need to give up

Thank you and well done for 4 months by the way. You should be proud of yourself. 

I also use Smart recovery, and it is fabulous, at first I wasn't so sure, but honestly I'm so glad I stuck with it, the tools I've learned to use on there has played a vital role in my thinking, and I wouldn't be sober today without it. They are supportive of whatever method you use, although they won't offer advice on anything medical I have found, purely because they aren't medically qualified to do so, and they just can't. I've been seeing an alcohol counsellor for over a year, and doing smart for 8 months, and it's finally all managing to slot into place for me, and I thought I was just wasn't capable of stopping, but just keep on chipping away, and watch videos, read books etc, getting as much info as you can on the subject, YouTube is great. I got prescribed campral a few weeks ago, and it is working wonders for me, but we're all different. Stay strong and be patient, and don't be hard on yourself, use anylapses as learning curves, and keep moving upwards. Take care xx

\Thank you for your advice. I have managed to give up for quite a while in the past but somehow dont seem to be able to stick to it. I am not sure if i am now physically addicted or is it more emotional if you know what i mean. I do so so want to give up for good. I gave up (mostly) for quite a while last year, i went to the gym often. That really did help and i felt so much better about myself. Then i hurt by back and got ill for a few weeks  and stopped going. Thats when things got bad, ive drank for 3-4 days in a row and then somehow managed to stop for another while but always end up going back to it. Its that stupid voice we all get at times. I need to learn somehow to beat that. Partner and i have fallen out so much over this and about the money end aswell. Why do i still do it when all it brings is pain for everyone. I love , love may family so much. But right now its all falling apart in so many ways. It may have fallen apart for good. This is stressing me out so much right now that the very reason its happening is the thing that i do want to more than ever. Even though i know deep inside its so wrong. I am going to give smart recovery a better shot. Tried it before but maybe not for long enough.

Yeah hubby was sober for 2 lovely years. He doesn't know what started him off, but the last 3 years have been awful. It is a dreadful disease. My hubby says he feels much better now that I understand his actions. This ppl on this forum, have helped me so much x

Hi JulieAnne . Good to know it's all going well still with hubby ..February is out !! Hope you are feeling more chilled ! ..I'm still doing ok with TSM ( my new best buddy lol )

alcohol feels a bit boring lately so I guess that's a good thing x

Yay! Feb is over. He actually said 'I've got 8 weeks under my belt now and I'm in a good place' music to my ears. So am feeling pretty relaxed at the moment.

Great that TSM still working for you Nat. Aargh! Don't let it get too boring and forget your Nalf 😁 Have you managed to get more supplies on NHS?

Lots of ppl out there still suffering. I feel for them x

That is good news to read that hubby feels he is in a good place .Long may it continue ! You must feel so much better to hear those sweet words too.

Yep I am still buying the Nal as RH predicted no news from.GP .I must chase it up this week , sometimes I feel like just carrying on buying it as there is no hassle and no hoops to jump.

Yes there are many many people out there suffering and struggling to get the help they desperately need.A wicked condition this is

Happy Sunday to you JulieAnne xx

Happy Sunday to you too Nat. I even had a glass of red wine with mum in law at lunchtime. Hubby encouraged said he was absolutely fine with that 😊 xx

much better is it not Julie Anne?

Hi Robin yes it certainly is. I love it when he says he is in a happy place.

The longer his sobriety goes on the happier I feel. Not going to say anything to him, but we have been here a few times b4, like 27 times b4. I know that the beast has got him in it's grip, the poor man.

The difference is the Campral which seems to be working, so I am keeping shtum. I have hope x

What a story and what a life. You are an aspiration to us all and ONE message is clear NEVER GIVE UP!!..And re gain your self respect.. Good for you. Best of luck to Sharon obviously. Robin

Thanks for being so open and for the reply.. I feel tired, cold very lost today but your words do show that there maybe is hope for all of us. I hope so.

What a great post deidre! You've come thru all of that with your heart intact. Amazing. As Gwen would say respect respect respect xx

You've got to learn to love yourself again Sharon xx Your family are scared for you, I know I have been and still am there. I have learnt tho that threats and shouting do not work. They need to find out more about this addiction . I think you will have to educate them, as well as yourself hon xx

Think its past that. My family have had enough and so have i in many ways. There is so much going on apart from the drinking, to be fair there are two sides to a relationship it just seems that anytime i say anything that the only thing thrown in my face is that you drink. I have tried so hard to stop and save this family and relationship but i actually sometimes now question if i have anything left in me. I do love them so much though, 

Dont get me wrong i know that it things have to be said about my problem but it seems that everything else that is not right just gets over looked. The fact is other things matter as well. How am i supposed to get better when the rest stays the same, its almost impossible. Sorry i am not in a good place this morning.

This is a horrible day and i dont know what the point is anymore. My partner and i are splitting up. I dont think i can even get better with him to be honest. Its all too much. So sorry for bringing everyone down, i can see that there is so much positivity here. Honestly i can. But maybe i am past that. Maybe its just me. Thank you all so much for the support though. You are really beautiful people.

