My Sleep Problem Story. Please help.
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hello everyone. Here is my story. Any advice is very much appreciated during this tough time in my life.
In mid-September 2016 a rather stressful event occurred at work and this was followed by a few mornings of waking up too early and ending up exhausted throughout the day. A bit of anxiety if you will.
My normal sleep time has always been 10p-6a, but I would be waking up around 5am instead. After about a week I began to get very frustrated, and by the beginning of October I had started in with driving myself insane. I purchased new pillows which did nothing, and that was just the start. Over the next two months it would continue… I bought a white noise machine. Tried melatonin. Got blood work done. Began drinking sleepy time and other herbal teas before bed. Blacked out my room as much as possible. Bought a brand new pair of sheets. Bought a book on how to sleep better. And lastly, read every piece of internet research possible on what could be wrong with me.
Throughout these two months, the early wakeups progressed to horrible 3am wakeups. I’d fall back asleep, sometimes wake up at the 6am alarm, sometimes 5am again. I was a walking zombie at work, and was becoming physically ill. My life was a fog and consumed by what I now felt was a sleep disorder. I canceled plans, gave up on dating, stopped going to the gym and missed out on other things, quite frankly Bc I was too shot to function properly.
Finally at the end of November I had enough and went to a sleep doctor and told him I couldn’t fix whatever was going on. He told me he thinks I had “situational insomnia” from the work event and that triggered anxiety and my sleep problems. He did say that it should not be lasting too much longer. He said its been 2.5 months. If its 5-6 months in, then there’s a bigger problem. He also briefly mentioned that sleep apnea was a possibility, but I insisted that's unlikely as this bad sleeping began after the stressful event. It should be very much noted that within a month everything was fine at my job again and there was no more stress.
But anyway, as hard as it was to believe that 90% of nights like CLOCKWORK I was waking up at 3, sometimes 3:30am, I did feel somewhat anxious, and accepted what he told me. I was surprised that a person’s brain, mine especially, could really work like this and affect my life like this was doing to me.
One week later I had a revelation. Between what he told me and after reading up on some new material I found online, it seemed as if the answer was simple… STOP worrying so much. Accept the problem for right now. Things like that. Immediately, something began happening. I began sleeping better. The 3am wakeups stopped and soon it would only be the early morning wakeups. I built on this and shortly after, by December 9th 2016 or so, I was sleeping normally again!! The rest of 2016 went by fine, with me not believing how mentally sick I’d made MYSELF over my insomnia. It turned out, at least I thought, that my nonstop worrying was only fueling my anxiety and messing with my brain.
This was until around New Years. January 1st and 2nd to be exact, when a few bad nights of sleep had returned. 5am wakeups that left me foggy again for the first time in three weeks. I was upset, and wondering why in the world this returned. Somehow, someway, before I knew it, by mid January, I was back in the cycle of bad sleeping/insomnia. By the end of January, the 3am horrors had even returned. I was devastated. Quickly, I told myself to stop worrying and that was what caused this in the beginning. But something just wasn’t working this time. Now in February, it seemed as if my anxiety returned and decided it wasn’t going to leave as easily this time. This was a horror for me. Zombie days returned, and my lifeless self would get home from work plopping on the bed trying to figure out how to get rid of this FOREVER, but at the same time trying to tell my brain to just relax. Back to the internet I went, but this time there were no melatonin pills or sleepy tea or any of that junk. I beat this naturally before and I knew I could do it again, or could i?
It was now already the end of February, and just like that, for another two months, I was sleeping poorly again. Finally I decided to try the one thing I never seemed to try and that was going on a strict sleep routine (something I had read about). Instead of going to sleep when I felt completely exhausted at 9pm or even 8:30pm, I would return to my normal bedtime of 10pm EVERY single night. Finally, I had some progress. The 3am wakeups became more rare and again, it only became about the 5am wakeups. Soon I was sleeping until 5:30am and then sometimes very close to my alarm at 6am! But by mid-March I was going back and forth it seemed, and for the next month it was clear, I was just not returning to normal sleep. My best case scenario’s would be falling asleep at my normal bedtime of 10-1030, and then waking up around 5, and going in and out the last hour. For someone who has always needed a good 8 hours of sleep, this left me going to work exhausted as per usual, although the good news was that this second wave of insomnia was not as bad as the first. I was shot during the day, but not like I was at the end of 2016 when I let the anxiety completely consume my life. In the rare event in the last few months that I've woken at 3am, I would just turn over and try and relax. Many times I wouldn't even LOOK at my clock.
