My Sleep Problem Story. Please help.
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hello everyone. Here is my story. Any advice is very much appreciated during this tough time in my life.
In mid-September 2016 a rather stressful event occurred at work and this was followed by a few mornings of waking up too early and ending up exhausted throughout the day. A bit of anxiety if you will.
My normal sleep time has always been 10p-6a, but I would be waking up around 5am instead. After about a week I began to get very frustrated, and by the beginning of October I had started in with driving myself insane. I purchased new pillows which did nothing, and that was just the start. Over the next two months it would continue… I bought a white noise machine. Tried melatonin. Got blood work done. Began drinking sleepy time and other herbal teas before bed. Blacked out my room as much as possible. Bought a brand new pair of sheets. Bought a book on how to sleep better. And lastly, read every piece of internet research possible on what could be wrong with me.
Throughout these two months, the early wakeups progressed to horrible 3am wakeups. I’d fall back asleep, sometimes wake up at the 6am alarm, sometimes 5am again. I was a walking zombie at work, and was becoming physically ill. My life was a fog and consumed by what I now felt was a sleep disorder. I canceled plans, gave up on dating, stopped going to the gym and missed out on other things, quite frankly Bc I was too shot to function properly.
Finally at the end of November I had enough and went to a sleep doctor and told him I couldn’t fix whatever was going on. He told me he thinks I had “situational insomnia” from the work event and that triggered anxiety and my sleep problems. He did say that it should not be lasting too much longer. He said its been 2.5 months. If its 5-6 months in, then there’s a bigger problem. He also briefly mentioned that sleep apnea was a possibility, but I insisted that's unlikely as this bad sleeping began after the stressful event. It should be very much noted that within a month everything was fine at my job again and there was no more stress.
But anyway, as hard as it was to believe that 90% of nights like CLOCKWORK I was waking up at 3, sometimes 3:30am, I did feel somewhat anxious, and accepted what he told me. I was surprised that a person’s brain, mine especially, could really work like this and affect my life like this was doing to me.
One week later I had a revelation. Between what he told me and after reading up on some new material I found online, it seemed as if the answer was simple… STOP worrying so much. Accept the problem for right now. Things like that. Immediately, something began happening. I began sleeping better. The 3am wakeups stopped and soon it would only be the early morning wakeups. I built on this and shortly after, by December 9th 2016 or so, I was sleeping normally again!! The rest of 2016 went by fine, with me not believing how mentally sick I’d made MYSELF over my insomnia. It turned out, at least I thought, that my nonstop worrying was only fueling my anxiety and messing with my brain.
This was until around New Years. January 1st and 2nd to be exact, when a few bad nights of sleep had returned. 5am wakeups that left me foggy again for the first time in three weeks. I was upset, and wondering why in the world this returned. Somehow, someway, before I knew it, by mid January, I was back in the cycle of bad sleeping/insomnia. By the end of January, the 3am horrors had even returned. I was devastated. Quickly, I told myself to stop worrying and that was what caused this in the beginning. But something just wasn’t working this time. Now in February, it seemed as if my anxiety returned and decided it wasn’t going to leave as easily this time. This was a horror for me. Zombie days returned, and my lifeless self would get home from work plopping on the bed trying to figure out how to get rid of this FOREVER, but at the same time trying to tell my brain to just relax. Back to the internet I went, but this time there were no melatonin pills or sleepy tea or any of that junk. I beat this naturally before and I knew I could do it again, or could i?
It was now already the end of February, and just like that, for another two months, I was sleeping poorly again. Finally I decided to try the one thing I never seemed to try and that was going on a strict sleep routine (something I had read about). Instead of going to sleep when I felt completely exhausted at 9pm or even 8:30pm, I would return to my normal bedtime of 10pm EVERY single night. Finally, I had some progress. The 3am wakeups became more rare and again, it only became about the 5am wakeups. Soon I was sleeping until 5:30am and then sometimes very close to my alarm at 6am! But by mid-March I was going back and forth it seemed, and for the next month it was clear, I was just not returning to normal sleep. My best case scenario’s would be falling asleep at my normal bedtime of 10-1030, and then waking up around 5, and going in and out the last hour. For someone who has always needed a good 8 hours of sleep, this left me going to work exhausted as per usual, although the good news was that this second wave of insomnia was not as bad as the first. I was shot during the day, but not like I was at the end of 2016 when I let the anxiety completely consume my life. In the rare event in the last few months that I've woken at 3am, I would just turn over and try and relax. Many times I wouldn't even LOOK at my clock.
