Nearly 3 years of Mirtaz made things worse

Hi guys. 

Just wanted to start by saying that these forums are fantastic for making you feel like you're not alone on this journey. So thanks to everyone who has shared their story. I've been reading them for a while on here and decided to sign up. 

This is my personal story. 

I was put on Mirtazapine about two and a half years ago (at some point in early 2015) for anxiety and slight depression. I felt like I was struggling a lot in social situations, sweating a lot, and having a general feeling of panic. I saw a GP and she prescribed this to me as a 'light soother' or something along those lines. I know it's my responsibility to read things, but I was stupid and started taking it without a second thought. The GP didn't describe the side effects etc at all and I didn't ask. I guess I was desperate for some relief. 

Anyone, to not go on too much, the short story is that Mirtazapine 15mg made my anxiety and depression significantly worse. I only started getting full on panic attacks after I started taking Mirtaz and I feel into a deep depression with serious suicidal ideation after about a year of being on it. Here's the stupid thing, even after these episodes, my doctors tried other anti-depressants, and I hated them so they told me to stay on Mirtaz. And I did, and things got slightly better as more time went on, but I absolutely hated the way it made me feel. Tired, drowsy, pale, lack of energy, honestly it's been pretty horrible. 

So I this year I decided to go off it. The problem is when I go off it I get terrible IBS. So I've fluctuated on and off for about 3 months. Now I'm at the point where I am convinced I need to get off it, so I've decided to tough out the IBS - try natural remedies etc - and get off this awful drug. 

Today I woke up after taking it late last night, and I felt absolutely dreadful. Depersonalised, headaches, nightmares, tight throat, etc etc. I haven't done anything because of how s**t I feel today, so it's taking it's toll. 

I know that other people have experienced similar things, and I'm just wondering if anyone felt better after being on it for years and then stopping? And whether anyone had these intense reactions to Mirtaz?

I should also mention that I'm in a much better headspace now than when I went on the pill. Much more positive and hopeful, so I think it's a good time to get off. 

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