So by the end of March this has been going on for so long that I began having to put light makeup under my eyes to cover the purple bags. That's right, a 32 year old man having to put on makeup. Bc honestly, aside from those three perfect weeks in December, this was going on now for over SIX MONTHS. Now a month later at the end of April, things are still the same. I feel like I have SOME form of control over whatever my sleep disorder is, but the days of waking up completely refreshed are few and far in between.
I finally decided to return to the sleep doctor who now suddenly wants me to do a sleep study, claiming that since it has been going on this long, sleep apnea is actually a very good possibility. I told him but for my entire life, while never a great sleeper I admit, before September 2016 and that stressful event, I never experienced insomnia. He said he understands but needs to rule this out, and I may have had sleep apnea all along but the insomnia has now only maximized what one experiences during sleep apnea, and how now I'm more "aware" of my awakening a during the night.
I have no clue. All I do know is that I’m 6’2 very thin at 145lbs and to my knowledge a light snorer and certainly cannot fall asleep easily anywhere so the chances of sleep apnea being the culprit would truly surprise me. From what everyone has read here, do you actually think sleep apnea is a possibility??
1 like, 30 replies
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael,
Having been through all this myself, I can't help but think that just as you reasoned yourself out of insomnia, you've managed to un-reason yourself back into it on the strength of a few bad nights! It's clear from your post that you've now whipped yourself up into a right old state of anxiety.
And why are you protesting so much about going to the sleep lab? What are you afraid of? My advice would be to go anyway. Surely it can't do any harm?
In the short-term, have you tried going to bed earlier? I know it sounds weird, but the brain is very good at playing tricks like this. Mine is anyway! You could then establish whether the criterion for your brain waking you up is the time (3am) or 5 hours' sleep.
Another short-term solution might be to try one of the older antihistamines - the sort that make you sleepy. I realise you're talking about difficulty staying asleep rather than falling asleep, but I had both throughout my working life. Obviously, this type of medication is going to be better at getting you off to sleep but I also used to find it helped me to get back to sleep again without the anxiety kicking in when I woke up too early.
Suitable antihistamines for this purpose are promethazine (Phenergan), diphenhydramine (Benadryl) and chlorphenamine (Piriton). All trade names are the ones used in Europe. They may be different if you're elsewhere.
But you should not get into the habit of taking antihistamines every night. You can quickly develop a tolerance to them, just like prescription sleeping pills, and they'll stop working. I used to take a small dose of Phenergan for two or three consecutive nights after a run of bad nights. This would be enough to damp down my anxiety and reset my sleeping pattern for a week or so, then I'd have to repeat the process. In 40 years of intermittent use of low doses of Phenergan, I never developed a tolerance to it.
If you do want to try antihistamines, take them an hour or so before going to bed to give them a chance to work, as they won't knock you out. And whatever you do, don't take another dose at 3am as they can make you feel a bit groggy the next morning.
You may simply have to adapt to the fact that your sleep pattern will never completely return to the way it was. This was what happened in my case. I'd always been a rather nervous sleeper but things got abruptly worse when I took a job (as a nurse) which involved working an impossible shift system as part of a pilot scheme. (To attract more nurses, ironically!) At 25, I was slightly younger than you are now. After 18 months of this, my already somewhat fragile sleep pattern was wrecked, and never really recovered for the rest of my working life. Only retirement from paid employment cured it. However, nothing terrible happened to me. I often felt tired during the day but developed various mechanisms for coping with it. Now, at 73, I'm fitter and healthier than most people my age.
Give nature a chance to reassert itself. Try not to give way to anxiety and despair. And go to the sleep clinic. I agree you probably don't have sleep apnoea but you can't get diagnosed on a forum, an in any case they can also pick up on other sleep disorders.
NECKBONE michael94059
Posted
I truly doubt that it is sleep apnea considering you can trace it back to a specific event that caused you some anxiety. We have similar stories and share them with so many on this site. I went to 3 doctors who all told me the same thing more or less. "It's not sleep apea, so take sleeping medications until you get back on a normal sleep schedule." Never made any progress after going through many different kinds and and the sleeping meds actually made my days worse. I'm not trying to turn your thread into mine, just illustrating the similarities. For what it's worth, I just think doctors (even sleep specialists) have absolutely no idea how to help someone with a sleep disorder that doesn't stem from breathing problems. The easy money for them is in sleep apnea. There is little to no investigative work and all it requires once they get someone started with a CPAP is a periodic check-up, which again involves very little thinking on the part of the doctor.