So by the end of March this has been going on for so long that I began having to put light makeup under my eyes to cover the purple bags. That's right, a 32 year old man having to put on makeup. Bc honestly, aside from those three perfect weeks in December, this was going on now for over SIX MONTHS. Now a month later at the end of April, things are still the same. I feel like I have SOME form of control over whatever my sleep disorder is, but the days of waking up completely refreshed are few and far in between.
I finally decided to return to the sleep doctor who now suddenly wants me to do a sleep study, claiming that since it has been going on this long, sleep apnea is actually a very good possibility. I told him but for my entire life, while never a great sleeper I admit, before September 2016 and that stressful event, I never experienced insomnia. He said he understands but needs to rule this out, and I may have had sleep apnea all along but the insomnia has now only maximized what one experiences during sleep apnea, and how now I'm more "aware" of my awakening a during the night.
I have no clue. All I do know is that I’m 6’2 very thin at 145lbs and to my knowledge a light snorer and certainly cannot fall asleep easily anywhere so the chances of sleep apnea being the culprit would truly surprise me. From what everyone has read here, do you actually think sleep apnea is a possibility??
1 like, 30 replies
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael,
I hope things are getting slightly better for you now.
I've been re-reading all the posts on this thread, and one thing jumps out at me. All of us who posted in reply to you have one thing in common. We somehow managed to take charge of our insomnia, whether by lifestyle improvements, sensible use of medication, changing our attitude, just learning to work around it or a mixture of all of these. It doesn't really matter how you do it, it's the feeling of no longer being a helpless victim that does the trick.
This works in all kinds of other circumstances. A number of studies have proved that cancer sufferers who invest in lifestyle changes and complementary treatments, in addition to regular medical treatment, tend to have better survival rates and more chance of complete remission. The mind is a powerful instrument. The trick is to get it to work with us rather than against us.
I doubt whether it's been an easy path for any of us. It's probably involved a lot of trial and error, not to mention "blood, sweat and tears". But it can be done once you set aside despair and stop "chasing your old you". (Thank you majdarina, that was wonderfully put!)
michael94059
Posted
Sleep Study test results are in for me. Believe it or not, according to the results i have "mild" sleep apnea. Don't get too excited though, this doesn't really mean much. Basically it means i have a TOUCH of sleep apnea, but if it was truly enough to affect my sleep and cause my Insomnia of 8 months now, why hasn't this been happening for years?? Also, as noted in my original post, and why I don't think my insomnia has to do with sleep apnea at all, is that i can trace the start of it back to a stressful event.
So what do you all make of this? Is this just another thing that will now stress me out wondering well what IF its really the "mild" sleep apnea or is this just another meaningless bump in the road of my insomnia story? Doc told me to eat healthier and to always try and sleep on my side (which i do) as the results showed the issues happen most when I'm on my back. For the heck of it I ordered a non snore/sleep apnea help MOUTHPIECE. Figured why not, right? I've tried everything else in the world by now.
But to continue one with one last note - lets just say theoretically that it WAS this "mild" sleep apnea i've been diagnosed with thats been causing my insomnia the last 8 months... why is it that every night i only wake up at the SAME exact times (either 3am-ish or 5am-ish). Never ever 12am, 1am, or 2am. If my sleep was being obstructed, why do I only wake at these specific times?
Even though its insanely hard to believe at this point, especially since i'm the most calm i've ever been through all of this, I am STILL sleeping poorly every single night. Whether its the middle of the night 3am wakenings or the "too early" 5am-5:15amish wakenings.
Lee1988 michael94059
Posted
Glad your making progress.
