs, 😊??

Dearest Sweet Edwina, how did you get better? Did you take medication. I really hate being at the mercy of this horrible anxiety. It is relentless. I am pushing myself like everyone says but some days I feel slightly better most times I feel awful. Please dear God can I have peace from this? I have not had a day without anxiety in more than 5 months. I don't know what I would do without your support. God bless you for it you are a wonderful person. Thank you.

Hi. Babbs. Sorry for delay. Wish you were feeling better. Still no improvement with meds kicking in. Anti depressants didn't work for me, I would take diazapam when my anxiety was bad to calm me a little , also advised by doc  to take it when going out, it helped to calm me and then I would push myself to get out and do things until it became easier and my mind perhaps told me I was actually able to do these small things and nothing bad happened. Not something I would take every day but helps stabilise symptoms until you feel better, everyone is different Babbs, a lot of people try several meds as you know and have horrid side effects while trying each one, such a strain on people , really frustrating. Agree with Debib it's all about being more positive and changing our negative thoughts, telling ourselves we can beat this. Really want you to get some peace Babbs, Let me know how today goes? 😊????

Hi Babbs. Replied to you early this morning, just checking in really, how's your day going? Feeling any better? Manage to get any quality of sleep? Hope you ok.😊??

Hi Edwina, I feel like I know you forever you are so kind. I have to say that I don't know if what I am feeling is side effects from the medicine or from the anxiety. There is really no way to differentiate between the two. I definitely try to be positive every day. Better to go through the day positive instead of negative. I have to say you really have to be made if steel to endure every day like this. Never feeling normal and pushing every step of the way 24/7. I sure hope this medicine works because without it I believe I was worse... I sleep at night but always horrid anxiety dreams... nothing much I can do about it. Gid bless you dear friend.

Thanks for reply Babbs, could definitely be feeling worse getting used to the meds but step by step you are getting nearer to starting to feel better. General opinion is the anxiety and awful agitated feeling is worse when meds are changed , started or upped, ' how wonderful ' that we have to feel worse ' if that is possible' before better. Hope you are out of the woods soon and get back to a great life and great great sleep , waking with no anxiety. You can do it Babbs, you have done it before. My hubbies asleep on the floor with the dogs 🐶 So it's just me and the t.v, . Are you able to concentrate on t.v or anything yet to take your mind off things? 'Time is a great healer ' as they say, just seems like forever sometimes, stay strong Babbage, speak soon😊??

Sorry Babbs, came up Babbage, 😳. Much prefer Babbs. 😊

Hi Edwina, hee hee Babbage sounds cute! I so look forward to your encouraging messages. I get to watch a Little TV in the evening. Truly I don't feel any better. Every day is a struggle. I am hoping this ANTIDEPRESSANT works soon. Really nothing has changed. Living every day with this God-damned ANXIETY is awful. I wake up every day feeling awful but always hopeful that may be today I might feel just a little better. But so far I still feel crappy. I do push myself y get out of the house at least once a day and I have been pushing myself to go from a walk which really feels awful and I get in my car and go to the store which is difficult it I go to my daughters house even when she is not at home band try to tidy up and do some laundry for her. I can not wait for all of this to just be s distant memory. I pray to Our Lord all day.

Hi.Babbs. You're doing really well, the small things you are doing , I know it's like climbing a mountain when feeling so rotten. I am a bit of a pessimist in the whole but I do have faith your meds will work and you will have the will power and strengh to get through this, perhaps because I know you want to get your life back so much and enjoy your family again. Know you (not personally)Babbs, but know from just talking that you have had to be strong and really deserve to be happy. Hang in there, so many have said this lasted a while but got through it. As always, praying for you, speak soon,.😊??

Hello dearest Edwina, always so good to hear from you! I am doing the best I can. It really is very hard living every day with this horrible illness. I just wish the anxiety would ease up a bit but it doesn't... every day no matter what I do it just won't stop. I am pushing myself to do things but the anxiety is always there. I just wish I could relax in my home. I never feel tired did you find that too? I want to feel tired and sleepy ., I want to feel happy and I want to feel love again... I just want to be me again. I give thanks to God every day but every day the anxiety is back. Thanks again for all of your support ...

Hi Babbs. Yes , know what you mean, I never felt tired, would get up early as I woke anxious and stay up late as I thought of I go to bet I will just lie there with anxious thoughts of when I will feel ' normal' again?  I did eventually start to feel tired and nod off earlier at night and wake feeling a little less agitated, then I wasn't as fearful and started believing things were getting better. It really is the waiting while feeling so dreadful that is unbearable. You should start to see a change soon Babbs, if only small to start with, staying positive for you , as always😊??

Thanks Edwina, it seems to me the days are getting harder instead of easier. I know I have no choice but to go through this. But I really wish it would let up some soon. I really don't feel any better than the first day 5 Months ago except I am sleeping a little better and I am pushing myself to go out. I wasn't leaving the house before. I am praying for the day that I get some relief...