I've been dealing with insomnida for around 4 years now and am probably doing as well as I've done in that time. I went from waking up most nights at 1AM and never going back to sleep, to sleeping until around 4AM with a couple of wake ups. It seems like you have tried many of the remedies that I would suggest. I think therapy and learning to relax has helped me more than anything else. Learning how to deal with troublesome, worrying thoughts is key. Also sleep hygeine is a factor, though not quite so much as many would have you believe. I'd say try to get into the habit of staying up a little later, getting up to "reset" should you wake up in the middle of the night, etc. Big thing is deal with the anxiety and make relaxation a habit.
And if you find a decent sleep doctor, let me know!
michael94059 NECKBONE
Posted
Thank you both so very much... first thing in reply to Lily... this isn't another "few" bad nights of sleep. You need to understand this has now been going on (the second wave) for almost FOUR months. Sure there was some progress during that time but overall I have not slept well.
I know you guys might look at my post and think well, he has anxiety and I truly thought so and still do think I do to a degree, but after ALL this time now, to still have this going on and living my life like this is downright insane. I DO try and relax and I tell myself everything I've ever been told. To not think so much about it, to welcome the nervous thoughts. Everything. And still, I haven't had a full week of good sleep since December 2016.
For me to continue waking in the middle of the night and/or having the too early wake ups ALL this time now just makes me think there is something deeper going on. I don't know what else to say. It's downright scary at this point and I just want my life back.
I also agree that most sleep doctors can't really treat these cases so their best option is to see if you just need a CPAP machine and that's that. I'm not against the sleep study really. I have it scheduled. Looking forward to the results but I highly doubt sleep apnea is the cause although a professional(my doctor) is now suddenly telling me he thinks there's a good chance of it.
Again, who knows.
Neckbone- how/why did your insomnia begin? Any idea?
NECKBONE michael94059
Posted
It was prolonged anxiety related to work, talking probably months where I had so much going on that I did not cope with in a healthy way. While all of that was happening, my mother passed away and I gradually got myself worked up into a constant state of depression and anxiety and there went my sleep. I made it worse by drinking heavily and taking sleeping pills, sometimes together, which I obviously do not recommend. I have gradually gotten back to a point where I feel like I am functioning well and not feeling terrible all the time. I got sick of going to the doctors and having them basically shrug at me when they would come into the exam room and pretty much say with their body language, "this guy again?". I set out on my own and have found what worked for me through trial and error. As I said earlier, I've gotten more out of learning to relax than anything else, and that may not be an issue for you. Part of it is your outlook on things as well. When I was at my worst, I felt like I was a wreck and said things just like you, "I want my life back", "I just can't do this anymore", "I can't even think through this brain fog", among many others. Learning to cope with the reality that I will probably never sleep as well as most other people has been a truly freeing mindset for me. I've said it here before, but not fearing a poor night of sleep helps me sleep better. It's not perfect and likely won't ever be again, but it is getting better for me and I know it will for you too.
You are right, there is no harm in doing the sleep study. I sincerely hope they find that it has been sleep apnea all this time!
michael94059 NECKBONE
Posted
Thanks for your reply Neckbone. It's amazing what the brain can really do to us, isn't it? To think that changing your thoughts on a given night could make you sleep better.
So in conclusion you're saying that due to a period of high stress/anxiety that took place FOUR YEARS ago in 2013 due to work and the death of your mother, you've dealth with sleeping problems/insomnia pretty much ever since?
Not saying it sounds crazy but it really is just hard to comprehend, at least on my end. The only thing that scares me in your response is you saying "It's not perfect and likely won't ever be again". Are you implying that you think what happened to you four years ago completely triggered your brain to be poor with sleep forever? Just seems hard to beleive but I suppose its true. I mean I've read about people who have had lifelong battles with insomnia. I'm 32 and slept fairly well for 31 years of my life. It sickens me to know that some bad stress from work 7 months ago has possibly forever altered my mental state when it comes to sleep.
But in the meantime, relaxation thoughts it is. I don't suppose there is anything else I can do or look forward to aside from my sleep study on May 11th.