Hello Sharon.  I am sorry that everything is so hard for you, just now.  You can rise above it all.  You owe that to yourself.  So many of us put others needs before our own.  We get lost.  The self-medication with alcohol can destroy us... if we let it.  

Fight for your own true self.  It is possible to win and get your life sorted.

I wish you WELL on your journey, whatever path you take.

Alonangel 🎇

a tough day!! what to say.....perhaps it was coming and you were growing apart anyway?? Just guessing....Robin

Sharon..there is always hope .Thinking of you x

Sharon, lovely lady, you are in my heart, xx my thoughts, xx and my prayers, xx don't lose hope, you can and you will do this, you are an amazing lady...you are not BAD..xx never think that of yourself. You are worth so much...you have a good heart and soul and I know that you will come out the other side of this,stronger, healthier, and very, very, very proud of who you are, quite rightly so....see your GP, ask advice, they have some good groups for helping you to accept yourself, and love yourself again...MY heart aches for you....much love, huge hugs...and prayers for you....you will do it....take care always, lovely, lovely lady xxxxx

At the minute i dont know whats going to happen. My family really have had enough, I am so scared of losing them. My partner has said he wants to leave and take my daughter with him to Scotland (I live in Northern Ireland). I have another son who right now is living with his dad, although i share custody, but i havent seen him for a while because of the way ive been. I just want to get better and have a happy life with all of them. But i really dont know if its past that point. He seems to think it is. To be fair our relationship has always been so honest, I know whats really hurt everyone is the dishonesty that being like this brings to everyone. I am seeing a counciller on Thurday. and keep using this forum. Thanks so much to everyone who has offered support.

Things have been a little better today. No drinking for me and to be honest i dont want to. I still dont really know whats happening with the family and know that more talks will be had... downloaded a brilliant book today ''alcohol lied to me'' its free and honestly i would say to any of us to read this. A lot of what he says makes sense. Hope things are well for you x

Hi Sharon great news there has been no alcohol today ..Without that you will get more clarity so keep researching, reading and coming back. XXX

Day three and no drink for me. Had the voice in my head yesterday for a while but not a strong as usual and to be fair the pain of giving up alcohol is nothing compared to the pain of giving up my entire family for the sake of it. I love them so much. I keep on telling myself that alcohol is basically poison and why would i want to go to a shop and buy poison? It does no good for anyone. In any quantity whatsoever. Thats what drink is... basically its only supposed to be used for cleaning, think what surgeons steralise their hands with. The more i change the way i feel about it as a thing, the less i seem to want it in my brain. Its working for me for now. I am trying to eat better as well. Have an appointment to see addictions clinic tm. Its a long road but i am so going to try by best, the way i was living was no way to live. Early days though i know.  Im trying to forget about the past and focus on now and i feel a bit more positive. Thanks so much for the support, i hope you are also well. Keep in touch x

3 days is a wonderful thing. You are going to think about alcohol often. When I started my 8 years of sobriety the first year was really tough.

I needed people around me that were supportive..I personally needed AA because I needed something to do..something to replace the hours I spent drinking...many days I almost DRANK...but I followed what they told me in meetings...one step, one hour, one minute at a time.

Every morning I woke up sober was like a gift...A big relief and I would hold on to that feeling everyday..there did come a day where alcohol was a distant thought but I think that was after I had a year sober..because I remember telling a girlfriend almost everyday for a year...that I couldn't do it....and I did it.

Alcohol is powerful...you have to constantly battle with yourself not to have a drink when you first start out being sober.

You sound really good and changing your way of thinking is exactly what has to be done...I'm happy for you that you are finding your way...just as I am on a daily basis..fighting the fight.

Well done for your 8 yearsxxx i want to be at your point so much. Had a talk with my partner there when we went for a walk and feel much better that we just talked with out shouting or blaming. I honestly always had it in my head the other times that i tried to stop i would not be able to do, it this time for some reason feels different. I hope thats a good thing

Bless you Sharon that is so so good to read , 3 days is such an achievement , you must feel so proud.AUD is such a wicked painful condition on so many levels and the thought of losing your family is horrific But we have a choice .Alcohol twists the brain and when my drinking was at its worst many years ago I felt that my baby daughter would be better off with another family and without me .Thank God it never happened as detox and rehab were offered and then I stopped for many years Unfortunately I restarted drinking in that sly 'social ' belief that i was cured but it never worked , hence my finding nalmefene and TSM recently.It is working for me right now and I feel safe when I take that pill.

As Missy says 'every morning you wake up sober is a gift' such a wonderful gift and just hang on to it .I think changing your way of thinking is great, try anything that works for you lovely. We are one big family here supporting each other x

I am beginning to realise what you mean about the ''family thing'' Its been such a support recently. I am glad things are better for you now, what Missy says is true. Your right the book is brilliant. I tried to give up so much last year but this is most positive i have felt ( i just have to keep it that way). Thanks so much for your kind words. I have an app with alcohol clinic tm, ill let you know how it goes. Take care and keep in touch x

Well done Sharon for 3 days clear xx