Out if interest, how did they diagnose your sleep apnea? Because I was at the hospital last Monday and they gave me a machine to record my sleep over the space of a few nights. The problem though was I could not sleep knowing I was being monitored. I had this thing attached to my finger and it had a bright red light, also the wire got in the way every time I moved. Had to just take it back with no recordings and tell them to think of something else. For the most part I've slept ok this week, only one sleepless night this week and I put that down to a really hot day here, I forgot to ventilate my bedroom.
Might sound silly but I've been having good results from drinking a greek yogurt/milk/ice cream smoothie and snacking on cashew nuts until I feel full around 9pm, oh and maybe a bowl of yellow fin tuna flakes, I go to bed between 10pm/10:30pm. Honestly the right foods make so much difference.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael,
That's good news, isn't it? Full-blown sleep apnoea is a nasty condition that affects your health over time (rising BP, kidney disease etc.) You've only got a slight touch of it, so that's one less thing to worry about.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. You've unconsciously programmed yourself to wake at these times. I know what I'm talking about, I've done it myself at various times in my life.
This is surprisingly easy to do, whether consciously or unconsciously. When I was a teenager there was a popular experiment going around schools. You banged your head a certain number of times on the pillow before going to sleep and you woke up at that time - i.e. if you banged your head three times on the pillow you'd wake at 3am. Sounds crazy (though safer than the scarf game or Blue Wh@le!) but it worked for most of us at least half of the time.
This isn't as fanciful as it might sound. Scientists discovered quite a while back that there's a group of cells somewhere in the brain (mid-brain I think but maybe someone can be more specific) that turn on and off once per second. Our brains tick! This accounts for the phenomenon that many of us experience - the one where you know exactly what time it is without looking at the clock when you wake in the night. I can usually get it right to within five minutes whatever time I wake in the night. I'm not good at guessing the time during the day, however, probably because there's too much "static" going on due to the day's activities.
You've got yourself so upset about your 3am or 5am wakenings that you've inadvertently programmed yourself to wake at these hours. You don't have to be in a constant state of panic to have this happen. You can be perfectly calm during your waking hours but still have this anxiety simmering in your unconscious.
As I've also said before, you're going to have to find some way of "taking charge" of this, whether it's by medication (hopefully not), diet, exercise, meditation or simply accepting it and moving on. Then you'll find it slowly improves, though it will take a long time.
michael94059 lily65668
Posted
Thank you for your kind words again, Lily. I too think the "mild" apnea is one less thing to worry about, but I still don't think trying the mouthpiece will hurt. Or will it? See I'm knowledgeable enough at this point to know that keeping sleep on my mind in any way is a bad thing, yet i'm still just so very desperate.
90% of me believes you completely about how i've "programmed" myself to wake at these times, even for the insane length of 8 months now. I've recently read a wonderful book on how to beat Insomnia that teaches the following techniques as the cure:
-Only go to bed when you're actually TIRED (no more strict 10pm bedtime where you lay in bed for nearly an hour not sleepy at all therefore making the brain think the bed isn't just for sleep which its supposed to be)
-Get up at the SAME time EVERY day (this one seems near impossible though. For example i wake at 6am during the week for work, but last night for example (Friday night), i went to bed at 10:30pm, woke up at 3am, fell back asleep around 4am, and then woke up at 7am. Am i supposed to set my ALARM for 6am even on weekends?? I'm already exhausted today, if i woke at 6 i'd be a zombie yet again.
-Use the bed ONLY for sleep and sex. NO more lying in bed for fun. (i was guilty of this for a long time as I would use my computer in my bed a lot)
-Practice positive mindfulness and STOP talking to people about your sleep issues. Think of only good thoughts about your sleeping. Write down nice things about how well you know you can sleep, etc.
-Give up looking for an instant cure, whether that be through books, or online.
-No TV or electronics around bedtime.
I can tell you i've been practicing all of these very close to strictly for the last 3 weeks and the closest i've come to being cured is going almost a week with 5am wakeups instead of any 3am wakeups. Last night I had my first 3am wakeup in a week, and ironically yesterday was the first time in a while that I found myself getting very upset about my Insomnia again.