NECKBONE michael94059
Posted
Ha, no it hasn't been much fun for a good portion of the time. It took me a long time to stop messing with the doctors and trying to find the right sleep meds. I've made slow but steady progress since committing to finding my own way. But that's correct, it has been since 2013, actually 4 years and 1 month.
Yes, what happened to me all that time ago was the genesis of my sleep issues but it didn't happen overnight and I'm not going to get out of it overnight. I don't think it's something that I can't fix; on the contrary I work every day on stress reduction. The goal is steady progress, like the stock market. Some days up, some days down, but overall a favorable trend. Our thoughts are habits and habits are hard to form, even harder to break. It can and will be done, but I'm a long ways past trying to find that one solution that within a week is going to put me back into 8 hours of child-like sleep every night. That's just not a realistic goal for me. I'm not implying that I can't ever sleep well again, but it's not likely that I'll ever sleep as well as I did way before the insomnia hit. I have no reason to believe that will happen but trust me, I'll be thankful if it does. I'll settle for 6-7 good, solid, uninterupted hours of high quality sleep.
And don't worry too much about my comments here. Your problem may not be as bad as mine or it may be from a completely different source than anxiety. Also in your favor is the fact that you have already said you got yourself out of the insomnia rut once before. I am just trying to give a little advice based on my own experiences and, if nothing else, let you know that someone else is walking down this strange path you are on. It is a lonely place sometimes because it seems like noboby else is struggling with their sleep, but that just isn't true.
michael94059 NECKBONE
Posted
Thanks again.
It is in fact a lonely place, especially at work when you interact with everyone who seems so much more upbeat and awake than you, not to mention the fact that they probably aren't running home to plop down on the couch exhausted. I remember a time where I'd come in my place after work still full of energy. Now I probably get that once a week if I'm lucky.
This is probably the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life, not just because I've always been extra miserable when I don't get enough sleep, but also bc this has literally stalled my life to the point where I have put things aside bc of the exhaustion. I even get a little anxiety making plans, like tomorrow I'm getting together with a friend. I don't know for sure if i'll sleep poorly on tonight or not, so I am hesitant to committ to anything, although weekends DO tend to be a tad better as I can sleep in and sometimes catch a little bit of extra sleep.
It's just been absolutely devastating, as I'm sure many would agree. We aren't talking about one bad night every once a month. We're talking about a constant phase of sleep deprivation, so bad to the point as I alluded to earlier, that I have to place makeup underneath my eyes or else lord knows anyone who saw me at work would question if I'm dying or not. I just think well at least I've come a long way from where I was last year. I don't let it get to me as bad as it did, not even close. I was buying anything and everything that could help me. Now I've just accepted that its anxiety, but still can't seem to shake it. Hopefully with some prayers I will one day soon, but after almost seven months it just starts becoming very hard to do so, that's all.
NECKBONE michael94059
Posted
Well, even if our problems didn't originate the same way, I can relate in great detail to how you feel. Just try to keep your head up, and yes I know how difficult that can be at times. It's not just BS; if you choose to be upbeat in the morning and go on about your business even when you don't sleep well, you will feel better. And go meet your friend! Don't put your life on hold just because you don't feel the best. I did the same thing for so long, not going to events and doing things I loved to do. Half of the problem is I didn't feel like doing anything, the other half was that my mind was running so slow that I was afraid I couldn't keep up with conversations and people would think I was dumb. I know it's hard to go out when you don't feel well and are perhaps worried that people will notice, but it really will make you feel better.
I'm sorry you have gone through such a rough time with your insomnia. I can also say it is the worst thing I've ever gone through and nothing else really even comes close. But, I have managed to do some cool things the last few years even throughout this struggle. I passed the US CPA exam with a pretty high score, received several promotions, etc., all at times when I didn't think I had a chance to answer the simplest test question or do anything of value at work because of lack of energy and brain fog. You're not losing it, you're life isn't a wreck, and you aren't going to die. It may not be that much fun right now, but you can and will get better if you persevere.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael,
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. I wasn't saying you've only had a few nights without sleep right now. What I meant was that I suspect you panicked after you had a few sleepless nights the second time round, when you thought you were cured, and this has now grown into full-blown sleep anxiety which is still keeping you awake several months later.
