need to pick myself up but its just so hard

Posted , 7 users are following.

Lost it there over the last few days. Just miss my family so much and it all got too much again in the end. Not drinking today and i am seeing the addictions team tomorrow. I went to bed last night and all i could think of was getting up today and getting my first drink. But i havent so far and to be fair if i want my family back then drinking is not the way forward. Talk about pointing out the obvious eh!

My partner and i are talking and he says that he does want me to join them when im better.. There is a lot to sort out here before i can go apart from getting better i feel like my whole life is a mess. But hey, if i want a fresh start i just have to stop and actually be a little more like a normal person. For the love of God, it could be worse i suppose he and i could not be talking at all with no chance of getting my life back with them. I just have to work towards this. Its just hard as i really have no one else right now and have bascially been holed up in the house for over a week. Sorry i am maybe rambling but just kind of needed to vent off. 

2 likes, 38 replies

38 Replies

  • Posted

    There is no better place to do it wink Must of been nice to hear that from your partner. Although things are tough at the moment, the pay off will be HUGE. Keep on in there Sharon, your doing well. x
    • Posted

      Thanks, dont know so much about doing that well considering how i was over the last few days...but need to start somewhere. Thanks for your support tho xx
    • Posted

      Just keep trying. Your words about family really helped me just last week. I thought I was losing my wife and things got better. It will for you too.
    • Posted

      There is nothing worse, no words can describe what i have felt over the last 10 days. Please dont let it happen to you. If anything those times when you think of giving in just remember what i wrote because you can turn this around. I am still devastated but trying to build things up again, even though i did lose it there for a while. My partner is my soul mate and to be honest  he is not here and nor are my children breaks my heart... and i am still lost. But at least we are talking and maybe there is a chance. Keep going, im glad you and your wife are working on things. I am also glad at least i was able to help you in way, good things come from bad things. Maybe i can say at least that. 
    • Posted

      sharon - you feel sooo lost and we can all see why.  Terrible situation and to be sat in the house on your own is so very sad and will make your mind run on overtime.  I have a buddy girfriend and we are very close and she knows of my problem but only to a degree.  She thinks I am fine and dandy now because if we go for lunch or if she has friends round to hers and I go, she thinks I am the life and soul of the party because I make everyone laugh but she has absolutely no idea that I can't wait for my hubs to pick me up and go home.  It is all such a front but she would be upset if I told her and burst her bubble.  It is a private thing; there are so many of us on here that have such a sad story to tell and I am glad I have been able to share - like you are and like you must continue to do for your sanity.  My goal would be to see my daughter, son-in-law and 4 grandchildren before I disappear into another world to join my Mum and Dad and Sister, but I know that is not going to happen and it rips me up big time.  But the smile stays put and people think I am just happy and fine. 

      Don't beat yourself up too much girl - yes you have got yourself into this mess, just like me and the rest of us on here; but then life throws things at us and being the 'type' we are, we turn to the good ole booze which feels good but sucks in the end.

      Considering you are on your own and have been all week, I think you are doing blooming great - forget the blip - gone - you are making big steps without any help or support and that is massive.

      Good on you I say and keep updating coz we all understand. smile xxx

    • Posted

      Hi Gwen. My husband is the one with the drinking problem, but I started following this forum to help me get perspective from his side of it. We've been dealing with it for nearly 20 years and I have found it helpful reading about other's experiences. I want him to join the forum too because I think he would benefit from it too. I wish you all the best.

      Take care,



    • Posted

      Your words are to be honest amazing. It is hard and your right we all have a story to tell... its just horrible at times as we all know. You should give yourself a break too, honestly. Do you not think we wreak ourselves  living in the past? Prob a big part of my own problem. If you are ever going to have contact with the other people you mentioned in your life... it will happen if its is meant to be.  I can see from your messages that you clearly care. They will know that when they see you if it happens.Your care is so obvious to all of us here.

      But  it is massively hard i know. I have got a chance at least, i just have to take hold of it. Easier said than done, i know that too. But i have to. 

      So do you. Have you thought of maybe even opening up a little more to your friend? Have to get rid of shame, because all it does is eat you up. Maybe even just tell her a little bit of how your life is now? If she is a really good friend she wont judge, maybe surprised but she will want to help in any way she can.

    • Posted

      Thank you phyllis, you are really lucky to have no problem and your hubs is really lucky to have you for support.  20 years us a long time and it is so hard to kick it and make it stay put.  Yes, he would enjoy this forum.

      Take care both of you.


    • Posted

      Morning Sharon - just a good luck hug for you today if you attend the ARC - daunting to go on your own but when desperation comes a knocking at your door, what else can you do but grab it and bite the bullet and do it.

