Posted , 5 users are following.
This is part two of Name your 'Gammy' Bit which is an extension of the existing page where you can list your health problems and moan about them, tell some jokes and have a laugh, and revisit old times whilst putting the world to rights
3 likes, 224 replies
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archemedes
Posted
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.
One day, the wife asked her husband,
"Sweetheart, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you please fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said,
"What do I look like – Mr. Pumb-It?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favour.
"Sweetheart, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery.
Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like -- Mr. Motor Mechanic?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof.
"Sweetheart, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like – Bob the Builder?"
He sat down with a beer and watched football on the TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone.
He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking any more either
And his wife’s car started first time.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked,
"Sweetheart, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly,
"Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbours, John.
What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything."
"That’s fantastic, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him."
"Great. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hell do I look like –Mary Berry?"
GeorgiaS archemedes
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georgeGG archemedes
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Isn't it good to have a happy reason for the physiological manifestations, yes?
archemedes georgeGG
Posted
The harder our lives are, the more laughter and joy that we need to offset the bleakness.
Once we have regained our strength we can then share this gift with others in need, and show them the path to a clear and positive thought process.
tiswas24537 archemedes
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tiswas24537
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i knew it was the mother in law all the mice were jumping on the traps.
GeorgiaS tiswas24537
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archemedes tiswas24537
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archemedes
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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate.
Security was very tight, and each one of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea.
Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his way in.
Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced,
"O'Sullivan, fencing".
GeorgiaS archemedes
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georgeGG archemedes
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archemedes
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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender
"one full bottle of whiskey please".
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders one bottle of whiskey and six chasers.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes into the bar and orders two full bottles of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks,
"Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says,
"Apprently my wife does."
Boom, boom
georgeGG archemedes
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GeorgiaS archemedes
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archemedes
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One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab.
A cab stopped and picked her up.
During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.
When she asked him why, he said,
"I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."
She said,
"You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."
The cab driver then said,
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job."
She said,
"Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."
Immediately the cab driver said,
"Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"
The nun said,
"Okay, pull into that alley."
The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work.
Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.
The nun said,
"My child, what's the matter?"
He said tearfully,
"Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!"
The nun replied,
"That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"
Boom, Boom
GeorgiaS archemedes
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tiswas24537 GeorgiaS
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symptoms
i imagine i have fatigue and that i hurt all over
i choose this life because i enjoy pain and fatigue
and all i have to do is pull myself together .
apparently theres no such condition as fibro so this must be true
GeorgiaS tiswas24537
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you can do better than that
You're just damn lazy and
you should be working
like the rest of us tax payers!
Just wait until it hits them!
tiswas24537 GeorgiaS
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archemedes tiswas24537
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It's that old saying, "what goes round comes round"'
I often think that as part of the apprenticeship to become a politician they should all have to spend at least 1 year on the Dole, or what used to be called DLA.
The same should be true of all doctors, in that after initial training and prior to becoming a PRHO, they should all have to live like a patient.
tiswas24537 archemedes
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georgeGG archemedes
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That double punch line is priceless, quite priceless.
I like the gravity of Archemedes. All the better for you to catch the laughter bug.
georgeGG tiswas24537
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GeorgiaS georgeGG
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