So who knows, maybe you're completely right that its all in my head. But again, after 8 months, I feel its harder and harder to have hope.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
I particularly like the ones about not looking for an instant cure and stopping talking about your sleep issues. I'm sure it's all helpful to some people. I suppose a lot of it is what I did when learning to cope with my insomnia - though not the bit about going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. Quite apart from anything else, I was working as a nurse when my insomnia was very severe. I think you have to pick out the bits of this kind of one-size-fits-all advice that suit you.
You say you've been doing this for three weeks now and it still hasn't worked. Well, I'm hardly surprised. Three weeks is nothing in the struggle to cope with insomnia. And in any case, it's a bit like meditation - something you just do, but without expecting any particular result.
Incidentally, the bit about thinking good thoughts isn't as naff as it sounds. I've learned to use affirmations to cope with various problems in life, but they have to be done the right way. The technique has nothing to do with willpower, it's just a gentle communication with your own unconscious. On going to bed at night you simply repeat: I will sleep well/adequately or whatever it is you're aiming for, several times in a row. Most people have their own "magic number". But like I said, it's nothing to do with willpower. Any affirmation that involves clenched fists, gritted teeth and crossed eyes is doomed to failure. You simply repeat whatever it is you've decided on, with no expectation that it will work. You don't even have to believe it. But you do have to keep it up for months, maybe even for life.
Finally, I still use an old, childish trick to get myself to sleep on difficult nights. I'm almost embarrassed to tell anyone about it! I use a 5-verse hymn remembered from my school days, but any song or poem of which you know the words to all the verses will do. The content doesn't matter at all. I mentally sing the first word of every line, going through all the verses. If I'm still awake at the end of that, I repeat the entire procedure, but singing the first two words of every line. And so on and so forth. It's incredibly tedious, which is the whole point of course. (People used to recommend counting sheep, didn't they?) But it engages my concentration just enough to keep my mind off the anxiety about not sleeping until I fall asleep from sheer boredom. I'd say it works 75% of the time, though I might have to go as far as the 6th or 7th word of every line before I'm asleep. The advantage is that it can also be repeated if you wake up too early. Unlike medication, it won't give you a hangover either!
michael94059 lily65668
Posted
It's just hard to believe just how hard it all is to get back to normal. After all, I was sleeping like a normal person for 32 years old my life before this began shortly after. I agree 3 weeks is nothing when trying to cure 8 month long chronic insomnia, but I guess I just felt so hopefuly after finishing the book, that the letdown has put me back down in the dumps.
Tonight I will start what you said. Communicating to myself over and over that I will sleep well, and that i CAN sleep well, etc. I don't beleive you ever told me how you cured your insomnia. Perhaps you can share?
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
That's the whole point, Michael - I never "cured" it, I just learned to manage it.
That's what you need to aim for. Surely you realise by now that it's precisely this endless hankering and striving after "the way things were" that's keeping you awake night after night? Take a leaf out of the book of people with other disabilities. There'd be no point in someone who'd lost a leg constantly beating themselves over the head with the yearning to go back to having two legs, would there? They don't have a choice, they just have to move on with what they have and make the most of it.
You have a comparatively minor disability. From what you say, it seems you're in fact getting 4-5 hours most nights. Some people go through life on less than that. Think about parents of young children, coping with several years of poor sleep.
I know it's frustrating that you slept well for your first 32 years, but that was then and this is now, and it's now you have to cope with. There's no right to 8 hours' sleep. I think that once you can get yourself into that mindset you'll eventually start sleeping better.
michael94059 lily65668
Posted
The bottom line of all bottom lines here is, if you read my entire story, is that I am just absolutely totally confused. My entire life, while not a GREAT sleeper, all I know is that I never had any serious issue with sleep. 8 months ago after a STRESSFUL EVENT, I began having my middle of the night awakenings and all I EVER read about and thought was that this was insomnia/anxiety. When I found myself finally relaxing and becoming calm and this STILL just wouldn’t go away, I thought well maybe it really is in fact something else. Next thing I know, me a 145lb 6’2 32 year old man is actually diagnosed with mild sleep apnea, and now I don’t know what to think at all.
