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My story its very open with vile intrusive thoughts

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Kayleigh0910
Kayleigh0910

PLEASE NO JUDGING!

so heres my story sorry it might be long, Around 4/5 weeks ago i had a trivial memory come up from when i was 10years old and me and two girls abit younger touched eachothers bits (laughingg and giggling) me and my brother used to rub up and down each others legs aswell etc this has came back now and made me have very bad gad (anxiety)

So 3 weeks ago my doctor gave me sertraline ive done 1 week at 50mg and 2 at 100mg and today is starting my 4th week on 100mg

i see my doctor today and cbt telephone tomorrow but on sunday (3days ago) ive had an intrusive thought about touching my 5year old sons bits, i would never do it i bath him change him etc but would never touch him in that way it mades me highly anxious, scared, shakes and sick that this thought has come and keeps coming back althought sometimes i can ugnore it and it goes quicker, I love my children and would never hurt them but this was disturbing anyone have any advise and if youve had it how long till it passes?

Been to see my doctor today who said this can happen with anxiety and there thoughts and not actions and id wouldnt act on them so they should pass, also cbt will help withthese thoughts and they can disgnose and the have doctors who can help

So sorry its so long just wanted to see if anyone had the same its so hard to put this out

0 likes, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • Dav39
    Dav39 Kayleigh0910

    Posted

    Thanks for posting this Kayleigh! Did the Dr give you the impression that the thoughts about your son are caused by the Sertraline.
    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 Dav39

      Posted

      No she sed its possibly caused by the anxiety and when i have my phone call from healthy minds tomorrow they will tell me who i need to see etc
  • GodsServant
    GodsServant Kayleigh0910

    Posted

    Hi Kayleigh, I know how these thoughts really bother you, but take it from me, these thoughts you are describing is OCD (it seems that you are like me, a pure O). When I was a kid (back in the 80s) I had these crazy thoughts, too. They freaked me out. I was in 4th grade afraid that I’d wake up the next day and kill all my loved ones with guns and knives (and we didn’t even have gun!). Imagine being a 4th grader with these thoughts! Then I moved on to other OCD thoughts, fear with images of strangling someone I love, etc. And so, just know that these thoughts and images are just that – nothing more. Don’t argue with them and don’t fight them. The more you try to fight them the more they bother you and cause anxiety. If you can, try to laugh it off when the thought or image come. I know you love your kids and would never do anything like this, because just these thoughts alone bother you this much – the kind of people that would do this, they don’t even think about it and it wouldn’t bother them. Hang in there. The med will kick in and these thoughts will be reduced and go away. Xx
    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 GodsServant

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply, yes i did ask about ocd today with my gp but ive got to wait to speak to a therapist as the gp thinks its just anxiety, i no they are just thoughts and i do love my children ive not dostamced myself away from them and continued to be a mom and do everyday activities with them as i no these thoughts will go away once the med is working and therapy is stated aswell x
    • GodsServant
      GodsServant Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      Remember, don't argue or try to reason with these thoughts. You won't win. When they come, just recognize them as OCD thoughts and that's it. Laugh them off, if you can. Keep doing what you're doing and keep occupied.

    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 GodsServant

      Posted

      I will thank you, its been much better this afternoon so im hoping they start to fade away ill try laughing them off they dont stay all day they come and go in like waves? Im trying to keep myself busy well as busy as i can smile

    • Dav39
      Dav39 GodsServant

      Posted

      Do think this is still the case if someone hasn't had these thoughts until having taken Sertraline? I started taking it as I had issues with health anxiety and thoughts about self-harm. Subsequently, I started having suicide thoughts and questioning whether I'm a danger to women and children (clearly I'm not it's the intrusive thoughts).

    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 Dav39

      Posted

      Erm i think its possible it could be the medication and im going to ask when i have my therapy appointment as they should no more about it, if i do find out any information i will let you no, ive never had these thoughts myself until now and like you said there just thoughts and you wouldnt act on them as scary as they are
    • GodsServant
      GodsServant Dav39

      Posted

      Hi Dav, I have had suicidal thoughts before (as a side effect from sertraline, too – I knew this, too, even as I was feeling it) but these feelings/thoughts of self-harm or harming loved ones are symptoms of OCD and not a side effect from sertraline. At least not that I know of and I have been on and off this med for about 2 decades.

