Naltrexone: A daily journal
Posted , 12 users are following.
I wanted to record my experience of being on Naltrexone and felt that as this is the site that inspired me to research it deeper this would be the ideal place to post.
I am by no means a writer but during this journey I have found myself shocked, disappointed and left to figure it out for myself. I hope that you understand as you read this that I am expressing my own opinions and not trying to devalue or promote anything.
For the last 5 or so years I have been drinking well daily - it would be rare for me to have days without, although in the beginning I like to think that I did. My tipple of choice is white wine; I love the stuff even though it has now become very much a love/hate relationship. We live in a culture where drinking lots is seen as 'normal' and if you aren't drinking people ask if you are OK, pregnant or driving! You are left feeling like the one with a problem when you are not able to 'control' how much you are drinking even though the people judging you are drinkers themselves. I have had blackouts, screaming arguments, left my partner, gone down the pub alone whilst already drunk even hurt myself whilst intoxicated yet that hasn't been enough to make me stop.
My partner and I admitted to each other we are drinking far too much but we also don't know what to do about it. When you want to quit smoking there are loads of aids, advice and support. For drinking its AA and abstinence as well as a referral to an addiction clinic. I am a self confessed geek and will research the hell out of things so I had downloaded drink tracking apps, read articles and sites all about knowing how much your drinking and how to keep it under control. Well what can I say - I can recite most of it but none of it helped. My partner accepted a referral to an alcohol addiction clinic after trying to seek help from the doctor, I eagerly awaited his return home looking forward to learning new things that would help us. But NO he learned nothing new at all, instead he got to sit in a group talking about why he shouldn't drink, etc. Needless to say that didn't last long.
I am currently on leave from work and have been since mid March not returning until mid August - oh yes everyday is like a Saturday for me. Things started to get worse and worse, waking up feeling horrid after a hot and sweaty night, dehydrated, head ache, nausea and dreading checking my phone to see who was the lucky one/s that got to hear from me in my previous nights drunken state as well as seeing new bruises that I would have no idea how I had gotten.
Enough was enough and I looked on the internet to see if there was anything I could use to help me stop this ludicrous drinking cycle that I was in. I went to the doctor and admitted everything; exactly how much I was drinking and how after (2-3 bottles of wine to myself a day). I asked if there was any medication I could take that would help me but was told no, they don't do that there I may be able to if a referral comes from an addiction clinic but even then it's rare. I left the doctors being strongly advised to try AA and Russell Brands book 'Recovery'. Right I said to myself, stop being silly this must be the answer look in to it properly (geek!). I went to the Russell Brand website and watched his podcast about his new book - sorry folks but I was cringing. This was supposed to be a modern day version of AA?!? I thoroughly went through the AA website page by page but no I simply do not agree with it. Great stuck at square one again, sort it out on my own hmphh.
That is when I came across this website and whilst sober (sorry for previous drunken posts!) I learned about TSM - at last!!!! That isn't to say I was immediately convinced, I also researched that too and found the more I was learning the more I was convinced that this is what I needed to do and ended up watching 'One Little Pill' via amazon prime. Well I was blown away - I finally didn't feel embarrassed about myself!!
Friday 6th July - My Naltrexone came through the post on Friday, I read the helpful documents on how to be compliant on this site and took my first tablet. I dutifully waited an hour and then headed down the shop to but a bottle of wine. Now I will firstly state that Wednesday I white knuckled a day without any alcohol, then Thursday I only drank red wine (which I don't like) working on the theory you shouldn't taper down on your favourite tipple. So yes I took it a bit far and shared 2 bottles of white wine with my partner. I also did my usual trick and hid a third bottle for after he had gone to bed. It almost felt like an out of body experience, my body was reacting differently to my brain. I stopped myself after picking up my phone to drunkenly talk to people and didn't even finish the large wine spritzer I had on the go or open the third bottle - I went to bed!
Saturday 7th July - Well that was a new one on me. Having consumed so many units I didn't drag my ass out of bed until 11:30 and had a hang over however I was still slightly proud of myself. Feeling rubbishy I continued my research and found that initially you should start on half the tablet that I had - bonus they would last me longer, although I kind of went off the rails a bit the previous night on a whole one. Still I knew more about mindfulness now and I really really wanted this to work. I managed to wait until 6pm before taking half of a tablet and again waited an hour before opening the bottle. We have a unit measure cup so I poured myself a small (125 ml) and noted it down on the sticky note on the fridge. I wanted to put steps in to place so asked my other half if he fancied watching the 7 o clock footie in the bedroom (keeping the distance from the wine as far away as possible). Low and behold I was going to sleep that night having had 2 smalls and approx half of a small = less than half a bottle of wine!!!! I was buzzing when I went to sleep, so proud of myself. I didn't experience any of my normal behaviour: must make this glass last an hour watching the clock like a crazy woman, feeling like I was being hard done by, missing it, you know the deal.