To verify, the doc thinks anxiety WAS tied into all of this, and bc of that my underlining sleep apnea it became more apparent. Something to that effect at least. What does everyone think? It should be interesting to note that over the last 2 weeks I’ve suddenly been sleeping noticeably better, but as we all know and as I stated initially, this could just be another phase. The doc also bashed any online purchase of a mouthpiece saying “none of them work.” Typical doctor talk it seems like, only caring about the specialist who would make me one I guess.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Well, at least you have some kind of diagnosis. And I agree with getting a custom-made mouthpiece - the off-the-shelf ones are a complete waste of money.
I've had a few ideas on this question of sleep apnoea and anxiety for some time, but they're not based on personal experience rather any slight medical knowledge I might have.
There's practically zero support for my theory on medical sites, but I believe stress or anxiety can cause sleep apnoea. Clearly the reverse is true - and more logical - but I'm convinced it can happen the other way round. This belief is based on only two cases so I'm not trying to convince anyone, just saying what I think.
The first case was a friend's husband. He was skinny like you, and a highly stressed over-achiever. I first met him when we worked together in a stressful corporate environment, when he was in his early 30s. Frankly, he looked 50 - grey-faced, dark circles under his eyes, with a perpetual "executive shake". About 10 years later - by which time he was in an even worse state - he started a relationship with a friend of mine. She used to tell me how worried she was by his loud snoring and very long periods of apnoea. She often sat up in bed with a stopwatch, timing them. She managed to get him to a sleep lab, but he couldn't get on with the CPAP they gave him.
At around 50, he suddenly decided to walk away from his job. They had no children, so they bought a beat-up old van and joined a group of travellers. I would have found that life very stressful, but it suited them. My friend reported that the periods of apnoea stopped immediately, as did the worst of the snoring. They settled in Provence a few years after that, and at 70+ he looks younger than he did at 30!
The second case is myself. I've long known I suffer from a degree of sleep apnoea, which is getting worse with age. These days I'm towards the top end of the normal weight range (BMI around 24) which isn't helping. However, I was aware of the apnoea even when I was young, and 40lb lighter. It's clearly due to my build. Like my father and my grandmother (both snorers and apnoea sufferers) I have a very short, thick neck. I've never been able to get accepted for a sleep clinic because I'm a woman, and most doctors "know" that women never get sleep apnoea. (Two minutes' on-line research will, of course, completely scupper that idea.)
In recent years I've been plagued by something that often happens when I'm falling asleep, and can keep me awake for hours. It only ever happens when I'm stressed. It's difficult to describe, but something happens to my tongue and jaw muscles. The tip of my tongue seems to press itself against the back of my top front teeth, with the base spreading out to press against my back bottom teeth. Hard to describe exactly, as I'm always falling asleep when it happens.
The result is an incredibly loud whistling noise, which wakes me again and again.This can go on for a couple of hours. At the same time, I always notice I seem to be unable to breathe out when this happens, either through my nose or mouth. Each time I wake, I notice a massive exhalation of breath, usually with a loud grunt or shout, followed by gasping for air, and I notice my heart pounding. My job - voluntary, but "real" - is incredibly stressful at the moment, and I'm having a hard time getting enough sleep.
I also seem to suffer from more classic sleep apnoea, with the soft palate dropping down to block my airway. I'm aware of this because - like the rest of my father's family - I've always had sleep paralysis. That's the one where you wake fully but are completely paralysed for a couple of minutes. When this happens, I sometimes I can't breathe at all - vs. the reduced, diaphragmatic breathing which is normal in sleep paralysis - and can actually feel the blockage in my throat. This tends to happen rather more often when I'm stressed as well.
I'm not saying your sleep apnoea is due to stress, just that my friend's was, and mine is clearly made worse by it.
michael94059 lily65668
Posted
I had no idea all along that you too have sleep apnea. I thought your sleep troubles were anxiety related. Either way I'm sure you can understand my frustration as well as confusion by all that is happening with me right now.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Well, as stated, I strongly suspect that my sleep apnoea is anxiety related - though clearly my physique and family history don't help. I have just about every sleep disorder known to medical science... and then some!
