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Name your 'Gammy' bit - The Return Part 2.

Posted , 5 users are following.

archemedes
archemedes

This is part two of Name your 'Gammy' Bit which is an extension of the existing page where you can list your health problems and moan about them, tell some jokes and have a laugh, and revisit old times whilst putting the world to rights

 

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  • archemedes
    archemedes

    Posted

    THE NOT-SO-WISE HOUSE OFFICER

    Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

    However, while working as a PRHO, I found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

    "I don't know," he said.

    "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

    • GeorgiaS
      GeorgiaS archemedes

      Posted

      Excellent one arch! 

      While she was changing out of her hospital gown she was wondering where her husband was. She kept asking the nurses. Eventually one gently explained that he'd been run over by an ambulance because someone had wheeled him out of the hopital too fast. cheesygrin

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG

      Posted

      and the Georgia gave me a boom wham right in the tickly plexus and I was out of breath again. 

      Should I see my GP these frequent convulsions? She would probable tell me my disease is risible.

      O doctor, doctor, can you cure it

      I hope not.  - next please.

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG

      Posted

      I hope Alan gets a laugh tomorrow morning. It can wait.
    • archemedes
      archemedes georgeGG

      Posted

      Oh dear, I hope you have not been too rique.

      Mind you I can't talk as I'm being moderated on a joke I have just put onto the new thread at:

      Name your 'Gammy' bit - The Return Part 3.

      It is a good one though, so let's hope Alan lets it through.

       

    • archemedes
      archemedes georgeGG

      Posted

      Wonderful comment George.....how true.

      PS. I did not hear much from Georgia yesterday. PM'd her last night to ask if she was ok, just 'bladdered' or immersed in paperwork, but still no reply.

    • tiswas24537
      tiswas24537 GeorgiaS

      Posted

      "That's Life" these song lyrics really say it to me .

      That's life (that's life), that's what all the people say

      You're ridin' high in April, shot down in May

      But I know I'm gonna change that tune

      When I'm back on top, back on top in June

      I said that's life (that's life), and as funny as it may seem

      Some people get their kicks stompin' on a dream

      But I don't let it, let it get me down

      'cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around

      I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king

      I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing

      Each time I find myself flat on my face

      I pick myself up and get back in the race

      That's life (that's life), I tell you I can't deny it

      I thought of quitting, baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it

      And if I didn't think it was worth one single try

      I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

      I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king

      I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing

      Each time I find myself layin' flat on my face

      I just pick myself up and get back in the race

      That's life (that's life), that's life and I can't deny it

      Many times I thought of cuttin' out but my heart won't buy it

      But if there's nothin' shakin' come this here July

      I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball a-and die

      My, my!

       

  • archemedes
    archemedes

    Posted

    NEWS BULLETIN:

    Medical researchers have just discovered a new disease which has been called

    Hyperoverreactivesensitiveimaginationasthesia.

    Apparently there are no discernible symptoms, however 750 million people worldwide have been complaining to their doctors that they have it.

    An effective treatment is being sought.

     

    • GeorgiaS
      GeorgiaS archemedes

      Posted

      Who's he?

      A dame wore a bandana

      and said no you canna

      take my crown off my head

      He cried in pain 'why not?'

      She replied, it keeps my brain from leaking out of my ears

      He was instantly cured.

    • archemedes
      archemedes GeorgiaS

      Posted

      Typo. I meant John Lawrie - private Fraser, Dad's Army. Dour Scottish gentleman.

      Peter Lawrie is an Irish Golfer - not very good at it - a bit like me.

      PS. Liked the joke - keep em coming cheesygrin

  • archemedes
    archemedes

    Posted

    Right, I'm back........what have I missed?

    Come on you lot, spill the beans, what have you been up to this afternoon - anything exciting and/or amusing? rolleyes

    • archemedes
      archemedes GeorgiaS

      Posted

      I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the Funeral Director, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”
    • georgeGG
      georgeGG archemedes

      Posted

      That is tame Archemedes. How about from an antibiotic leaflet

      . . .depression,  attempted suicide, actual suicide, may be permanent. . . . 

      I laughed he'd at the crass misuse of English but . . . eek 

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