Sunday 8th July - Now everyday is different and what works one day does not always work the next. I know because I feel so much better today - no hangover! I will want to start drinking earlier, as long as I take my tablet this is OK. My usual trigger time is between 1 and 3 pm. I have taken my half tablet and am eagerly awaiting 3 pm so I can have that drink. I don't know what to expect from it today but I will remain mindful and keep a pint of cold water with me also as I drank that much with my wine last night (another miracle).
Well done to you if you have read all of this - I will keep you posted on today's progress 
1 like, 26 replies
hayley1111 Hummingbird-S
Posted
well done I am following with interest as it didn't work for me but I may try again.
Hummingbird-S hayley1111
Posted
Hi Hayley,
Thank you for letting me know you are following. Can you tell me why it didn't work for you? I just want to know what to look out for, please feel free to send via a personal message if you would prefer x
JulieAnne101 Hummingbird-S
Posted
Hi Hummingbird
Love the journal idea. Will be interesting to see how you progress over the coming weeks.
Sounds like from what you have said that you are a fast responder to TSM which is great, so encouraging for you. Don't be surprised though if the units go a bit uppy downy 😊
I cannot believe how well my OH is now, he was a very poorly man. His body and brain couldn't have taken much more according to the docs.
I am so very pleased that you decided to give TSM a go. I know it sounds too good to be true, we didn't believe it, but how glad I am that my OH wanted to try it.
Keep us posted
Well done
JulieAnne x
Hummingbird-S JulieAnne101
Posted
Hi JulieAnne,
I am hoping that you are right in that I am a fast responder to TSM and that I am not just experiencing a placebo effect from being over excited!
Thank you for the warning about going a bit uppy downy, I am quite hard on myself so it is reassuring to know that. Also don't want to think it isn't working and give up.
The real test for me will be after 7 - 10 days, as I know I can do well for around that length of time and then I usually end up on a bender.
I am so pleased that this has worked for your OH - great to hear a success story
xx
Hummingbird-S
Posted
Sunday 8th July continued - Wow I am very pleased to report that I had 3 x 125 ml glasses of wine, although this is more than Saturday it was to be expected as I started drinking much earlier in the day. I did try and go to bed before finishing the 3rd glass early with my partner (8 pm) but it was just too early so ended up getting up, however it was not the want of finishing my wine - more so that I needed to do the dishes and make his sandwiches lol
There was a dribble left in the bottle when I measured out my 3rd 125 ml but I didn't add it to my glass (I would only be cheating myself if I don't stick to my measurements). I did however drink it after I had finished the kitchen, but to be fair to myself it was approx only 20 ml's! Here is the best part though - I stayed in bed until 9 pm to ensure that our one and only shop would be closed therefore removing the ability to buy anymore alcohol. I was fully aware of how much wine was left and I didn't feel angry, grumpy, annoyed that it was all gone, instead I grabbed a mars ice cream and enjoyed it possibly even more than the wine.....
I can't wait to have days without drinking but to have yet another morning without a hangover is amazing - I got up at 6 am, had a coffee and then did a workout, I feel so proud and pleased with myself instead of sad, annoyed, disappointed and angry. Yey me
bikerjools55 Hummingbird-S
Posted
Sounds like it's going well, are in England? I only ask as you said you got the med through the post from Amazon, I googled it and also Amazon and couldn't find it
Hummingbird-S bikerjools55
Posted
Hiya, yes I am in England but it was the documentary 'One Little Pill' that I watched through Amazon Prime. I did get the meds through the post but via a different company. Amazing how many programs you watch about the dangers of not buying medicine online and I would never have fathomed it before now - so terrible we have to go to these lengths in this country.
bikerjools55 Hummingbird-S
Posted
Hi I don't suppose you could give me that info where you got it !!! Private message me
Hummingbird-S
Posted
Monday 9th July - Today as you can probably tell from my earlier update has been a good day. My cravings started at 1:30pm which is within my 'normal window' so not much of a surprise, I kept myself very distracted and then came the message from my partner that he was on his way home stopping off at Tesco. Ohhh wine I thought, excellent.
I took my half tablet just before 2pm and carried on with distracting myself. Once my partner came home, I noticed he had only bought 1 bottle of wine though I didn't comment! Then he decided he wanted a cold bottle so went to our local shop and bought another - phew.
I was so busy chatting to him about my day it was gone 3:30pm before I poured out my first measure.
Today I am comparing my wine to when we tried drinking alcohol free wine, though I'm not feeling conned. I didn't enjoy the taste of the alcohol free wine and I'm slowly starting to realise I am not overly enjoying the taste of wine now that I'm not getting a buzz from it.
Is that enough to stop me from drinking it? You guessed it: nope.