A while back someone calling himself bemmeh posted on these boards. His was the wisest advice I've ever heard on the subject. I only wish I could have read it 50 years ago, when I was in the state you are now! He gave me permission to quote it whenever I felt it was appropriate. Apologies if you've already found it for yourself, but here goes anyway:
Partial quote from bemmeh:
...The moment I stopped struggling against insomnia it simply started going away, though not suddenly. It took quite a while. But the improvement was real from the start. Insomnia is not a thing in itself. The ability to sleep is so strong among us, humans or animals in general, that it is almost impossible to seriously alter it. Insomnia in us humans appears when we TRY (and therefore struggle) to sleep. You just need to stop doing all the things you are doing FOR sleeping and let your body and mind do whatever they want - if you sleep it's OK but if you don't, that's OK too (everybody has bad sleep for all kinds of reasons once in a while). When sleep time comes just go to bed, close your eyes, and rest. Don't TRY to sleep, as you are used to do. Just rest! If sleep comes that's OK, if it doesn't that's OK too, you haven't been very successful in getting the amount and quality of sleep you have desired anyway - that's why you call yourself an insomniac. So why keep on trying/desiring? Just let it go. Accept your reality and move on to the things in life you can control over. Sleep is not something we can control. You just need to trust your body and mind for it and stop trying to do anything whatsoever for it. Good luck!
End quote.
Lee1988 michael94059
Posted
So you lost an hours sleep? This has drove you insane? My friend, try to relax....
I sometimes go 3 or 4 days with no sleep whatsoever bro, you should pray to god and thank him that you have only lost an hour or so because severe sleep deprivation messes you up badly. However I have educated myself extensively on the matter to the point where I know more than my GP!
I guarantee you that you can solve your problem with regular exercise and a better diet. Follow this guide for a month, no messing around! Stick to it and if your sleep hasn't returned to what it was then I'm afraid you are keeping yourself awake (racing thoughts).
Something worth pointing out is that as you get older, you don't need a full 8 hours sleep. Don't stress yourself out just because you woke up early. Honestly 4 hours, sometimes less is enough for me to get through my day without any bouts of tiredness. If your awake at 3am don't just toss and turn further winding yourself up, if your not back to sleep by 4am get up, eat breakfast, go the the gym. Seriously, you will feel better for it.
Anyway, here we go.
Breakfast: No sugary crap. Try oatmeal, egg whites or like myself, weetabix x 2 with raw organic honey. Wash this down with water. Yes water, it's good for you especially on a morning. I sometimes have a hot lemon drink ( half a lemon squeezed into hot water with a little honey).
Daytime: Avoid caffeine in all forms. Don't eat crap at work, take fruit, low fat yogurt, high protein foods. Not only will your body thank you for this, but you will begin to feel better, more energy, better skin complexion. Continue to drink lots of water, no cans of coke!
Afternoon: After work you need to do some exercise before you do whatever you do. It doesn't need to be every single day but I would try for at least 4 or 5 days out of the week. 20 minutes cardio will do, or 30 minutes weight training. This is very important!
Evening: Continue to eat well, no junk foods like crisps or biscuits! Research 'sleep foods' basically foods that are high in Tryptophan. This is what converts into serotonin and then turns into natural melatonin. Turkey is packed with it, as is walnuts/cherries. There are good combinations of foods that will essentially make you sleepy, it's up to you to find out what works best for you.
Night time: Try to avoid food and drinks after 7pm. But if you are still hungry boil a few eggs, half them, dash of salt and you got yourself a filling snack that won't affect your sleep. Partner this with a glass of milk and your good to go. I'd say avoid TV/phone late at night but I believe this to be a myth. Just turn the brightness down on both after say 8pm and you will be fine.
Bed time: Try and relax, don't think about anything but going to sleep. By the sounds of it you really don't have that big a problem and I think you are making it into a problem if you understand what I'm saying. Getting to sleep is like 75% of the battle and you don't have that issue. Just follow the other steps and your sleep quality will improve.
So unless there's something you aren't telling us, you should be fine. Racing thoughts are the number 1 sleep killer imo and it's not the case for you so don't worry. Be happy with what you got, so you don't sleep a full 8 hours? Not many people do as they get older. Just be more productive, don't beat yourself up cos you only slept 5/6 hours. Take that negative energy and turn it into something positive.
Best of luck, do not go to a GP unless you have done all of that above for at least 2 months straight. All the doctor's will do is give you antidepressants which further mess up your natural sleep patterns.