      However, I can tell you, this med does cause very vivid and sometimes VERY bizarre and scary dreams. That, I am certain of, because I never get these dreams when I am off the med but I have had thoughts of harming loved ones when I was off the med.

      Also, from what you’re telling me here, it seems like you are experiencing a mixture of OCD and/or depression and the suicide ideation is increased quite possible as a result of the side effect of sertraline. But please recognize it as such and do not do anything stupid. Nothing lasts forever. So hang in there. The suicide thoughts will go away soon. Xx

  • victoriaxo
    victoriaxo Kayleigh0910

    Posted

    Gosh Keyleigh, I'm going through the same! Today is my 6th day of 100mg and my anxiety is pure hell. I also have intrusive thoughts, mine are about killing myself (which I do not want at all). 

    My doctor also said intrusive thoughts are a side effect of sertaline and my anxiety being so high.

    She said when the meds kick in, I will not experience any of this.

    Also I am not OCD, I have GAD.

    Never had intrusive thoughts before, they started when I re-started Zoloft.

    If it helps you a bit...I had intrusive thoughts when I first started Zoloft 3 years ago. I was always on 50mg. The thoughts went away when the meds kicked in. I was a totally normal human being until I lowered my dose. 

    Hang in there, we are in the same boat!

    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 victoriaxo

      Posted

      Thank you victoria

      Yes i believe its the anxiety causing it ive never had them before either, ive been told by others the thhoughts will calm down once the meds settle, i feel a little better today and no thoughts up to yet so hopefully they stay away, ive been told its gad aswell but waiting on a formal diagnosis, ill be starting cbt soon, i had thoughts of not wanting to live anymore the other week but tey passed

      Best wishes

      Kayleigh

    • victoriaxo
      victoriaxo Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      Great to hear you are doing better! The meds are probably kicking in for you smile

      It's GAD...you can't just develop OCD if you never had intrusive thoughts before, it's just a side effect from the meds.

      We'll be just fine, I'm sure. It seems like it always gets worse with this meds before it gets better.

      Lucky us, we have all the side effects :D *being sarcastic*

      Also my doctor said if the meds make you feel worse, they are working. Don't see much point in that, but hey...I guess it kinda is true.

    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 victoriaxo

      Posted

      Yes i had terrible aide effects for first 2 weeks! Feel better now although do have up and down days and yes i think its gad and the meds have caused these thoughts that are hopefully gping away now this is my 4th week on meds, so yes they made me worse at first just hope the worst is over! Yes i had some really good days over the few weeks so just trying to be positive knowing the better days are coming x

    • victoriaxo
      victoriaxo Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      I'm not even finished with my first week of 100mg..it's still bad. 

      Oh well, 3 more weeks to go, hopefully all of this will feel like a bad dream.

      But the meds helped before and I was in such a good state, I can't even tell you. It was like I never had anxiety smile Sleep was great...I mean everything. And I was just on 50mg. 

      Sertaline does help, it saved my life and made me the person I wanted to be.

      Hopefully this time around it does the same smile I can't wait to be "normal" again.

    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 victoriaxo

      Posted

      Yes i think give it more time you will feel more yourself again,

      I was on 50mg for 1 weeks and 100mg for 2 weeks and just starting my 3rd week on 100 and i can see better days, couple more weeks hopefully be right as rain again, anytime you want to private message me your more then welcome x

    • victoriaxo
      victoriaxo Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      It takes a awhile yes...better days are just around the corner.

      You'll be just fine and back to your old self in no time. 

      Please, keep us inform about how you are doing xx

    • LBC
      LBC victoriaxo

      Posted

      Hi Victoria why did you stop taking the Sertraline and have to start again ? Sorry if I've missed your story further up the thread

    • LBC
      LBC Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      Can I ask you both if you needed to use diazepam on the bad days
    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910 LBC

      Posted

      Ive never used anything other then sertraline
    • Kayleigh0910
      Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      Hi victoris how long did it take for your thoughts to go away last time? Mine started around 6 days ago and have lingered although dont seem as intense as they were but still causes my anxiety to be high and i still get the shakes everyday x
    • victoriaxo
      victoriaxo LBC

      Posted

      I ran out of my meds and forgot to get a new perscription...and yes I need to take some ativan to calm me down, but not everyday.
    • victoriaxo
      victoriaxo Kayleigh0910

      Posted

      They went away after a month I think. I was on 50mg all the time though.

      So I believe they will go away after you'll be on meds or in our case 100mg...for about a month. Keep on going, it's always way worse before it gets better.

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