The only crumb of comfort I can offer is that you can learn to cope with these things and work around them. I've had sleep problems all my life - starting in childhood - but they haven't significantly affected either my physical or mental health. I was a bit depressed for about 5 years in my 20s, but that was about other things, though the lack of sleep probably didn't help. Now, at 73, I still do a demanding (though unpaid) half-time job, and am in pretty good shape, apart from a relatively mild autoimmune condition.
You'll be fine. Just try not to get angry about it. That's the one thing that's bound to make sleep (and many other) problems worse. Who are you angry with? Yourself, God, the Universe, the Tooth Fairy? Drop it. I know that's harder for a man than a woman. This isn't superior feminazism on my part, just an acknowledgement that testerone produces a different pattern of brain function. But men can learn to deal with their emotions too.
michael94059 lily65668
Posted
I was going through a phase of waking around 3am again for a good couple of weeks. I’d dose off soon after and got back into deep sleep, not letting myself worry about what was happening. However, on the FEW nights where I would have something big to do the next day (i.e. night time plans after work), the 3am wake ups became the 3am horrors, where I would fall back into the trap of not being able to fall back asleep right away and instead of 20 minutes or so, it would take more like two HOURS. These days it goes back and forth. Sometimes I’ll have my “too early” wake up of 530am or so (before my 6am alarm) and some days I’ll have a middle of the night awakening, which still surprises me very much to be honest, as I feel like I really should be past them.
At this point I feel like I’ve made enough progress for the middle of the night awakenings to stop but they are still there quite a bit. Does anyone have any quick advice or tips on what i could be doing wrong that still causes them? Thank you.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael,
Thank you so much for coming back and telling everyone about your progress. It's always good to hear a success story arising from despair.
My answer to your final question is - as I imagine you were expecting - no. If I'd had any quick advice or tips I'd have used them years ago!
The answer is simply to keep on doing what you're already doing. The one common thread that runs through everyone's stories on this thread is acceptance of insomnia, and you finally managed to accept yours. Things like basic sleep hygiene, lifestyle adjustments, meditation, affirmations, even intermittent doses of mild medication, have their part to play. However, none of them will work until the sufferer achieves the necessary change of mindset. As long as you're angry and frustrated about your sleep problems they'll continue to get worse.
I'm sure your sleep will continue to improve now. However, many people who've gone through a period of severe sleep anxiety do find their sleep remains somewhat fragile for the rest of their life. Also, it's quite common for our sleep pattern to change - sometimes abruptly - as we go through life. It may be that you'll never get back completely to your old sleep pattern, but now you've learned acceptance you should be able to work around any permanent changes.
Good luck!
michael94059
Posted
Hello again everyone. I recently had the urge to post an update here for all of you about my sleep problem. Maybe it was my "One year anniversary" of this all starting that gave me the idea.
It's now October 12th 2017. For those who have read the ENTIRE story or will choose to read it now, you'll know this all began a little over a year ago. A story, or nightmare rather, with some twists and turns and a crazy now 33 year old man being myself, who has endured hell on earth at many times.
The great news however, is that while i'm still in "recovery" mode, I have made some very good progress over the lastlast couple of months. That doesn't mean these last couple months have not been without some horrific fatigued days, but it means that in the grand scheme of things, I'm doing better.
When this all started I never thought that the human brain could have the ability to alter one's life as much as it did mine. For anxiety to completely consume the mind and body to the point of where I developed a habit so bad that there was really no way out unless I put in my time of reading specific books and not unless I did come here and see some of your posts. For that I say thank you. It's a scary thing of course, to know how REAL mental health can be, but it's something that I accepted a while back and since then have slowly but surely been getting better. One thing that is for certain in a situation that got as bad as mine and as bad as insomnia can get for many people is - it CANNOT be cured overnight.
I will leave you with my THREE key things I realized that have been helping me get better. And i'm not talking about the basic obvious ones that any insomniac should know (get off the pills as they're only a short term solution, DO NOT watch the clock, avoid naps, don't eat sweet foods or coffee before bed, etc) I'm talking about the three that really showed me they help the most with getting a better night of sleep.
