My wife's drinking

Thanks.  She was drinking about 1.75 L of vodka in 2.5 to 3 days.  She has cut back to about half that much for the past month (still too much)

Steve, you might want to have a look at this if she basically tries to stop but just ends up going back to it. She can use this while drinking, it basically uses drinking against itself. 

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

This is what I'm using to bring an end to a 30+ year drinking disorder. I was up around 84 US standard drinks per week and after 4.5 months, I'm at about 20 per week. 

If she's going through 1.75 L in 3 days, that's 39 1.5oz drinks (US standard), or 13 drinks per day, so she's pouring doubles or better. That would work out to about 90 drinks per week. Not that far from where I started out.

She's going to feel tons better if she can cut that down to low risk levels. About 40% of people that use the above method end up abstaining altogether, but the point is that they have a choice in the matter and no longer feel compelled to drink. 

She might be more open to a solution like this that doesn't require quitting cold turkey. Doesn't sound like that works out in the end anyway, so maybe time for a Plan B?

Thank you so much for the link and the advice.

No problem, Steve. Please let me know if you have any questions or would like more info. I'll be happy to tell you anything I know or get you connected to some additional resources. 

Yes her mother had dementia for about 2 years and finally died about 1 year ago.  She drinks every night, I would say 4 to 6 vodka drinks per night.  Like I said she felt fine the two nights she didn't drink it was this morning after drinking last night that she felt sick.

No she seemed fine the 2 days she didn't drink.  FYI about 2 months ago she was diagnosed with AFIB (Irregular heart beat) and stopped drinking for about 21 days and felt fine also.  Her drinking affects everything, our homelife her relationship with her family our social life etc

It sounds to me that your wife was drinking more to cope with her mother having dementia and then the loss.. Would you agree with this? If so do you think she would benefit from grief councelling??

Using alcohol as a coping method can become a dependancy and she has got stuck in this habit ..

Does your wife acknowledge that her drinking is a problem and is it having an affect on her family, friends etc?

Or is she stopping drinking due to feeling pressured??

If she is trying to stop by choice and due to her health this is a positive.. She is ready to address the problem..

If she is struggling to stop by herself a visit to the GP to discuss options on how to address the problem si the way forward..

How do you think she would feel about this??

 

I think she needs counseling also but right now she doesn't want to spend the money.  She knows she has a problem but downplays it.  We had a long talk about her getting healthy again and that led to the 2 nights without drinking.  It was supposed to be all week but she gets home before I do and gave in.  She is a closet smoker and drinker we know our Dr very well but he doesn't even know she smokes.  It is a tough situation I want her to trust me but I want to help her also.

She could be playing her drinking down because she is frightened and doesn't want to acknowledge how bad it has got. It is also possible she is depressed due to the loss of her mother and alcohol being a depressant adding to this.  You cannot do this on your own Steve and your wife needs to totally acknowledge she has a problem and get the help she needs.

 A doctor is a starting point as he can gauge if she needs detox, medication or attend AA support group..There would be no point going into counselling until she stops drinking.  As drink numbs the emotions and it takes time for these to surface when alcohol has stopped for a period of time..

It sounds like she cannot stop herself.. You could talk to her about any suggestions that are made on here and see how she feels.Of course not mentioning this forum... Pride is going to play a major part in this so slow steps when approaching this..You could suggest the grief counselling and going to see the doctor with her and go from there..

Thanks for the reply.  I know it is serious I am trying to figure out what to do.  She is 54 years old, I am trying to save her life.

It is always difficult most people who become dependent on alcohol, already know what they are doing is wrong and bad for them. So they don't take kindly to having this pointed out to them, no matter how well intended it is.

How does she react when you try to get her to reduce or have nights off. Also, how do you think she would respond if you told her you psoted on here about her. I ask, because I'm trying to understand her thought process.

It is quite obviously a coping mechanism, people who start drinking heavily later in their life, are usually using it as a crutch, against stress, anxiety, grief or similar.

I can't talk to her about it if she has already started drinking, but I can suggest that she cut back in the up coming days and she will be receptive but then come home the next day and say she was stressed from work or has a headache and needs a drink.

What happens on days when she isn't stressed eg weekends, holidays? I'm so sorry for your situation and know how much you want to help your wife.

She drinks the same on weekends

What time of day does she start?

SPOT ON RHGB, and I hope Steve does what you suggest.  It is, as you know, very,very demoralising to watch your life partner slipping away - hopefully, Steve's wife isn't so bad that there isn't a way forward.

I didn't think your reply sounded at all judgemental, BTW. Tess.