Wishing anyone following me strength, I will post an update on today in the morning but in the meantime please feel free to comment if you have any questions or send me a private message
x
Hummingbird-S
Posted
Monday 9th July continued - I am delighted to report that there is still wine in my fridge!!
I had 3 x 125ml's = half a bottle, I would say there is another 125 measure left if not a 175 - needless to say I am very proud of myself and amazed.
I even manged to take a trip to my local shop to by tobacco and didn't buy another bottle which is a huge achievement for me. I think I confused the lady that served me by not buying one as well lol.
I realised on my 3rd glass (maybe before that if I'm honest) that it is a bit like drinking flat lemonade, it's OK but not great. By 10:30pm I was just thirsty and had a headache so instead of having a 4th glass I had some golden syrup cake with custard - I know unbelievable!
Tuesday 10th July - Well wasn't up at 6am this morning I was just too tired but did get up just before 7am, again had a coffee and did a workout. I then realised I had had the dreaded morning trip to the loo (sorry if that is tmi for some of you, for the rest; you know what I'm talking about).
I feel great, like my brain can finally breathe again. My body isn't being weighed down by trying to process copious amounts of wine from the night before and I am so much happier in myself.
I can't wait for the bruises on my legs to fade away (from drinking too much) because at this rate I wont be getting anymore, I can even remember the last episode of what I was watching last night. I can't tell you how many times I have had to re watch episodes because I can't remember them from the night before.
I have had a busy day and despite a little niggle in the back of my brain about wine I haven't had any cravings and it's 1:50pm. I am however going to take a half tablet at 2pm just so I am covered for when my partner comes home.
I will update you all tomorrow on my progress tonight
Hummingbird-S
Posted
Tuesday 10th July continued - I took my half tablet at 2pm but didn't have a glass of wine until nearly 7pm.
The thought of having a glass f flat lemonade just put me off somewhat but obviously not altogether. I went up to the bedroom to watch the footie with my other half but stupidly forgot to bring up a pint of water - not wanting to miss the football I didn't go back down to get one either. This meant I was drinking my wine faster then I have been in recent days which annoyed me. I went down for a smoke at half time and still forgot!
I had 2 x 125ml's in total yesterday = 1 large glass hahaha can't believe it, loads left in the bottle.
After I finished my second glass I was hungry so I had some cake and custard and was having an inner argument with myself about having a third glass, I came to a compromise that I would instead have a half measure (appro 60ml) by the time I had reached this point though it was gone 11pm and I suddenly felt exhausted. I never had the 3rd drink I just had a smoke and went to bed
Wednesday 11th July - Well today I am not full of beans, I am definitely having a blah day. I feel shaky, my tummy is unhappy with me, I am very grumpy and soooooo tired. I didn't manage to get up until 7am again (I'm trying to get myself back in to a routine of waking up early for when I return to work in August) maybe it is because I haven't done a morning workout today but I needed to have a rest day.
My partner comes home for lunch Wednesday and Friday so I told him how I was feeling. He has said he is really proud of me and can't believe how much wine is still left in the fridge he also advised me to have a nap, that my body is probably exhausted from trying to repair itself and get rid of the alcohol and that he doesn't want me to over compensate tonight because I am so tired and want sleep, the alcohol is trying to trick me.
I just don't know - could it be because I only had 2 glasses last night? Am I cutting down too quickly?
I will take a half tablet again today at 2pm and let you know tomorrow how I get on x
JulieAnne101 Hummingbird-S
Posted
Hi Hummingbird
As you as you are safe ie your not getting sweats and shakes, I would say listen to what the Nal is telling you 💜
My OH says that the Nal is really weird. Sometimes he says he fancies a really good drink, He is all fired up, has a beer, pours a second and it sits there. He 'forgets' about it.
Strange stuff aint it?
Love your journal
Regards
JulieAnne x
hayley1111 Hummingbird-S
Posted
Hummingbird-S hayley1111
Posted
Yes I bought them online and I live in the UK
Hummingbird-S
Posted
Tuesday 11th July again - well hasn't today been a crapper. I took myself off to bed to go and have a nap but just ended up crying for a few hours instead (my baby died in March). How I didn't neck the wine I was so pleased about not drinking I don't know, it's a good job I took the half tablet at 2pm before I got into it with the car insurance companies (we were involved in an accident in JANUARY and still waiting for the pay out) because I can tell ya - I wouldn't choose to take it now. Today would be a 2 - 3 bottle kind of day [u]easily[/u].
It is frustrating that I am not getting a buzz from my wine but at the same time my logical side is saying that is a very bloody good thing otherwise you would be going down the pan AGAIN plus I will ever so thankful in the morning when I have calmed down = no oblivion for me tonight.
Anyways just needed a rant and thought it would be a good way of showing how the Naltrexone works on a bad day not just the good x