need to give up

Hi Sharon,

Your story Is  familiar to many of us on this forum . I see that you have been trying to stop while family beating you down.

I have written on the stages of change before about alcohol behavior modification, and medication to stop cravings. I have a son that has been struggling many years with AUD . Been thru a lot with his alcohol addiction and "yet" he has lost everything almost his life. "Yet",  More than once. He is an amazing talented young man and I have HOPE that he will find sobriety. I love him he is a piece of my heart and soul forever. 

You must ask yourself where you are on the ladder to change behaviors and ask for meds to block cravings from GP. alcohol counselor and be honest with yourself. Before all the YETS happen as they did with my son. 

The worst place you can be on the ladder to change is stage 1.

Stage 1: Compelled by authority to change. Jail is a safe place for alcoholics they cannot get alcohol and strangely enough feel safe. My son has been there many times one of the "YETS", saying it's crazy to be locked up and yet feel safe that alcohol cannot feed his triggers or cravings. He begins to feel normal and thinking rationally after a few months. "YET", The minute you hit freedom the triggers in the mind are set off and the craving cycle begins. Unless you seek out rehab.

Stage 2: Comply to escape criticism from family and friends and job. It's like everybody expects you to make the choice to stop ' Yet' you don't really feel it, so you end up fulfilling everybody else's expectations, eventually relapse with triggers & cravings.

Accepting Medications to control the cravings is absolutely necessary to prevent relapse. Shots of  Vivatrol lasting a month or pellets under the skin.help set in motion pharmacudical extinction. The brain can to slowly retrain the brain as alcohol has hyjacked the brain with cravings. 

Stage 3: Intellectually you are aware of the need to change. You know you have a alcohol problem. This is where in general there is not really acceptance in any way to change, but at least in your head you know it is necessary and will not admit it to anyone. Its been a way of life for so long. Why admit anything is wrong when it's easier to drink than get into a rehab program. Don't fall into helpless mindset and give in to cravings make a change in finding help. See your GP . 

Stage 4: Mentally and emotionally you must be self-motivated by change & the behaviors from cravings & triggers. The root for the drinking is usually anxiety or self medication some type of emotional pain from abuse or other ilness.  This is the stage when you can honestly say "God " I won't put up with this addiction for another second. That is usually when you are so sick to death alcohol controlling every aspect of your life that you will not put up with it for another second ,of another minute of another hour of another day. And you don't care how scary it is on the other side, or what you have to do to change. Then that's when you are at the stage when you can change.  That is when your life slowly and consistently changes fron cravings and triggers to learning what is available to stop the cycle thru education and long term rehab. 

I hope you read up on the help on this site. Educate youself be your own advocate and get the resources available to get on the road to recovery. There are many methods and medications available and look up on utube AUD by Paul Turner . Ask your family to view it with you it can give better understanding to you & your whole family about this physical illness. This will likely open everyone's eyes to what you are really struggling with.

AUD  is not a moral weakness or a choice to stop alcohol has physical and brain component is a disease controlled by a drug called alcohol.

I hope you get the support you need to sustain you thru this Journey. Many here can help you thru their experiences.

HOOE4CURE👍

You will !!! Make it. Truly, but never forget than any slip along route, no matter how many slips there are....that is ALL THEY ARE...JUST LITTLE SLIPS...you just take every day, sometimes,...every hour, at a time...every single minute alcohol free, is restoring, your SELF WORTH....PHYSICAL HEALTH....YOUR SLEEP PATTERN...YOUR HYGIENE, AND very many other things that are important to both, yourself and your family...you are truly, truly worth as much as anybody else...and deserve to have happiness, and respect, and peace of mind, in waking up every morning sober, and realising your worth once more....

You can, and you will beat this, and when you do...hold your head up high, look people in the face, and know that you were strong !!! Enough to battle, and subsequently beat, a grasping, destructive, and very powerful addiction...not a weakness on your part !!!! A brain and life changing addiction....bravo, Bravo, Bravo....you are in my heart...MY mind...and my prayers. Always...huge, huge warm hugs to you always lovey xxxxx xxx xxx xxx