#1 - Don't ever go in your bed unless you are legitimately TIRED and ready to sleep
Can't tell you how many times I didn't do this early on when I was naive about all that was happening. Actually, for a good while I started a routine where I would just go into my bed at the same time every night (10pm) whether tired or not. I tried to get on some kind of "strict schedule" thinking it would help. It didn't work long term. The bottom line is this... if you go into your bed even the slightest bit still feeling upbeat or awake, it could spell that trouble we all probably know about too well. The mind will begin racing and the tossing and turning will start. You may have heard of another "rule" where if you can't fall asleep after 20 minutes or so to get out of bed and do something, and to be honest, thats a good rule too, but this rule supersedes that in a way. Understand that like in my case for example, even if you have to be up at 6am, and it's after 10, it doesn't matter. If it takes multiple nights or even weeks for your body to get into a groove, do it. 6 hours of good sleep is better than a broken 8 or 7.5. In an additional note to go along with this, you should also learn just HOW many hours of sleep a night you need. If you can legitimately often sleep 8 hours a night, then a 10p bedtime could easily be for you if you wake at 6. However if you're seeing that you crash at 10 and never ever wake at your alarm, then your body is telling you something. It's telling you that at your age, 8 hours is no longer the norm. (Maybe it never was). I can tell you that i never realized it back then, but i always would wake up before my 6am alarm, usually at 530, sometimes even 5:15. I'd get annoyed and frustrated. Little did I realize that running into the bedroom at 10pm sharp was the cause. Suddenly when I began going to sleep when i was legitimately exhausted (10:30, even 11pm), i would sleep through the night. (ok most nights, NOT all. But as I said, i'm still in recovery mode don't forget). So in conclusion... its that simple. Don't go to sleep unless you're very tired. Not sleepy. VERY sleepy.
#2 - PUT ALL ELECTRONICS DOWN at least a half an hour before bed.
Forget all other "wind down" routines that you may have read. These two I was told to follow. To lower the lights. To lower the tv volume. To shut the windows. it would only build the anxiety more for me to the point where when it came time for bed it was as if a huge church bell was going off in the background as I made the dreaded walk to the bedroom, terrified of if this would be a good night or not. No. Don't do any of that. The #1 reason everyone gives above all else to beat insomnia is what? ACCEPT that you have a problem, try and live your life the best you can, and don't let it CONSUME you in any way. Doing all these pre-bedtime rituals only fuels the problem more. If it works short term i can promise you it won't work long term. The ONLY thing I've realized that helps is putting all electronics away and off a good while before bedtime. For me, its 30 minutes. Now i'll admit, as a 33 year old single guy this is hands down the toughest one (sad, i know). But whether its friends texting about sports or checking messages on my dating apps, the phone, I admit, is a little bit of an addiction. But regardless, its proven, and the studies show that the light emitted from our phones messes with the brain's chemical that makes you sleepy. And no, the "night mode" button doesn't do much. Bottom line... stop wiring your brain the wrong way before bed. Put the phone down, and turn the computer OFF.
#3 - Stay out of the bed, COMPLETELY, except for sleep (and sex)
Sure we've all heard it but maybe we don't do it 100% I know that I was guilty of this for many years and who knows, maybe that's why I was never a great sleeper to begin with. We should all know the details of this key rule. The more time you spend in bed thats not for sleep (ok, or sex), the more your brain will associate the bed and the bedroom with not being for SLEEP. You want to build bedtime up, and getting INTO your bed with those warm covers in your brain as for something that only happens at night. Something that only happens when you're tired. Something that is nice and comfortable and relaxing. This will only help matters in the long term. It did for me.
In conclusion I hope I only continue to get better. As i alluded to earlier there are still plenty of bad days. Sometimes I'll have a good few in a row, and sometimes i'll have a bad few. But overall, I know in my mind that I'm leaps and bounds better than I was in October 2016 and that is enough to keep me going with hope that I will one day, hopefully sooner than later, will be completely "cured", back to normal, and probably sleeping better than I ever did not that I've turned into a sleep guru of sorts. Again, a special thanks to everyone on this board who replied over the last year, especially Lily.