1. Community
  2. Contraception and sexual health
  3. Sexual Health

my wife refuses to be intimate with me.

Posted , 9 users are following.

dta44381
dta44381

My wife and I have been together 8 years, living together for the last 6years and married for the last 18months. At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was fantastic having sex 3-4 tines a week, but over the last couple of years she has lost all of her sex drive. My wife was taking the pill but it made her depressed so we decided I would have the snip a few years ago, neither of us have ever wanted children so it seemed reasonable.

Over the last few years our sex life has gone from 2-3times a week to 5-6 times a year. She never initiates sex with me and when I try to initiate something between us has no interest in being intimate or having sex with me.

I love my wife more than anything and have tried to talk with her about this but she doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong. Desperately in need of some help and advice.

0 likes, 28 replies

28 Replies

Prev
  • rubia01
    rubia01 dta44381

    Posted

    She should have her hormones checked.  It is a very easy blood test, and when things are "off" or out of balance, can make a huge difference. She will feel way better if/ when they are corrected.  I would suggest this before I started snooping around looking for an affair.  Those kind of accusations are what causes real long term trouble that will never be forgotten....(of course unless you have real suspicions anyway.)
    • dta44381
      dta44381 rubia01

      Posted

      Thanks rubia01 I doubt there's something going on maybe it's just the fact she's gone off sex altogether, if she has then why not just tell me how she feels and we can try moving forward. What is making it worse for me is I am dreaming of having sex with other women I explained this to her and she still had no concerns.
    • rubia01
      rubia01 dta44381

      Posted

      I think you would be surprised...You don't say how old she is, but even in the late thirties things can really start to change.  Believe me when I say, I know, I was there...I went from almost a who cares If I have sex again, mentallity, to initiating, planning, really having more fun than I ever did when I was younger.  This all came about in a a short couple of weeks and a little bit of test. cream.  Obviously, other factors and her real feelings for you are the main key, but if she is telling you the truth about her feelings for you, you really should encourage her to check it out.  Good luck to you both!
    • dta44381
      dta44381 rubia01

      Posted

      She's in her early 30's, looks gorgeous with an amazing figure. I don't want her to feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to, don't get me wrong, like is said earlier if she has decided she doesn't want ro be intimate again why doesn't she just let me know I think i'm an understanding fella.

      If i mention being intimate or try to initiate anything i get told 'later' or 'tomorrow' or any of the excuses mentioned earlier. I even tried to make a joke of it a couple of weeks ago saying I was going to see a Dr because I constantly think about having sex with her she never even made a comment.

    • craig84609
      craig84609 dta44381

      Posted

      I did read some comment that she has suffered depression. If she is still having a problem that will kill romance in her quickly. If she is on medication for depression that can kill sex drive as well. In either of these cases she needs to talk to her doctor.
    • dta44381
      dta44381 craig84609

      Posted

      While she was on the pill she had unbelievable mood swings, majority of the time she was down and depressed showing very little interest in anything let alone me. Since she came off the pill her mood swings have stopped and she is happier in herself. She wasn't diagnosed with depression but she works at a Dr surgery so had access to lots of info on the pill and it's side effects.

      I'm beginning to think there is only 2 concerns (putting the thought of her cheating out of my head)

      She is no longer interested in sex with me.

      She only sees me as a friend and flat mate!

    • craig84609
      craig84609 dta44381

      Posted

      Either way you need to know so you can move on if that is the case. The whole idea of being married is to love each other that includes being intimate at times. If the intimacy is gone then a big part of the relationship is gone as well. At her age she should want sex. My wife wanted it but with as many partners as she could have. She liked variety. Maybe she has found out she is into something that she thinks you wouldn't be and doesn't want to tell you. My wife later after we were divorced informed me that she needs to be restrained for her to feel turned on. She was embarased by it but I wish she had told me when we were a couple. I am not into it but I would have done whatever she wanted to turn her on, within reason. It shouldn't be a secret from your partner. Again counseling. It is your best bet at this point to save things. If you don't things will just get worse. Unless she can open up to you and talk about why she is unable to want to have sex.
  • tasneem00771
    tasneem00771 dta44381

    Posted

    Please Do not be romantic! When i woman does not want sex, the most think she will hate is you being romantic.

    As i female i will give you an advice, just try to ignore her sexually, try to pretend being busy all the time. Do not cuddle or making anything would let he feels that you want sex.

    She will think that there is another woman in your life and her sex drive will back to normal once she imagines that you are with another woman.

    Try that!

  • ellebi
    ellebi dta44381

    Posted

    Is she suffering from Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

    I do very bad and I have lost my sexual appetite.

    Still working on finding it, when your feeling down and anxious and horrible, it aint exactly top of someones list

  • jabberwocky
    jabberwocky dta44381

    Posted

    Maybe shes a lesbian, or has poor self image or has a personal problem down there. Depending on her age she could be menopausing or something. Have you asked her why she doesnt want to get it on? Is it you? You should find out. Women know men have needs and to be prude with your husband is flat out selfish and wrong. Now it makes you question your own sex appeal and makes you feel unattractive. Have you ever strayed in the marraige? If so does she know? How frustrating for you...
    • jabberwocky
      jabberwocky

      Posted

      In her early thirties? I was unstoppable in my thirties like a savage in heat!LOL... if anything id see if shes seeing someone else...This doesnt sound normal.
  • dena64643
    dena64643 dta44381

    Posted

    Have a serious talk with her, pour out your feelings..If she is our real friend, she will listen Your relationship willnot grow if you continue to feel this way, and as a friend and mate, she's not being fair to you. smile Dena
Back to top
Prev

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.