Oh Babbs, it really is hellish, 5 months? I seem to remember feeling really bad for 2/3 months at my worst and just thought there was no end to it, was used to feeling anxious a lot but for a day or couple of weeks. When it's months with no let up it's no wonder we think we will never get back to normal, forget what good days feel like. Can only reasure you Babbs when I thought I couldn't go on like that it did start to get better, if you don't notice much change soon see doc or physc again, they probably will say to give your meds a bit longer at this higher dose but always better to keep them up to date and hopefully they can reasure you. You really are doing well getting out, doing small things, have you tried relaxation etc,  or do you just find it impossible to focus? Wish you could get a 'bleeping' good nights sleep, I often think our minds/ brain  must be exhausted. I often thought one day I would just wake up feeling ok because I didn't have the energy left to even worry or feel anxious or anything, god knows how anxiety works , if only we did,. If relaxation doesn't work Babbs, I bought a small 'tens machine' ( about £10. U.K, meant for muscle/ joint pain really but read few people used for anxiety, when my heart / thoughts were racing I attached pads and concentrated on the beat/ pulse of the machine, did help a little, you can get them on internet , may be worth a try, I would try anything. Let me know how you sleep tonight, 🤞🏻😴. Always here.😊??

how is it today.  I have been following your story and everything you write is what im going through.  The only difference is my psych who only sees people once every five months, said i have anxiety and i have so much difficulty taking any of his anti deps he is trying to use only diazepam.  I am waking early, feel im going to go mad, every day is such a struggle.  My gp said cbt works mainly on those with moderate anxiety and depression, not on severe like me.  I just dont know what to do to get out of this spiral, at least you have an anti dep, hope its kicking in for you.  My experiences have been bad, made me want to die, changed them several times. I feel lost and abandoned yet my hubby and sons are supportive.  I have had this for four years, they srill cant fix me.  I havent tried escitalopram or lexapro and wonder if i should ask formthem.  I just feel so ill each day.

Hi Edwina, it is snowing here . Thank you again for your support and words of wisdom and encouragement. It really is like living in hell. I think the ANTIDEPRESSANT is making the anxiety worse if that is possible. It is with me every minute of the day. I just tried to clean the bathroom and damn anxiety makes it so hard. I have to push myself even to do that. Everything every thing is a struggle. I can't relax . I see my Psychiatrist on Thursday and I am sure he is going to say I need to up the ANTIDEPRESSANT. Because it still isn't therapeutic or I haven't been on it long enough or some nonsense. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want it to go away...my God really how wonderful it would feel with no anxiety. I have forgotten what it feels like.... I did sleep last night but I had those terrible anxiety dreams.

Hi Ann, thank God for your sons and your husband. My daughter is very supportive too. My husband is kind of supportive but he really had no idea . How can anyone unless they experience this. I wish the cbt would work but like you said when it is still this level like you and I have it doesn't seem to work... I try to wake up every day hopeful but each day passes and no relief. I can't watch TV , I can't listen to music, I haven't been to a restaurant. I am scared to go anywhere but yet I feel horrible at home...

We are in a terrible position here. What are you taking ? Dr had me on mirtazapine and diazepam, i dont.know which is worse

Hi Ann, I know you are right. I an taking Ativan 2 mg a day doesn't seem to be doing anything and surmontil 75 mg.at Night. All I can say is that the surmontil helps me sleep. That's about it. The anxiety is just terrible. That horrible butterflies in the stomach from as Soon as I wake up. I guess I am not at a therapeutic level yet. Who knows the only I can say is it helps me sleep. I wish I could relax . I am anxious all day. I try to leave the house once a day. I don't know what is worse being home it going out. I am never at peace...any time I get out of my chair to do something I have anxiety. Making the bed, cooking, always there is anxiety.

So agree with you, do let me know if you feel a light at end of tunnel.it must be there for us.

Hi Ann, I know I got better before so I must be able to get well again. Hopefully the surmontil will work but I have almost given up hope...

Hi.  Babbs, just checking you are ok. Mum had a fall and twisted her ankle so not been checking phone as much, hope ok😊??

Hi.again, checked posts quickly as been round mums as she had fall, didn't see any replies from you? Saw your recent post

In old notifications, just checking you ok. Don't know why your post didn't come up, Anne's didn't come up either, glad you got in touch, I do worry, still hoping for that post saying you've noticed a change, I know you must be fed up, so many here feeling desperate for reasurance, don't think Christmas coming helps, but hopefully some improvement soon.😊??

Hi Edwina, so sorry about your mom! God bless you again for always posting. I feel horrible. The anxiety is relentless. I don't know if the medicine us making me worse. Every day I wake up and thank God for the day. And every day I swear I feel worse. My body feels so HEAVY at times like I am wearing a suit of armor. The gnawing in my stomach from the anxiety just won't stop. I can't believe the holidays are here. I do so want to enjoy them. God help us all. I keep fighting but I don't know what I am fighting. I have no weapons. .. I just want it to go away. The days are so long...God bless you again for your caring and for all of your support.