Lee.
lily65668 Lee1988
Posted
michael94059 Lee1988
Posted
I didn't just lose an HOURS sleep dude. Read and understand my entire post. The last near seven months of my life has been a mix of early awakenings, middle of the night awakenings, etc. These days while most nights end up with a 5am wake up, there have been plenty of cases still, even in the last month, of 3am wakeups. These are much rarer now, but they still creep in from time to time.
I appreciate your advice more than you know, and I am currently trying to eat a lot healthier, but I just don't see how doing so will suddenly fix this issue when for my entire life before my insomnia I ate how I ate and was fine. This entire thing, at least we think, was triggered by a stressful event at work, and in my opinion the only thing that will fix it is me continuing to relax and practice positive thinking.
Lily with regards to your quote, I've read it before. Sure its good advice, but again I kid you not when I say I've had that mentality, for QUITE some time now. Are there days where I am very upset and anxious? Yes, there are. But I swear to you for the most part I have had calm thoughts and tried to forget about the insomnia, to let the sleep "come to me" as the quote says. ALL that stuff. You might not think so, but I promise you I have gone to sleep some nights as peaceful as possible, only to STILL either have my 3am wakeup or early morning awakening (5am).
The only reason I'm on here now seeking more advice is bc its just been too long now, and something has to give sooner or later. I have reached a breaking point so to speak.
Lee1988 michael94059
Posted
I have read the entire post mate, and I do understand. I guess what I mean is your letting it get to you to the point where it is causing further problems. Losing even 4 hours a night here and there shouldn't really have the effects it's having on you.
You said you usually wake up and hour early, or in rare cases 3 hours early. I'm sorry but that isn't considered a sleep disorder and what I was getting at is you haven't gotten to the point of an entire night of sleeplessness. That is is when you need to start worrying.
I know what your saying about the diet/exercise thing, I was sceptical too. Too be clear, I was one of the worst eaters there is when I was younger (I'm 29 now btw). I would stay up late eating cakes, crisps drink pints of soda/pop and still get a full 8 hours often struggling to be up in time for school/work. Nowadays if I have just one biscuit and a pack of crisps late at night it will keep me awake because of the MSG and sugar. As we get older, our body's change.
If it's simply better quality sleep your looking for then please follow the guide I set out for you. You have got nothing to lose and more than just better sleep to gain from it. I had tried everything under the sun (medication, drugs, hypnotherapy, you name it I've tried it..) to solve my severe case of insomnia only to find that everything was either just a quick fix or actually made the problem worse. If someone had said to me 4 years ago 'just eat better and workout' I would have probably told them to F*** off! But honestly, I've made more progress with that than any other form of treatment and there has been many, trust me.
The reason I spend time responding in great detail to these posts is because I've been to hell and back with my problem. When it got worse and worse I contemplated suicide, took overdoses of meds to knock me out, I lost a job because of it, I fell out with most of my friends.... It nearly killed me is what I'm saying, literally ruining the life I had. I do not want this to happen to anyone else in fact I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Having a good diet and exercising regularly will help you. It won't just happen overnight but I guarantee you after a month of doing it solid you will notice a difference.
Chin up mate, you got this.
Lee.
NECKBONE michael94059
Posted
Nobody is trying to minimize your problem. It probably seems that way with everyone repeatedly making the same suggestions. As Lee and myself have both stated, we have seen the worst of it and tried everything under the sun to fix it. Nobody ever wants to hear that what works is diet, exercise, and not being absolutely desperate to sleep. But it is a billion times more likely that these things are going to help you than the physician suddenly finding something in a blood test or some other examination that you can take a pill for and start sleeping like a baby again.
I know you have made attempts to relax and change your attitude about sleep, but the things you are saying, i.e. "reached a breaking point", "I want my life back" and others imply that's probably not taking place to the degree that will be required to make improvements.
Guest michael94059
Posted
I also wish old days of innocence, spontaneity and uncoditional trust come back as well, but we are learning through life, and changing. This is supposed to make you a better and more stable man, or more organised, or more mature, to teach you what harms you and your peacefulness for example, and how to avoid that...
I also have witnessed that a quality sleep is better than the amount of sleep you have. So I am happy with 3 hours of sleep now that were deep sleep, coming from good thoughts and emotions before sleep... Do not chase your old you.
I am also struggling with chronic insomnia, and have entire nights of no sleep... And also have good nights sleep when I accept all of me and all the inevitable changes...
Very good approaches and advices here, thank you all too...
May peace and integration be with all of us.
Best,