      Onwards and upwards towards your GOAL smile XXXXX

    • Posted

      Yes i went today and i am glad that i did, one of the best things i have done in a while. Broke down in tears with my addictions counselor, i think he honestly thought this girl has lost the plot. Went to an AA meeting after. The girls i spoke to today were brilliant. Just needed that support from someone in person to be honest. How are you today? 
    • Posted

      Soo glad you did hun - well well done you.  Yes a person to person you cannot beat - and an AA meeting after is just brilliant.

      I am my usual chatty self.  Hubs is out on his boys night - I was just going to bed for my chill out read of non descript magazines which zone me out with boring celeb stories - but it does dull the brain a tad for a kip.  I will read them until 12am then get some zzzzz's for a couple of hours - back in the room as they say at about 2am.  What fun we guys have lol!

      Glad I checked in here tho - wondered how you had got on.

      Night hun and blooming well done - gold star for you smile xxxx

    • Posted

      Dear Sharon, you have hit rock bottom and can only go up. It seems to me that you are improving slightly day by day!! You can do it for one reason

      you too much live for!


    • Posted

      Hey there, Still finding things very hard right now. I need to do things in the house and do not seem to have any energy at all. This is a living nightmare. I will say one thing...I am done completly with drink. I hate everything about and i am geninely starting to think that it has wreaked my mind. I have to get better for the sake of my family. Really do. It all has to change for good as i can not live like this anymore. I have one chance and i need to grab it.
    • Posted

      Yes babe, you do need to grab it.  I tell you the stories I read on here put me right off.  This just shows how very very strong the pull of alcohol is. 

      It is hateful.  You have started your upward journey of releasing your living nightmare and regaining what is rightfully yours.  I admire your positive attitude and know it is going to be very hard  - but boy you have something worth fighting for.  We are all routing for you hunni smile xxx

      p.s.  The no energy at all can come from alcohol consumption (obvs) but also from your ever racing mind and thoughts which can lay you out - I know from experience.  I have tried and failed in my attempt to regain my daughter which had nothing at all to do with alcohol; you can, however, take back control quite easily and the ball is in your court.  YOU WILL WIN.

      Gwen x

    • Posted

      Thank you Gwen, sometimes its just good hear positive words. Going to try and get somethings sorted in the house tomorrow and try to be more like an normal person. Havent drank at all today, i am sick to death of it to say the least. No good can ever come from it. Physically still very weak but i need to start somewhere. I would love to think that i will be living in Scotland with them in maybe 6 weeks? I know that might sound too soon, but i know i need a fresh start away from all of this. Its just a shame that my relationship with my son is going to be so different. That said i havent been a very good mother by anyones standards, he deserves more than that. Both my kids deserve someone who is way better than who i have been.

      I am sorry things are not working out for your daughter and you. It must be very hard. If it is meant to be it will be. How are you apart from that?


    • Posted

      My usual cheery self babe - helped hubs today out on site (he has a sign company) it defo helps to do something.

      No things have not worked out for me and they won't either - just know it, but well I have tried so cannot do any more.

      You can regain your life though - it is there at the end of your fingertips, you have and must do it.  Can you imagine life without them - ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

      Please listen to RH and ADE and Joanna also - they can work a miracle for you - I truly believe that.

      You will get there x

    • Posted

      I am going to go back to the AA meetings as well. I will also see the doctor during the week, hopefully on monday. Things have  to change in so many ways. My son was supposed to ring tonight but he hasnt, I am sure hes very angry with me right now though. I have a lot of making up to do. Feel so lonely right now but all you on here is one of the only things that have kept me going, So i thank you for that honestly, 
    • Posted

      Why has he not rung you ?  But don't answer if I am being too personal.

    • Posted

      Well i am sure he's pretty angry at me right now and also worried. Its just hard, he is only a kid at the end of the day. I will try to ring him tomorrow, there is a chance that maybe hes just having a sleepover with one of his friends. Just need to start getting things back on track a bit...This is my last day of doing basically nothing. The most ive done in two weeks is use computer! Still cant really eat right now either but gotta start somewhere. Sorry for sounding like i just feel sorry for myself but just need things to change in so many ways. 

    • Posted

      Yeah get that - feeling sorry is part of grieving what has transpired and what you must change.  I don't know him to comment, though I am pretty good at analysising people quickly.  Hopefully sleepover - but if not - a bit of naked honesty is needed.  I just know you can gather your clan back hun - you have to do it; you are MUM.

    • Posted

      Your so right and i do know that. It has to get better from here on in before its too late. I love them all so much xx There is a lot of support for all on this forum and at least that is something that we all have. You have been great today 

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